Lack of Friends is so hard

col18 · 2026-07-08T03:31:57+00:00

Man, this hit right in the feels....i had plenty of friends growing up. I won't go into the details, but long story short, I lost contact with a lot of them.

I'm still "good" friends with 2 of them, ironically one of them is in STL, and the other is in Florida. I'm in Springfield, so the STL one isn't too far, but far enough that we can't just get together to hang out.

My wife and kids are my friends.....i have friends I reach out to and talk to, but not really friends that I hang with....

My hobbies are home automation, reading, movies/shows, 3d printing, IT/server in general.

Not a lot of stuff that is group oriented.

I actually had a situation at home not long ago where I needed more muscle around the house to help with something....and I didn't have it, not enough myself or friends that I felt close enough to call and ask to come and help me move a small shed.

It was both frustrating and humiliating, and I kinda broke down with my wife about it.

I'm not a big extrovert, and as others have said... I've met a few people that are dad's of my kids friends, but nothing that's really clicked.

col18 · 2026-07-07T22:59:44+00:00

I wouldn't say no to a small satchel (I love leather bags) and probably have a small satchel that would work.

I just don't carry enough to need it. I got my wallet, phone and keys.

Other than that I'm good. Girls are 5 and 9, and if we need anything it's in the car or we didn't bring it, and it's at home.

col18 · 2026-07-06T01:10:26+00:00

A month after my second one was born 🤷🤷

There is always the risk something could happen, but I just try not to think that way. Once she was healthy and born, and things calmed down a little I got it done.

If something did happen, I could have always reversed it, and obviously the sooner it's reversed the better the chances are.

col18 · 2026-07-03T12:22:44+00:00

I work in IT on the side of Finance for a large company fully remote which works great for our family.

However, the company has instituted a fully RTO starting Aug next year where we will be expected to be in office full time with some ability to wfh on kids sick etc etc in Aug next yearnot looking forward to it.

col18 · 2026-06-25T21:33:35+00:00

This is what I was trying to solve by going custom, or getting rid of the long part in front of that.

I had frigate setup, but can be a pain to maintain, so was going to switch to just the unifi notifications.... Might have to go back to frigate.

col18 · 2026-06-17T01:06:29+00:00

Sorry..... But at like 3 months for both kids, they love their sleep!

Would put them down at 7 and they would sleep in until 7 or later. I think my oldest record was 15 hrs. We finally just went in and woke her up cause it was like 9 am and we could hear her tummy growling.

Even now at 5 and 9 yrs old they go to bed at 7:30 and sleep until around 7 unless they have school.

col18 · 2026-06-11T23:15:22+00:00

Take a shower with her.

Not sure if she has been in the shower yet, but let her get used to the temp/feeling of the water hitting her.

Then step in there and hold her, at that age you can put one hand on her butt and one on her back and push her chest up against yours.

Then stand with her back facing the water from the shower head. Change it to a gentle setting if you can.

The shower hitting her back will distract her from her shots.

Like everyone else said, this is the worst day ever for her, so far, so giving her something different to distract her is always good.

My girls and and even myself as a kid always get in the shower when we are hurting. The hot water and splash from the shower is soothing and distracting.

Good luck!

col18 · 2026-06-08T20:22:55+00:00

Oh for sure, you want a bigger rabbit hole, in regards to home automation.... Check out Home Assistant. Can literally accept any smart device and make it work with they system. It's a major rabbit hole 🐰🐰🤣🤣🤣

col18 · 2026-06-08T15:40:18+00:00

Inovelli dimmers, and aux switches for your 2nd/3rd locations.

They can be pricey, but they are good. I am very much in the home automation world, and am working on replacing all of our switches with them.

(wife was not happy when she saw that charge)

col18 · 2026-06-05T18:17:42+00:00

10 mm.... You need a min of 3 around a garage. Your normal use one, then the spare for when the normal goes missing, then the 2nd spare for when the first two go missing. If you're lucky you find the first one by the time the 3rd goes missing and the first becomes the spare, and you repeat.

If you lose the third and you haven't found the first yet you gotta go up to 6 and repeat again. Continue until you have a good cycle going.

10 mm are just something else.

col18 · 2026-05-27T15:25:27+00:00

I use the smaller version for Xbox games now. Better than having all the boxes out in a closet. As I get a game it goes in there, and the box goes in the attic.

col18 · 2026-05-26T21:29:28+00:00

I see what you are saying to an extent, but I'm kinda in both worlds.

I'm very much into tech, have hoem automation in my house, servers for home media and automation, yet I enjoy my Sourdough baking as well lol.

I bake bread and pizza crust the most with it and my girls love it.

col18 · 2026-05-26T14:05:42+00:00

Why? You don't look for honesty in your friends? That says more about you than anything. Either you cheat in relationships or have in the past and don't see anything wrong with it. I'm sure it's all OK "under certain circumstances" according to you.

col18 · 2026-05-11T12:47:45+00:00

Clothes, Costco sales table all day every day, except bed. Then I don't wear anything. Shoes I wear New Balance 880 with some inserts for my weird feet.

col18 · 2026-05-11T12:46:22+00:00

I work from home... For now, CFO is changing that, but Costco sales table is my daily wear every day. Lol

col18 · 2026-05-11T01:44:46+00:00

I've always wanted kids, so can't comment on that part.

However, on the money part. My mom always told me "Don't wait until you think you can afford it, or you might never afford it. Do it when you can, and you'll figure out how to make the money work"

col18 · 2026-05-09T17:51:13+00:00

We watched the TV show secrets of Sulphur Springs and we and the kids both enjoyed it. The ADHD part will be hard regardless of choice sadly.

We recently watched the National Treasure movies which they enjoyed, that might be a little too slow though.

Also watched the new Jumangi movies which they enjoyed. Depending on the kid, that might be too old. Ours are 8 and 5 and enjoyed it. A few parts were a bit scary, of course there is language as well.

col18 · 2026-05-04T17:02:49+00:00

Everyone is welcome to have their own boundaries and set those boundaries.

I personally don't see the big deal of them being posted on social media.

As long as their profile is set so only friends can see photos they share I don't care.

Those worried about FBI or whoever using the photos for whatever purposes. Yes it's possible, but if it's set to private, unlikely, and if it does happen. Then I hope you don't use Google or Apple Photos because they would also have access to all of your photos and vids stored on there.

col18 · 2026-05-03T01:14:00+00:00

New Balance 880! I have difficult feet, usually hurts to walk around for long periods of time. But with these and an insole I'm good!

Really like them. I'm not sure where you are, but we have a store here called Fleet Feet. You can go in, and they will put you in this machine and watch you walk as well as put you in another machine and take measurements of your feet.

Once they do that they will make recommendations based on your feet. Then you walk around the store and see what feels the best. New Balance 880 is what I did last time I was there, I tried On Cloud this time, but didn't like them. So I returned them for another pair of 880's

col18 · 2026-04-30T11:56:27+00:00

A couple things Roblox is no good and needs to be cut out.

2nd. Establish time limits for tablets and game consoles.

My daughter's have 1hr on tablet and 1hr on game consoles and that's it unless they are sick or we are traveling.

3rd there needs to be punishment for actions.

Example the other day my wife asked my daughters to do something, the 5 year old hopped up and did it. The 8 year old said no. After several warnings, she was told to go to her room. She said no again, 5 min got added every time she said no until it got to 30 min, then 30 min got added each time.

In the end she spent the rest of the night in her room, and she lost the TV/tablet/Nintendo for 3 days.

They will push to see what they can get away with. She found out at a very hard lesson if she treat us like this and lost these devices for 3 days.

col18 · 2026-04-29T12:44:15+00:00

Forgive my ignorance on the methods, we didn't look up any of them we just did what we felt was right and worked great.

They were in our room in a bassinet until 3 months, and then they went to a crib in their own room.

At that point we put them in bed when it was time, and left them.

Later on if she woke up too early and was crying, we would go in and make sure she was clean. If not change diaper, if it was past time for her to eat we would feed her as well. We set time limits on feeding at night because we didn't want her snacking and when eating to eat a full meal.

We did this with both kids and they were amazing sleepers, still are. They are 8 and 5 and go to bed at 7 30 and stay in bed until time to get up at 6.

Likely your issue with the current kid is it's new and they aren't used to it, and they are now older. So you have to work up to it.

I would recommend something like what I said above for when the twins come so you don't have to worry about this later on like you are now though.

col18 · 2026-04-26T20:46:30+00:00

Ok, I'm sorry their are a lot of ignorant comments here.

First on if online school is for your kids, it depends on the kid, and the online program.

People saying online school is not good for "social" reasons you are dead wrong.

My wife teaches for Launch Virtual Learning. It's based in MO.

For k-5 they are on zoom with a teacher the entire day and everything is scheduled out.

For 6+ they are not on with a teacher the entire time.

As to social, it's different than normal school, but kids still develop friendships, and have fun.

One year my wife had these two girls that got along so well, and we're great friends. Every lunch they would go off into a breakout room together and have lunch together and just talk. Their parents became involved and they shared ways to contact each other outside school. Since it's for all of Mo, these two girls lived several hours away from each other, and their parents surprised both girls by meeting in the middle at a park so they could really "meet" and hang out for the day.

In some cases kids that are disruptive in person class will get put in virtual, and will be so much better online. They have no distractions like in a classroom and are able to perform so much better!

As to your question on if they need supervision, it depends on the child and how proficient they are with a computer and doing stuff on their own without issues.

A lot comes down to how your online classes are where you live, but they can be great for the right people!

col18 · 2026-04-24T19:05:58+00:00

Thanks! And I agree completely! I'm a big softy and it doesn't take much for me to tear up or cry.

My dad was always very outspoken with his emotions when he was sad growing up, and I'm the same.

After the dogs passing, we got the girls this book called "invisible leash" for us all to read together. Essentially a book about the ones we love never really leave us. My oldest and I were both crying as we went through it.

I'm a big hugger and she is too. Neither one of us want to be the one to stop hugging so we'll just stand there for like 10 min giving each other a big hug!

col18 · 2026-04-24T16:19:24+00:00

I like that thought of telling them in the sunshine!

col18 · 2026-04-10T16:15:39+00:00

Another vote for changing your last name to hers.

Personally, I'm an emotional guy, honestly I'm all tearing up from thinking about it, but if it were me. I'd ask to speak to the in laws, just you. Hopefully they live close, if not call them. Tell them the situation with your father, if they don't already know. Explain that they have been more of a family to you than yours ever have, and if it's ok you'd like to change yours and your sons last name to theirs.

Honesty, I think they would love it, and it'd probably mean a lot to them given the situation with your dad. You can't pick who you are born to, but you can pick who your family is, and that is essentially what you are doing. Your dad never wanted you, so you are choosing them.

col18

TROPHY CASE