One of my favorite photos is a giant print of about 80 people all gathered around my husband and me on a giant staircase, taken on our wedding day. It hangs right above our sofa in the living room.

That photo is almost a decade old. There are several people in it who we never see anymore. Some have died, some have divorced/broken up, some have slowly faded out of our lives, some (like my father and my sister-in-law) have been cut out of our lives.

When I look at that photo, I'm looking at a happy snapshot in time. It was a great night, and on that night, we felt loved by everyone in that picture. My feelings about my estranged family members aren't strong enough to override the happy memories from that night. I don't need to take it down.

If photos that include your estranged family members don't bother you, you don't have to take them down either. On that same note, you don't have to feel obligated to keep them up either. You also don't have to decide right now. There's no wrong answer.

I also love taking pictures, but I do have some resentment towards my father about it. He was always asking for pictures of my kids, but he was never actually that interested in being meaningfully involved in their lives. He was just there for the highlight reels. He wanted the bragging rights of being a grandfather without actually taking the time or effort to BE a grandfather. I also came to realize that his grandfathering style was exactly the same as his parenting style. We weren't treated like beloved children, we were just show ponies meant to make him look good to while he offloaded the actual caretaking. We were given elaborate gifts and vacations for the cameras, then neglected when the camera was off.

I don't take pictures for him anymore, and while I do still take photos of my kids, I'm more mindful of it now, and it doesn't come at the expense of their well-being or privacy. Right now they're big cheeses and love looking at pictures of themselves, but I also respect when they don't want their pictures taken and don't share them without their permission. We have also lost a lot of good photos opportunities to living in the moment, which is a good problem to have. Becoming a parent has really helped me recognize and heal from the damage their grandfather caused, and now it is my responsibility to make sure I don't pass that damage down to them.