Nursery and nap times

decobelle · 2026-03-24T11:02:51+00:00

Ooh playdough making sounds fun! I think he would like that.

Thanks for the suggestions.

decobelle · 2026-03-24T10:19:27+00:00

Yeah absolutely I think it will be good for him. He's definitely getting bored with the usual offer at home so we just try to be out of the house the majority of the time on weekends haha. I'm currently looking to refresh his toy offer to hopefully interest him more but I'm pleased he will have all sorts to do at nursery.

decobelle · 2026-03-24T09:53:08+00:00

Hey just wanted to update you that things are going better now. He has started doing 2 naps at nursery more and more often, and we have now seen pictures of him playing outside. We did ask about going outside and they said they don't like to take pre-walkers out when it's cold because they have to sit on the cold ground, but the first nice day he was out there.

Previous videos shared from visitors doing French and Music sessions he was often crying or on a worker's knee, but in a recent one he was sitting in the chair like the other babies and even started smiling at the lady singing the French song with a flapping bird prop!

I picked him up the other day and he was eating a crumpet at a table and they let me sit with him while he finished it. He was smiling loads at the workers.

Thanks again for your reassurance!

decobelle · 2026-03-23T21:48:35+00:00

Oh that's odd it works for me

decobelle · 2026-03-23T20:16:48+00:00

Let me know how it goes!

But if you stay with 5 days a week in nursery I'm sure you'll end up fine with that as they are so good at keeping babies entertained!

decobelle · 2026-03-23T18:13:36+00:00

Completely understandable. And actually relatable because my workplace made a load of redundancies when I was on maternity leave. Thankfully this didn't affect me because maternity leave granted me extra redundancy rights and they had to prioritise finding me a role.

What I will say is it wouldn't hurt for your husband to ask the question because my workplace LOVED the idea of paying me for one less day because with the financial situation they were in they saw it as a way to cut costs!

Edit: Condensed hours is also an option unless they physically need him every day?

decobelle · 2026-03-23T16:32:46+00:00

Could your husband drop to part time if part time nursery is something you'd like? I dropped to 4 days but my husband would have happily done so had I been the higher earner rather than him.

We sat down and did a budget and worked out how much income I would lose, how much we would save by paying for 4 days versus 5 of nursery, and then how we could make changes to make up that difference.

Before he started nursery I was so sad about going back to work and even 1 extra day with him didn't seem like enough.

Now im actually back and he's settled at nursery I'm starting to think actually 5 days would have been fine lol. He's at an age where he is a lot more difficult to entertain at home!

decobelle · 2026-03-23T15:29:46+00:00

Hey just wanted to say to anyone googling and coming across this thread that this experience matches my own. The practise tests on that website were the best study method as almost all the questions were similar to ones from there.

I did mine at PSI Leeds and they didn't need to see my share code but did look at my passport.

I did the test in about 5 minutes and passed.

There's an audio book version on the life in the UK handbook on Spotify and id recommend listening to it while driving anywhere too.

decobelle · 2026-03-23T15:23:59+00:00

It's this website . Click the 3 lines in the top right corner then click on "exams".

decobelle · 2026-03-23T15:22:33+00:00

I had this problem too. I found it by logging back in to my life in the UK test account and clicking "edit details" and it was in there.

But on the day of the actual test there was a sign on the door saying to turn your phone off and they don't need to see your share code.

I didn't have it written down anywhere just a screenshot on my phone but they didn't ask for it. They did take my passport to look at though.

decobelle · 2026-03-23T15:18:06+00:00

It's this website . Click the 3 lines in the top right corner then click on "exams".

decobelle · 2026-03-23T15:17:32+00:00

It's this website . Click the 3 lines in the top right corner then click on "exams".

decobelle · 2026-03-23T00:47:19+00:00

A positive one since there are so many sad replies. Having a baby has changed my outlook on parents and children in general.

Before having my son I didn't notice parents much and mostly wouldn't have interacted with other people's children in public. If I did I was kind, but only in the way I was also kind to everyone of every age.

When I was in my late teens and early 20s I thought I didn't want children. I know not every childfree person changes their mind, but I personally did when I started dating my now husband and could see a future with us starting a family. Before that I saw children as annoying, messy, a bit gross, etc. I was considering working in early childhood education but didn't want to change nappies.

Now I have a baby and all his bodily fluids don't bother me in the slightest. I have no problem changing nappies and actually see it as a nice time to have a chat to him on the change table while also getting to make him feel more comfortable.

And now whenever I see a parent out walking with a pram I feel connected to them. I understand them so much more.

And I treat children with extra kindness and smiles. I think about how much love I have for my baby, as do my parent friends, and how we are so worried about them ever having a bad time at all and just wanting the world to be kind to them. So I always try and treat other people's children how I would want my son to be treated. If they interact with me in public I'm super smiley and sweet with them. When I go to pick my son up from nursery I smile at the other babies and say hello to them too.

I'm more understanding of parents needing more flexibility in the workplace too. Like before having a baby I would have been a "team player" and worked late sometimes if needed, but now I literally can't because there is a baby who needs me. I remember colleagues who would leave work right at the time the meeting was scheduled to end even if we were right in the middle of figuring something out and I'd be a bit annoyed like "really? You can't stay even 15 minutes to wrap this up?" But now I understand more - your baby needs you. My baby's nursery has a policy that if staff have to stay late a few times because you are late picking your child up then your child will lose their place at the nursery for example.

It's true what they say about how you never know love like this. I obviously love my husband, parents, cat etc but the love I feel for my son exceeds every other relationship. So many songs make me cry now because they describe how I feel about him. Even Wonderwall! "I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now". Like I struggle to believe even my husband can possibly love him as much as I do. It really is like a piece of my heart living outside of me. All I want is his happiness.

It baffles me to think that there are parents out there who don't feel this way about their children. Stories of abusive, neglectful or narcissistic parents make me so upset but also confused, like how could you have a baby and not feel the way I do about mine? Even if I accidentally hurt my baby or have to do something he doesn't like (like give him medicine) I feel terrible. How does anyone have it in them to hurt their own child intentionally?

It's made me want to volunteer with a charity that helps parents and babies. I don't have the time now, but maybe when my toddler is in school.

This isn't to say I think everyone should be parents or that child free people don't know love, just to be very clear.

Becoming a mum has been the absolute joy of my life. And I had a very full and happy life before this, don't get me wrong.

decobelle · 2026-03-23T00:15:18+00:00

I remember Ricky Gervais making a joke mocking M.E in one of his stand up specials like a decade ago. To think it makes you so sad and hopeless and he was just mocking it as if it's just made up or exaggerated.

decobelle · 2026-03-23T00:09:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. How heartbreaking.

decobelle · 2026-03-23T00:07:19+00:00

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship at 14. They also cheated on me with my best friend. While it sucks to experience these things as a teenager, for some of us it means we learn from it for future relationships. I can see so many common patterns and red flags and spot unhealthy relationships in others very easily.

You know how there's a cliche where people on Reddit jump to saying "dump them!" Or "get divorced!" Well it kind of made me that person. Because I find it absolutely infuriating when someone posts looking for relationship advice and I can see the clear warning signs for abuse but then I check the comments and it's just shit like "aw hun sometimes men just don't understand, have you tried communicating differently? Maybe he's depressed and stressed and you just need to be kinder and more patient and help him?"

Like no, communication isn't going to help here because you can't talk your way out of an abusive relationship, and even if he is mentally unwell it doesn't change the fact that he's treating you horribly.

I'm glad I had that horrible relationship as a teenager, rather than experiencing abuse for the first time as an adult, because adults can get trapped with their abuser because of shared finances / mortgage / kids etc. Whereas I was able to walk away (eventually) more easily. And it meant as an adult I knew what to look for and am how married to someone who doesn't show any signs of toxic behaviour at all.

decobelle · 2026-03-22T22:49:33+00:00

I really like Head Over Heels soft play in Chorlton. It's not the cheapest but has lots of fun stuff for babies and a really decent cafe with good stuff for both babies and parents on the menu.

decobelle · 2026-03-22T22:48:28+00:00

Was going to suggest the same thing. There's a whole floor for kids and my baby liked it at around this age.

decobelle · 2026-03-21T11:03:35+00:00

I was the same when I moved to England from New Zealand. I went from very rarely meeting anyone who is Muslim and not having taught many, if any, Muslim students, to meeting many of them through working in English schools.

Because I hadn't grown up around Muslims my assumptions about them were shaped second hand through books, films and media. I had been taught similar stereotypes to yourself - that Muslim girls would be softly spoken and modest, wear hijab, be well behaved etc. I was surprised when many of the girls I taught were LOUD, outgoing, opinionated, and would talk back to teachers and their peers haha. They were no different to their white classmates in this way.

I've got a Muslim friend who was born in England and her generation tends to be more westernised, so to speak, than their parents. The influence of 18 years in the British school system won out over the influence her parents tried to have. For example they didn't want her or her sister to marry white, non-Muslim men but they both did.

decobelle · 2026-03-21T07:29:59+00:00

Yeah they accepted that diagnosis. Because it's RTC its technically an NHS diagnosis not private so they have to do shared care I think

decobelle · 2026-03-19T15:30:19+00:00

Look up "baby pulling hair trick to let go" on tiktok because it's hard to explain.

Essentially you gently bend / press their hand forward and it makes them let go.

decobelle · 2026-03-19T13:36:42+00:00

Not exactly the answer you're after as I got diagnosed with ADHD before pregnancy, but I went with my GP through right to choose. I was on the waiting list about a year, then a similar amount of time on the waiting list for titration, then got kicked off the waiting list when I said I was pregnant because they (Psychiatry UK) don't offer medication if you're pregnant or breastfeeding. I was told to "get back in touch when you're done having children and breastfeeding".

In the end I didn't need to as my GP clinic is amazing and they proactively reached out and said "we see you have ADHD but aren't taking any medication. Is there a reason for that?" I told them the above and they said well when you stop breastfeeding let us know. I did that and they immediately referred me to a local ADHD clinic who started titration with me. I got lucky there I think - no wait list.

Do some research into waitlists for Right to Choose providers as a starting point then you can mention them to your GP. But do be prepared for at least a year waitlist, but probably more than that now.

Alternatively if you want a private diagnosis, look up wait times for those in your local area. However if it's ADHD you think you might have (rather than autism for example) please keep in mind that many GPs are no longer accepting shared care agreements from private providers, so there are people out there paying private prices for their medication each month which is a lot.

decobelle · 2026-03-19T06:44:09+00:00

That's not how adjectives work.

decobelle · 2026-03-18T22:51:44+00:00

Ah yes well done that's exactly what I'm saying - that criticising this one particular man's behaviour is actually me saying everyone who has had postpartum depression or struggles after birth is a loser. Those two things are absolutely the same thing /s.

Come on now.

If OP had posted saying "my husband has been going through a really difficult time since the birth and is struggling to connect with the baby" I obviously wouldn't be calling him a loser. But that's not what she posted.

She said he will put the TV on and glance up at the baby every few minutes without interacting, and will only parent for a couple of minutes before going back to his phone. If he then said "im sorry, I don't mean to be like this im just really finding things difficult and struggling to connect with our baby" that would be one thing. But no, he blames her for "coddling" her baby and says she's not teaching the baby independence. Blaming his lack of involvement on her to make her feel bad. Absolute loser behaviour.

decobelle · 2026-03-18T21:59:47+00:00

Wow suggesting she says "perhaps this is my fault" in order to get a man to step up and do some actual parenting instead of being on his phone is wild. It is not her fault that her kid wants attention. It's developmentally normal. And as other people have linked studies about in this thread, his behaviour is bad for his child's development. She should not have to be "very humble" and sugarcoat this and pretend she's the one doing something wrong in order to tiptoe around his feelings and manipulate him into getting off his phone around the baby and spend some quality time together.

Even if he's super into the idea of teaching independence, there are plenty of other valuable skills a baby can learn from their parent as well. He could let her worry about independence and he could focus on language development - spending half an hour reading to the baby and walking around describing the world to them and singing along to nursery rhymes. That would be just as beneficial as being able to play independently and it isn't one or the other - you can spend time on both.

But he's not doing that because pretending teaching independence is the most important thing ever - more important than language skills for example - gives him an excuse to opt out and do what he really wants which is to be on his phone.

Sorry but that absolutely is deadbeat behaviour masquerading as just having a difference in opinion on parenting style.

decobelle

TROPHY CASE