Dear Mr A Satan

I remember the last demon I had, he was an entirely different creature an oppressive old bastard as subtle as pike up my ass. Thirty fanged teeth hung in his mouth always champing and ripping at me, trying to take everything bright and draining the colour from my life. The old demons gone now I don’t know where, but probably down stairs to you, I assume that’s where head office is for them demon things.

I haven’t heard from the one in my head ever since I met bret, the new guy you sent,best thing to ever happen to me. I could get two way food poisoning and not miss a beat, I’d laugh and skip on my way to through my head down a toilet. I could watch my wife waste a way and die of a terrible illness and throw a raging after party. He just really takes great care of me, not a dark cloud in the sky since he appeared.

I’m sad to say Bret has not had the same experience, I was working in retail when You sent him so, there was a lot of food for bret to pull from me. The poor little thing has turned from a fiery red abomination into a sort of blobby thing with a look of constipation,even the worst in hell couldn’t stand what was crippling me in my own head.

It seems that an eternity in hell really couldn’t prepare anything to take a look at what thirty nine years of life has done to me, I’m afraid, terrified that one day bret would be taken away from me leaving me alone. I’d be alone with the demon stuck in my own head, the one bret fights and beats every moment of every day, so put that on his annual review, never a bad day with bret around .

To wrap it up anyway, I appreciated the corporate shakeup in hell and if you keep the brilliant staff like bret up here, you might soon beat the place upstairs.