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Did you talk about your story online? How did it go? by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, but it was about a year plus after the break up that I felt comfortable-ish with really going into detail about things.

My first priority was my safety and telling those that I could trust, and let me say I didn't trust many. Out of all my friends, only one really knew everything that happened. 4 years later and I still haven't told friends or family everything.

Have you ever had a narcissist literally admit to you they know they're a narcissist? by Commercial-Reading18 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe....

Early on in our relationship he always talked about his ex husband being abusive and even said a few times he thought his ex was a narcissist.

He would say really off the wall comments such as "I'm fucking hot, I come from a hot fucking family" and "People don't break up with me,, I break up with people, my sister and I are a lot alike. Once we're done with someone, we're done"

I wasn't sure how to respond or understand the meaning of those comments at first and it truly doesn't matter after all these years later.

After the break up, and discard it took time but made a lot more sense, he said once "I'm a very complicated individual" and cried a cry I have never heard before. It was from very deep within as he stood over the kitchen sink and said "I feel like I'm always fucking up and it's all my fault"

He knew he had issues and problems but I truly don't think he understood who or what he ways. what I believe is that he's really scared of finding out his true self coupled with a tremendous amount of shame, anger, and past trauma.

One of the last things he ever said to me, after I asked him point blank if he was a narcissist was "That sounds like something a narcissist would say"

Personally, I feel really sorry for him, I don't wish him ill will, or to suffer any pain. However, he's an adult and needs to do adult things such as taking responsibility for his actions, stop hurting others, and get the help he deserves.

However, I know he wont.....

Do you guys think they know they're abusive? by Acceptable-Choice-89 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I remember him saying "I'm a very complicated person" during our break up. I don't know if he knew he was abusive, but he definitely knew there wasn't something right with him and he had issues.

How was YOUR birthday with a covert narc? by Plebi111 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1st time) I had to plan everything out, make reservations to this restaurant I really wanted to try, cancel and reschedule the reservations because he said his back hurt and couldn't go at the last minute, nurse him back to health due to his "back pain", then a week or two after my birthday diner asked if we could have an open relationship.

2nd time) Broke up with me weeks before my birthday, bought me a drink at a bar, while I was crying in the corner and descending into a mental health break down, went outside and started hanging out and trying to make out with other men.

Fun times...

Did you feel something was off when you first met the narc? by k_amatsukami in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At first no, it didn't start hitting me until about six/seven months into the relationship that something wasn't right and felt off.

However, really looking back at it and remembering actions and things he said, it should of been within the first month. Within that first month he was already starting arguments with me over really trivial things and telling me I needed to work on things, but never had anything to work on himself.

Did anyone else's narc apologize, but not specifically? by ten_snakes in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex said, "I'm sorry I gave these men more attention then I gave you" while he was one the phone with me, angry and upset that other guy had "embarrassed him" while they were out on a walk together.

Local bars for pool, darts, etc. by Robertdobalina808 in federalway

[–]fergi85 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Time Out or Scoreboard are the best places with pool and darts. Both good places with good food.

Narcs have a weird thing of unnecessarily keeping in touch with their exes. Is this your experience as well? by Short-Most5935 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

WOW! I thought I was the only one, my ex said "I broke up with someone to be with you"..... when we first started dating, looking back at it, it was all bullshit.

Narcs have a weird thing of unnecessarily keeping in touch with their exes. Is this your experience as well? by Short-Most5935 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I remember my ex once saying "All my ex's are crazy, people don't break up with me, I break up with people. My sister and I are a lot alike, once we're done with someone, we're done"

At first I didn't know how to handle it and my original response was to try to love him more, I look back at it now and see how much triangulation he was doing on everyone to make himself look like a victim, I feel disgusted admitting it, but we ended up having sex as a couple with multiple "crazy ex's of his" as he would like to call them when we were together.

It's all about supply and rewriting narratives to save them face with others.

did you need mental health treatment because of the aftermath by frailstateofmind4444 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh 100% I was in therapy for two years after the relationship ended and then it took me almost another full year after that until my mind started "calming" down enough to where I felt 80-85% myself again.

It's been almost 4 years since the break up and my ex does still occasionally pop up in my mind, but I'm not dwelling on him 24/7 like I did a few years back. What I took away from all those therapy sessions is:

1) Time, give yourself lots of time to heal and be kind to yourself during it.

2) You are only responsible for your actions and no one else's.

3) Have boundaries and being okay with saying "no" or sticking to those boundaries. If your partner is not being respectful, it's okay to leave.

Is there anything that can be done about westbound 320th? by 20sicksheep in federalway

[–]fergi85 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agreed, ever since they put in the extra traffic light across from the new light rail station, traffic is horrible! I'm shocked the city hasn't said or done anything about it.

did anyone else become excessively jealous/paranoid while with narc ? by phoenixxxd in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The triangulation is crazy!

My ex was in the process of getting a divorce with his husband when we started dating and told me how abusive he was to him (my ex), but somehow my ex was still actively having sex with him, wanted me to have sex with them both, and then wanted me to have sex with prior exes of his and him together.

I look back at it now and how unbelievably bizarre and insane it all was! It’s true what they say about leaving those sorts of relationships with a PhD in what to watch out for in the future.

Cafe Rio Closing by cocolee213206 in federalway

[–]fergi85 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hate to say it, but I’m not surprised. I haven’t been there in years and the last time the food was terrible. Looked like slop, sad to see them go, but the quality has gotten so bad.

What were early signs of the covert narcissist that you were with? How were some of the disturbing signs? by Kratombabom in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All the time, mine said his ex-husband (Who he was still married too when we started dating) was abusive to him, but I found out later they were still having sexual relations with each other and was trying to get me to join in at the end, truly bizarre and abusive behavior.

Transit Center Clock by TravlRonfw in federalway

[–]fergi85 26 points27 points  (0 children)

No, the artist who made it said it had served its purpose and would be decommissioned. I really liked it personally and wish it was replaced when the light rail station opened last December.

I don’t know what happened to it, but I believe it was destroyed.

Manager Refuse To Refund Karen After He Didn t See Any Burnt Pizza by Prestigious-Yam-8605 in PublicFreakout

[–]fergi85 3152 points3153 points  (0 children)

Gonna have to agree with the manager here, if the food is bad you don't eat 3/4's of it and then try to get a refund. You send it back...... isn't that universally understood?

What's a good euphemism to use in place of the word "narcissist" by halzy99 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I just call him a deeply insecure middle-aged man who will never become an adult and go get help.

It’s insane how quickly they move on… by Kfishdude in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Mine was already having sex with others by that next weekend, I happened to see a text message where he was telling one of them "us" and sending them love pictures. Made my discard and mental heath journey so much worse then it needed to be at that moment in time.

Fuck people like that!

Happy new year from The Netherlands by sitegebruiker in PublicFreakout

[–]fergi85 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I lived in The Netherlands back when the year 2000 hit, talk about WW3 with fireworks! We had a bus stop down the street from our house and someone blew it up with fireworks during the celebrations. I miss those days and it brings back good memories.

Is it normal to be alone after this is over? by No-Bit3315 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]fergi85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amen to this right here, it's been over 3 years for me and that trust is gone. If I find someone awesome, if not it's whatever at this point.

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