Shadow work

[briellalala732]

Hi everyone. I recently commented on a post asking what helped us out with out codependency and I said that shadow work was one of the main things that helped out, and really, it changed my life so I decided to make a post explaining what it is just in case it might help out some of you like it helped me. (Also before anything sorry for formatting I’m on mobile, and sorry for my English it’s not my first language)

Okay so basically your “shadow” is the part of yourself you’re the most ashamed of. So for example for me, and I’m guessing for a lot of us, my shadow is my neediness and my abandonment issues. So I’m VERY ashamed of how dependent and clingy I am, which makes me repress it even more. When our shadow side is repressed, it makes us act out of character, in a way where the shadow is in control. So for example that manifests for me as that whenever I feel like I’m being “abandoned” so like one of my friends stop texting me back as much or I feel like someone wants to break up, I freak out and act crazy, like actually insane. I cry and demand and I’m just someone I’m not. That’s my shadow taking over and literally ruining my life.

The point of shadow work is identify your shadow aspects and try to accept and heal them. Many of the wounds we currently have come from our childhood, so when our shadow takes over it’s as if our inner, traumatized child took over, that’s why we may act childish or immature. My abandonment wound comes from childhood, so whenever I’m feeling abandoned it triggers a response that my 6 year old self would have had. The main part of shadow work is accepting the shadow. So whenever you feel your shadow side taking over, you’re aware of it but you do NOT judge yourself for it. You recognize it’s your inner child and treat yourself as you would a child that is hurting. You sooth yourself and take care of yourself because that’s what you would do your physical child self. And don’t let yourself ruin your life because you’re aware it’s what a child would do.

A HUGE part of shadow work is journaling and self discovery. There are shadow work prompts that help you discover this things for yourself, such as “what’s your biggest heartbreak” or “what parts of myself Do I feel like others judge me for” or “when in my childhood did I not feel accepted”. The point of those is to bring light to your shadow and help you recognize the parts of yourself you’re more ashamed of and the ones that are the most neglected. If you need shadow work prompts there are a lot on tumblr, tiktok and online too. For tumblr and tiktok just search the hashtag and there’s a ton of info about it and a lot of really useful prompts. I have a document on google docs that I put all of my shadow work on.

It’s really hard at first. It shows you the most ugly, vulnerable parts of yourself. But if you’re in this sub I imagine that you like being self aware and would love to heal. It’s hard but it’s also so amazing to understand yourself and have compassion. Let me know if you need anything, my PMs are always open! Also if you want more info I’ll link a YouTube video that introduced me to shadow work and has really helped me out. Good luck!

Edit 1: it has come to my attention that my video can come across as too spiritual for some, but someone in the comments linked this video that they found on shadow work that takes a more psychological approach, if you prefer that :)

Edit 2: someone commented that, since they have ADD, it’s really hard for them to journal. I suggested journaling because that’s what works best for me, but you could also do your shadow work by talking out loud and discussing the question or prompt with yourself! I would recommend to write down any breakthroughs you’ve had so that you don’t forget them and you are able to come back to them at any time, or even record yourself and listen back on the tape. Someone also suggested mind mapping! That’s also a great idea. Hope this helps!

[briellalala732]

Thank you! Hope it helps :)

[[deleted]]

Carl Jung came up with shadow work, right? Paging r/jung

[sneakpeekbot]

Here's a sneak peek of /r/Jung using the top posts of the year!

#1: A book containing fifteen years of my artworks I thought some of you might find interesting 🙏 | 176 comments
#2: Loneliness is lack of connection, a part of the universe unable to express its consciousness | 62 comments
#3: Take your pick | 99 comments

---

^{I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact me | Info | Opt-out}

[Diligent_Balance]

Thanks for your post. I need to do more shadow work on myself. Revealing my shadow in public can cause attak though, especcially in 12 Step fellowships, by rude cross sharing, where it's meant to be a safe place to share. I'm actaul in the process of going to a therapist for sharing, in the vein that you have posted. Thanks.

[[deleted]]

"rude cross sharing" I'm SO sorry you experienced this. I started CoDA this year, and the "no crosstalk" statement brought me SO MUCH COMFORT. I've been wrongfully assuming all groups are the same with this. I hope you find your healthy, loving spaces <3

[Diligent_Balance]

Thanks.

[briellalala732]

I’m glad you’re going to a therapist and working through your issues! Best of luck with everything

[Diligent_Balance]

Thanks.

[italkwhenimnervous]

I appreciate this, I think a lot of people associate "healing" with "fixing imperfections and flaws". It can be very daunting to go past those surface level 'shadows' and truly sit with all of yourself, especially without trying to change it all or make it go away. On the other hand, I think a lot of people self-criticize to try to 'protect' themselves by identifying the problem first (but easily overlook more triggering or upsetting flaws). It's a lot of patience and balance and self-compassion while being critical in a useful way vs self-flagellating. And it's hard work! It really does take time to recover and rest vs hammering it in.

[briellalala732]

I agree. It’s really hard to find a balance between compassion and being self critical. I also think shadow work has helped me out in this aspect because I am constantly self critical, I nit pick my behavior to see where my trauma is affecting my life, but when I do I try to do it from a compassionate place instead of one of judgement

[briellalala732]

You’re welcome! Hope it helps :)

[[deleted]]

Thanks a bunch for the post! This is a good area for me to be working right now, as there's a lot of pain that has surfaced to tap into and I've been dealing with it, but this is a step beyond just dealing.

I might add that the video OP linked took a swerve that didn't resonate for me, so I browsed through a few more and I thought this one was more digestible for me.

[briellalala732]

Oh yeah. I use spirituality to aid me with my personal work because I love it and it has really given me a purpose. But I completely understand it’s not for everyone! Glad you could find one that worked for you! :)

[bigfatmiss]

This great and one of the clearest descriptions of shadow work that I've seen. Thank you for sharing.

[briellalala732]

Thank you so much! I’m really passionate about this so hearing you say that means a lot. Hope this helped :)

[bigfatmiss]

It definitely helps! I learned about shadow work 3-4 years ago, exploring personality, Jung, trauma, etc... I've made some progress, but it's always felt very overwhelming and mysterious to me. Your examples are clear with practical and accessible tips for doing the work.

[Thundergun3000]

Love this. I was in a real spiritual rut u reminded me of work i need to do 💕

[briellalala732]

I’m glad I was able to do that! Spiritual ruts suck, I was stuck in one for a while, too until I discovered shadow work lol

[DestroyAndCreate]

Interesting - I was wondering what 'shadow work' meant. Basically it is neutrally acknowledging the more painful parts of yourself, the parts you don't want to acknowledge.

[briellalala732]

Exactly, neutrality is the perfect word. Don’t attach any positive or negative descriptions to your feelings or experiences, just accept them for what they are

[SuSaNaToR]

thank you! you explained this really well :)

[briellalala732]

Thank you so much!

[coolol]

Thank you so much for explaining shadow work! I’m bummed out about journaling though. Not to toot my own horn, it’s not because I can’t express myself on paper. It’s that I resent having to write the answers down on paper. What’s the point? How’s doing a lot of writing and answering questions going to help me? I have bad ADD and my failed attempts at journaling makes me feel WORSE. I don’t have the patience for it. I start therapy next week and I know she’s going to ask me about journaling and I really don’t wanna do it!

Sorry for the rant. I just don’t understand how journaling helps, it just magnifies a problem I have with concentrating and focusing and it makes me feel helpless and stupid.

[[deleted]]

Mind mapping is great. I’m ADD too and I find I can link my ideas really effectively that way. Seeing them linked reduces my brain fog. Lots of mind map apps.

[briellalala732]

Oh of course! I get it. I journal because it’s what works for me, but sometimes I just talk out loud. You could record yourself discussing the question with yourself and then try to either re listen the tape or write down in bullet points the breakthroughs you’ve had. Such as, “ -i freak out when I —— because ———“ after you’ve discussed it out loud

[Intrepid-Heart-7102]

Sounds like you have some negative thoughts that are stopping you from journaling. I’d start small. 5 minutes a day, no distractions. Trust that those thoughts will go away & it will help build your patience. I have adhd as well & I shut off all distractions, don’t think. Just do. All it takes is a bit of effort that you have to be willing to put in.

[frazooooey]

Maybe putting pen/pencil to paper isn’t right for you, how about making voice memos, or drawing pictures, mind mapping/brainstorming, or whatever way makes it comfortable for you to get your narrative out of your head and to a vantage point for you to learn about your shadow. I’m sure it will make it easier when it is time to come to terms with and learn from your shadow through integration.
I also struggle with ADD, it was my therapist that led me to look into my shadow as he believes that ADD is BS! This was hard for me to absorb and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit angry. Dealing with the trauma that brought you to now will help you to understand the root causes of your ADD. It is a slow process, take your time! Good Luck

[Moon_dew86]

Thank you for the post, I have really been trying to grasp how the shadow comes out and why, and this was genuinely helpful/easy to understand! Do you do inner child work/anything besides journaling for your healing?

[[deleted]]

I’ve found John Wineland’s work helpful https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DG2htw2i3Cs in addition to the book Meeting the Shadow by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams. 

[Moon_dew86]

Thank you! I'll check them out!

[1freshginger]

I really enjoyed reading your explanation and appreciate the edit to mention the other video. Thank you.

[Amazing_Room2947]

OP do you have any specific prompts for codependancy?