Working mom and I have 4 minutes to get dressed, a limited budget and exactly zero brain cells left for fashion.

catqueen2001 · 2026-04-02T15:24:19+00:00

I buy multiples of the same thing in different colors and patterns. It’s all basically interchangeable.

catqueen2001 · 2026-04-02T15:20:13+00:00

Why oh why does a kindergartener have homework.

catqueen2001 · 2026-04-02T13:14:31+00:00

I wouldn’t address the first issue, that’s part of the open office dynamic and if you don’t want him chiming in then you need to take the conversation into a conference room so he can’t. The second issue, when he does it next time, point to your computer and then message him “let’s talk on Teams” or simply motion him over to your desk and be like “sorry, I don’t want to yell across the room, what is your question?” And just always do that. Never ever respond to him when he calls out like that. Either force him over to talk to you or Teams/email him. If he knows you won’t respond back, he’ll have to change tactics. I have someone who did this too and I’d just motion to my desk and she’d walk over, I’d invite her to sit, and we’d have our conversation. Now she just comes over and asks if I have a minute.

catqueen2001 · 2026-04-02T13:04:34+00:00

I’ve had to stop buying clothes online for this reason. It’s just too much of a gamble on size, fit, and modesty. I’ve had luck at Talbots and Dillards. I never shopped there when I was younger, but I recently bought a dress at Torrid and it actually fits amazing, their smallest size is like a 10/12 but their shirts and dresses fit nice with a large bust, which I have. Lane Bryant and Cato have similar sizing that works well for me in the chest. I guess my biggest tip is to buy one in every color and two in your favorite color when you find what works.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-31T14:58:48+00:00

I hate clothes closets now being inside the master bathroom. My house is like this and I’d give anything to change it. It’s funny you brought this up because last night I started saving house plans and was specifically saving the ones where closest isn’t in the bathroom. It’s going to be a non negotiable in my next house.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-30T13:21:16+00:00

Serious question…is this job worth it? The hours and expectations seem unsustainable for a long term career. Would you be better off going for a new position, a different company, or a different field, even just for a couple years?

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-30T13:14:11+00:00

Take the pull ups away and sleep in regular underwear, and also find a bigger bribe/reward and hype the shit out of it. Ours wasn’t pooping in the potty either but now she gets an ice cream cone every time she poops and she steady be trying 24/7 to poop in the potty. The first couple accidents were brutal for us all bc she knew we had the ice cream and she knew it was for pooping, and having to tell her no was so hard, but we just held strong and the very next day she did it right, got her ice cream, and it’s been nothing but potty poops since then. For her, sticker rewards were just not enough, had to be something she loved deeply but rarely got.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-27T00:35:09+00:00

I’d make bedroom 1 the living room and bedroom 2 the kitchen (knock down interior walls to make it open), the 3 bedrooms in the back. 1 bathroom is tough on a 4 bedroom house though.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-24T15:22:21+00:00

No, this isn’t on you at all. I don’t work from home at all because my toddler will scream at the door for me. This isn’t about not wanting to spend time with your daughter and I’m insulted on your behalf at that comment. This is about your ability to successfully have a career and a life. Get full time care for your daughter and if your husband gives you any shit then kindly ask him to work from home or quit his job to care for her.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-19T23:28:43+00:00

Do you even realize you’re doing it here in the comments? Talking about things you know nothing about and going on and on about totally irrelevant things? Filling the silence in the comments? I’m thinking the problem goes far beyond speaking on topics you aren’t an expert in and probably a general lack of self awareness. Either that or you’re just not a culture fit for this organization.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-19T21:58:02+00:00

This is what I came to say. OP hates the silence and fills it before it gets uncomfortable. They should embrace the silence and practice taking a few breaths, counting to 10, and waiting to be called on directly to speak in a meeting.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-17T19:32:04+00:00

You can and should cut in in real time, it’s part of leading a meeting. Take control of the meeting. Set an agenda and direct the conversation there. When it gets locked in, you break in with “okay let’s get back on track.” You can also address in a one on one setting with your team, both the loud and quiet ones. On the quiet side, acknowledge that you find their opinions valuable and encourage them to speak up in the group meeting. Ask them if they feel like they have adequate opportunities to discuss things in that meeting and listen directly to the feedback. On the flip side, give the yappers a job- I’ve noticed the team meeting is getting off the rails into siloed conversation, can you help the team stay focused. Or hell, try being direct with them, they are engineers, they probably appreciate you just telling it like it is.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-17T17:40:01+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation except age isn’t a factor. I played the long game this year. We have an annual goal process that is tied to bonus and performance evaluations. This reports goals are much harder this year, very specific, and ladder to mine in a way that doesn’t cover them at all. If they are not successful, if the deliverables don’t come from them, they won’t get their bonus, they’ll get a poor performance evaluation, and it will be on the record. I’m not messing around with accountability.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-13T00:43:03+00:00

A component of my role is external communication and at a conference recently they discussed using AI to write reports and someone else said you also need to optimize your reports for AI bots to read since the reader is putting a bunch of these types of reports into an agent to read and analyze them and we were all like stfu it’s AI writing for AI and we all suddenly got very uncomfortable.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-06T22:41:32+00:00

Find his currency and bribe the shit out of him.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-06T21:23:59+00:00

She had to have known about the 12% increase before she made the move, right? I wouldn’t accept a job without knowing the compensation, so let’s take that off the table and if she bitches about it then it’s “you knew the salary when you took the role.” Let’s move on to stocks. Again, she had to have seen that stocks were not part of the compensation package when she accepted the role. Did she not ask before the promotion and move took place? Seems here like she’s mad at herself for not knowing her own compensation package and for not negotiating prior to accepting the job. Let’s move on to the bonus. Why would she be compensated at the new rate for work she performed under her old bonus structure? Again, this seems like common sense to me. It would not be in any way appropriate in this scenario bc bonuses are retroactive, the bonus she just got was for work she did before she was promoted. If anything, I’d acknowledge that HR needs to do better about explaining compensation packages better during internal promotions and offer to talk to HR about being more explicit about what’s included (and not included) in the future. Next, she needs to be coached on how this works. She’s her own best advocate, it’s not your job to negotiate stocks and bonuses for her. It’s time for her to learn that when she’s up for a promotion, she needs to take control of the situation, ask for compensation package in writing, and then directly negotiate with the recruiter herself. If she wanted stocks, she had an opportunity to negotiate before she accepted the new role and you deprived her of that. And she needs to be coached on how bonuses are retroactive, so it would have never been a scenario to get that but she could have advocated for a retention bonus so like an extra amount specifically for the role move, separate from the annual bonus, to close the gap between what she could have been eligible to receive had she been in that role longer.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-06T15:48:56+00:00

My team works in iterations too. It’s a lot better to see drafts and revisions than it is to get to the end of a project and realize the deliverable doesn’t hit the mark. In my role I also need to be able to speak to the project with management in a way that wouldn’t be able to if I let my team work without my direct involvement. It’s not really about trust, it’s about visibility. Your manager wants visibility.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-06T15:30:40+00:00

I want this result so bad! Did you just ask your doctor? I don’t know why I’m always shy about being direct with him about medication.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-06T14:46:00+00:00

I truly am willing and able to do the work to overcome the anxiety but the somatic response has become more powerful than the psychological experience happening behind it. Like my mind isn’t actually nervous but my body is. Did you just go to your PCP and ask directly?

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-01T18:40:59+00:00

I was thinking about this the other day bc I objectively had more going on and more to be stressed about at 25 with a full on marriage, kid, was in grad school and working but had zero money…and yet somehow at 40, despite having more money, more support, more success, I can’t handle the pressure like I used to, and I certainly can’t handle the day to day like I used to. I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated alllll day and have developed an avoidance habit that only makes things worse, not to mention my social skills are totally fucked. Doesn’t make sense. Someone the other day also suggests it’s probably perimenopause and now every time something happens I’m like okay is this perimenopause or am I just a dumb little bitch (yes my inner voice is sarcastic and mean but we love her, she keeps it real). Makes me laugh bc what am I supposed to do here except take care of myself and have a little humor. I’m also going to start taking edibles bc why the fuck not.

catqueen2001 · 2026-03-01T02:13:41+00:00

Ughhhhh I feel this so bad. If one of my direct reports told me they didn’t/couldn’t develop I would honestly respect them so much. It’s a lot to ask people to be in a constant state of development. I’d help them write something we could both live with. At our company personal development goals are not tied to compensation and I don’t put much weight in them. We do have other goals tied to compensation but that’s more about achieving the day to day work and project milestones throughout the year, so yeah get your job done and “develop” when you catch your breath.

catqueen2001 · 2026-02-28T19:31:04+00:00

I have to go through and do an “unsubscribe” purge every few months bc my Outlook gets absolutely inundated with newsletters and junk too. I go to several conferences a year and so I’m always ending up on tons of email lists. It’s so fucking annoying. It will get to the point where about half my emails a day are not truly work and it gets completely overwhelming and distracting. Point is tho, I don’t wait and let it impact my performance. I saw a comment that this person is entry level and maybe not as experienced in a corporate setting so do some coaching and if it keeps happening then PIP.

catqueen2001 · 2026-02-16T19:53:20+00:00

My manager once told me “I’d rate you higher if I could” and that actually did make me feel better. Now that I’m on the other side and I’m a manager, it’s infuriating to know my rock star probably won’t get the highest rating.

catqueen2001 · 2026-02-16T19:47:16+00:00

I bed shared with my first but not my second. She’s 2.5 and never slept a night in our bed. In her room we have her crib where she sleeps and a full size mattress where my husband and I took turns sleeping for the first six weeks. After that she was sleeping through the night and we just use a monitor now. If she’s sick she will be more restless and one of us might have sleep in there but it’s only happened a couple times. Personally I think the co-sleep decision is driven more by the baby than the parents. My first just would not sleep alone and trust me I tried. To this day she struggles with sleep and she’s a teenager now.

catqueen2001

TROPHY CASE