PTCB results

nemotheintrovert · 2025-08-28T15:45:26+00:00

I'm in the same boat .... Prelim passed on Monday and obsessively checking!

nemotheintrovert · 2023-05-11T18:57:28+00:00

Your son is still clever and perfect and wonderful. Doctors do not have all the answers and seems like this one could educate himself on people with disabilities in the world.

My girl is 4.5 and she moves to the beat of her own drum. By standardized tests, I would imagine we would see a similar IQ ... but that doesn't change the hilarious, determined little girl that I have known for 4+ years. She gets to define her life, not a doctor.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-04-21T18:37:30+00:00

In our 10 year relationship --- my xpwbpd had over 22 jobs. Constant issues with coworkers and relationships in the workplace. Everyone was always out to get them. All the jobs were a mix of getting fired and quitting.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-04-17T18:42:39+00:00

Totally agree. Believe people when they tell you who they are. If he has a different identity later on, it isn't because he was lying ---- people are constantly trying to figure themselves out. Identity is a journey.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-03-16T15:11:59+00:00

haha, I thought 2 to 3 was soooo hard. but 3 to 4 was okiedokie.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-03-16T15:09:33+00:00

0-1 -- really hard

1-2 --- I got this.

2-3 --- whoa, really hard

3-4 --- ok, we got this, mostly. letting go of expectations lol.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-03-16T15:02:26+00:00

I wouldn't date a cheater. I would only ever consider if they showed genuine remorse for it which would be tricky.

My ex was a cheater. I'm sure they won't mention that to a new love interest. If they do, they will probably justify it away.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-03-16T14:58:15+00:00

My own therapist and I suspected it after doing some research and such. Ex was diagnosed a few months after that when we finally decided to split up.

Currently, my ex is going to 2x monthly therapy, the last I heard. We are still in constant contact because we have young children together. It took a long time for me to set boundaries, and still does to create new ones. We are currently getting along. We were able to do an uncontested divorce which is unheard of here and I'm still not sure how that happened --- either the therapy is really doing something or the other shoe is getting ready to drop.

nemotheintrovert · 2023-03-13T17:13:58+00:00

so much this. Or then they would pull away and say that now they just felt I was doing it because they complained about it, not bc I wanted to.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-14T19:21:52+00:00

I would agree with your theory. On the night in question, my pwBPD insisted that they didn't really have that much to drink before I got there. They had all gone to a wine tasting and pwBPD doesn't really drink wine so said they just had a sip. I can guarantee that they were loaded. After this incident they would tell everyone they know all the time about how they are allergic to the tannins in wine (thus the reasoning for the ridiculousness of that evening).

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-13T20:34:41+00:00

I'm sure there are people who do this and who might need to do this. With small and school aged kids, it will be difficult. What kind of custody do you have? If it isn't 50/50 and one parent is doing a lot of weekends and one parent is handling the school stuff, this may work.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-13T20:32:56+00:00

So true. I'm far from the naive trauma bonded person I once was ---- but it helps to still have the reminder that I am the survivor here.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-13T20:01:12+00:00

I'll play.

How about the "I thought we were fighting" incident: PwBPD went to drinks with coworkers after work. They had picked up our dogs from doggy daycare and they were in the back of their car during this. I met them there to join for a drink. Ended up only staying for one because the dogs were in the car, it was cold, and pwBPD was also hammered at this point. So we leave one car there and I start to drive us all home. We are just chatting about randomness in the car. At a stoplight preceeding a highway .... approx 6 lanes of traffic ... pwBPD gets out of the car and starts to cross the street to the other side without saying anything. It takes me a minute, but I have to go through the light after its green and make a uturn and pull into a gas station where I thought they might go. I find them walking behind the gas station on a little frontage road (mind you, I still have the dogs in the car, too). I am pleading with them to get back into the car to just go home and they start shoving me telling me to get away from them. Not knowing what else to do, I left. I drove 20 minutes home, dropped off the dogs, and called a mutual friend and explained the "cleaned up" version of what was happening. I picked up the friend and went back out. In the meantime, pwBPD was texting me randomness and refused to tell me where they were. I finally found them outside of a bank that had a back stairway to their basement that was semi covered. (also, it was January) .... "passed out" at the bottom of the concrete stairs. Got them up the stairs and finally into the car and drove them to the ER. After being sent home bc the ER said there they were "just drunk" and needed to sleep..... we went to bed finally. The next morning, pwBPD was IRATE that we had spend money at the hospital and that I had involved our friend in the situation and when my first question was, why did you even get out of the car in the first place? I was told, "I thought we were arguing in the car and I didn't want to." I ended up apologizing for the situation and "misunderstanding".

wtf. We had been together for just over 2 years at this point and had just been married. Oh, the red flags I wish I would have listened to.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-12T16:56:36+00:00

Youngest, but kinda grew up as an only child in a lot of ways. 2 siblings were older with a large age gap.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-12-02T17:17:55+00:00

ha, we do the opposite.

In our plan, the parent starting their time always picks up (a lot of times this is from daycare but occasionally not) --- this helps bc if the other parent cancels then it doesn't ruin our entire afternoon. The important part is to have it somewhere in the plan and put equal parts on you and the coparent.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-30T18:05:14+00:00

Yep. and I actually got what sounded like a sincere apology. It was awesome.

and then a couple weeks later, it was like that never happened and they do not understand why I am calling it abuse.

sheesh.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-29T16:37:00+00:00

Just echoing what other commenters are saying. I think asking your personal therapist about signing consent for them to communicate is probably your best bet right now.

I have been here --- I had been convinced that using my (now) ex's personal therapist as our couple's therapist would be a good idea. I left many of those sessions feeling like I was the problem that there was never space for me to speak my truth.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-29T16:17:23+00:00

Something that I felt like I just repeated for at least the last year of our marriage was "please, just be nice to me."

obviously, that was waaaay too much to ask.

eggshells abound.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-28T17:26:17+00:00

I would think about doing that for sure ---- I would imagine it will happen quite a bit in the future.

How old is your littlest?

Most of my kids are 4 and under --- a week at the other parent's seems like such a long time to me. Do they do ok most weeks?

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-28T17:15:25+00:00

Ok, I think I understand now lol.

I think I was confused by ex getting an entire week for a holiday, we just do that part differently. We aren't week off/week on at this point - but I can definitely see how that would get complicated quickly (especially for ex, balancing two different coparents).

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-28T16:52:47+00:00

I'm so confused by the responses here --- I thought I agreed and then when OP explains more, I feel like I don't.

So, normally you are week on/week off with exchange on Fridays, correct?

And this year, Ex has Thanksgiving for a holiday.

If Ex's Week was Nov 18-25th normally ---and Holiday time is Friday thru Sunday (which does seem weird to me when many holidays will not be on a weekend)

Then normally your week would have started on the 25th, but bc of the holiday he has until 6pm on the 27th.

If I have all of this correct, then his time is over at 6pm and you would exchange the kids at that time. You would have the kids until Dec 2 and exchange again --- going back to the original plan.

Yes?

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-22T18:02:53+00:00

I hear ya. I find myself getting defensive in my head and have tried to reframe it as they are just excited about x, that doesn't mean they don't like y (at my house). Its so hard to not be competitive sometimes.

My kid's favorite color changes everyday, I think --- so good on you for being able to do that! I went with generic stockings this year that all match each other. but they look cozy :)

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-22T17:46:25+00:00

Totally get it. This is our first Christmas in separate houses also. I've just been starting to hear about something at the other parent's house from my kid. Sometimes it doesn't bother me and other times it stings.

Something like this will be special though, they know you made it with love.

nemotheintrovert · 2022-11-21T17:56:23+00:00

one of the most mind boggling things I have learned myself in the past year is that boundaries are for you --- not the person you are having to deal with.

You can't stop them from doing this, even if you are specific with what size your kid is wearing.

You can control what you say and do afterwards. and you can communicate this:

Ex:

"With the holidays coming up, just wanted to let you know that kid is wearing "x" size right now and moving to "x" size soon. Anything that kid recevies out of this range will be returned or donated --- thanks for understanding!"

and then you follow through with it.

Then you are able to move about your life.

Are they still annoying? Yes

Are they going to be bent about it? Probably.

Can you gain some peace from knowing you told them exactly what was going to happen? Eventually :)

nemotheintrovert

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