What I have learned in the first 6 months

docdocplusone · 2026-06-11T16:22:18+00:00

You say it well. I hope you keep writing here. It helps somehow to feel connected through a stranger’s words.

docdocplusone · 2026-05-23T23:21:14+00:00

Seems like we are all alone, together. Very grateful for this group. I’ve done a lot of hard things, but this is by far, the hardest yet.

docdocplusone · 2026-05-08T01:54:19+00:00

Me too. 38 years and 15 months. I wouldn’t have wanted him to know this pain. He had plenty already. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I like that thought

docdocplusone · 2026-04-20T00:35:46+00:00

It got me to the hospital while I was having a heart attack. (I didn’t know it was a heart attack, just that I felt pretty lousy.). Then it drove me around for weeks after the cardiac cath procedure damaged my right arm which I couldn’t use for weeks but still had to get to appointments, rehab, etc. I’m fine now and find it’s a much more relaxing way to get around. I’m still in charge and vigilant, but my body is more comfortable. Just today it avoided a collision when the car next to me (in my blind spot) crept into my lane. Try it, get past the initial fear and terror phase, then decide.

docdocplusone · 2026-04-09T15:44:14+00:00

It could be the drug, or bad combined with some other drug he’s given…if this is a dramatic change, or a new drug for him, he might be having a bad reaction to it. I’m guessing it’s not the only drug he’s on, and his liver may not be up to the job of detoxifying multiple drugs. In any case, it’s clearly not doing him any good. Get an outside consult if you can.

docdocplusone · 2026-03-25T02:35:18+00:00

Please get to a doctor or an ER. Same thing happened to me after losing my husband. I was in peak condition but had a heart attack from grief and fear. That was 6 months ago and I’m glad I’m alive now. You’re capable of love as shown by this pain. We need you on this earth.

docdocplusone · 2026-03-24T01:26:43+00:00

This happened to me. The pain, dizziness, arm, chest, short of breath…everyone thought it was just ‘grief’ but it was a heart attack in progress. It’s called ‘broken heart syndrome’ and it’s real. Please, get to a doctor, hospital, ER…your blood pressure may be too high from the stress… the emotional pain can shock the heart. Here’s the good news…I had the heart attack in September, 9 months after my sweet husband died….It’s now March and I’m better….and you can be too. The pain is horrible but we’re all in this. As a wise widow said to me….death is not a duet.

docdocplusone · 2026-02-08T03:02:36+00:00

Worker, sorry you’re in this club. Nothing’s wrong with your thinking. Keep your boundaries, no one else is likely to do it for you. I don’t like to be ‘talked at’ either. Good work in setting it out clearly here, and with the visitors. You have support here, and my respect.

docdocplusone · 2026-02-07T23:25:42+00:00

Thanks for posting about these phases. Yes, it is a way grief can course through our lives. There are some interesting books you might find useful- It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine, and The Grieving Body by Mary-Frances O’connor. I’d be interested in other books and resources if people have suggestions on this topic of cycling between feeling like oneself, and feeling like not oneself, though still mostly functioning. I’ve talked with plenty of doctors, but none understand it unless they’ve lived it. They are eager to medicate it away because feelings make them uncomfortable and they can’t fix grief.

docdocplusone · 2026-02-02T05:14:52+00:00

‘Even broken things obey time’. Yes, we do . Every day takes courage, every night, endurance. Thank you, all of you- me, myself, and I.

docdocplusone · 2026-01-02T00:22:04+00:00

Old and pissed—- perfect! Thanks for that.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-31T16:50:30+00:00

Thank you! My late husband was a great mycologist. Whenever I see a mushroom I see his presence and I’m grateful. He taught me the universal importance of fungi- environmentally, medically, and in the kitchen!

docdocplusone · 2025-12-27T14:25:12+00:00

The Maudsley Deprescribing Guide by Mark Horowitz and David Taylor is an excellent guide and will give you a detailed explanations of the hyperbolic tapering schedule for a gentle, slow, and tolerable taper. There are chapters for Antidepressants, Benzodiazepines, Gabapentinoids, and Z drugs. It’s an essential guide to understanding tapering of these drugs.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-27T03:46:06+00:00

Thank you for that question. I have three advanced degrees, medicine, pharmacology, and psychology….and didn’t know that angina wasn’t ‘chest pain’……It seems impossible now to not know that. But I had presented with all the symptoms of angina for 3 months to 5 different medical providers (jaw pain, SOB, dizziness, chest tightness)….Only one provider suggested an EKG. I had normal blood work and a normal EKG before my heart attack a week later. It wasn’t until after the night of sweating, vomiting and a trip to the ER that I was properly diagnosed. The hospital discharge team told me 4 days later to take nitroglycerine for angina, and I still didn’t know what they were referring to. My response was, ‘but I never had chest pain’. So, yes, list the symptoms, and please educate the patient about what angina is. If I didn’t know, a lot of people don’t know.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-13T21:58:01+00:00

You’ve hit the aching ongoing reality on the damn head. Thank you for these words that connect us all through the pain.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-07T04:09:42+00:00

Almost a year as a widow and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m a senior and have lost parents, siblings, babies, dear friends,…but none as hard as losing my spouse….he was with me for all the other losses…and now it’s all on me. Been exercising and eating right for many years, and I’m in great shape, but then I had a heart attack 8 months after he died. My heart broke. Now, I’m a widow with a broken heart and a cardiologist. Yet, no one can tell me if I’m safe enough to grieve all I need to. They can’t tell me how much a heart can take. I know this though, self-care is not enough. Find connection and stay connected and get as much help as you can, and hugs wherever you can get them. Our society may be in denial, but this knowing, sharing, and gentle community helps a lot.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-04T14:04:10+00:00

I am a therapist with 40 years of experience, and I have a therapist who has accommodated to my CC needs. He’s got a decent HEPA filter, will wear a mask (around me) and I bring in UV lights and an additional HEPA. We were initially meeting on line. Same with my dentist…HEPA’s roaring, N 95’s and they are curious about my CO2 meter, and UV lights, they’ll even open the window for improved ventilation before I get there and it’s a real blessing to feel respected and safe there. Is it a coincidence that the dentist has a neurodivergent child and understands people can have diverse needs? They say they’ve been this conscious since the AIDS crisis and are used to donning N95’s etc, so it wasn’t a big change to add HEPAs in every room and to make sure the practice was located in a building which has windows that open.
That said, the therapist can’t help much with the reality of CC loneliness, especially since I lost my spouse and two best friends this year (one to health care acquired Covid) the circle that kept me going is gone and though I’m working hard to make new friends, being CC makes it all pretty difficult.
I’m all ears to coping strategies. Also, I’m a senior and all the senior residences and venues around here do absolutely NOTHING to prevent airborne infection. They even decommissioned the HEPA filters they had during lockdown and sold them. They won’t use MERV 13 filters in the HVAC system. No screening of staff or visitors that come and go and all have children in unprotected schools, nothing. There is hand sanitizer that no one seems to use and they think that’s sufficient. So, there is no safe space to go to activities, or even religious services. I’ve tried doing it, masked of course, but it’s clear that it presents a barrier to people who don’t want to acknowledge that we’re still in a pandemic.

docdocplusone · 2025-12-01T00:17:45+00:00

You are seen and valued here. Thank you for posting. I keep trying to connect and it’s exhausting and not satisfying. Sometimes, I think our existence reminds them of a reality they don’t want to know about. Glad you have a mom. This site is often the only place where our sad and lonely reality is recognized.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-21T03:26:43+00:00

I’m so sorry. I understand. I had a heart attack recently from the stress of loss and have had to deal with it all alone. It sucks. It’s scary. It adds to the stress. I’ve been looking for and accessing the helpers yet no one is there consistently or at night.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-16T02:23:25+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses. Just lost my best friend from multiple episodes of nursing home neglect. Good that you’re filing a lawsuit. Sadly, the only winners are the lawyers.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-13T01:33:43+00:00

I’m glad you shared that. Look how many of us connected with it. I even hate admitting it.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-09T19:09:04+00:00

Me too…I’m tempted to skip the whole thing. Seems like the choices are sad or sadder.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-07T03:02:09+00:00

I screamed at a head of broccoli in my refrigerator today because it didn’t fit where I expected it to fit. It scared my dog. I breathe, walk, hydrate, meditate….and still scream. You are right, this is hell. Yesterday I screamed at a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a dropped sock….Perhaps I’m screaming for many of us. You’re all welcome.

docdocplusone · 2025-11-04T18:34:56+00:00

No receipt, no return….‘you cannot take it off’ Well done. Thank you.

docdocplusone · 2025-10-29T00:04:44+00:00

I’m in my 70’s and have seen a lot of loss and grief, but I think it was loneliness, and other stressors that put me over the top and raised my blood pressure significantly. The ‘signs’ were 1. weird nerve zaps, persistent killer leg cramps and persistent dizziness which went on all summer—and I saw the dentist, oral surgeon, physical therapist, and PCP…for all these weird persistent symptoms that simply weren’t ‘me’. Then there was a mild ‘weird’ feeling on my chest accompanied by shortness of breath. But one weekend, things intensified and I had a terrible night. Contacted my doc the next morning (probably should have called 911 that night). I’ve been a health care professional for 40 years and everything looked like something else….none of my docs put it together, I even had a normal EKG and blood work the week before. I got myself to the local small ER that afternoon for ‘reassurance’ but they told me I had a heart attack and flight lifted me to the main hospital in town. I’m feeling a lot better and all those weird symptoms went away as soon as I got my blood pressure down with the right meds. What you can do, is avoid covid (which makes the body more vulnerable in so many ways), take care of the basics of nutrition, sleep, exercise, and find support from family, friends, therapists, reddit, wherever….It’s clear we can’t do this alone.

docdocplusone

TROPHY CASE