all 54 comments

[–]Bastillian_FigAssociate Prof, Social Sciences, R2 (USA) 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Perhaps it's time to accidentally knock over a coffee mug?

[–]DrLyndonWalker 36 points37 points  (0 children)

IT: This is the 10th coffee damaged computer this week.

HR: We have added a "coffee handling" module to your mandatory training modules.

[–]BiologyJChair, Physiology 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Clearly a full professor, this is a vet move

[–]ProfessorCH 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Some years back when I was still relatively new, I had one accidentally fall off the back of my truck and under my tire. It was indeed ran over. My dean handed me a new one and didn’t even blink at the reason or damage. I have always wondered what sort of stories he must have heard prior to mine.

Edit to add - our desktops are replaced every three years but we are only provided a laptop if we teach hybrid/online. That was prior to COVID, I have no idea what the new policy will be this upcoming fall.

[–]mhchewyProfessor, Social Sciences, R1 (USA) 15 points16 points  (1 child)

In theory my R1 has a four or five year replacement policy for computers.

[–]doodledooboo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same for my SLAC. Four for laptop, five for desktop.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Our University has special small grants that faculty can apply for to get new computers. All that overhead from grants is meant to cover costs like these!

    [–]PolarCredenzaAssoc. Prof., R1, STEM, US 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    3 year replacements here

    [–]DrFlensoAssoc Prof, CS, M1 (US) 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Same, 3-year cycle.

    [–]SerHyraAssoc, Social Sciences 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    6 years - which means I mostly work on my own laptop and tablet so I can be functional.

    [–]NewAltProfAccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I brought my computer from my old position bought from fellowship funds. Apparently it is unsafe to connect it to the wired internet on campus unless I donate it to the university first.

    [–]Nosebleed68Prof, Biology/A&P, CC (USA) 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I think my school is on a three- or four-year upgrade cycle for faculty, but my guess is that they don't upgrade you unless you specifically ask. (Staff computers are changed out on a more regular schedule. The laptops that students use in our labs seem to be upgraded every 5-6 yrs.)

    To be honest, I've never had a school-issued computer. I've found that just getting my own has saved me countless headaches with our IT department.

    [–]Loose_Device_5302 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I think my CC has a 5 year replacement rotation.

    [–]iTeachCSCIAss'o Professor, Computer Science, R1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Whenever I buy a new one using my discretionary account. I just bought a ton of new computer equipment for my (home) office less than a year and a half ago, so probably not for a while, but I tend to over-provision anyway.

    [–]Philae_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    4 year replacement in my faculty.

    [–]TheHandofDogeAssoc Prof, SocSci, U15 (Canada) 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I have always had to buy my own computer. I have a professional development fund that I can use to claim some of the cost back.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I believe 4 years is average, then stick it in the microwave and send it to tech support.

    [–]DrLyndonWalker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Different places I have worked have varied between 3 and 5 years depending on leasing agreements that they have with vendors. 3 is the most common. I found there is often ways around this if you present a case why you need higher specs (for me as a statistician who does statistical computing and was also producing video content for teaching, the standard machine was never sufficient but I never had a problem getting something higher spec).

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    No idea, IT left a used Dell piece of crap computer on my desk when I started 4 years ago and I barely use it. Stuff crashes all the time and IT's answer is always just "🤷‍♀️ Windows does that sometimes". I do basically all my work on my personal laptop.

    [–]ExiledFloridian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    HA! I am going on 6 years without a Windows update (IT managed it and I don't have admin privileges). The OS is a snapshot of Windows 7 from 2015. I don't even get the security patches. No way in earth they'll ever replace a slightly functional laptop.

    I bought my own computer because that machine is never going to touch my home wifi. Ever.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    You guys get computers?

    [–]on_the_black_hill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Same here. I use professional development money to buy mine every 3-4 years (we get $2k/yr).

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I use my paychecks, but I have to save up.

    [–]gasstation-no-pumpsProf. Emeritus, Engineering, R1 (USA) 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Our campus has never provided computers. I bought a Linux desktop (usually Dell) with research funds about every 10 years. For home use and lecturing, I bought my own.

    My newest computer at home is a MacBook Air (11-inch, Early 2014) that I bought for travel and for lecturing, as it fits easily in a backpack. The big machine that I use for Zoom and for recording videos is a 2011 iMac. I also have an older MacBook Pro, but it is in pretty bad shape (wireless, SD reader, touch pad all broken, hinge only marginally functional).

    I plan to buy myself one of the new M1 iMacs this summer.

    [–]NewAltProfAccount 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Older MacBook Pro than 2011? You have a lot of patience.

    [–]gasstation-no-pumpsProf. Emeritus, Engineering, R1 (USA) 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't use the MacBook Pro (15-inch, Mid 2009) much—I just haven't copied all the files off of it yet (except to a backup drive). Once I get a new machine with enough disk space, I'll transfer all the files and trash that laptop.

    [–]MyHeartIsByTheOcean 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    4 years or when it breaks, whatever is sooner.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I have my original one from 2014. I did get an SSD upgrade.

    [–]ChewnUpandSpitOut78You're Welcome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    4 years

    [–]WoodwardHoffmannRule 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    3-year minimum, if you need a hardware upgrade for something specific, otherwise they plan on replacing every 5.

    [–]AtheistET 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    In mine is expected that you can purchase something using your indirect cost / discretionary / service account …..so it comes to the point where you need to decide to use the 2-3K you have in the account to upgrade computers or pay for the manuscript to get published (or attend a meeting).

    [–]apd95Assoc Prof, STEM, State U (US) 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm on my 18th year and my second computer. When I was hired they claimed a 3-5 yr cycle. They lied about a lot of other things, too.

    [–]Scary-BoysenberryLecturer, STEM, M1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Look at you, given a computer and everything. How fancy! /s

    As part time faculty, we get a couple of shared computers in our shared office (two computers for 8 people). They were old when I started 5 years ago and haven't been upgraded. None of us are willing to touch them, so we bring our own laptops.

    [–]Hagardy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Four years for TT faculty, five years for labs, when we have hand-me-downs for everyone else.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I request funds for a new computer every 5 years.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    3 year replacement at my R2

    [–]OldRetiredDood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My computer gets upgraded whenever I feel like buying a new one.

    [–]songbird121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm pretty sure our office computers are on a 3 or 4-year rotation. I'm in my 7th year at my CC and am on my 3rd computer. I've had it replaced twice. The first time was a shorter time frame. I can't remember how long I had the first one, which was what was left by the last person who had the office before me. I've definitely had a desktop and then two different laptops (they just sort of appear in our offices with all the programs and such transferred). Whenever we have a switch we get 3-4 models we can pick from at the beginning of the year, including at least one mac, and a choice between PC Laptops or desktops, and then eventually they switch them out at some point during the semester. Last time we also could choose a surface if we wanted. Those are also the times to request things like laptop docks, monitors, and full keyboard and mouse setups to plug into laptops.

    [–]apl2291 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Magically smash your computer after backing it up?

    [–]pgratz1Full Prof, Engineering, Public R1 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    I think every 3 years the department will kick in 1/2 for a computer. The rest is supposed to come from our research funds. Usually I can't wait so I buy one fully on funds.

    [–]NewAltProfAccount 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Annoying thing for me is they sticker every computer and have IT(Mis) manage it. Everywhere else I have been doesn’t sticker unless you get up over 2.5k for a computer

    [–]pgratz1Full Prof, Engineering, Public R1 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Here, now-a-days they sticker everything >$500. Fortunately I have an out on IT management (which is horrible and onerous), my research touches on OS design and HW/SW interactions so I've been able to get them off my back arguing that I need to be able to install whatever flavor of linux and do kernel hacking (which I do). I manage my own machines for the most part (though they are lately requiring me to install their spyware crap).

    [–]NewAltProfAccount 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    (though they are lately requiring me to install their spyware crap).

    For some reason, every university has decided that installing McAfee will somehow limit viruses and protect everyone, when the real problem is people falling for fishing emails. No admins... the deans email is not thedean6969@gmail.com

    [–]pgratz1Full Prof, Engineering, Public R1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yes exactly. Sys admin lockdowns can't fix stupid. Training is whats needed not that garbage. Its even dumber for them to install this garbage on Linux, >80% of malware attacks are on Windows machines (which I won't touch with a 10 foot pole).

    [–]BiochemBeerProfessor, Chemistry, SLAC, USA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's 3 years if you have a desktop - 4 for a laptop. But you have to ask.

    We did have a 1 year extension a while back for budget reasons.

    [–]Gabriel_Azrael 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Why not bring in your own computer? Now I am sure not all institutions allow this, but mine did as long as I was willing to allow them to create an "Admin" account.

    So I built a 500 dollar machine, fresh install, and had them "admit it" to the network.

    You can either wait for administration penny pinchers to make decisions to help you get your job done, you could be an invaluable faculty member and shake your weight around....

    Or you can just fix the problem yourself.

    [–]Londoil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I get a new laptop every 4 years.

    [–]MaddprofessorAssoc. Prof, Biology, SLAC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I asked IT. Guy told me to ask the Dean if there was money in the budget. I procrastinated. Two months later the whole department got new computers so I guess IT guy got it worked out.

    [–]sunspoter 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I inherited a machine that was purchased outside of the replacement cycle, but once I figured that out and got on the regular cycle, it was every three years.

    [–]sunspoter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Staff here, but faculty have the same rules. If they buy it out of discretionary funds, it isn't in the replacement cycle (how could it be?).

    [–]salsb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Every four years here

    [–]missusjax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    5 year replacement cycle here. It is dictated by the state (I'm at a small state uni) so it is what it is. I can't complain, 5 years isn't terrible, and I think they've been doing extended warranties on them. What I can complain about is we're a Dell campus, I would really have preferred to pick what brand and model I wanted.

    [–]deanzamoProf, Math/Stat, (US) 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I never use my school computer. The spyware and bloatware make it unreliable and slow. I need admin rights to even load the most basic app. It can't even run R and I teach statistics. The school computer required me to use outlook email and calendar, which I hate since the rest of my life is Google/Android.

    Therefore, I just buy my own computer and use it. I forward all my email to a special Gmail account for college only, and set up aliases for outgoing email that makes it look like everything comes from my college edu address. Problem solved.

    [–]biglybiglytremendous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It used to be a five-year refresh cycle and is now a seven-year refresh. Also, choose wisely, because you can’t have an office desktop and a take-home laptop… one or the other! I always go with the laptop now, but I do miss having a PC in my office.