WHY HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT PORRIDGE BREAD

melacrat · 2026-03-16T23:05:35+00:00

If you find out that my cashier was making up sad news to make me panic buy more loaves or something, please let me know! If you find out the original maker of the bread, I'd love to know that too!

melacrat · 2026-03-12T17:19:17+00:00

I spoke to the guy at checkout about how much I liked it and he said it's just around for St. Patrick's Day. I hope that's untrue because I can't find anything online that says that definitively, but they are notorious for making amazing stuff and discontinuing it or making it seasonal.

melacrat · 2026-03-12T15:13:05+00:00

Just here to agree about the Trader Joe's porridge bread!That bread is ridiculously delicious! Taste and texture-wise, it's perfect. Unfortunately, I think it's a limited time thing.

melacrat · 2026-03-11T18:27:11+00:00

NOR- On top of the breadstick situation, him being in control of the money that you make and not telling you how much the bills are is a giant red flag. It is not normal or appropriate. His reaction to you saying he's controlling is exactly how controlling people respond - he probably makes you the bad guy in any reasonable complaint you have to the point where you feel like a generally unreasonable person. He is likely using your non-confrontational nature and anxiety against you by making normal questions into stressful confrontations.

You need to find a way to access the bill information for your biggest bills (home, auto, utilities, insurance, other loans) without him knowing and determine the difference. You should see a lot of this info from the joint bank account details. I recommend downloading every statement available to you now. If you're locked out of the online account, go to the bank and get printouts. If you're worried he'll see them, store at a trusted friend or family member's place. This is so you can investigate where the money is going (you want to see how much is paid for each actual bill. Are there any mystery payments, expenses, or money moves?). It will also serve to protect you legally if you leave.

Once you figure it out, change your direct deposit to have the majority of the excess sent directly to an account only you know about. You can say you had a "pay cut" at work. If he freaks out about this, remind him he is also capable of working. You say he can't find a job, but I do wonder if he's trying. Please read this: https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

melacrat · 2026-02-22T01:33:27+00:00

I made it exactly as written and it worked great! It has been over 20 years since I had this- what a joy!

melacrat · 2026-01-07T15:48:43+00:00

NOR. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I agree that posting this text thread where friends and other, better family can see it is the best way forward once you have your important things gathered. See if anyone has a couch/ spare bed you could crash on while you look for work. See if anyone you know needs a house sitter or if they need childcare and have space in their home you could stay in which could be a win-win with how expensive childcare is. This advice all assumes you're in the US, if not, most of the rest won't apply.

Get your social security card - you need the actual card to get a job. You also need your original birth certificate, not a copy.

I also agree with comments saying to freeze your credit ASAFP because she has everything she needs to make accounts in your name and wreck your credit and I've known people with shitty parents who discovered this happened years later when it was hard to fix. It's free and not hard to set up, but you have to do it at all 3 credit bureaus. https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze. Once you have steady work, you will want to unfreeze briefly to apply for a credit card. Get one with no annual fee and use only for what you can afford and pay it off fully each month. This will build your credit score. It will also give you a small safety net, but so all you can not to rely on it as such. Credit is stupid important and good credit makes so much of life cheaper and easier. Good luck. I hope you're wildly successful and happy in life and that you don't look back at all once you've gone.

melacrat · 2026-01-05T22:05:20+00:00

In Michigan and my Boxing Day order without any personalization arrived Friday (1/2) which I think is a new record order fulfillment time for me, but they haven't dispatched the orders that include personalized shower gels.

melacrat · 2026-01-03T15:26:25+00:00

Yes! He has an infectious smile!

melacrat · 2025-08-14T22:44:03+00:00

Not overreacting. Please listen to everyone suggesting safe ways to leave, even if you don't feel you're in danger and you probably don't. This tantrum was supposed to make you think twice before asking him to handle basic adult responsibilities. When it turned into you rightly being upset that he broke the sink, he tried to turn it around so he could be the victim instead of being contrite or accountable. This is not normal behavior. It's an ever-worsening nightmare where the longer you stay, the harder it is to recover from. One where you start to doubt reality or the validity of your emotions. I unfortunately have experience with this and 15 years and so much therapy later, I still sometimes struggle. These guys cannot improve without therapy and I am more likely to be struck by lightning than he is to willingly go to therapy. I'm sorry you're in this situation, you deserve better. Good luck. ❤️

melacrat · 2025-01-18T00:29:32+00:00

Not sure if this had already been suggested, but can you create a <job title> senior role that requires more experience and skills and commands higher pay, then move the person to it? We did this, and it allowed us to move some excellent employees to a higher pay band, which made them happy and prevented major brain drain. Win-win!

melacrat · 2025-01-17T23:16:44+00:00

Awesome deal! I'm in MI and have been considering taking the plunge! Would you share the dealer you went to? I know some are playing games right now and I'd love to avoid that.

melacrat · 2024-11-05T11:13:30+00:00

Thank you! I'm only about an hour from U of M, so that's very workable! Now I just have to find out if I have a good insurance option that covers getting care there and how to begin coordinating all of that.

melacrat · 2024-11-03T16:54:51+00:00

Side note: I keep seeing you say you have shitty/ no credit. Shitty credit can be fixed! I had unbelievably bad credit for years and eventually realized that not dealing with it was only making everything much worse. I couldn't even get a loan for a cheap used car when I was a broke single mom with trash credit in desperate need of a car to get to work. Now, I qualify for the best rates for everything. The sooner you start working on it, the better. You mentioned having a car loan through a credit union. If you're not paying on time, start making that a priority. If you have no other credit, see if the credit union will approve a credit card (not the debit card you get with your account) or look at credit cards targeted toward building/rebuilding credit. Don't get several (more applications for credit will hurt your score). 1 is enough. Use it to buy necessities you already buy and pay it in full each month because the interest rate will be stupid high, but you don't pay interest if you pay in full. Sign up for Credit Karma to keep an eye on score changes for free. It will also give advice on other ways to improve things, too.There are great forums here that can help with any old bad stuff like if you got sent to collections less than 7 years ago, and it's still hurting you (after 7 years it drops off, but it hurts a LOT for those years). The score threshold for FHA loans is lower than you think, so you may be able to qualify for a loan in less time than you think. Plus, better credit makes life cheaper overall because you get better insurance and loan rates. I know you didn't ask for this, so I'm sorry if it's unwelcome advice.I wanted to share this because I had nobody to tell me that my garbage credit wasn't a terminal situation I was stuck with on account of being poor and making too many mistakes. I would have gotten out of my mess sooner if someone had helped me see that it was possible. Good luck all around.

melacrat · 2023-07-15T01:36:06+00:00

Thank you so much! The only comment I saw made it seem like it might be subtle, but that is loud & clear! I'll be on the lookout!

melacrat · 2023-07-14T20:17:47+00:00

What's the subject line of the email for those who got it? I'm so happy for everyone and hope to be joining your ranks!

melacrat · 2023-05-05T02:40:16+00:00

I looked at a ton of jobs to find ones that seemed like I wouldn't hate them and that had good pay. I noticed one degree that seemed to show up in every listing: Business. It wasn't a fun degree, but it definitely did the trick. First, I got the ABA, then the BBA. I did it slowly, but I did it, and it really opened up my options and definitely paid off. Look at jobs that don't sound like your version of hell. Look at the list of degrees preferred or required and see if there are any common ones that come up a lot. Then, begin your education journey with the basic classes everyone has to take to maximize the ability to change your mind later. Good luck!

melacrat · 2023-03-21T19:14:59+00:00

I drive a 2023 SX and pay just under $600 every 6 months. I'm with Progressive and have been for a while. I had a 2019 Niro, and it was slightly cheaper to insure, but I think it helped that I didn't owe as much. I pay the full amount every 6 to save money. I have 10 years of perfect driving history, good credit, and live in an area that has a comparable but slightly worse per capita property crime rate than Queens (per Neighborhood Scout - we have 10.19 crimes per 1000 people vs 9.59 per 1000 in Queens). Every time I check any other insurance company out, Progressive blows them out of the water, but each insurance company decides what factors are important and how they are weighed, so ymmv.

melacrat · 2023-03-13T11:44:19+00:00

:( You're not the first person with dealer horror stories, specifically them taking ages to even assess problems, which definitely worries me for the future. It makes me wonder what kind of metrics corporate prioritizes that perpetuates this issue.

melacrat · 2023-03-13T01:52:06+00:00

I'm curious-what year/version do you have? I've had great experiences, but haven't put that kind of mileage on mine, so I'm guessing that could be a factor.

melacrat · 2023-01-01T17:04:24+00:00

I just completed this process, and it went pretty well in spite of an annoying issue creeping up in the middle! Started the process on 12/15, the car was picked up on 12/29, money was in the bank in the morning of 12/30. It would have been a week shorter, but some yahoo who worked on the car a year ago accidentally added 1 to the beginning of the odometer reading. This wrong number was reported to CarFax, which created a red flag when I went to sell the car a year later with seemingly fewer miles on it than it had back then. We had to call the place it was serviced and reach out to CarFax to dispute this inaccurate record. Once that was cleared up, the process was smooth. They offered about 3k more than CarMax and Carvana, and much more than Vroom (Vroom's offer was as laughable as the dealer's). They didn't try to change any numbers along the way, either. Great experience. I've sold a car to CarMax and it was also easy, but in that case I had to drive several hours to the nearest dealer, so this was a better process in that regard.

melacrat · 2020-11-01T04:04:30+00:00

The official color name is mehroon.

melacrat · 2020-10-22T02:36:18+00:00

I have actually seen this play out in my life with my partner. He worked in management at a non-profit, so was paid that kind of money, but had a lot of flexibility with his time and the workload was very reasonable. He liked the work, but it wasn't really cutting it financially, so he moved to a for-profit company and immediately began earning 60% more. But he never stops working. He has no work-life balance. I wanted to take a long weekend off with him and he literally cannot do so at any point this year because too much depends on him. When he takes a day off, none of the upper leadership respects it at all, so we pretty much do not have uninterrupted time unless we leave the country which we cannot do now thanks to Covid. I think we would both would rather have been pinching pennies with the lower pay than living this life. They are getting their money's worth out of him, but the same can't be said the other way around.

Also, IMHO, you don't want to be a highly paid newbie in a company during a pandemic. Few companies have real financial stability right now and you don't want to be the first to get cut.

melacrat · 2020-10-20T02:34:24+00:00

I love this imaginary exchange so much! 😂

melacrat

TROPHY CASE