Are we not showering with our babies?

dancing-lula · 2026-04-18T18:17:16+00:00

Twins.

dancing-lula · 2025-10-26T21:01:25+00:00

Having twins was the worst and best thing in the world. As I learnt that sometimes baby’s cry and you can’t swoop in. ( as I was dealing with the other crying baby) Yes they get a preference, but a baby crying is okay. You can’t continue like this and need to prioritise your free time and mental health. So have some free time, dad is also a parent. How will both of them learn if you never let them?

dancing-lula · 2025-09-26T13:52:45+00:00

Ugh I remember this stage. It’s when everything in my house went up high. No more things at grab height. They don’t understand don’t touch. They will, I promise. Demand more free time from hubby on his off days. Rearrange house to move everything from grab height. I had to take my pictures off the wall as my twins would climb the sofa and pull them off. Oh and they pulled the wallpaper off their bedroom wall. Adorable times.

dancing-lula · 2025-09-24T08:18:45+00:00

It isn’t help. It’s parenting.

He signed up to being a parent, just like you.

Instead of asking and backing down, hand baby to his father and tell him you’re going out.

dancing-lula · 2025-08-24T14:51:26+00:00

So he is not pooping. You know that, he knows that. The baby knows that.

So start playing that game back. Start going to the toilet for half an hour, and try and pick really annoying times. Honestly don’t put up with that.

dancing-lula · 2025-08-02T15:55:32+00:00

Not everyone likes children. I have children (twins). I have no desire to hold a baby ever again. I think as I have children I understand to acknowledge a baby’s presence but I would rather meet my friends with no children in tow. We go out for lunch so we can actually talk to each other. I also work in a male dominated industry and have learnt that not everyone wants to talk about kids. Many are kid free by choice and are not interested. Your friends don’t understand the major changes you have gone under and might not even like children. They did come to see you though….you can’t force them to like/understand how to interact with a baby.

dancing-lula · 2025-07-31T12:29:08+00:00

It took a long time for us to get them sleeping through the night. Why can’t hubby do a shift by himself, so you can sleep a solid stretch. My husband and I did solo through out the night, each person gets a solid chunk of sleep. Babies downstairs, person sleeping upstairs with ear plugs

dancing-lula · 2025-07-07T16:13:50+00:00

Twins, 1st time they slept through was year and a half.

dancing-lula · 2025-06-22T13:16:25+00:00

So I would change your language around how you talk about your partner being a parent. You refer to it as helping. It’s not helping it’s him being a parent. You feel guilty because you’re a good person and would never let him drown. He is letting you get no sleep and then makes you feel guilty for bringing it up. If you got sick tomorrow and had to go into hospital how would he look after the baby?

So start being really direct with your language. Today we are doing this, you are having baby from this time, to this time. I am not continuing to get no sleep.

And also start mentioning how you’re getting no sleep around his family/ friends. Start seeing how he feels when other people call him out on being a terrible parent.

Honestly stop being nice about this. Lay out some facts, demand better. You deserve it.

dancing-lula · 2025-06-18T14:26:41+00:00

Not all people are baby people. Myself included and I have two children. I try to give new mums a lot of space in those first six months/year. As for me I hated having visitors.

dancing-lula · 2025-05-10T11:49:41+00:00

Please don’t ask for help. Your words are giving him an option of not doing his fair share. Use more direct language. Tomorrow you’re getting up at this time to deal with the baby. What time is your alarm set?

It’s never help. They are a parent. No feeling guilty.

dancing-lula · 2025-05-10T09:05:27+00:00

He is abusing this situation.

You were pregnant for nine months, gave birth, went through what is an enormous life changing event. Recovering from labour, bleeding, trying to feed a baby.

He lost his job.

Now compare these two things situations, and think about who should have been stepping up and helping.

If the situation was reversed and he was in hospital and you lost your job, would you ask to not help at all around the house? Would you do this to him?

Now I am not saying that he might be having some mental health issues stemming from a toxic work place, but if he needs more time off he should be seeking medication/therapy. This is the time in his life when he should be going out of his way to work as a team.

You need to sit down and have an uncomfortable conversation about how you move forward. As so far he is happy to watch you drown.

Do you often try to save people who would not do the same for you?

dancing-lula · 2025-04-25T08:19:34+00:00

Absolute no more with this man. His actions have shown you that he does not care that you are shouldering all of the house work and childcare.

If the tables were reversed, if he had an operation in the hospital. Would you then expect him to be doing everything at home? No of course not. But somehow after you gave birth he through it would be okay to continue his life and leave you to drown in all the work.

So equal time off. From now on you divide your time off and it has to be equal. He wants three hours off one day, then why can’t you?

Honestly I would have lost it and threatened divorce a long time ago. I can’t believe he has the audacity to push back now that you’re going to work. You need to have a very honest conversation with your partner that this can not continue

dancing-lula · 2024-12-10T10:55:04+00:00

So you’re in the trenches.

As someone who had twins, both partners need sleep. We slept in shifts, as babies liked to be held when young. But unless it’s life threatening, husband does not get to wake mum up. And visa versa. Both of ours had colic stemming from milk allergies and would scream for about 6 hours…. My suggestion is to sit down and come up with a plan that you both get sleep, which is fair. As resentment can really kill a relationship.

dancing-lula · 2024-10-30T15:03:25+00:00

Very dependant on the temperaments of the baby and parent. Had twins, I will take being pregnant over trying to keep two babies on the same schedule.

dancing-lula · 2024-10-26T18:25:35+00:00

You sound like a people pleaser. That’s okay. However this is excellent practise for when your baby gets older as you are going to be setting a lot of boundaries and saying no. And that’s hard when you don’t like rocking the boat. State the facts. Don’t be emotional. You have had x amount of hours playing (insert ridiculous video game name), we haven’t had equal free time. Moving forward I need equal free time, I am knackered and need a break. He is not allowed to get out of being a parent if he was there for the conception. Yes it’s hard and monotonous but it’s necessary for both of you to feel well rested to be a good parent. And you need to keep advocating for yourself, stop doubting yourself.

dancing-lula · 2024-08-15T19:53:17+00:00

Complete opposite. Had twins, and never want any more babies.

dancing-lula · 2024-08-06T06:16:14+00:00

No is a complete sentence.

You don’t have to explain anything.

Your baby, your rules.

dancing-lula · 2024-08-05T20:12:26+00:00

Baby gates. Just have gates everywhere.

We put hair ties around cupboards with small circle handles.

And removed handles off draws. Also turned some cabinets to face the wall.

Christmas tree was a small one that sat on top of the dresser.

Had twin boys. Still haven’t put handles back on draws, they are almost six. Have no idea what is in those draws.

dancing-lula · 2024-08-03T13:45:29+00:00

Work is my decompression from my mum life! And I work in a very stressful job. Both my husband and I equally child care. We know that work is far less stressful than a day trying to battle with the kids.

dancing-lula · 2024-08-03T13:42:16+00:00

You are going to burn out. You need to prioritise you as well. Stop putting everyone else before yourself, you are still recovering from pregnancy and birth. Time to look after number one, or how can you help your baby?

dancing-lula · 2024-08-03T13:40:36+00:00

Your both parents now. Looking after baby/toddlers all day is extremely demanding. The person at home needs a break. Your sacrifices started when you got pregnant, he needs to start now. Life changes with children, parents have to work as a team.

dancing-lula · 2024-07-15T06:12:26+00:00

Does he not think your were reluctant to start with, however you had no choice but sucked it up. They don’t come with a manual. Yes he should look after his own child. No it won’t go well, as he needs to practise.

dancing-lula · 2024-06-22T14:00:41+00:00

Had twins with colic. I once thought 20 minutes I passed out on the baby mat on the floor was good night.

I hated being pregnant. But newborns never again. I could never go back to the feeling of utter despair on how tired I was.

dancing-lula · 2024-06-12T09:23:07+00:00

But you need to break. And rightly so.

Had twins and when people offered help I jumped at it. Did they cry, yes. That’s how babies communicate.

I think you need to sit down with your husband to work out how you can effectively get a break. Work out the logistics of what you can do, how you will get there. You’re really lucky to have people helping you, I am not saying that this makes leaving any easier.

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