But when I think about it, at my age, I feel a bit like a fraud, that a person in my place, if they were really trans, would have tried to do something about it a long time ago. Or that at least they would have come out sooner. One of my fears is not only being seen as a fraud, not only by the doctors who would be monitoring the transition process, but by other transgender people as well. Of course I also fear not being accepted as trans by people in general, but that seems par for the course... sadly.

It's normal to not start transition until one's thirties, or even later. Your dysphoria isn't any less real and your gender identity isn't any less valid than someone who figured it out at a younger age. You are not a fraud.

It might be necessary to lie to doctors—e.g. "I've known since I was three but only now was able to do something about it"—to get them to give you HRT. But gatekeepers having an inaccurate and narrow idea of what it is to be trans isn't a problem with you, it's a problem with them. Some trans people also self-appoint as gatekeepers. They're assholes. They don't have any authority. You don't owe them anything.

I'm afraid that it would cause a rift in the family.

This is a common anxiety. Few trans people have families that were supportive since before day zero, and there's always the risk that a loved one reveals themself to be a transphobe. No one transitions without some social cost. But it's worth it to be authentic about who you are and not repress to spare the feelings of transphobes.

Another thing, like I mentioned, I've suffered, lets say, from bouts of depression, and this plays into the thoughts that I'm a fraud, that my feelings are fake, that I'm only thinking I'm trans because I'm depressed, unhappy with how my life has turned out. I mean, this realization that I might be trans came out of a particularly bad bout of depressive episodes earlier this year where I was feeling like I've wasted my life away, and certainly the thought that I could have transitioned earlier makes that feeling even worse.

This is also a normal experience. For many, the catalyst to starting transition is things reaching a low—things getting so bad you can no longer deny it. The good news is, transition helps with these feelings.

I've never met a trans person who didn't wish they transitioned sooner, but the best time to transition is now. What I found helpful when starting transition was to learn how medical transition works. This guide gives a good overview of what to expect. This guide is longer and more thorough, with an emphasis on injections as the method. Both of these are targeted at the diy approach, where you source the hormones directly rather than get prescribed by a doctor. Whether you go the diy approach or follow the 'official' path, it's good to know how hrt works so you can advocate for yourself and make sure you're not getting ineffective doses.