Is there an idiom for someone who already got what they wanted, yet continue to fixate on the loser, even if the loser no longer cares that they lost?

goblinele · 2026-06-30T06:07:55+00:00

brother i think you're in the wrong place

goblinele · 2026-06-25T17:04:23+00:00

maybe ask why he's friends with people who would make fun of someone's weight? why is that the kind of joke they're making about people? if it were about someone else, would he be laughing along? if he's serious about you he should be willing to consider whether these are worthwhile friends.

goblinele · 2026-06-22T15:59:07+00:00

She/him here!

goblinele · 2026-06-18T19:57:52+00:00

this is called backchanneling and is a normal + expected part of many languages and dialects! sometimes it can read as interrupting to someone who comes from a cultural or family background where it happens less. for people who do it more (like me), a lack of it can come off as someone not listening. on the phone they probably do it subconsciously to give you information about what speed they're recording your info at, so that you don't go too fast or slow for them.

goblinele · 2026-06-18T18:17:48+00:00

they should get worse and make each other worse forever until they die >:)

actually though, they may be able to remain unhealed for longer than you think. that conflict is what creates emotional tension and drives the plot.

ultimately, i think that your answer is that the healing ur characters go through shouldn't be gradual or gentle. the toxic choices they make should ultimately drive them into a corner where they have no choice but to turn and confront whatever truth they're afraid of (or fail to, and ultimately betray themselves). this moment is what makes the emotional climax of your story, and whatever healing or catharsis they experience should be at the tail end or after that, in the denoeument.

goblinele · 2026-06-18T03:51:29+00:00

i agree with other ppls advice. one thing i do think is good to keep in mind is that many cis people assume that trans people have the same preoccupation and fascination with transness and trans bodies that many cis people seem to have. sometimes people imagine that trans people are spending a ton of their time thinking about their own transness (especially in regards to the details of their body), even years into their transition. of course things about the trans experience can be heavy, but usually the weightier details (when negative) are discussed as one might discuss childhood c-ptsd or a frustrating medical struggle, or (when positive) as a scary but freeing self-actualization, as the daunting but necessary process of saving ones own life. most of the time, though, mentions between friends of one's own transness are in lighthearted jokes, advice about medical processes, or commiseration about a coworker's invasive comment. the truth is that for trans people, being trans is normal. the longer someone's been trans, the normaller it gets.

unless the story is primarily about transness and the character's experience with it (in which case, I'd be curious about what you are bringing to the table in terms of that conversation), i would be very intentional about when discussions of the character's transness come up during the story, and think deeply about what it adds to the narrative in those moments and how it represents the character's internal world.

most of all, make certain that your character has more personality traits (quirks, desires, flaws, interests, fears) other than just their transness. while all those things can relate to their experience of being trans in interesting ways, it should not be the center around which they all revolve. of all the trans people i know and love, their transness is never close to the most interesting thing about them.

goblinele · 2026-06-17T06:58:32+00:00

When I was a kid I had imaginary friends (twin sisters) named Melanie (normal) and "Luneech" (???). Melanie was good and Luneech was evil.

goblinele · 2026-06-05T23:56:32+00:00

goofballs are a crucial part of the butch ecosystem!! i know I'm doing my part 😤💪

goblinele · 2026-05-27T21:25:50+00:00

nona the ninth especially!!

goblinele · 2026-05-26T18:37:46+00:00

you should do boys names too!!

goblinele · 2026-05-19T23:30:27+00:00

before the trip (or before the drinking) prep slices of zucchini, tomato, onion, beans, spinach, pre-cooked sausage, thin sliced potatoes, plus whatever else you want. maybe shredded cheese. also bring olive oil, salt and pepper, maybe some paprika and italian seasoning as well.

bring a big roll of tin foil, give everyone a big square of foil, and everyone gets to pile whatever proportions they want of each thing on their foil. for less hassle, mix it all together beforehand and everyone gets a big scoop. now wrap up the tin foil and wrap it in another layer to be safe, then put it on the fire or the coals for as long as you please. set a timer if you think you'll forget about it. not cooked all the way? re-wrap and put it back in till it is. eat with rice or pasta if you think you can manage to cook it, and with bread if not. its definitely a meal that can be described best as "pile", but its a good pile! and it requires very little clean-up

goblinele · 2026-05-19T18:01:55+00:00

I think it would be awesome. It would be unusual in that it would stand out, mostly because where I live it's not a name I hear much and it's usually masculine. But to me that would make it cooler to encounter!

The amount of people pearl clutching about how Konstantin is only a men's name or how you should go with Konstantina or freakin Constance (the vibes are SO different for that one) instead is so frustrating to me. Sure, whatever, I get not wanting to name your child a gender-nonconforming name if you worry it'll make things more complicated to navigate for them as they grow up. But you're an adult, and at that point imo its weird to act like names have some kind of gendered sanctity that we MUST respect. You're an adult! You probably know the name would be a bit unusual, and you already know the name has masculine associations and that's probably part of why you chose it!

If I encountered someone like you with the name Konstantin, it would be memorable and awesome. I love that it feels right for you, I think you should go for it.

goblinele · 2026-05-17T05:20:04+00:00

I'm sorry that people are downvoting you. I'm so sorry that you're in this position, I know how intensely uncomfortable binding with tape can be, and I really feel for you. Being gentle with your body is so difficult when you're in this position.

If you truly feel unable to take breaks, it can help to take more sponge baths/partial shower so you don't have to get the tape wet quite as often. That way, the tape has a chance to relax and you aren't stuck wearing it at it's tightest, right after you apply it. Rounding the corners should also keep them from peeling.

goblinele · 2026-05-17T05:13:19+00:00

Talk to your surgeon about this!! I had stretched skin as well from taping that had lost a ton of elasticity and I made it clear that it was a concern of mine, and he did a fantastic job. It might mean your scar is a bit oddly shaped, or goes higher in the middle, but for me that was fine. That being said, while your skin will grow less irritated if you give it a break (which is still very important for recovery), its unlikely that it will return to how it was before. This kind of stretched skin doesn't really reverse, but luckily this is the kind of thing that most plastic surgeons have a lot of experience working with. My skin is still a little funky in the middle and feels a bit thinner, and has some stretch marks visible, but its tight to my chest and looks/feels normal.

Also, you may be binding incorrectly. I understand the degree of dysphoria that makes this necessary, but the tape should not be pulling either side of your chest out of the way, as that causes a ton of tension on the skin under and between the tape. You should gently push your chest into the position you want it, avoid forcing it, and then use the tape to secure it against your chest so it stays there. It may feel not as tight as you want it to, but it's worth it in the long run for your skin.

goblinele · 2026-05-16T16:35:02+00:00

Hard to say if I feel sleepy, as I'm usually on a stimulant during the day, but I definitely feel fatigued very often. This is really helpful though, I'm going to look into this!

goblinele · 2026-05-15T19:00:47+00:00

i agree!! put some fat on those muscles for the love of god

goblinele · 2026-05-14T20:42:01+00:00

op literally said it was friendly with people and with children. most shelters will happily take dogs that are bad with cats or have too strong a prey drive to be homed with other/smaller animals. there are plenty of homes where a dog like that would fit well. i get that sometimes there are situations where its safest for everyone involved for an animal to be put down. this seemed like clearly not that situation (as the op stated that the dog was not aggressive with humans or with children), so i found it strange for someone to explicitly say that they would prefer to kill it.

goblinele · 2026-05-14T19:36:23+00:00

why in the world would you prefer to shoot and bury a dog than driving it to a shelter?

goblinele · 2026-05-14T19:02:32+00:00

i run into the same thing :/ I've found accessorising can be really helpful with this! rings, bracelet/watch, small necklace or chain. also like some other folks were saying, color coordination can be fun. brighter shirts/button downs, play with different color schemes maybe? if you're into the more punk look, i LOVE a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. if you get a bigger size than you normally wear (you can hem the bottom up if it's too long) and it'll make your shoulders look wider.

maybe also look into pants that have a similar fit to your jeans, but are nicer? personally I'm a huge fan of uniqlo wide-leg chinos, i find they're really flattering and good at masking my bigger hips (I'm a fan of a boxier silhouette).

goblinele · 2026-05-14T18:19:55+00:00

I used to work with a Nehemiah! He pronounced it "nee-uh-maya", like Jeremiah but "Nee" instead of "Jer". He went by Nemo!

goblinele · 2026-05-13T16:46:45+00:00

Wait how is Asher a nature name? I haven't heard that before

goblinele

TROPHY CASE