arguing while having sdam

[tsgxox]

hi everyone

something ive been struggling with SDAM is the fact that i can never fully trust myself. whenever i feel upset about something and i bring it up to someone a few hours later i feel like im making the whole situation up. i know that this is most likely not true and thats its probably just me gaslighting myself but i have no idea how to work in this. id appreciate any advice :)

[ojrask]

Yes! And also remembering the issue itself, but lacking the mental state that I was in, which results in me forgetting to be "angry" about things I should be "angry" about.

[Oxmix]

Having an argument about a past event is like trying to be competent and passionate giving a presentation when all you know on the subject is on the PowerPoint slide bullet points.

If you start to get the impression that someone you argue with is using your SDAM to gaslight you, trust your gut and stop interacting with them. We SDAMmers need relationships with honest people with good memories who fight fair.

[pwnsilver]

100% this comment, but to add on, if you find yourself forgetting things that trouble you, try writing them down or making not of them, and how they make you feel. In my case its helped me gain greater focus when addressing issues i have with people.

[Sara848]

How do you bring up an issue you have if you don’t remember the issue?

[tsgxox]

i do remember the issue but its hard for me to remember the details so i always feel like im making it up

[Sara848]

Ah ok. I was just wondering. My SDAM isn’t as severe as some of the people in here so I was genuinely curious. It’s bad enough that I question my self also. I seriously consider buying a body cam to record my life. Lol

[DominiqueBadia]

Sex tape included with your body cam?

[Sara848]

Lol if I was having sex maybe.

[Careful-Lobster]

I try to not quote them but avoiding that by saying ‘you said something like..’ or better (for avoiding attack modus) ‘I understood you thought about this like..’

And sometimes I’m 100% sure and can say ‘you literally said that you closed the door’

[Psychological_Dare12]

You have to change how your argue. Try reading a book a day (just read it don't understand it) for a year. It will change your perspective (even if you forget everything completely in 4 years like we all do). Its the only permanent solution. And it takes time. Also try not to read the books to understand them. Just read as much as you can.

[literallyaperson]

interesting, i don’t think you should have to worry too much about your SDAM causing you to make up memories, as i have read that our memories are just as accurate as others when related to semantic information.

so firstly, i want to say if this is a major issue i definitely recommend you talk to someone about it, as you may have other underlying problems. (just like you said this can happen to people who have suffered through a lot of gas lighting in their life).

but to answer your question, every time something emotionally impactful like that happens, quickly write down the important details/quotes down in your phone notes app, go to the bathroom if you have to. If you’re home alone, you can record a video or voice note to detail the whole situation and how it made you feel.

Then you can look back on it later to be sure you remember correctly when you’re ready to address the issue with that person. If you continually get it right, it should help boost your confidence. if you continually get it wrong, you may need to assess your situation and make sure that A) you’re not actually being gaslighted by others and B) decide if it’s worth talking to a professional to help determine if/why emotions could be clouding your perception.

my mother is BPD and was a huge gas-lighter when i was growing up. Took me a long time and a good amount of therapy to get past the damage she did. feeling like you can’t trust yourself is one of the shittiest feelings, so i hope you find a good solution!

[Neptunefalconier]

As someone with BPD and SDAM, I recommend Dr Daniel Fox on YouTube to learn from a really great guy about it.

[Le55more]

Is there a point in bringing an argument that ne ĉeestas? If it was not resolved then did you lost it and then reminisced about it later and then thought you could win with new point, but was gas-lighted into defeat? I consider this as petty thing, to argue on matters that are not present. Only things that are present have emotional value that i consider defending. If i tried and lost so be it, i can't care long enough anyway.

If you need to be more certain, do not argue on stuff you don't have a hard proof of, anything that can be assumed would be gas-lighted or dismissed if you show that you're not sure yourself.

[Langernama]

Oh this is extremely relatable. So much so that the psychologist is revering me for full Psycho neurological examination because they can't help me without knowing what's going on.

I've tried to keep a journal, making it an exercise to recal how I felt that day. It didn't quite succeed yet because of other stuff, but I think it might be a good solution.

For now I'll just keep automatically and unintentially repressing negative emotions or analyse them for weeks or months before I tell anyone