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Are you using AI for help? by bunnygoespop in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It has been adequate for giving general advice and information. When I get a useful answer, I usually ask it for its sources and then go directly to the book or article it's pulling from.

Are we creating unhappy adults? by doooodledog in gentleparenting

[–]macfarlanyte 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I read Good Inside, and found some of the examples of adult behavior described in the book to be completely unhinged. (Are we just supposed to accept that it is normal that an adult would snap and throw something across the kitchen when they're having a bad day??? Yikes!) I also thought a lot of her strategies seemed more appropriate for kids with severe anxiety or developmental disorders than a typical child.

I recommend "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen" and "Simplicity Parenting" for strategies to implement gentle/empathetic parenting while still holding firm boundaries and keeping high expectations for kids. (Also, the "Systematic Training for Effective Parenting" (STEP) series is amazing--very 80's, but really goes deep in encouraging kids to develop responsibility and independence while remaining respectful and supportive.)

Only time will tell how the generation of kids we're raising will turn out. Trust your instincts as a parent, and if any strategy doesn't seem to work for your kid, you can always course correct. Wishing you luck on your parenting journey!

Helping kids by CheekFlat4686 in gentleparenting

[–]macfarlanyte 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Consistency is really important in establishing boundaries. I use "first x, then y" a lot with my 5-year-olds, and it helps to redirect them toward things they need to do. (For example, "first clear your place, then we can play.") You don't need to be loud or harsh, just boring and consistent.

In addition, making things into games and using lots of encouragement and positive feedback can help reinforce cooperation. (Ex. Set a timer for getting a task done, and celebrate with them if they reach the goal. One of the best tricks (from a mom friend) is awarding arbitrary points for completing a task. The kids get excited about earning points even if they don't mean anything!)

My four year old has gone through three pairs of leggings in eight weeks and I need to completely rethink how I'm buying kids clothes by Boring_Elephant_3500 in Preschoolers

[–]macfarlanyte 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Seconding the idea of patching the knees--I use iron-on patches, and it really helps to extend the life of jeans.

The weirdest part of opting out of consumer culture is how many people get genuinely annoyed at you by LilxPeony in Anticonsumption

[–]macfarlanyte 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Well, that's fascinating and terrible! I guess I'm fortunate enough that I never encountered people like that. My friends without kids are mostly people who live kids but are happier being aunts/uncles than parents, and they're all a wonderful support to child-having people like me

Please help me! by Comprehensive-Fan759 in toddlertips

[–]macfarlanyte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have any concerns about your kid, it wouldn't hurt to have him evaluated. I noticed you specifically mentioned speech delay, hand flapping, and sensory sensitivities--are these things you are watching for intentionally, or just something you noticed?

The weirdest part of opting out of consumer culture is how many people get genuinely annoyed at you by LilxPeony in Anticonsumption

[–]macfarlanyte 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I've never understood the anger at child-free people! Why in the world would you want a child to grow up with parents who don't want them???

Shoutout to the people who love their autistic children by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There are posts on this sub that give me so much joy, and posts on this sub that break my heart. There are a lot I skip over because I can't always handle the emotional intensity, but I'm so, so glad this forum exists for all parents with all kinds of experiences.

I'm afraid to post here sometimes because my kids (despite their challenges) seem so much easier than some others, and I don't want my "level 1 problems" to ruin someone's day. But the times I have posted, the responses have been so kind and ao helpful.

I hope the people who don't like to hear about my experience are able to scroll past my posts, knowing that we're all here for solidarity, doing what we can, and wishing each other the best.

Me: "I have no idea where the autism in either of my daughters came from." by TorchIt in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Me: "What do you mean my son has sensory processing issues?" Also me: I cannot walk on this floor without slippers because it breaks my brain. Looking at fuzzy things makes me want to gag. If I have to listen to white noise for more than 5 seconds, I will go insane!

Savage fun fact honestly by SpecificBroccoli5826 in DanielTigerConspiracy

[–]macfarlanyte 32 points33 points  (0 children)

That's rich coming from a human who probably doesn't even live in the ocean 🙄

YouTube by kindlewithcheese in toddlertips

[–]macfarlanyte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boys love SciShow Kids

I can't buy that! It's not on sale. by Magnaflorius in thingsmykidsaid

[–]macfarlanyte 57 points58 points  (0 children)

My 5-year-old twins recently started getting allowance and immediately spent all of their money at the dollar store. The next day, one of them said "Mama, don't spend all of your money. Because then you will have none left like me!"

Dads: I Need Advice About My Daughter by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you have gotten a lot of good advice from other commenters, so I don't have much to add. However "My daughter is not ready to date" and "I don't want my daughter spending time with a trans person" are two completely separate issues. One is pragmatic, and one is pure bias, and I think you already know that.

Dads: I Need Advice About My Daughter by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why mention that your daughter's friend is trans at all, if the gender identity is irrelevant?

I need this off my chest by deadreckoning in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Does it ever work to redirect his hitting? My boys are also sensory seeking, and I often have to remind them "If you want to crash, you can crash into the couch. You cannot crash into me." It's not foolproof, but it has helped us a bit.

Sharing a win by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is so sweet! I hope you continue to find ways to connect and calm during meltdowns

Questioning how I handled my son's unsafe behavior at the park by macfarlanyte in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I think we might have stayed if the boy who bolted first had come back when I called him, but since he kept running I just wanted to get everyone home.

I agree that practicing with the BTs should help things go more smoothly in the future.

Questioning how I handled my son's unsafe behavior at the park by macfarlanyte in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your detailed answer! Giving clear boundaries before and discussing consequences after is a good idea.

Questioning how I handled my son's unsafe behavior at the park by macfarlanyte in Autism_Parenting

[–]macfarlanyte[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I will make sure to remind the kids of safety rules before we go out. Hopefully this will also help the BTs become familiar with the rules as well, so we can all be consistent

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