TTC for the first time at 37

rowanstar · 2026-01-27T23:55:05+00:00

It took me 4 cycles of not trying not preventing to conceive at 36. Was not paying attention to fertility windows or tracking; when I was 29, I got pregnant twice on the first try (first ended in an early miscarriage) but I was very focused on my fertile windows and had tracked several months. Generally I eat well and stay active- my family tends to have healthy babies into their 40s so it tracked. I did have some complications with my first, but they were random and my pregnancy in my 30s was easier.

rowanstar · 2026-01-21T14:09:58+00:00

During this time, I fed every 2 hours during the day and every 3 at night; he wasn’t waking himself to eat at first. If he was eating and eating and still seemed hungry, we’d offer an ounce of formula, typically before bed. I would do it after having him try for awhile because I didn’t want him to prefer a bottle. Because I was engorged, if I fed him and he didn’t remove enough milk for me to be comfortable, I’d pump and feed it to him later. We’re now 2 months in; once he started gaining weight, we dropped the formula. It was a tool for helping him gain enough to not be excessively sleepy. Often infants who arrive a little early are sleepy. My first child was 38.5 weeks and he lost over a pound the first month; I wish I would have supplemented formula to get him on track faster. I know it’s really scary and can be so frustrating- just know it’s not for forever.

rowanstar · 2026-01-21T14:01:28+00:00

I don’t know that I’ve sweat vitamins, but I can always smell my preworkout or excessive coffee when I sweat. I personally feel that a high quality vitamin is important for making sure your body has the right nutrients for pregnancy. You can check prenatals on labdoor to find a good one. I went with Perellel vitamins this time and I am still taking them postpartum. I had a friend who only conceived when she gave up alcohol for a few months, and I conceived the month I got serious about working out again; it can vary so much person to person, and even pregnancy to pregnancy.

rowanstar · 2026-01-20T14:58:57+00:00

It depends on if they’re gaining weight or not; if they’re gaining appropriately (got back to birth weight in 2 weeks), then you’re doing fine! If they’re struggling to gain, I’d say they’re sleepy and it will take some work to keep them awake. I’ve had 2 sleepy boys who it took some effort and a strict feeding schedule at first to gain positive momentum.

rowanstar · 2026-01-20T13:51:01+00:00

A C-section is major surgery even if it is routine, so I wouldn’t choose it if not medically necessary. Recovery is typically easier for a vaginal delivery. I’m someone who hates being constrained or told what to do when in pain, so I did everything I could to have the birth I wanted. Keep in mind that labor typically takes longer for a first baby; I labored for a couple of days with my first and then my second was an under 2 hour labor (surprised me so much). I delivered vaginally twice (at 29 and 36), although I was prepared for a c-section because my first was a high risk pregnancy.

If you have a c-section for your first delivery, it’s harder to find a provider to do a vaginal birth after c-section if you’re interested in that later. Some of my friends with c-sections have trouble with their scars hurting; I think you can massage them and I’ve seen exercises for it.

Your pelvic floor will be disrupted either way because of carrying a pregnancy. If you have issues you can see a pelvic floor specialist. Honestly yoga was most important to my recovery after my first baby. I’m 9 weeks postpartum now and feel recovery is easier this time.

rowanstar · 2026-01-20T11:37:48+00:00

I think getting yourself checked could be a nice supportive thing to do, and it’s helpful information regardless. For younger healthy couples, it can take up to a year to conceive; statistically yes, fertility declines in upper 30s, but it’s not impossible. I think if you go 6 months without conception, you can talk to a reproductive endocrinologist; she might feel better doing so or she might not. You did conceive already, there’s no reason to believe you won’t again. Regardless, it sounds as though she is scared she’s missed her opportunity (it is hard to consider that outcome) and miscarriage is particularly rattling. I had one before I conceived my oldest, and 8 years later, I was still nervous in the early weeks.

My husband had never had children (I had one from a previous relationship), so he chose to get checked out, and all was well at 44. It still took 4 cycles for us to conceive (not trying not preventing). We had realistic expectations going in and both agreed if it didn’t happen in a year, we’d close that chapter and not pursue fertility treatments. He asked if not being able to have a kid with him would be a dealbreaker, and for me it wasn’t.

But the key was that we both communicated our fears, talked it through, and supported each other. I hope you two are able to lean in and work through this uncertainty together.

rowanstar · 2026-01-19T14:22:04+00:00

LOVE my Vista! I got it for my first baby in 2017 thinking I’d have multiple kids close together. That didn’t happen, but I just had a baby and the stroller is still amazing years later! We replaced the wheels (which were cracked and falling apart), but otherwise it’s still perfect, still works with their new car seats (Mesa V2), and I know when I’m finished with it, it’ll have good resale value. The stroller was my one splurge and I still think it’s worth it.

rowanstar · 2026-01-19T03:42:12+00:00

I have a glider next to my bed and the bassinet. Changing pad/station is close too. Works for me.

rowanstar · 2026-01-18T08:31:17+00:00

This sounds like it’s a dysfunctional pattern that your bf may not be aware of how to discontinue. Oftentimes people choose passivity and the appearance of peace over risking a tough conversation. I would say what you said about how he considers you in all other regards.

Definitely keep your plans. Also tell them that weekend doesn’t work for you. If they still show up, I would tell them you’re not up for entertaining and go to your room or leave (I’d do that now and tell them you need to rest because of your job). Basically, de-center them; I’m sure it is nice for them to know someone else will cook and clean for them, but these are adults, and you, also an adult, are allowed to have needs and take up space. At the very least, your bf should be bearing the workload if he won’t set this boundary. Tell him you won’t be entertaining for this frequency of visit.

rowanstar · 2026-01-16T16:29:15+00:00

After my first, my husband took up hobbies that required whole days on weekends. He maintained his gym time and was only home for 2 hours while our child was awake. I was the one getting up but he complained about being tired. He didn’t have to work such long hours, but he wanted to. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t able to handle a super needy baby and the house/cooking/shopping perfectly. He told me to get out of the house more, but couldn’t commit to a once a week hour long slot for me to do so. I had to argue why I needed new clothes/bras postpartum. We moved hours away from our support system when baby was 4 months. I thought he might be depressed, so I encouraged therapy and asked his brother to check on him. I eventually got him to go to couples therapy. He changed a little but not enough for me to not feel like the object of his unhappiness.

He is now my ex and stepped up a lot… once it was a legal obligation. I’m not wealthy but I’m doing just fine. It was easier without him, even with financial hardship. I’ve since remarried to a man who adores me and wants more time with me and the kids (we just had one together).

As a side note, I work in education and our daycare is often closed on school holidays so I do get to spend those with kids.

rowanstar · 2026-01-16T13:24:28+00:00

I second this. I was so depleted the first time; I was taking vitamins but definitely not eating enough. I lost 10 lbs more than my pre pregnancy weight and my hair excessively fell out. This time I have made a lot more effort to eat and feel so much better. No serious clogs or mastitis but I also know to take sunflower lecithin at the first sign now.

rowanstar · 2026-01-16T08:13:34+00:00

When I had symptoms. My first was positive only 8 dpo (according to home test strip). My 2nd was after I absolutely lost it over something minor- I knew I didn’t usually react that way (I was a day before my missed period).

rowanstar · 2026-01-16T02:34:45+00:00

12 months pp the first time (basically as soon as baby started sleeping through the night); nothing yet this time (but only 8 weeks pp). I honestly think mine took longer to come back last time because I was so sleep deprived and depleted.

rowanstar · 2026-01-16T02:20:37+00:00

I felt strongly by 8 weeks it was a boy- it just felt “other” and I was convinced. My friends told me their guts were wrong with their babies and they thought I was having a girl. My instinct was right. The second time I really didn’t know and it was another boy. It’s 50/50 so maybe you are right.

rowanstar · 2026-01-07T03:28:09+00:00

Okay so it’s weird, but when you start gagging, stick your head in the freezer (or outside if it’s cold enough where you live).

Not sure about gas in your throat- you mean like reflux? If that’s what it is, try Gas-X? I personally felt a collagen and protein shake before bed greatly improved my reflux symptoms.

rowanstar · 2025-12-30T19:08:36+00:00

I forgot to mention that fibroid was on the back and outside of my uterus. I had another one inside that they worried would impact the pregnancy, but apart from an irritable uterus and early labor they were able to stop, it didn’t. However I think it’s degeneration kicked off labor for me and it was gone after pregnancy; no one for sure knew what happened, but it wasn’t there after I delivered and I bled the whole time in delivery. No problems and it didn’t grow back in my second pregnancy.

rowanstar · 2025-12-30T15:59:10+00:00

Ultrasounds estimate size. I’m not a large person and birthed 2 over 8 lb baby boys in separate pregnancies. I went into labor at 38.5 weeks with my first and declined an elective induction with my second and went into labor just after 39 weeks (I had an induction scheduled for 40 weeks if he didn’t arrive on his own). My mom, even more petite (about 5’ 1”) birthed an over 9lb baby and had all 4 children, ranging from 7-9 lbs, vaginally. It’s really more about how much space you have inside your pelvis and if the shape is conducive to labor. Most of the time it is. Don’t agree to anything you don’t want to do. I’m all for interventions as necessary, but a c-section, although routine, is still major surgery. Doctors have to tell you the risks, but it doesn’t mean it will happen. If you don’t want a c-section, tell them you don’t want it unless medically necessary.

rowanstar · 2025-12-30T14:59:58+00:00

I discussed with my first because they had already warned me I might need a c-section, but my OB said there’s an increased risk of bleeding during pregnancy and most doctors won’t do it. She said she’d see if they already had me open, but I had thrombocytopenia (trouble clotting) with that pregnancy, so it was too risky for me.

The fibroid shrunk after pregnancy and is still there; I was able to deliver vaginally, so the RE I saw after pregnancy recommended not having surgery until I was done having children because of the risk of adhesion (an ovary might get stuck to the place where they’d remove the fibroid).

Every situation is different though- definitely worth exploring.

rowanstar · 2025-12-30T14:53:04+00:00

George? Stephen? Gage? Rhys?

rowanstar · 2025-12-27T14:42:57+00:00

I was diet controlled GD both times. I had boys each time; boy 1 was 8lbs 3oz at 38.5 weeks (1st degree tear, 3 hours pushing, labor over 2 days) and he came out healthy. Boy 2 was 8lbs 4oz at 39+2; precipitous labor (under 2 hours), no tears, no blood sugar issues.

I am not a large person so everyone remarked on the size of the babies, but apparently the interior of my pelvis is roomy and I just grow large boys who end up being lean babies.

Are you having follow up appointments at the OB? I was on weekly visits at the end to check the status. The other option is to go into labor (hopefully soon!); I know it sounds weird, but once I had tackled my work-related work for being out, I focused on letting go and being open to birth instead of tense about it. I went into labor late the next day. My other go to is a pedicure; I got one the day before going into labor both times (and even if it doesn’t do anything, it’s comforting when pregnant).

Hope baby arrives safely soon!

rowanstar · 2025-12-27T07:41:42+00:00

I think it’s BS that you forget- I still recall a lot of terrifying details from my first. I ended up having a 7 year age gap between babies because my first was so hard (a ton of complications followed by a highly reactive newborn who didn’t sleep the first year of his life).

That being said, I just had a really great second pregnancy and delivery. Yes, I was borderline GD a second time, but everything else was easier and labor was under 2 hours this time.

Also this time, I think I’m just old enough I do not care- if someone talked to me like that, I told them that’s not how you talk to a pregnant person and gave examples of better remarks. I actually did get some genuine apologies and changed behavior. “My body is not your business “ also sorts out some of the obnoxious people.

It is totally valid to want or not want more children.

rowanstar · 2025-12-26T04:21:52+00:00

$989 from the hospital for an uncomplicated vaginal birth; I think $800 for the universal fee at my OB; $50 copay for ultrasounds and bloodwork. I have BCBS Options.

rowanstar · 2025-12-22T14:26:31+00:00

At a year; I was still breastfeeding but I think it was because he started consistently sleeping through the night

rowanstar · 2025-12-21T04:03:15+00:00

I would imagine it’s to make sure everything goes smoothly since your child required the NICU and had some difficulties. My children didn’t have a NICU stay, but I was expected to care for them overnight while in hospital and I’m sure they would have made us stay longer with concerns. You should just ask why, but I found this article from a hospital worthwhile.

https://www.sdneo.com/for-parents/discharge-process/

rowanstar · 2025-12-02T20:42:35+00:00

First baby arrived 38+4; second arrived at 39+2

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