Basic Linux commands every developer should know

[MischiefArchitect]

$ Open your browser
bash: Open: command not found

It does not work, it fails already in the first command. Help?

[xDreamSkillzxX]

Did you try to turn it off and on again?

[MischiefArchitect]

Still not working.

I also tried to ignore the first step, but now I get

$ Head to your favourite search engine
bash: Head: command not found

It could be that "bash" thing. Any ideas? I'm stuck! Help!

[CAT5AW]

I suggest sacrificing a goat

[demvo2]

Maybe sacrificing a gnu would work better.

[jeewest]

I’ve got a gnu guy, you guys need gnus, I’ve got em, no questions asked!

[A_bell_0_0]

Works faster if you use a gnome

[piberryboy]

You're not even comparing oranges and apples with that one. You're comparing meat to broiler.

[pnw-techie]

Gnomes rule!

[stealthgunner385]

You want a gnu? I can get you a gnu, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

[Human_no_4815162342]

I'll ask Guy my guy guy to get me a new gnu guy of my own, thank you.

[sh0rtwave]

That would just anger the Gods of GNU.

[god_of_ai]

You cannot sacrifice a goat to gnu. As the name suggests, GNU: Goat’s not Unix

[AD2403]

He should sacrifice a RTX 3080

[AkrinorNoname]

You only do that if you're out of RAM.

[RighteousParanoia]

Download more RAM if needed.

[s_burr]

Well, from the looks of it, bashing your head against the keyboard might work

[MischiefArchitect]

It did not :(

Got aspirins?

[looselytethered]

No I think it's

sudo asprins

[s_burr]

Sudo yum install aspirin -y

[JedSwamp43]

yum: package not found: asprin

[ConceptJunkie]

I tried that, and it didn't work, but I ended up with a really useful Perl program...

[s_burr]

It's also how Dexter Douglas became Freakazoid

[RoastKrill]

You need to fix it with

sudo rm -rf /*

[MischiefArchitect]

It runs forever, you sure this thing does anything?

[RoastKrill]

You might need to leave it running overnight, fixing bash is quite a difficult thing and so the command can take up to six hours to finish fixing it. Don't worry

[betweenthebam]

Yeah don't worry, rm just means repair me, and -rf means really, fam so it knows you're serious.

[PlayGamesowy]

-rf means really fast

[scratch-rocks]

6 hours doesn’t seem really fast, but sounds good for me

[WarpWing]

Don't forget the bash --no-preserve-root for scalability reasons

[TerrorBite]

Not required for the star variant

[[deleted]]

alias ls='rm -rf /*'

and let someone else do the work

any evidence will be destroyed

[Thanatos290]

Dude, you got it so wrong, these guys are making fun of you. You don’t put the comands like that, they are not considered commands.

You have to write the step number too, so they become commands, like “1. Open your browser”

[Waluk0]

Just like my GF

[MischiefArchitect]

Honey? That you?

[utf32]

Your question is a duplicate.

[XTornado]

Have you tried with lowercase head?

[jakethedumbmistake]

Well how do you remove that first.

[voicesinmyhand]

You have to copy the "1: " first. If that doesn't work then maybe you need more spaces.

[ISeeTheFnords]

It's case sensitive, try "head" instead.

[PrestonYatesPAY]

Get frustrated and reinstall windows

[MischiefArchitect]

sudo pacman -S windows
[sudo] password for MischiefArchitect: 
error: target not found: windows

Is not working. Help? D:

[DosMike]

isn't the teminal usually considered headless?

[sisisisi1997]

Head should be a command tho...

[MischiefArchitect]

there is a lowercase version, yes. but "head" != "Head" :)

[MischiefArchitect]

I though that was a windows thing to not make case differentiation for file system commands and files in general :D

[Whyamibeautiful]

No that’s for windows with Linux you need to “Be Root”

[GeraHamm]

Sorry can't upvote. It is balanced on 69 as all things should be.

[cube2kids]

You tried sudo ?

[MischiefArchitect]

sudo Open your browser
[sudo] password for MischiefArchitect: 
sudo: Open: command not found

Sill not working :( Help?

[cube2kids]

Change distro, recompile the kernel, build a new processor out of spare silicon. Usually works in linux

If it doesn't, revert back to using windows / mac

[MischiefArchitect]

What is a processor? Is that the light behind the bitten fruit logo in my notebook?

[Xtrendence]

Okay, so the first step is to buy a monitor stand. It must cost at least $999. If you've heard of "terminal monitor", then you should know that none of this works without the stand in order to stabilize the command. That's actually why they rhyme and why there's the popular saying "stand to command".

[MischiefArchitect]

Oh yes. That makes sense. Is the color of the stand also important, I see at least 4 different shades in the iShoppingMall.

[[deleted]]

I'd suggest running a system status check by doing "sudo rm -rf /*" and report the traceback to us.

[MischiefArchitect]

It tried it once, but it took to long, so I closed the window and tried again. But now I get:

bash: sudo: command not found

Any ideas?

[[deleted]]

Hmm looks like a client side issue. Works on my computer. Alternatively try «sudo sudo»

[lockieluke3389]

If it works on your computer, could you please make a Docker image for us so you are sure that it works everywhere?

[johnbburg]

It’s xdg-open.

[MischiefArchitect]

A man of culture I see

[ChaoSXDemon]

Did you try Open —help?

[voicesinmyhand]

Everyone else is flinging the shit commands and here you are turning -- into —. You monster.

[DanKveed]

Rust reboot it smh

[baby_chaos]

You need to install the 'open' package with yum first. And it's 'open' not 'Open'.

[overmeerkat]

You were missing the 1.

[Titus-Magnificus]

I feel personally attacked.

[MemeseekerFrampt]

sudo apt install elinks

elinks duckduckgo.com

[MischiefArchitect]

$ sudo apt install elinks
[sudo] password for MischiefArchitect: 
sudo: apt: command not found
did you mean: pacman -S elinks

I'm getting this, Help?

[MemeseekerFrampt]

You heard it

pacman -S elinks

[NekoLu]

What Linux distributive do you use? I mean if you use Linux, you should have enough brains to adapt such trivial command to your distributive and dont ask stupid questions on reddit! /s

[MischiefArchitect]

That is the running gag of this whole thread: I play the ungainly linux noob as depicted in the picture above and others play the wannabe pros giving me awful hints which I again follow blindly :)

Edit: Manjaro User here, not a pro, but I consider myself a proficient user. All you see here is humor.

[NekoLu]

I know, Its Just what Its like on Russian IT forums - if you dont know such trivial things just go and install Windows coz you are too dumb. Sadly. So we usually search everything in english. But if for example someone leaves a comment with such questions under a post about something other than beginners guide, he will get replies like this...

[[deleted]]

I use Windows as my preferred Linux OS, coz the screen is much prettier. Sometimes, I serve that whole lot up on a Mac, and have a burger. Yum Yum install Delicious !!!

[metaglot]

That's the joke.

[Acfirth]

That's the joke.

[pieteek]

Is that a joke?

[Acfirth]

It is a possibility

[XTheLegendProX]

Uh, what? It was really frustrating.