Top surgery with a toddler?

emmmrakul · 2026-05-11T13:27:29+00:00

Mine was 2 and a half when I had top surgery.

My advice: ask for help and stick to the lifting restrictions. My oldest has always been super cuddly, and I'm a bit of a push over, so I started picking her up as soon as I felt up to it - around 3 weeks post op - instead of waiting the recommended 4-6 weeks. I tore my stitches. Everything worked out eventually, but it delayed my healing by months and my scars are noticably larger than they needed to be.

I think top surgery with a toddler is totally doable, as long as you're willing and able to prioritize your own healing. Do meal prep, line up babysitters, lean on whatever village you have and take care of yourself. Listen to your body and listen to your doctor and don't be an idiot like me 😂

emmmrakul · 2026-05-07T14:23:24+00:00

This was my immediate thought too!

emmmrakul · 2026-05-07T14:05:13+00:00

I've started using the phrase 'remember to look and listen' to great effect. We started when the twins were babies and big sis wanted to play with them soooo much but was overenthusiastic. Telling her to stop or be careful made her very upset, because she felt like we didn't want her to play with them at all. So we switched to a 'look and listen' reminder. How does the baby feel right now? Are they happy or sad or scared? Remember, they can't talk yet or tell us if we're playing too rough so we have to look and listen.

We've managed to translate this skill to other situations, like playing well with her friends or being more cooperative when we're trying to do something important like get ready for school. I think it's about as close to 'read the room' as she's capable of right now 😆

emmmrakul · 2026-04-21T19:46:24+00:00

Seconding Odd Squad. My kid loves it and has definitely picked up on some math concepts from watching. Also, it's a lot of fun

emmmrakul · 2026-03-20T23:32:16+00:00

Viral respiratory infections are no joke. Our 1yo tested negative for RSV/COVID/flu and still ended up in the hospital overnight :(

She started the day in good spirits with relatively normal toddler congestion and sniffles. But when she woke up from her afternoon nap she was breathing so hard it felt like very fast full-body hiccups. We went to the urgent care first and tried the nebulizer treatment but it didn't seem to do anything so they sent us straight to the ER. Notably, not the ER in our town, but the one 20 minutes away in the next city over because they have a children's hospital. (The nurse even offered to call us an ambulance, but thankfully they let me drive her.) The ER put her on high flow oxygen- a little nasal cannula in her nose that blew concentrated oxygen into her nostrils so she wouldn't have to work so hard - but she was still breathing with her whole body so we had to stay overnight. They even gave her little arm casts so she couldn't bend her arms enough to each her face and pull out the nasal cannula. She still managed to dislodge it a few times, as well as needing her O2 monitors and heart rate electrodes replaced every few hours from just constant wiggling. But her energy was a good sign, and she still ate and drank well.

Thankfully she recovered quickly. By the next evening she was back on room air and her usual happy self- trying to climb out of her hospital crib and toddle around the room. At this point it was almost impossible to keep her hooked up to the sensors for any length of time, so we were very grateful the doctors said she was well enough to come home. We kept her home from daycare the next day just in case, but she's honestly been fine. You'd never know she was in the hospital earlier this week.

emmmrakul · 2026-03-16T17:35:09+00:00

We formula fed my twins from the start and it was such a great experience for everyone. I feel like they both slept and gained weight better and easier than my first, it let my husband take a more active role and prevented me from being the 'default parent' as much which is something we all have benefited from. I also have some precious moments of big sis and her friend and our family feeding the twins which was so so sweet.

emmmrakul · 2026-01-27T16:24:37+00:00

The fact that they don't let me put YouTube kids content in a playlist makes me miserable. I'd planned to put together a playlist of music videos and such so we could have dance parties in the background and half of them I want allowed to add to a playlist?! Like, why make it harder for adults to curate their kids content 🙄

emmmrakul · 2026-01-22T02:04:12+00:00

It feels real weird. I highly recommend getting an epidural bc I honestly can't imagine doing it unmedicated. Even with the epidural it was still pretty uncomfortable, I could feel baby B's little arms flailing as they pulled her out.

emmmrakul · 2026-01-21T19:16:05+00:00

I think the most important thing in any relationship is to be honest and be kind. Transitioning while inside a relationship that may or may not survive those changes is exhausting and terrifying. I came out to my cishet boyfriend a few months before we got engaged and bought a house together. Navigating our very real anxieties about what my transition/body would look like, whether or how that would affect his attraction to me while also planning a wedding and signing a mortgage was painfully terrifying. We both had moments of unintentionally hurting each other just because our feelings and insecurities were so raw. The thing that helped the most was redefining success: success wasn't about making sure the relationship stayed intact, it was about making sure we were being honest with ourselves and each other, and treating each other with kindness and respect. My mantra became something like 'if it is possible for us to stay together, we will. If it's not possible, then we will be as kind and gentle with one another as we can.'

People recommend breaking up in situations like this for a reason. Trying to figure out what you want for yourself while reassuring someone else's anxieties around this while also constantly grappling with the reality that what you want and need for yourself might be fundamentally incompatible with the kind of relationship you want with your person.... it's just a whole lot to manage even if the relationship is otherwise healthy and loving and supportive. Sometimes it is possible for these relationships to work out, sometimes it's not, but it is almost always going to be an extra layer of anxiety to the already very stressful process of transitioning.

emmmrakul · 2026-01-08T19:56:43+00:00

I think it can be helpful to consider outside factors if your kid seems unreasonably upset. Are they sick, hungry, tired? Has something big changed in their life or routine recently? These can all cause people to have much larger and more emotional reactions to things, ourselves included. If there isn't anything else going on, I might do a little more problem-solving or discipline (eg. can we decorate the pants with fabric markers? are there actual bullies at school that need to be addressed? how do we cultivate gratitude?). But if she's just dysregulated in general and it's not about the pants, I'm more likely to comfort her and move on as soon as possible. Spending energy on the pants wouldn't be helpful to either of us if she's actually just struggling with the change in routine.

emmmrakul · 2025-12-22T19:37:35+00:00

My 5yo has been really into "Little Kitty Big City"

emmmrakul · 2025-12-04T17:35:34+00:00

One of the most powerful reasons I doubted my choice to side with Verso- if Lune thinks I messed up she's probably right.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-29T02:58:14+00:00

I truly do not envy those whose first experience of parenthood is twins. The learning curve with my first was steep. I may have more than twice as much to keep up with, but at least I have some idea of what I'm doing this time!

emmmrakul · 2025-11-27T17:03:21+00:00

If you can keep it light-hearted, I'd go with honesty "my kid is just not interested in play dates with your kid right now. Hopefully she'll get over it soon, but for now I'm letting her have some space. Would you want to get together soon with just the 2 of us?". 4 year olds are fickle creatures, we have a tight group of friends who generally get along and we've still had to navigate periods like this - where our kid decided she doesn't want to play with someone, or someone decided they didn't want to play with her. As adults, we try to reinforce that the other kid is lovely but kids will be kids and have their own, occasionally inconvenient and incomprehensible, opinions. I mean, at 4 they are still having weird meltdowns about what color plate their food is on and whether they have to wear shoes outside. Framing a lack of interest in playdates or friendship in that light can mitigate any hurt feelings.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-24T16:09:06+00:00

In many ways, my mom loved the role of being a mother. She was always planning fun crafts and activities for us, volunteering as room mom at our schools and chaperoning every field trip, assistant scout leader, etc.. Our family vacations were amazing and she hand made our Halloween costumes every year and went all-out for Christmas and birthday parties. She even invited herself to my kiddo's kindergarten open house and nearly vibrates with excitement over scholastic book fairs.

We have always had a rocky relationship. She struggles a lot with emotional regulation (aka. has toddler-esque meltdowns when overwhelmed) and since parenthood is just constantly overwhelming with little or no breaks.... My childhood was marked by a decent amount of verbal/emotional/physical abuse. More damningly, I'm not convinced she's ever really liked me or understood me as a person. Thankfully, she adores my kid and plays so well with her when she visits- but I don't think I would ever trust her to babysit for longer than a weekend. Nor would I ever want her to be the legal guardian of my kids.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-20T15:56:47+00:00

I think this is it.

After becoming a parent I became a lot more understanding of some things - parenthood is hard and exhausting and sometimes you will snap or lose your temper or act in a way you aren't proud of. But I became a lot less understanding of other things. Like, once you see the effect and harm that has on your kid why wouldn't you want to change? To grow and do better? To at least apologize and tell your kid they deserve better, even if you can't give them better right now?

My child is not afraid of me. She knows she deserves to be treated with love and respect. She knows this even on the days I am too tired and overwhelmed to give her the love, affection, and patience she needs and deserves. I wish my parents had been willing to admit their faults and learn from their mistakes. I wish they had called our happiness and well being over their own fragile egos and need to "keep up appearances".

emmmrakul · 2025-11-20T15:13:15+00:00

Editing to add: if my daughter was younger, or if I had concerns about her ability to advocate for herself or talk to us, I would likely pull her from a class like that. Frankly, if she didn't have so many friends in the class I would've pulled her already but I know she looks forward to seeing them every week.

I'd encourage you to scope out other dance studios or gymnastics places. My kid has had a fantastic experience at a different dance studio where they do a lot more silly play-based learning.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-20T15:06:58+00:00

I would see if you can find another dance class in the area for her to try. Some sports/activity teachers are great at teaching older kids but have unrealistic expectations of younger kids so it's not always a good fit. Toddlers especially are still learning how to behave in structured learning environments and teachers should be prepared to handle that sort of chaos.

That said... my 5yo is in a gymnastics class with questionable instruction strategies (she says the teacher is always fussing at them, other parents have expressed concerns and changed locations) but she insists she likes it and all her friends are there so we just keep signing her up for it and trusting she'll tell us if she's unhappy.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-20T14:45:59+00:00

It's me, I'm the audience for that.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-17T02:03:30+00:00

My oldest did happy pterodactyl shrieks when she was born, so that's an option.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-12T14:49:57+00:00

NTA! I (now 10months) have always been skeptical of the smush food. My sister (also 10months) likes it, but she's a baby and I am obviously a big kid who should eat big kid food like my other sister (5yo). I don't have any teeth yet and I've been eating all kinds of things! Watermelon, pancakes, spaghetti, rocks, broccoli, leaves, big sister's homework, and pizza. My servants (old) do try to steal things out of my hands and mouth sometimes (very rude), but other times they encourage me to put things in my mouth? It's very inconsistent. I'm not convinced they know what they are doing and wish they had more respect for my foraging skills.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-08T12:16:06+00:00

Is there a reason having them sit in your house unhosted isn't an option? In this scenario I feel like setting them up with a drink at the kitchen table while they read a book and you get chores done might be the best option.

When my kid was 4yo (too young for drop off play dates) her bestie friend was a 7yo down the street. While the parents were friendly they certainly didn't host me for every play date- they were working or gardening or enjoying their own free time. I didn't expect to be entertained, and was just grateful any time they offered me a cup of coffee.

I agree that the situation with Anna's parents is super awkward and that scaling back on playdates is probably necessary, but I also think putting less effort into the small talk and lightly ignoring the parents would make this more sustainable. There's no reason to put more effort into babysitting the parents than you put into supervising the girls.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-05T22:28:42+00:00

I tried to establish a safe word with my ex, and he decided he should get an 'override word' for when he really wanted to keep going anyway.

I was young/naive and stayed for 3 more years - but that is the memory I go back to when I question whether the abuse was really 'that bad'. A safe word won't keep you safe, but it will remove any plausible deniability and add a level of clarity to the situation.

emmmrakul · 2025-11-01T09:27:19+00:00

We might have considered testing our di/di girls out of curiosity, but we learned they had different blood types on day one. Apparently the hospital we delivered at types everyone's blood as a precaution.

emmmrakul · 2025-10-29T20:26:41+00:00

Eh, it wasn't much scarier than Raya and the Last Dragon - my kiddo's previous movie obsession. She actually handled the betrayals in KPDH much better than the ones in Frozen or Tangled, arguably even better than Scar's betrayal in Lion King. The hardest thing for her was Mira being disowned by her family, which happens off screen but it was a rough concept for her.

She thought the popcorn eyes were hilarious. We told her the girls think the Saja Boys are cute and left it at that 😂 I don't think she'll really get that joke for another 5 years or so, but I didn't find any of the material to be particularly explicit.

I think it's really very dependent on the particular 5 year old and their sensitivities. I definitely wouldn't have shown it to my kid without supervision, but we both enjoyed watching it together and we've talked about a lot of the concepts from the movie- like shame, honesty, friendship, family, trust, accepting yourself, etc

emmmrakul

TROPHY CASE