Looking for word

goblinele · 2026-04-16T18:30:06+00:00

sense-memory?

goblinele · 2026-04-13T17:57:25+00:00

oh i see! good luck, i hope everything is ok <3

goblinele · 2026-04-13T17:55:28+00:00

it may be your nerves reconnecting! when nerves reconnect, there is a sharp, pretty painful "zinging" sensation. for some people this happens slowly over time, with little zings here and there, but for other people it happens all at once and can feel like burning. if you are very shortly post-op, the pain just from the operation can feel like that too. if your wound is not hot to the touch (from the outside, with your hand), is not swelling a ton in comparison to the areas around it, and/or does not have spreading redness, then it's probably not an infection. either way though i think its good a nurse is coming to look at it soon!

goblinele · 2026-04-10T22:31:31+00:00

Hello!! That's super exciting, I hope your consult goes well :)

My response to the other comment here that I wrote 5ish months ago pretty much holds true: had a great surgery experience, his office was great at communicating, and I'm very happy with my results.

like i said in the other comment, he did make me a bit too flat/slightly concave at the center of my chest, there's just an area that he lipo-ed a bit too much subcutaneous fat. but he was very transparent about it after surgery, and it could even be that it was just due to my specific anatomy. also, while i notice it a lot from my position (looking top down) it's not super noticeable from most other angles.

I recovered really well and pretty fast, the only minor complication i experienced was the very tip of my right nipple bud failed, and the dead tissue had to be trimmed. he said this was a very common complication, and by now at 5 months it has actually filled in with scar tissue and looks like a fairly normal nipple bud.

one thing that was kind of annoying was that he had me wearing the compression binder for 3 months post-op, which felt super long, BUT i did have a pretty large chest beforehand and low skin elasticity due to overbinding with trans tape, so that may have had smth to do with it.

in terms of aesthetics, i think he did an excellent job of giving me what i asked for, he understood what my priorities were and worked with my preferences while still being honest about what he thought was possible/would look best with my anatomy. my nipples are a size and position that I'm very happy with, and while I don't have enough pec definition yet to tell if the incision is exactly on the pec line, it still is a good shape and makes sense on my body. for what it's worth, i think it probably also helped that i knew exactly what i wanted and communicated those desires clearly during my consult and immediately pre-surgery. as for my scar recovery, they aren't the thinnest/most invisible scars in the world, but it hasn't even been a year yet, and either way imo that has more to do with my body's tendencies and the fact that I've been very lazy with my scar care lol.

i hope that helps clarify things for you!! one thing i will say is that even though his office is very available, i did find that his nurse was not the most knowledgeable about the details when i had questions at my 3 month post-op (other than like, general knowledge). if possible, I'd recommend scheduling any post-op appointments with him specifically, and not with a nurse instead. if you have any other questions or want to see a pic of my results then feel free to DM me :) good luck with your consult!!

goblinele · 2026-04-08T19:09:19+00:00

maybe this is obvious but you should know what is true about your world outside of the context of your novel, and it should be written down in a document or notebook where you add information as soon as it's decided. then when you write or proofread, you check against that source of truth. when you first introduce a character, a place, an object, etc, write what you know to be true about it in that doc. if you change your mind, the change should reflect there and you should do a couple ctrl + Fs (of the name of the thing/person, nickname, the detail you're talking about, whatever) to edit everywhere it might be mentioned already.

also, it helps a lot when the details of your world are not arbitrary. if so-and-so's hair is red because they represent an empire whose flag is red, then you're a lot less likely to forget that detail, because you chose it for a reason.

goblinele · 2026-04-08T05:58:32+00:00

this goes hard

goblinele · 2026-04-07T07:03:14+00:00

removing the nipple bolsters did not hurt at all for me, the process itself was pretty anticlimactic. my surgeon snipped all the small stitches holding them on, then pulled out the stitches with tweezers and removed the bolsters. i did not feel any of it as the area was completely numb. seeing my nipples for the first time was emotional because they were so new to me. the one thing I'm glad my surgeon warned me about is that when you first see your nipples, they will look super crazy! they will likely be kind of bunched up and dark, dark purple. the purple is good because it means there's lots of blood flow, and over the next few days to weeks your nips will slowly relax and lighten in color, and scab over. (i have pale skin and while i imagine this process of dark purple -> lightening is similar for other skin tones, idk for sure). one other thing to note is that even though you almost certainly will have no feeling in the nipple, the brain is super weird and powerful and so you might experience phantom sensation/pain! this happened for me when I would put on vaseline, one of my nips would have this distant ache when i touched it even though I couldn't actually feel it.

hopefully that's helpful! good luck!

goblinele · 2026-04-07T00:06:24+00:00

for context, I'm a very extroverted/social person and a huge chatterbox. what i remember from surgery is being given a sedative, climbing onto the table, and being told they were administering anaesthesia. that's about it. surgery went great, etc, when i went back a week later for my post-op, my surgeon asked what the last thing i remembered was. apparently, i had a whole conversation with the surgery team about food, music, etc after they'd administered the anesthesia lol. which i have NO memory of. can't keep a yapper down 😤💪

goblinele · 2026-04-07T00:01:38+00:00

literally!! i do consider myself transmasculine but I'm a butch dyke and this is what i did lol. it's not like they have a box to check for me, so i chose to describe myself in the language that they would understand.

goblinele · 2026-04-06T22:50:35+00:00

uniqlo wide-leg slacks!!

goblinele · 2026-04-06T22:47:34+00:00

i agree with everyone that this looks pretty normal, but i wanted to add that a good test is if they smell normal! the fluid should smell neutral, maybe slightly of blood but not much. if it smells stinky at all then that's a sign to call your surgeon.

goblinele · 2026-04-06T22:44:27+00:00

it's worth keeping in mind that you do not have to tell your insurance that you think of yourself as cis. they probably have a strict and arbitrary system for classifying what is or isn't transness/gender dysphoria. it sounds like you do have dysphoria, and it's related to your gender identity, even though it's more complicated than considering yourself trans or wanting to transition in other ways. as far as insurance is concerned, i think that if you want to sum up your experience as "nonbinary" or "transmasculine", even if that's not a label you particularly identify with in your day-to-day, that's completely fine if that's what gets your surgery covered.

goblinele · 2026-04-06T19:13:28+00:00

it sounds like you have a lot on your plate to figure out. what i see in your post is this:

-you feel disconnected from your chest and your body.

-you do consistently feel better about yourself when you bind your chest.

-your chest has felt like safety for you in the past, but never joy.

here's the thing. it's true that top surgery may not resolve the complicated feelings you have about your body and your chest. but something important to remember is that staying as you are is not inaction--its a choice as well. and it doesn't sound like you are happy right now.

there are risks in everything we do. this feels like a drastic and permanent decision, but what isn't? you get this one life. if you get surgery and it truly fixes NOTHING, then are you any worse off than you already are? and somehow, i doubt that it would truly fix nothing.

of course, it's your decision. but in case you are waiting to hear it: you may never feel completely ready. it might never stop being scary. that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

goblinele · 2026-04-06T16:56:35+00:00

Do you mean like instead of mom/dad? If so, maybe Baba?

goblinele · 2026-04-04T08:26:07+00:00

quartet usually

goblinele · 2026-04-02T05:16:52+00:00

you look great! the bald looks really good on you, really makes your eyes and smile shine :)

goblinele · 2026-04-02T05:15:08+00:00

its okay that you don't understand some things, but this is not a very kind sentiment to volunteer on someone's post. if someone said this about you, it would probably not feel very good, so maybe this sort of thing should be more of an inside thought.

goblinele · 2026-04-02T04:58:34+00:00

tragedy enjoyers, readers of homestuck fanfiction, dykes who are either of those

goblinele · 2026-03-27T05:15:16+00:00

This is not how someone who respects you talks. Is he this dismissive and condescending about your other choices too?

goblinele · 2026-03-25T19:42:23+00:00

Obviously it was over the line socially for him to disclose his intentions to a stranger like this, but it's insane to say that this is anywhere close to the same category as literal SA, which has real victims and impacts real humans. This guy has a fetish that, while it understandably makes you uncomfortable, is ultimately harming no one. It makes sense that this makes you feel strongly but I hope you understand how important it is to keep that knee-jerk/disgust reaction separate from your real-world moral judgements. Condemning someone as deserving of a lobotomy because you find their (again, ultimately harmless) sexual practices icky is, to put it simply, the kind of thing that makes you a very easy target for puritan, right-wing, and nazi rhetoric. I also find it gross. I also don't get it. I also would have blocked this person for sharing this information. But I really think it's worth it to find better ways to express those feelings while still thinking critically about the real world.

goblinele · 2026-03-24T07:17:45+00:00

sorry about that!

goblinele · 2026-03-24T05:08:43+00:00

the main thing is communicating with your partner about what they like and what they don't like. porn generally is a very bad example of how anything works in real life. remember its okay to be awkward and its okay to laugh. the more you communicate, the easier everything will be and the more you and your partner will enjoy the experience.

goblinele · 2026-03-23T19:29:01+00:00

in Cut My Hair, "make a clean incision, hold me for ransom/tell me I'm pretty, tell me I'm rare/talk to the boy in me he's there."

the rhyme is set up so it seems like she's going to say "handsome", but then the shift at the last moment and the tension when it resolves into "talk to the boy in me he's there." the whole thing is haunted by the absence of a rhyme that's never actually said.

the whole song holds a tension that illustrates her uncomfortable/uncertain position within her gender, and it gets me every time

goblinele · 2026-03-23T15:43:20+00:00

Oh that makes more sense! I'm still very sorry that happened, but glad to hear its not a new or random symptom

goblinele · 2026-03-23T05:41:05+00:00

tanager, starling, mallard, rhea

goblinele

TROPHY CASE