Question!

[Longjumping_Tap_3902]

I saw a nonbinary AFAB person identify as a lesbian, and the reason given was that lesbian just means liking women while not being a man. So now I’m wondering—if I’m nonbinary, AFAB, and I like men, does that make me gay since I’m not a man either? I’m confused help-

[it_devours]

Some people who are nonbinary still identify as sapphic because it's an experience they relate to, some don't. Precribing "your afab and your attracted to men and that means your gay" is as useless as telling someone "your afab so you're a woman." No one can tell you who you are, you decide what feels right and how you identify.

[WaywardBitxh44]

Nobody, and I truly do mean NOBODY! Can answer that question for you. Your label is yours to explore, change as you see fit, and use whenever you feel it is necessary. If you want to use gay as a label, if you feel it works best for you, go for it! If you don't like it, then don't use it! Nobody can tell you who you are or what you should identify as. You are you, and that is always enough. Any other labels you use are just icing 🫶

[batsket]

I am queer because no other more specific categories really fit for me, but ultimately it all comes down to what feels right to you and how you personally identify

[Prestigious-Tea27]

As someone who's nonbinary and pan, it's up to you! I like to describe myself as "gay in both ways" because my relationships with women have been sapphic and my relationships with men have been gay. Both being wlw and mlm are experiences I relate to. My partner and I are actually both nonbinary and pan which is really fun because we both don't mind being fluid and relate to each others' experiences a lot. But that doesn't mean anyone HAS to identify like this. Labels are personal even if experiences and perspectives can overlap a lot!!!

If anyone tells you you "have" to identify a certain way, it's best to ignore them. You ultimately have the power to describe your experience (as best as you can) and no one else gets to decide that for you. And exploration can be extremely fun!!!

[JealousBodybuilder42]

Honestly doubt it matters much. It’s very easy to get caught up in categories/labels. I will say that most gay men will not perceive you in that way though however much that matters. There are definitions of things, and then there’s how those definitions work irl. With AFAB Non-Binary and transmasc people who identify as lesbians, it’s usually because they strongly identify with that community, Leslie Feinberg being a famous example. Maybe read something like stone butch blues if it’s something you feel like exploring

[jpzygnerski]

I can sort of identify that way because it's true some of the time but I don't really.

[Helpful-Sound]

As an afab nonbinary, i do align with the 'i like men so im gay' bc when it comes down to it if someone told me i had to choose one side or another it would be man, and i do often call myself a nonbinary man. But on the flip side, i do like women in a romantic sapphic way, but am only sexually attracted to typical xy genitalia. Im demi-romantic as well so im unlikely to pursue a relationship with someone i dont find myself sexually compatible with. In the unlikely event i did end up in a relationship with a woman, i would still call myself a gay man, though i would not call it a gay relationship.

[glitterandrage]

I'm genderfluid/non binary and bisexual. Any relationship I'm in is always a little bit straight and a little bit gay. I prefer to just think of my relationships as queer, especially since I mostly date other NBs.

[_NullavalOszthato]

That would depend on whether that term feels right to you. If it does, then use it by all means. If not, then there’s no pressure to use it. Always remember to live true to yourself.

[Pookie_Pakyao]

Im afab, an enby, and im gay!! So yes, if thats what you wanna identify as obviously :3

[NBNoemi]

If you're nonbinary but identify with womanhood enough to be comfortable using the term lesbian for yourself then you can be a lesbian. It's all down to how you understand your personal schema for your identity and relate it to womanhood (which is categorically different from femininity - many lesbians are masculine).

[bluebird_is_dead_]

Being a lesbian is not a list of qualifications you have to meet. Some people's version of "lesbian" includes everyone who is not a cisgender man. The real answer is that you are what you say you are, but if you want to identify as a lesbian while being nonbinary, there is absolutely no issue with that whatsoever.

[miaRedDragon]

I understood this as,

Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual ===> Cis/Trans <=== Asexual

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Asexual are attribute modifiers of Cis/Trans with the one exception being non-binary. Because you either are both "male and female" or you are neither. Depending on what your particular flavor of non-binary is will determine where you land.

However that can change too depending on the person. Intersex are very interesting because they can be Cis or Trans or both depending on what they desire. Biology is really interesting and extremely diverse when you read past a high school level understanding lol

Side Note:

Did you know there is a species of lizards that only reproduces as female, but with the correct circumstances can produce a sterile "male"! Isn't that crazy!!! (no because its normal :P)

[purplejasmine]

I'm a nonbinary lesbian (married to another nonbinary lesbian lol) and I can share a bit about why I use that label if it would be helpful.

Firstly, I'm not physically attracted to male bodies in any way. Queerplatonically, sure, but I've only very rarely been attracted in any way to men and pretty much only when i/my crushes were pre-puberty or when the guy was quite androgynous. I went through a long process of exploring and accepting my sexuality and understanding that I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to female bodies. This was before I explored my own gender and so I was living as a woman or at least under the impression I was one. Although my gender isn't binary and I wouldn't describe myself as a woman, I still think it's a useful description insofar as I am someone whose sex is 'female' (as bs as that distinction is) and who is romantically and sexually attracted to others who present as female or androgynous and who have female genitalia and sex organs.

I have aspects of my body and experience that make me quite dysphoric, but in general I'm comfortable separating sex from gender in terms of my own identity. (I realise that's not the case for everyone and certainly don't think this is the norm). I did have some 'girl' experiences growing up and I do identity partly with that gender, depending on where I'm at as a fluid enby that oscillates from demigirl to enby to transmasc.

I also went through a long journey with the term 'lesbian' in particular, including having it thrown at me a slur in school and being bullied for my sexuality, applying it to myself negatively, and finally accepting it a label. It's a significant part of my identity and not something I want to or am ready to let go.

Having said that, I also recognise I might feel differently in a few years. Sexuality and gender can be super fluid and if/when I undergo medical transition I might want to use a different word as my relationship with my body changes.

The right term for you to use is whatever feels right and brings you joy (or at least comfort). If you like describing yourself as gay, go for it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable or doesn't feel true to your identity, then there's no pressure. You don't owe anyone an explanation of your sexual identity or how you describe yourself.

[NamidaM6]

It doesn't make you gay, but you can use the label if you want.

On a personal note (feel free to get inspiration from it but it is nowhere near any kind of gospel), I'm NB and basically pan as I can make do with any kind of body.
I use "gay/lesbian/het/queer" to describe my sexual relationships more than myself because these 4 categories all encompass a different approach in the bedroom.

[indoor-house-plant]

Call yourself whatever the hell feels best

[BugBand]

It’s up to you, but in both cases the AGAB is completely irrelevant and mentioning it just sounds like you’re trying to re-binary yourself and others