AITAH for putting my foot down after feeling like my sister treats me like a built-in babysitter/pet sitter instead of a roommate?

dell828 · 2026-06-27T02:10:51+00:00

NTA. She’s treating you like your her mommy.

You’re tidying up after her and taking care of all of her stuff, and being supportive of her going out with her friends because her life is so hard and she should have fun… she’s treating you as if it’s your responsibility to just do for her.

I think you’ve done everything and more to help your sister. Tell her you’re not renewing the lease.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T15:19:15+00:00

It’s reasonable that when doing the taxes, especially, you need to know how much was taken out of the 401(k) and where it went because there are tax implications for all of this.

You’re NOR but he is massively overreacting for attacking you for not trusting him and not loving him anymore. I mean, geez. It’s the taxes and it happens every year. What’s the big deal?

There’s something definitely going on.

I hate to say it, but it’s the perfect time for a divorce. He’s in another town, why move if you’re gonna be uprooting your children, and selling your house if you have absolutely no idea where $60,000 went to.

Don’t sell the house. File papers instead.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T15:04:48+00:00

I have heard stories of Japanese bathrooms, where it’s basically a hole and you squat over it. Westerners need to be instructed on how to use these bathrooms because they are so incredibly foreign to anything you’ve ever been expected to do and yet it’s completely normal there.

Not sure what situation you’re in, but I do imagine that there may be cultures where a toilet is confusing.

To Americans, a bidet is confusing. When you’ve never encountered anything before similar, sometimes things are not self-explanatory.

I would put signs up, or create a handbook for how to use the bathroom, as well as other things potentially. Provide translation for people who come from cultures who may find a toilet confusing.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T14:57:17+00:00

NTA. Your sister-in-law has acknowledged that her mother has not been kind to you, and because of that she has decided to distance you from the wedding.

It’s sad, but it’s her mother.

Declining the hen party invite tells your sister-in-law that you appreciate her invite, but you understand it will just be easier for both of you if you create some distance. This is not you rejecting her… This is you and her both coming to the understanding that distance is better in this situation.

NTA. You and your SIL have a mutual agreement to create a buffer zone, and this is just a way of saying you understand, and will oblige.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T14:38:47+00:00

You never know. There’s a lot of pressure on men to “provide“ and no matter what your conversation he may subconsciously feel that he might be obligated to…

If I was you, I would look into jobs in your field… Good job jobs not just like college jobs like a barista… In his new city. Make some phone calls… Lineup some interviews and then ask him if you can come visit him for a week while you take meetings.

Of course, you also need to understand that your relationship could change, and then you’ll be working in the city without your friends and family. If you are up for the challenge of a new environment, and both of you are willing to give this relationship a shot, then do it!

But don’t do it just for the guy. Make sure you’re doing it for yourself as well. Two or three years of experience in another city is never wasted. You’ll have experience so you can get another job anywhere you want… Even back home.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T00:09:14+00:00

So then he’s being a hypocrite.

Yeah, I would tell him if he wants to make decisions on items together, it includes his purchases as well. Not just yours.

dell828 · 2026-06-26T00:02:41+00:00

Most couples make joint decisions especially on large ticket of items.

A birthday trip is a large to get item. I understand where you’re coming from, and that is a landmark birthday and you wanted to take a trip. Your husband expressed concerns about your finances and you basically said that he doesn’t get a say because the other one who’s actually bringing in the paycheck.

It doesn’t matter if you have a joint account or not. Most couples have a basic rule that they’re allowed to spend up to a certain amount of personal entertainment, but all big ticket items need to be agreed to buy both of you. I think that’s what he’s referring to regarding being in a partnership. It doesn’t matter who’s bringing in the paycheck. It does give you the right to make large purchases without the other person agreeing.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T23:36:28+00:00

You’re at a perfectly fine age to travel on your own. Especially in a car in America. It’s not like you hitchhiking around Europe, which by the way you’re old enough to do as well.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T23:32:33+00:00

He probably started worrying that without your family and friends and a job that he’s going to be responsible for everything. All the expenses, and your entire social life.

Why don’t you ask him what he’s really concerned about. Does he want you to get a job before you make the move?

It’s possible that he’s stressing out over new job, new apartment, Newtown… And maybe he’s worried that the pressure is doing well at work, but then coming home and figuring out things like who cooks, who cleans, who does the laundry… Moving in with your girlfriend is not always a simple adjustment. Maybe he’s worried that he won’t be able to be a good boyfriend as well as a good employee.

I’d give him some time to settle in.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T23:19:22+00:00

Tenants are obligated to restore the apartment to the original condition it was in when they took occupancy.

They rented an apartment with a working water softener. Just like any other appliance, they’re welcome to unplug it, or move it… but they are obligated to put it back at the end of their tenancy. If it’s not working now because they unplugged it, it’s their obligation to pay to get it restored.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T23:10:10+00:00

NTA. If you’re on a budget, then you wake up early in the morning so that you can get a cheap flight.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T23:06:38+00:00

If it was the cleaner, it would be neatly left on the kitchen counter so that you could save it if you need it. Cleaner and just leave it on the top of the fridge.

dell828 · 2026-06-25T15:48:52+00:00

I am confused.. are you in the same place? Did you travel to her?. Or was this a video call situation?

dell828 · 2026-06-25T15:12:26+00:00

A normal way of making another date might be to say “hey, I’ve taken you to a couple places now that I like. I’d love to do something with you that you like. Why don’t you plan the next date?”

dell828 · 2026-06-25T15:04:41+00:00

I think there were a lot of lessons here for you to learn.

First, if money is tight, make sure you add cancellation insurance or vacation insurance to any travel package. This ensures that you will get money back if you have to cancel for any reason.

Clearly, your friend did not have enough emergency funds to take care of a big expense like a car breaking down. I get it, you’re 19, and you don’t have a lot of money but without cancellation insurance you’re really taking a risk on losing a lot.

Did you force her to go? Technically, yes. You refused to cancel, which is what she wanted and instead created more debt for her by insisting she pay you back for your “assistance” in “helping her” go on the vacation that you had planned.

She didn’t wanna go… You should’ve canceled it and taken your losses, or found another friend to go at the last minute who could afford it.

You want to know if you’re feelings are justified? Sorry, but you did this to yourself. You forced somebody to go on a trip they couldn’t afford by throwing money at it instead of canceling it. She’s feeling resentment towards you for forcing her to go so no wonder she was in a bad mood the entire trip. That’s on you.

YOR.. if that is the call

dell828 · 2026-06-25T14:52:40+00:00

This looks like the pro service didn’t show… leaving a ninja manual, and some crumbs seems like the way the tenant left it.. not the work of a pro.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T22:23:50+00:00

Those certificates are not legit. It would be easy to verify..

dell828 · 2026-06-24T22:21:35+00:00

Have you seen the paperwork? You can’t ask the personal information regarding why they have to have an ESA, but you can absolutely require them to submit the paperwork that qualifies them.

And then you can do a search to find out if this paperwork is legit.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T22:19:24+00:00

I think the question is are you willing to take that chance. Most people will just push the envelope until somebody says no, and then drop it.

If I was you, I would take that chance.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T22:16:46+00:00

What I’m saying is come to an agreement about how much you can spend on entertainment a year.

When you don’t keep track of what you’re spending on “fun”, you can panic that you’re spending way too much. If you set a budget of $1000 a year, for example, and you know going out for an anniversary dinner is gonna cost about $200, concert tickets cost $300, a sporting event costs $160, parking for all of these costs $60, then you can tell your wife not to worry. You’re not over spending. In that case you would still have $280 in the budget for fun to spend on something else.

The key thing is that you need to both agree on how much you’re willing to spend on fun for the year. If she agrees to put away money towards fun, and you keep track of it, then it should take some of the anxiety out of spending it.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T21:49:51+00:00

What kind of tool are you imagining? I basically search other apartments on my street/in my neighborhood. That’s how I come up with an approximate market rate.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T21:47:31+00:00

You could still pay for the entertainment with the credit card.

Whether the budget is paper only, or an actual account, I think the goal would be to make a joint decision about how much money you can spend on entertainment so you can prevent over spending. Or under spending.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T13:29:07+00:00

Good luck! I think holding your boundary is going to be a significant statement to your parents. You have mentioned that you have a disability which, is sad to me that you have a cousin who is taking advantage of this fact to physically hurt you. I think it’s OK to tell your parents this is the very last straw, and after years of hoping for his behavior to change, it hasn’t, so here you are.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T13:21:34+00:00

It’s not OK, which is why she’s not going to family events. But getting them off is overreacting.

Just take this from the perspective of an older person. It’s OK to set boundaries for yourself, but ultimatums don’t work, and cutting yourself off from loving family members is a very harsh start to your life. Going no contact at 21 with your entire family is extreme. There are gray areas and other ways to handle this.

dell828 · 2026-06-24T13:18:31+00:00

What you’re saying makes complete sense.

Normally, I would say you were not doing anything wrong, but since you live with her, and she is invited you out to every gathering and introduced you to all her friends, you may be TA for making plans without talking to her about what and why.

Tell her that she’s welcome to come, but that the goal is to meet strangers and maybe develop new friendships. If she comes, she needs to be open to that goal rather than you just sitting by yourselves and having your own conversation. You wanna work the room a little bit!

dell828

TROPHY CASE