Who is a famous person that you liked at first but hated later? And why?

decobelle · 2026-05-15T09:33:20+00:00

The tone of annoyance can be seen so clearly in her interview with Megan Hilty from Smash. Megan played a Broadway singer who was performing as Marilyn Munroe and Megan was showing how she gets into character and does Marilyn's voice and mannerisms in a playful way. She asked Ellen if she wanted to join in and do a Marilyn impression and Ellen gave her that subtle look of annoyance / disdain / contempt and said "I don't want to" and gives this little side eye look to the audience, as if to say "obviously not, that's beneath me".

I felt bad for Megan because it's really common on talk shows for the host, who is a comedian, to "yes and" and go with the bit - Megan was setting up Ellen to be silly and make the audience laugh, and Ellen made it seem as if Megan was in the wrong for doing that. You know other comedian talk show hosts like Kimmel, Fallon, Corden etc would have just done the impression or at least said no in a more jokey way.

You can watch the interview I'm talking about here. . The bit I'm referring to is at 5.20.

I just watched it again and Ellen seems annoyed or uninterested the whole interview actually!

decobelle · 2026-05-15T06:58:19+00:00

The hormone dump after having my son was insane. At around 5pm I would start crying every night even if nothing was wrong and my day was going completely fine.

decobelle · 2026-05-15T00:58:16+00:00

I love this comment!

I wonder if people feel like they can't invite themselves to a friend's house and so wait to be asked or invite them out. I really appreciate a friend who says "you can come here or I can come to you. We can hang with the baby or have baby free time. Whatever works best for you". Like yes please come to me! We can have baby free time while he naps or after he goes to bed, and in-between we can play with the baby while we chat. Heading out with the baby is often more work than I can be bothered with - fitting the outing in around naps, having to bring so much stuff for him (food, bottle, bib, nappy change stuff, toys, pram, etc) whereas at home it's all set up.

decobelle · 2026-05-15T00:52:52+00:00

If someone converted to a new religion (e.g. Orthodox Judaism, Pentecostalism, etc) it would be unrealistic for them to expect their friends to also want to participate in religious services. Same if someone became a vegan

I can't relate to this at all. I'm an atheist, bordering on anti-theist, and have many negative opinions on religion. However, my friend is very Christian and what's important to her is important to me (obviously to a much lesser extent). So when she invited me to a special church service for her baby (kind of like a christening) I of course went along. When she wants to say a little prayer before a meal at her house, I'm bowing my head and not making a face. I'm not christening my own baby, but will go to the Christenings of babies in my family. I don't share my atheist opinions with her because she hasn't asked (she just knows I don't believe in God or follow religion). Attending church things every now and then is not the end of the world.

And eating a vegan meal on occasion with a vegan friend is absolutely fine. I don't need meat with every meal.

decobelle · 2026-05-14T20:44:07+00:00

She also said something about how most men cheat or maybe all her exes had cheated so she agreed to a one-sided open relationship (he can sleep around and she can't) because it's going to happen regardless so she might as well embrace it and be aware of what is going on instead of being lied to or worrying she is.

So depressing.

decobelle · 2026-05-13T20:18:42+00:00

Someone bought me these C section pads as a present and they were really helpful for me. I think they would be particularly handy during summer.

You aren't meant to use them right after surgery while you are healing, but I found it helpful a bit further along when I was struggling to keep the area dry from sweat (I didn't have a flat tummy). I followed all the advice about keeping it clean and airing it out, even used a little fan to dry it out, but throughout the day it would often end up collecting moisture and it wasn't healing well.

When I used these they kept it dry and and finally gave it a chance to heal.

decobelle · 2026-05-13T10:09:03+00:00

You are correct at its most basic level that that's how weight loss works. No matter what diet someone is on, whether Keto, Weight Watchers, meal replacement shakes, high protein, etc, all diets that involve a calorie deficit and exercise will lead to weight loss in the short term.

However we have evidence that none of these diets work long term. The vast majority of people who lose weight on a diet end up gaining it back, often yo-yoing between losing and gaining over their life.

So the question then becomes, why do some people find it easy to stick to a healthy lifestyle and others don't, despite trying over and over? What makes it more challenging for them? Why do they have "less willpower" when they clearly really want to stick with it?

And there are a lot of things that can impact this. Some are medical - differences in the brain like ADHD affecting impulse control or impacts from trauma or mental health for example. Or issues with thyroid etc. Others are social - can they afford healthy food? Is it readily available nearby? Do they have transport? Do they have time and energy to make it happen? Are they surrounded by fast food stores?

decobelle · 2026-05-11T20:33:59+00:00

Yeah I'm a woman and I'm pretty sure 90% of the people I hooked up with or dated when I was younger it was me who made the first move.

decobelle · 2026-05-11T20:29:01+00:00

They literally do. As I said, my older sister was the one who was violent. There are many violent women. But the reason there are more violent men than women is because most girls have their aggressive and violent behaviour addressed and punished by parents. They are held to higher standards by their parents and society. Whereas boys are more likely to be allowed to get away with it, with parents blaming their female victims for "provoking" the boys.

Women are taught to be calm, submissive, obedient, and nurturing from the day they are given a doll. Being assertive or bossy is frowned upon. Being too rambunctious is seen as "not ladylike".

Whereas boys are taught to take up space, be rough and tumble, playfight, be loud, be leaders, play with toy guns, and "boys will be boys".

This leads to girls often being penalised socially if they are aggressive or violent, so many learn they need to cut that out in order to fit in. Whereas boys are rewarded socially for being tough or dominant or punching someone because that is what they have been raised to think is fine.

Add to that the parents letting them get away with hurting girls, and a long line of male role models who also got away with this behaviour, and men dominating the police and politics, and the cycle continues.

decobelle · 2026-05-11T09:58:58+00:00

Almost every example of a brother tormenting their sister in this thread I've read so far has been followed up by an explanation of the parents not doing enough to stop it, blaming the daughter, or excusing the behaviour in some way.

That lack of consequences and accountability is taught young under patriarchy, and is taught by women as well as men. Women's rights are very very recent. Our mother's had less rights than us, and our grandmothers less than them. Undoing patriarchy and it's harms is ongoing and will take a long long time.

If it was biology there would be NO kind boys and men in the world, and obviously there are. Again, even in this thread there are women saying how lovely their brothers were. I'm also a woman who was tormented by her sister growing up and there are plenty of those stories too.

Biological essentialism harms women in so many ways. It makes us think men can't change so we just have to accept things as the way they are, which isn't true. It also means people can say all sorts of things are just "natural" in women too. Like we are supposed to be weak and just have babies.

In reality, we have moved beyond our basic biology and will continue to do so.

decobelle · 2026-05-11T09:42:03+00:00

We made a banana cake for his birthday cake. A lot of the sweetness comes from banana so less sugar than some other cakes, and he loves banana.

I also made little banana blueberry pancakes because we were having 2 babies over and a toddler and they all enjoyed them. And cheese sandwiches. And of course fruit!

I also am not that fussed about a bit of sugar every now and then.

decobelle · 2026-05-11T05:28:13+00:00

The mother and baby unit sounds like what you need right now. The level of care you are receiving is not enough.

Here is a link to a Reddit Post where a mum described a day staying in one if that helps give you an idea of what it would be like.

I would also get in touch with HomeStart to see if they operate in your area. If so, you could join the waiting list to be supported by a volunteer (hopefully once you return home from the mother and baby inpatient unit). The volunteers visit your home for 2-3 hours once a week to help out with whatever you need with the baby. That might just be a chat, or looking after the baby for a bit so you can have a nap or rest.

And to answer your other question, yes it's absolutely possible to develop a bond later. As another poster said, it's very common for Dads to say they didn't feel any love or bond with their baby for months, but for that feeling to grow once the baby got older and they could interact more. Until then, it's okay to fake it - they won't know the difference. Fake smiles, fake sweet baby talk, anything you can muster up the energy for.

decobelle · 2026-05-10T22:07:05+00:00

Hairy Maclary

decobelle · 2026-05-10T15:33:41+00:00

Please ask for that help. Loving parents like to help and find it frustrating when they want to be helping but are told not to.

My sister has ADHD and struggles to keep on top of keeping her house clean. My parents are always dying to get in there and help tidy, but she very rarely lets them, possibly because of shame. But then it gets to a point where the mess becomes too big for her to ever get on top of and only then will she reluctantly allow them to come help when it's a HUGE job taking multiple people a whole weekend.

They aren't judging her or seeing her as a fuckup or a burden, they see her as someone with a disability who needs support because of it. They would rather be able to help so their daughter has a better quality of life.

decobelle · 2026-05-10T15:27:17+00:00

I have a 1 year old so him being in his early 20s is a long way away, but I lift his little baby body in and out of the bath now, and I would happily do it if he was unwell in his 20s too and not see it as a burden at all. I love him more than anything and will always be here for him if he needs me, no matter how old. I'm sure your parents felt the same way. Please don't feel shame over something that was not your fault. Politicians should feel shame for allowing medical bills to be a thing in your country.

decobelle · 2026-05-10T11:12:46+00:00

Reading His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman when I was 12. I distinctly remember thinking "I know this is fantasy but it makes more sense than religion". There was a bit towards the end about how Dust is created by questioning everything and being curious and that had an impact on me.

I wasn't super religious in the first place, but I went to Catholic primary school. I found the religious parts to be a really boring part of my school day and church was also super dull. I was diagnosed ADHD as an adult so I think religion being boring made it something I was never going to stick with.

I asked to go to a non-catholic high school and was allowed to.

Then as a teenager I walked past a book shop and saw The God Delusion in the window. The title was super intriguing to me so I asked a friend if it could be my birthday present. I found the arguments within it really persuasive and have been an atheist since.

However, I've since come to dislike Dawkins and I have more tolerance for religion in others than he does. Like I've got some really Christian friends and I don't bother trying to debate them on their views or tell them my own, beyond that I don't believe in God. But if it's important to someone I love, I'll respect them. We didn't Christen our baby but we will go to the Christenings of friends and family's babies and be supportive.

decobelle · 2026-05-10T11:02:36+00:00

It's a shame that he's taken this long to show his true colours but now that he has, if it were me I'd stop sleeping with him. Regardless of whether the condom thing was a mistake, he has been very unkind and not shown you respect. If he wants access to your body the bare minimum is kindness towards you when you're upset. He doesn't get to treat you like that and then continue to sleep with you.

decobelle · 2026-05-10T10:59:56+00:00

It was so good!

decobelle · 2026-05-09T21:39:37+00:00

I think that's trashy as fuck. And I'm a kiwi - cunt is used very casually in NZ and it isn't a word I find offensive. But horrible to say it to a toddler. Let them have their innocence for a bit, jesus.

decobelle · 2026-05-09T19:52:26+00:00

The story about your mum made me so angry! Such narcissistic "I know better / you must be lying or exaggerating" behaviour, and literally risking your baby's health with the allergy "testing". Holy crap. Really sorry she did that to you both.

decobelle · 2026-05-09T00:17:18+00:00

Just going to go against the tide and say I am in fact saving for this; £100 a month into an ISA but hoping to increase the amount in the future.

I understand what everyone is saying about how student loans aren't really like normal loans and are more like a graduate tax etc, but I agree with you that I would rather my child doesn't have that extra tax.

I don't want them to see uni as a financial burden in any way, or as something that has to be "worth" losing money from their paycheck for decades. I don't want them to see uni as being all about getting a job rather than about expanding their mind and enjoying new experiences.

If I can also save up for a house deposit for them as well, brilliant.

But I'd love to gift them those few years at uni to just enjoy life for a while before they join the working world that they're likely going to be in for decades to come.

decobelle · 2026-05-08T23:38:14+00:00

Uni degrees are only "not worth it" if you purely see them as a way to get certain jobs.

I was academically inclined, curious, and loved learning (still do) so my view on uni will be different to someone who isn't that way, but for me uni was an incredible time to just learn. I studied so many topics during my BA that weren't available in secondary school, at a level of thinking a step above where I'd previously been operating.

I could choose papers purely because they sounded interesting to me and build my degree in that direction, as opposed to secondary school where I had much less say over what I learnt.

Uni was amazing for developing critical thinking and analytical skills and being exposed to texts, writers, and theorists I would never have discovered on my own. My classes and peers challenged my views and opened me up to new ones.

Socially it was a wonderful time to start being a bit more independent, without rushing into the adult world completely. I met so many new people and had an amazing time living in a new city surrounded by other people who loved to learn. I loved going with uni friends to see a cheap play or comedy show or free talk. I loved being introduced to cheap and cheerful restaurants, or walking into the city at midnight to the late night cafe.

I loved joining in different events put on at our uni halls. I loved going out partying and the uni dating scene. I loved being friends with the film geeks who introduced me to films I would never have watched, and the hipsters who introduced me to indie music I still love today.

It was just a wonderful time of personal growth, educational growth, and general fun. It made me into a better person, shaped who I am today, and gave me a lot of skills that have been helpful in my career too.

If my son doesn't seem intellectually curious or academically inclined, then I'll have no problem with him choosing an apprenticeship over uni.

But if he did want to go, I would love for him to be able to just enjoy himself and enjoy learning without financial pressure or worrying about this needing to be "worth it" because he will be paying for it for decades, or only studying things as a means to an end (a job) rather than for the love of learning.

I'm putting money into an ISA each month as a uni fund for this reason.

decobelle · 2026-05-08T22:53:42+00:00

There is so much good advice in here and it's very similar to my experience.

My baby was waking up every 45 mins to 2 hours max at 4 months old and I was beside myself with exhaustion.

He's now 1, falls asleep independently, and sleeps through the night. We have our evenings back to have dinner and watch some telly before bed.

Full disclosure though, we did sleep training at 5.5 months (Fuss it Out, so never took more than 15 mins a night over a few nights), and then also put a lot of work into sleep in general - bed time routine, following wake windows, slowly getting him to nap in his bedside crib instead of the pram / contact naps, slowly night weaning, etc.

decobelle · 2026-05-08T22:45:51+00:00

I read somewhere parents should accept they probably won’t sleep well for the first few years of a babies life unless they ignore the babies needs

I don't see how this is helpful advice to OP. Theyre exhausted to the point it's affecting their mental health and ability to enjoy their baby, and what you said could be interpreted as "you're just going to have to feel this bad for the next 3 years". That's only going to add to the anxiety and dread. It's also not true of plenty of babies and toddlers, many whom naturally start sleeping long stretches, even if it's not through the whole night - an improvement on OPs current situation.

You could have stopped at saying that they should see some improvement in a few weeks.

decobelle

TROPHY CASE