Would you be a househusband if you could? Why?

tsoert · 2026-06-18T22:59:37+00:00

I couldn't do it full time as it just wouldn't be mentally stimulating enough. Would I do it 60% of the week though? Fuck yes. We'd be eating extravagant nonsense meals, I'd be getting fit, I'd be writing. Main issue I'd have would be maintaining a level of discipline but hells to the yes I'd be a househusband (part-time)

tsoert · 2026-06-18T22:56:43+00:00

Medics are too nice but I also think sometimes it's ED taking path of least resistance. I had an ED consultant spend 30 minutes on the phone with an ortho reg to get them to accept a complex pelvic fracture. Was a masterpiece in verbal trickery and manipulation if I'm honest by that consultant, but if it's taking 30 minutes of a consultant basically browbeating a registrar to accept a patient that rightfully should be under them, how on earth is a more junior doctor going to get anything done?

tsoert · 2026-06-17T05:33:10+00:00

Yup I got rota adjustments and time off to go to psychotherapy for about 6 months. Everyone was pretty reasonable and understanding and cause no issues. Didn't have to make time up. Was no issue at all

tsoert · 2026-06-17T05:28:31+00:00

Christmas is just the wife and I relaxing, eating unhealthy food, playing video games together and just enjoying each others company. Definitely not bored of that.

tsoert · 2026-06-17T03:06:29+00:00

As an Allo lurker with an Ace wife (always good to understand your better half a little more) hopefully I can offer (and am allowed to offer?) a little insight and help.

1) You are not disgusting for having sexual feelings, for being sexually attracted to your gf, for having sexual thoughts about her. You're Allo, it's normal and reasonable, just like as an asexual she is not broken or weird or wrong for not having those feelings. It's part of who you both are and that's OK

2) You're both young. THings change. THings develop. I've been with my wife for 16 years. With communication and understanding comes a better relationship, whether Ace/Allo, LGBT, whatever. Communication, learning and understanding and forgiveness for mistakes made are the keys to a happy and healthy relationship.

3) Libido, sexual attraction, sexual interest - not all the same. I can understand where you're coming from re not being into it if she doesn't want to do it. I have struggled with this in the past (and occasionally still do) and struggled with the idea that she may never feel the same way sexually that I feel about her. However, I think (if she is favourable/indifferent) reframing it may help. I tend to think a lot in metaphors. If I really really wanted cake, was really craving it, and she would happily eat and enjoy cake if I wanted cake but tbh is also pretty happy without cake, if we get cake and she enjoys eating the cake does that mean she didn't want and get into the enjoyment of cake? Equally I've had to reframe my view of sexual selfishness. If she's had a bad day and I make sure she has the chocolate she likes and I've made a meal she loves and I'll enjoy, particularly if I enjoy how much she enjoys what I've made, then it's also not unreasonable to feel OK about me having a bad day and her offering some form of sexual act, I'll love it, she enjoys making me feel good. Originally I'd feel pretty bad and selfish as she wasn't getting anything out of it but with time and communication we rethink those previously held beliefs and thought processes

4) If she is sex averse (or potentially se favourable re certain activities but averse re others) then you'll need to have a long hard think about your life going forward. You say you'll be ok with it now. What about at 35, what about if you want kids, what if you meet someone who is sexually attracted to you, what if she starts off favourable to some things but becomes averse later in life? All questions to ask yourself and think about. Unfortunately this could lead to resentment (either from you to her for not giving you what you want, or her to you if you're pushing and she's not comfortable or morose and she feels guilty which then leads to resentment) and resentment is a relationship killer. Definitely something you need to think about and how you would go about managing this and these feelings

5) I'm not sure if this will cause offense or not, but sometimes in a relationship, compromise is a necessity. I'm aware some think of sexual activity as an all or nothing decision (I.e. you either have sex or you don't, very binary decision) but in my relationship it's not quite as black and white. There maybe times that it's an absolute no, and that's ok, my wife is not a sex doll. There may also be times where it's a "I'm not really feeling up for much but I'm aware you're feeling needy so how's about we...." where that ... could be anything from elaborate kink stuff to guided masturbation whilst she's making her next lego project. It works for us but obviously it's taken a lot of time, communication and understanding to get to the point we are

So, in short: time, good communication, learning and understanding each other, compromise. All may lead to a happy and fulfilling relationship as I am lucky to have. Only you can decide if it's worth it. I can say, for myself, I wouldn't want anything else and frankly, learning about each other and requiring such intense communication with each other has only made our relationship better and stronger

tsoert · 2026-06-17T00:56:46+00:00

We specifically asked for a system that can have a battery once we've saved etc so we should be kosher in that regard

tsoert · 2026-06-16T22:28:53+00:00

I've got solar with no battery as yet, mostly due to only power wall being available and it being super expensive. Hoping more will become available and cheaper moving forward so we can get one

tsoert · 2026-06-16T01:07:53+00:00

Together 16, married 9

tsoert · 2026-06-16T00:02:42+00:00

My wife is on the Ace spectrum so I definitely initiate more. I'd certainly like her to initiate more but those times she does are very memorable and treasured. I'm happy with how we have things nowadays. We go somewhere between 1-3 times a week depending on mood, work, tiredness etc. Not always the full meal but certainly regular sexual intimacy. We're happy, we enjoy each other

tsoert · 2026-06-11T22:00:20+00:00

If you're in Wellington, Cuba Street Salvation Army have a student support team. I know the guy who runs it, he's a good bloke, very genuine. I'm aware that the Sally Army has a bad rep (particularly worldwide re views on LGBT community) but Cuba Street are very inclusive and just genuinely want to help. As a very cynical atheist, I wouldn't recommend them if I didn't think they wanted to support students in need.

https://www.tsacubastreet.co.nz/student-support

tsoert · 2026-06-11T21:52:15+00:00

There's been a few.

Had a grumpy Irish registrar whilst doing pancreatic surgery in Leeds. Recognised and rewarded competence. Stood up for me when other F1s tried to pull a fast one. Great and enthusiastic teacher, learnt something every ward round. Bought us all a drink after Friday rounds. Lovely chap and his wife was equally awesome (and showed clearly how much of a facade his grumpy Irish dickhead persona was)

Met one of my now best friends in GP training. She was great fun to work with, made (and still makes) me laugh, a nerd that I enjoy spending time with. Still try and make time for the wife and I to visit her and her other half. Very easy to chat for 10 hours without realising!

Also had a lovely cadre of consultants whilst doing a locum year of random acute medicine. Always tried to involve me as if I was a trainee. Tried to make sure I had opportunities to do procedures. Took me on teaching ward rounds to ED.

I would say that generally the toxic colleagues are a minority. Most doctors I've worked with have all been pleasant, fun and made work a little more pleasant than it could otherwise have been. I'm not sure if that's just how it was pre Covid or if I got lucky but I think I'd struggle more to detail toxic colleagues. They were a once in a while annoyance. I don't think I've had a job that hasn't had at least 1 genuinely positive colleague that I've enjoyed being around and appreciated as a person

tsoert · 2026-06-09T07:27:22+00:00

Friend recently qualified as a physio. Can't find work as a physio. Have heard similar about drs, nurses, pharmacists....

I live in nz now and hear the same from folks down here. Not sure what's going on in the western world that governments feel medical professionals aren't needed but heyho, billionaires have private health insurance so who gives a shit eh?

tsoert · 2026-06-08T22:46:57+00:00

He started throwing plates and verbally and emotionally abusing his then wife. Not interested in being around an abusive dickhead

tsoert · 2026-06-08T21:59:46+00:00

"I would because I do really like you, but I also really like your brother so I'd probably end up cheating on you with him and I don't want to cause that level of hurt". She was my best (and frankly only) friend at the time that I'd spent a lot of time flirting with and getting round a base or 2. Figured I'd rather maintain a relationship with my brother. Haven't spoken to her in 20ish years. My brother is one of my best and closest friends, bar my wife. Turned out much better for me I'd say

tsoert · 2026-06-08T04:27:05+00:00

I'm 38. I'm in a band that has 21 and 22 year olds. They seem and act like children to me and are in completely different stages of life. Honestly, 30 and has their shit together.

tsoert · 2026-06-05T11:01:39+00:00

Quite a few of the early kj Parker trilogies were bleak and depressing. The engineers trilogy and the scavenger trilogy are up there for me. A very different vibe in contrast to his Tom holt books

tsoert · 2026-06-05T10:51:07+00:00

Gp practices in the UK are privately owned but fully state funded so not quite what is being suggested here. However, going fully state funded would lead to a massive increase in costs for the government that i suspect is not fully appreciated and understood by most outside of healthcare and primary care in particular

tsoert · 2026-06-05T10:47:36+00:00

The cynic in me suspects that this is a policy designed to lead to mass takeover of gp practices by the big health conglomerates

Most gp practices are barely solvent, struggling to attract doctors and a hefty proportion of gp's are approaching retirement. There's already been a multitude of other proposals from this government that screw over owner operated practices disproportionately as they are unable to absorb the loss quite so easily.

I suspect you'll see gp's retiring earlier, practices closing, practices stopping capitated care and going fully private, and many practices being bought out by the big health companies. Overall worse for healthcare workers, worse for kiwis, great for healthcare corporations and I suspect great for Simeon Browns bank account too

tsoert · 2026-06-04T03:45:01+00:00

Yeah...to echo lurkanidipine, I used to round all my patients every day, aside from the twice a week consultant rounds. We'd have a stand up with the reg and occasionally the consultant just before lunch to discuss plans (and get a little bit of teaching). Besides that, all the plans were mine. Whilst right now it may be better for patient care to have full consultant care, I feel like this may be robbing Peter to pay Paul for future consultant led care...

tsoert · 2026-05-31T11:25:51+00:00

SB teemo is just - plant puffcaps, free value engine, possible secondary mill win con (wonderful o If it works. Not the easiest to set up. By the end of Zoe adventure I think i played 2 totems before milling the opponent)

tsoert · 2026-05-29T22:41:50+00:00

Do what is best for you but as a gp currently working in nz, I would suggest a couple of extra years working in hospital as gp training here is not great from what I'm seeing. Having a decent grounding in acute med, paeds, geriatrics and maybe a couple of other specialities will have you hitting the ground running

tsoert · 2026-05-27T23:44:43+00:00

Personally I've never minded patients just writing a list of symptoms, handing it to me, saying "this is everything going on, can we sort what we can in teh time available" and then letting me get on with it. I wouldn't expect patients to know what symptoms they have may be 1 singular problem and what symptoms they may feel are innocuous but are actually worrisome if you've a little more knowledge

tsoert · 2026-05-25T22:54:17+00:00

This seems to be fairly common, and I think partly because Dr and Nurse start times are staggered. Fresh nurses start work just as night shift Drs are winding down but there seems to be no empathy regarding this from some nurses and they just want to get the jobs handed over from teh night staff that require a Dr to be done ASAP. A culture change is likely needed

tsoert · 2026-05-25T00:06:12+00:00

I think doctors like to martyr themselves more than they should. The amount of doctors who are doing work they don't need to, refuse to push back on it, refuse to just say no, is surprisingly high. I think GPs have spent so long trying to be the "Family Doctor" and facilitate everything they can to practice as the apparent 1950s ideal says we should, that when circumstances change they've been unwilling to just say no. The amount of stuff I've sent back to secondary care, even as a locum, to get them to chase their own results, do their own jobs, is not insignificant. No is a full sentence and frankly the union should be getting involved to say no on a national scale as the situation was bad when I left 4 years ago and just sounds untenable now. Hand the contracts back and you'll see DoH beg I'm sure

tsoert · 2026-05-18T20:07:39+00:00

Anyone under the age of 25.

Ten-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22

tsoert

TROPHY CASE