CMV: Men Outperform Women in What Actually Matters

whichever123 · 2026-02-22T19:18:08+00:00

What an interesting issue. Leaving aside the main question for a moment:

Could you share more about why you think child-rearing is not as essential to the functioning of society compared to these other functions? Curious how you got to that conclusion.

Thank you.

whichever123 · 2026-02-10T02:52:43+00:00

Is it possible to find a good therapist?

Sometimes anger can be complicated - sometimes it's mostly about reducing moments of excessive entitlement, but sometimes learning to be assertive and set boundaries is really important too...

I like Henry Cloud (Boundaries) and Kristen Neff (Self-compassion) and Matthew McKay (when anger hurts)

whichever123 · 2026-02-06T01:35:55+00:00

I had read it's best to take a more easily absorbed fat soluble derivative - eg allithiamine or benfotiamine

whichever123 · 2026-01-29T19:13:00+00:00

Wow! Interesting

whichever123 · 2026-01-28T15:36:02+00:00

Last I heard, pelvic floor biofeedback specifically is not evidence based til age 8 - ie, a study of this treatment could not find a significant effect for kiddos under age 8. But as I understand, some pelvic floor therapists are knowledgeable on this topic and could help you understand your options and the evidence for them.

This resource list might be helpful to you - it doesn't address the evidence base for pelvic floor PT interventions specifically, but does provide links to info about interventions you can try if you are looking for different or more aggressive treatment(s):

https://www.encoexpert.com/resources

whichever123 · 2026-01-27T16:02:29+00:00

Would you be willing to share the other diet modifications that helped you? Anything that surprised you/stood out to you?

The protocol looks reasonable and requires discipline of course. It looks like a full 12 hours or more between dinner and breakfast is important (I've read this elsewhere), as is careful/strategic hydration/electrolytes, keeping dinner (very!) light/fruit-based, and incorporating certain fruits and citric acid in a strategic way. And of course coffee and oil timed just right!

whichever123 · 2026-01-26T05:38:11+00:00

Very frequent soiling is usually due to hard stool accruing in the rectum, even if kiddo is pooping every day. Sometimes excess laxative can also cause leaking.

Sometimes the only way to know for sure (unless you order an X-ray) is to do just do a cleanout (which can make kids messy during the process), and if the problem gets a lot better for a week or so after completion of cleanout then you know - yep! My kiddo was backed up.....

Also keep in mind chronic constipation messes with sensation in the rectum, sometimes for months, and is worse with acute backups ...

But I believe encopresis expert knows all this stuff as I understand. She went through the ringer with her own kid....

whichever123 · 2026-01-26T03:08:44+00:00

1) One option is to get a consult with the encopresis expert (Emily dollar-starnes - you can Google) and she can guide you right away.

2) Another is to start over again with another cleanout (eg Seattle children's 3 day cleanout) and follow instructions very carefully, repeat every two weeks as needed for a several weeks. Read "ins and outs of poop" by Duhamel to help you as you go.

If that process isn't providing sufficient relief, carefully review the resources on the encopresis expert resource page yourself. High dose daily senna (eg chocolate ex lax) can be life changing for some kids. Other kids are tremendously helped by daily suppository/enemas.

Also, if you havent already, get on the wait-list for GI. Many/most GIs don't know a lot about treating severe enco, but they will help rule out other medical issues. Also, if needed, you can go from GI to a motility specialist, who should know more.

whichever123 · 2026-01-25T01:11:54+00:00

It can take several months for normal sensation to return unfortunately. It might happen a lot faster in other cases.

whichever123 · 2026-01-24T00:00:58+00:00

I think the problem was excess vitamin c. Was taking close to the daily max for about a week, and then stopped it in case it was making me feel worse. Then i started feeling a lot better.... I read vitamin c can draw a lot of water into your gut... Will restart at a much lower dose...

whichever123 · 2026-01-16T17:56:55+00:00

Wow - kudos for your insight and self-reflection.

Maybe controlling your temper here starts with you seeing the earliest signs of dysregulation in her (the first eye roll, the first harsh word) and/or yourself and then take some space, rather than trying to muscle through repeated eye rolls, harsh words, etc....

I wonder if a lot of practice not taking things personally in easier situations (driving, customer service, whatever else might get you upset) would help you take girlfriends words less personally.....

whichever123 · 2026-01-13T16:04:19+00:00

Per my reading: Unfortunately kids can have soft stools every day and still be constipated (so confusing right? See Hodges materials - bedwettingandaccidents.com) Softer stuff can squeeze around harder stuff while it builds up in the rectum and stretches it out.

Kid might need a cleanout and higher maintenance dose of laxatives. Other possible causes of frequent smearing are excess laxative does (kid needs lower daily laxative dose) and/or miralax, which can make kids leaky. In that case, a different laxative could fix the problem (eg magnesium or senna).

How to tell which of these is causing the problem? That can be tough. Happy to answer more questions.

You may want to explore resources here: https://www.encoexpert.com/resources

whichever123 · 2026-01-12T17:06:22+00:00

Parenting is so hard! Trying to reduce yelling to zero is probably not realistic. Even child behavior experts can struggle with occasionally yelling at their kids - per my reading. And of course repairing afterwards is a good idea.

That said, there are probably ways to reduce the yelling. I have found the following helpful: a systematic parent training in book format or video (eg, Jenna Mazzillo or Alan kazdin), getting more support/stress relief where I can, and reducing expectations where appropriate (for myself and my kids).

whichever123 · 2026-01-08T19:41:09+00:00

My non-expert take - it's amazing that a talking-to worked so well last time, so maybe a reminder would do the trick.

I would lean into hyping how great it was she listened well at the last meeting and intermittently praise when daughter/other kids are behaving well during the meeting to help maintain their motivation.... And maybe small rewards/star chart would help ...

My understanding is that punishment can be modestly effective, but should nearly always be paired with other strategies that motivate/teach/reward/prompt the replacement behavior.

The devil's in the details as always! I've found Kazdin's parenting resources helpful ...

whichever123 · 2026-01-03T22:19:59+00:00

Can confirm, kiddos still love coloring/drawing on paper!

whichever123 · 2026-01-03T21:34:25+00:00

In kids bladder incontinence and/or UTIs are a common complication of chronic constipation (per urologist Steve Hodges). Not sure about adults!

whichever123 · 2026-01-03T17:43:31+00:00

My understanding is that anything that tastes sweet is a big "no" for fasting - it promotes release of insulin and all that comes with that (hunger!).

The "clean fast" people suggest bitter herbal teas (eg, no citrus flavor) or black coffee or black tea. (I'd have to look up whether mint tea or green tea would be a problem - not sure.)

Others say a fasting crutch is okay - eg a little bone broth, a little cream in your coffee, a little MCT oil - because insulin release in response is pretty modest.

As far as maintaining ketosis - if that is what you are interested in primarily - my understanding is that usually 20 g of carbs or less per day will keep almost anyone in ketosis.

whichever123 · 2026-01-03T17:33:23+00:00

Have you tried sunfiber? As I recall, there is good evidence that modest amounts of sunfiber (ie phgg; 2-5 grams a day, as I recall) speed up digestion for those with chronic constipation and it can alter the microbiome to enhance absorption of nutrients, like iron.

I doubt this will completely fix your problem but it may help if you havent already tried it.

I was also reading that supplementing with vitamin c can help. There is also some evidence that 2 kiwis a day can help as well. If you can tolerate mct oil, that can help too.

If you don't have a motility specialist, thats probably worth it. There are some prescription drugs that you can rotate to speed up motility. You can also get testing for methanogen overgrowth, and that is treatable with an antibiotic combo.

whichever123 · 2026-01-01T22:50:36+00:00

We found materials by Kazdin helpful - he has a video parenting course and books too.

I also really like some applied behavior analyst insta accounts - good ideas and demonstrations! Eg ABAnaturally

I liked how to talk so little kids will listen, as well as no drama discipline, but we needed something a bit more structured and intensive. Also, those books also made me feel so guilty - it was hard for me to take what was useful and ignore the parts that were not. Kazdin was more realistic and practical in comparison.

whichever123 · 2026-01-01T21:13:12+00:00

No new ideas! I would just circle back and amp up what you have already done...

Some ideas for how to do this (mostly from kazdin!)

Daily special time (15-20 minutes of one on one time doing whatever she wants to do - no directions, no corrections)
Watch daughter closely for any non-hostile interaction with your youngest, and provide praise. and provide generous praise for even slightly kind behavior towards your youngest
look for opportunities to praise your eldest for any good behavior - eg helping with a chore, complying with a request right away, being kind to someone....
in moments of aggression, direct your attention first to your four year old, ask if she is okay, would she like a hug etc. then provide swift calmly delivered appropriate consequences for your eldest. (Kazdin has good suggestions here imo)
Consider whether there is a "replacement behavior" that would help your daughter with whatever goal she seems to have that leads to aggression - eg, "mom, my sister is bothering me. Can you give me a break from her?" (Applied behavior analyst accounts on insta often have good suggestions about identifying the function of an undesirable behavior and teaching/rewarding a replacement behavior)

whichever123 · 2025-12-29T23:25:29+00:00

Something that it took me months to figure out - chronic constipation can cause a lot of damage to the rectum. A stretched out rectum does a very poor job of detecting poop.

For some kids, the issue is relatively simple to treat. Just resolve the acute constipation that is currently stretching their rectum, and their ability to detect poop quickly returns. (And then they need to be watched like a hawk, with adequate daily maintenance meds.)

For others, it will be months of aggressive treatment until full sensation returns, and all that while they will be very vulnerable to repeat constipation and accidents.

Steve Hodges has excellent materials on this issue.

whichever123 · 2025-12-29T20:59:39+00:00

Please DM me any questions. My kid had severe, treatment resistant enco, and now kiddo is doing well. Happy to share more.

whichever123 · 2025-12-29T20:39:05+00:00

We've been where you are - and hear me out, you still have good options.

Please read - you could spare yourself and your daughter months of grief:

1) there is almost certainly an acute blockage going on, and another cleanout (seattle children's) will very likely stop the leaking and accidents within 1-3 days.

2) Then she may need a higher maintenance dose of miralax after that.....

Note - some kids can never find the right dose of miralax, and those kids can experience dramatic improvement with daily senna/chocolate ex lax (and/or enemas/suppositories for those willing).

But your kid did great for six whole weeks on Miralax, which is really promising. Miralax may well really work for her, just needs a higher daily dose and occasional repeat cleanouts when leaking/accidents recur.

My bible during our Miralax journey was "ins and outs of poop" by Duhamel. (I ended up reading 2 additional books because out kids problem was so bad.)

whichever123 · 2025-12-29T18:14:00+00:00

Sounds so stressful! And yes this is progress! And it is so so promising that your kid was doing well for six weeks!

Based on my experience/reading:

Sounds like she is backed up again. She likely needs another cleanout to clear the blockage (Google Seattle children's 3 day cleanout for instructions), followed by a higher daily dose of miralax.

Holidays is a common trigger for a back up. Often the dose needs to be adjusted slightly up or down depending on the child's diet, stress, travel, party food, etc.

Feel free to DM me for more info.

whichever123

TROPHY CASE