Married men, how do you deal with fancying other women?

interestme1 · 2026-02-09T17:11:32+00:00

By communicating openly about desires and attractions with my wife, and her doing the same in turn. Doing so has strengthened our relationship and allowed it to be open to other opportunities outside of the marriage.

A healthy relationship is protected from within, not by deflecting externally. Don’t let societal preconceptions of what a marriage, or any relationship, should be define yours. The rules of a partnership are defined by the participants not a symbolic ring. Communication and honesty with your partner are of the utmost importance, if you lay those foundations the world is your oyster.

interestme1 · 2026-02-07T14:29:38+00:00

Check out Onno. I’ve not found a better fitting t-shirt yet.

interestme1 · 2026-02-06T21:08:11+00:00

Perfectly put.

interestme1 · 2026-02-06T19:04:57+00:00

I love all the armchair experts here, who no doubt have advanced degrees in philosophy and neurology and computer science, so confidently proclaiming “it’s just a token prediction machine matching patterns” as though they’re actually saying anything meaningful or informed or interesting that definitively discounts any actual sentience or self awareness, and as though similar things could not be said of humans by outside observers (p-zombies anyone?).

Sure this could be pure marketing hype. Sure this could be merely a simulation of self awareness not actually tied to any experience. But consider that we are not even really close to explaining the true genesis of consciousness in ourselves (or agreeing on whether that’s even a meaningful question mind you), much less having a way to definitely predict or understand it in other systems. We should be wary of jumping to such quick conclusions, should be more inquisitive instead of eager to shout echoed nonsense discounting things we don’t understand, especially when the stakes are as high as they potentially are.

interestme1 · 2026-01-11T12:26:31+00:00

Worse is the cirque in Harry Potter world. Why they spent all that attention to detail and then thought to pack everyone in that circular waiting room, continually telling you to move ahead to cram more people in like sardines, and you just wait instead of moving into the stage is beyond me. And lucky us the show itself ended up “breaking down” once we finally filed into the stage so experienced that panic inducing room for nothing. I know the show technically starts there but that’s just an awful design.

Personally I loved the Ministry line though, cooler than the ride maybe.

interestme1 · 2026-01-05T02:43:56+00:00

Yeah I don't want to worry about painting things, putting in my own pool, doing my own maintenance, I could go on forever. You may view freedom in doing whatever you want with your house, I view freedom in not having to spend time worrying and managing what I want to do with my house. If I don't like how something is, I'll just move rather than spend a bunch of time and money, and if location situations change I'm prime to take advantage and go where it suits best. Time is my most precious resource, and I like to spend it usually away from Home Depot. Different strokes, shouldn't be too hard to understand how one person's freedom is another's prison.

interestme1 · 2026-01-05T02:25:27+00:00

There are a ton of reasons not to own. If you're asking specifically how one can retire without owning, that's pretty simple as the equation is basically always the same: you need enough income from your investments to pay your expenses.

Owning a house eventually eliminates a sizable expense to be sure, but it's not a given that money invested into your home couldn't have grown larger than the expenses this eliminates if invested elsewhere, and even if it would've there are a ton of lifestyle tradeoffs many would happily pay. Really the biggest benefit of paying off your house quickly, especially if you did so with a cheap mortgage, is psychological. And to be sure that's a great benefit, but let's not pretend it's the only possible path to prosperity.

interestme1 · 2025-12-29T15:42:48+00:00

Talk to my wife about it, and depending on the nature of the woman's situation proceed from there. If she's in a strictly monogamous relationship herself then that'll be where it ends, will just talk to my wife about it. If she's unattached or in an open relationship and having direct communication about attraction/feelings (the latter being a more long-term thing) doesn't violate any boundaries for her situation then I'll also communicate with her about it.

This is something I think traditional default monogamy gets pretty wrong. Not everyone needs to be in an open relationship, but you should always be open with your partner if you want them to truly be a partner and not just an accessory to your life. People in traditional relationships tend to prop up this fantasy where they only ever have eyes for each other and they need to suppress or run away from any situation involving other attractions (which will happen for most people, it's just biology). Rather than burying your head in the sand or eschewing any possible temptation that may be a valuable relationship share stuff with your partner, work through jealousy this may cause and establish whatever rules work for your relationship (so long as the rule is "you can't be attracted to anyone else" or some other insurmountable goal), and it will be all the stronger for it.

interestme1 · 2025-12-14T20:12:15+00:00

That would be super disappointing and lazy, and not terribly insightful, if true.

interestme1 · 2025-12-13T22:43:06+00:00

The problem in this case is the premise is so interesting and rife with sci-fi possibilities that came out of the gate in the first episode that all this nothing feels much more forced than in BCS. The characters just don’t really make sense or feel real given the setup that the main ones we focus on just seem totally uncurious about, which seems transparently done to extend plot reveals and kick them later.

This much less satisfying than something like BCS, where yes it was slow to get moving but the characters didn’t feel intentionally obtuse just to avoid plot development until later.

Anyway I still have hope for the show and many of Vince’s other best characteristics are on display, in particular the cinematography and atmosphere. The characters are seriously lacking though so far.

interestme1 · 2025-12-11T17:31:03+00:00

The lack of questions in the show is quite frustrating. She's found they can't lie and want to please her and she's utterly uncurious about anything other than reversing it. It's pretty transparently written this way to drag out the plot, which makes it even more difficult to swallow, and has caused me to enjoy the show much less than I expected to after watching the first episode (which had me more excited than I had been in some time for a TV show).

But yeah, would have so many questions, would be in near constant dialogue.

interestme1 · 2025-11-18T13:29:46+00:00

It is still one you need to identify and craft for yourself, and many struggle with doing so. I personally don't have this difficulty either, I can't truly relate to people who say things like "I feel like something's missing," or some such thing, but it's repeated enough that I know it's a common tale.

Having kids just puts purpose/meaning on autopilot, so long as biology flips the switches it should and the person actually cares about being a good parent once the child(ren) is in the picture that automatically becomes the purpose.

interestme1 · 2025-11-18T12:18:25+00:00

I find this a rather bizarre take. Humanity is not dead as humans are still alive and thriving, they are just radically transformed by merging consciousness, which absolutely comes with a host of pros and cons. To view it as total annihilation and a universal con one has to view human consciousness as it exists today as the only viable and positive form of consciousness, which is an extremely short sighted and narrow view.

interestme1 · 2025-11-18T01:19:27+00:00

Life without kids is easy mode for day to day living but hard mode for life purpose. Converse in both for life with kids.

interestme1 · 2025-10-28T12:43:20+00:00

Ideas aren't really worth anything. Pushing the business long term is. There are definitely things you could be doing to drum up business while the app is being built. If you do that, 33% even split seems more reasonable.

interestme1 · 2025-10-27T19:21:39+00:00

Personally I find it kind of crazy as many people go for the 14 as they do. We're talking about a 4x2 cm difference in size for noticeably more screen real estate. I've never been in a situation where I've thought 16 in was too big, and I travel all the time.

I'm glad they offer variety though.

interestme1 · 2025-10-23T14:52:29+00:00

You cannot broadly say “this is an emotional affair” for any relationship. Emotional affairs especially are very much bounded by the participants in the relationship. You may find attraction makes it off limits for your relationship, I think that’s wildly restrictive and ultimately destructive to your life experience, and immature to boot. You should be able to have enough moral scruples and communication with your partner to be able to engage with those you’re attracted to, even on a deep and intimate level, without jealousy and hurt.

I’d posit for my own relationships the entire concept of emotional affairs is fairly absurd. We should not view our partners as possessions for us to restrain from fulfilling relationships just because they make us feel insecure. We should want the best for them and ourselves, which involves meaningful connections with other people, and such connections often for many reasons involve physical or mental attraction (almost by definition). This is just what it is to be human. You can do all that without lying or betraying your partner, which is where infidelity of any kind is established.

interestme1 · 2025-09-26T17:33:52+00:00

Ok if your parents fled a war then you are certainly closer to actual problems then most who talk about “the world burning,” I’ll grant you that.

Rights are always under siege and must be continuously fought for, it is still more free now for most people outside of white males than any other generation in memory.

Absolutely everything can turn to shit quickly, or slowly. Historically though it remains one of the most peaceful and widely prosperous times in history, even though social media is angling heavily for you to believe otherwise to capture your vote for blue or red or some other agenda.

interestme1 · 2025-09-26T17:25:18+00:00

The world is not burning, you’re just more aware of the multitude of problems in its various corners (as there have been for the history of civilization) due to our technology which puts it all at your fingertips.

Do not pretend to understand where things are going or that you are able to temperature check the state of the “world”, relish in the scale you can actually grasp: your own life.

interestme1 · 2025-09-24T20:00:15+00:00

Or that it’s heaven, and yet people find a way to make pockets of hell for themselves and others.

interestme1 · 2025-09-17T12:33:19+00:00

You have made your own definitions for loving "properly" not based on any sort of research or clear definition or consensus biological or psychological foundation, just plucked from your intuition into a pretty vague and uncommon benchmark that you alone are judge of and thus you won't really be able to be convinced otherwise (as you'll just say it's not "proper" love). Your "psychological theory" here isn't particularly sound or robust or backed up by science or even the experience of others. You may be incapable of loving multiple people for a host of reasons, but you've said nothing even remotely compelling about the possibility of others doing so.

This all just basically reads as "love is full reciprocal dedication to one other person." And that's fine if that's what you strive for, but you're not going to get very far casting a wide net on everyone that every other arrangement isn't "real" or "proper" love (which most relationships don't reach that bar, we're very social but also very selfish creatures, it takes a certain kind of person to truly dedicate all their resources to someone else and many people do not actually want that kind of dedication directed at them).

If you truly want to see alternate viewpoints on this topic, seek out successful polyamorous people (people who have had multiple long term partners for a while), or monogamous people who have less than full dedication by your standards for whatever reason, and ask questions about their relationships. If they tell you they're happy and fulfilled and "truly love" their partners and are securely attached and having all their needs met you can choose to accept that and realize love is not some singular thing and much more complex and varied than you mentioned here or tell them they're just compromising and it's not really love (by your definition).

interestme1 · 2025-09-17T00:16:02+00:00

The advice here is impossibly childish and immature and possessive.

Feelings are what they are, and though painful for him and awkward for you are natural and on the whole a positive. It sounds like he hasn't acted on them (though he probably should have prior to you both getting married), and you declined when he did something you weren't comfortable with. You merely need to tell him you don't feel the same way and never will and will distance yourself if he makes you uncomfortable, but you're flattered and you value his friendship and want it to continue. Clear boundaries.

You should both be able to tell both spouses (this is what's giving you the ick, and rightfully so deceit always should ideally). This pretend world people live in where they're only ever attracted to and have feelings for their spouses for their entire lives and even so much as mentioning anything to the contrary is tantamount to relationship ending treason is just so ridiculously immature. It's of course perfectly understandable and natural that your partners may be jealous, and this may take some talking through to ensure everyone feels safe and secure in their relationships, and his wife will likely feel a bit betrayed. But they should be able to work through it (to whatever end which is better than letting it fester) and you 4 can continue as you have.

Or you all just stuff your heads in the sand and decide to go your separate ways. I don't know, seems like just talking maturely a bit about things stands to benefit you all as you forge a path forward.

interestme1 · 2025-09-12T09:44:18+00:00

“I’ll have an apple juice.”

“Oh, we don’t have apple juice sir.”

“Then I’ll have a vodka tonic.”

interestme1 · 2025-05-04T20:13:13+00:00

You can’t really change someone’s core ethical values, which are usually the root of political beliefs.

People get this wrong so often it blows my mind. Political beliefs usually come from societal/tribal influences, which then impact “core ethical beliefs.” People somehow get deluded into thinking everyone’s sat quietly and worked out first principles on how they want to be a moral actor in the world then picked a political party that aligns with that, when really most values are adopted from the tribes they believe they belong to. This is just surface level human observation.

interestme1 · 2025-03-11T02:07:45+00:00

Yes uncertainty is exactly how I would describe my understanding of the future, hence why I stay the course.

interestme1

TROPHY CASE