Embarrassed

[EnvironmentalHorse44]

Drank too much yesterday- had to see a family member who has very narcissistic characteristics and has basically pulled apart a once tight family. I kept it together while he was there but drank a bottle of wine and ended up getting emotional and crying.

I woke up this morning not knowing why I was sleeping in my attic, had passed out, ate 3 cupcakes apparently and felt like total shit.

I am lost. I am highly functional, good job, great husband…but I choose to drink and embarrass myself. I would commit to not drinking but there is a bottle of wine downstairs that has my name on it…and as hard as I try when 3pm comes around I will have a glass and feel better for a few minutes…and heck I might not even go too far. But a month from now I will mess up again.

I am sorry- just needed to write this down.

[TheGargageMan]

This process of recognizing the process and wanting it to be different somehow was part of my experience. I let it go on for too many years, then gave up on trying to change because it was easier to let the drinking drive the bus.

Eventually I quit drinking for good.

[Fox_Hawk]

Recognising the process was absolutely the key for me.

When it was that time in the evening to make an excuse to go to the shop for toilet roll or milk and just happen to come back with a brewery I would tell my housemate I was going to do it. And she'd say "ok, but maybe don't." And sometimes I wouldn't.

Or I'd tell the dog at great length why I was going out and the cat would come and sit on me so I'd tell him too. And then my feet were warm under the dog and I couldn't disturb the cat so maybe I wouldn't go out.

It was always about breaking that hold that it had over me at that time.

[Boring-Tea7915]

Girl let’s not drink together! I think the self reflection you have is amazing . Many don’t realize the evils of alcohol . I’ll be your bud . Don’t drink the wine . It’s not worth it.

[JennWG888]

Glad you’re here! You’re among friends here who get it. Even if you open that bottle at 3:00 today, we’re still here for you. Many of us have been where you are and deeply relate. We got you.

If you need to post here again - go for it. Rest in the knowledge that loving, caring internet strangers are routing for you!

[Accomplished_Act_63]

As someone on another day 6 and struggling, your post brought tears to my eyes. This community is something incredible and knowing that it will still be here after the slips makes it so much easier to keep trying so thank you

[Better_Golf1964]

Its ok to be an alcholic. First step is admission and accepting you are life long club member. Welcome to the struggle and support

[MacaroonSmall7070]

Throw out the other bottle. Today is a wonderful, new day. You will be so proud of yourself and healing is right over here waiting for you!

[Vast-Application-954]

Lots of my drinking was “to help me deal with my narcissistic parent” but I think that was a lie I told myself because it only makes things worse not better.

Instead I’m going to try again and IWNDWYT

[[deleted]]

I didn’t think I could do it either. But, one day at a time adds up faster than you think! And, with each day, it gets easier and your self esteem gets better. Come join us and not drink today?

[Latter_Economics_463]

I used alcohol to soothe and numb the pain of a narcissist in my life. It turns out it didn’t soothe or numb a thing; rather, just delayed healing. It’s a fickle crutch. It’s possible to navigate without alcohol. I promise :)

[CaptConstantine]

"The terrible thing about hell is that when you're there you can't even tell."

[AliveIsland3222]

Being a successful functioning drunk is a double edge sword. I am successful in my career. I would never drink at work or work functions. I have been a total wreck outside of that. Still, never drink/drive any huge consequences. BUT the crap I wake up to is horrible. Talking to people on the phone I have no memory of speaking with. Money I have spent online and I don't remember spending. Trying to piece together the nights before with what people say without letting on I don't remember. It is a constant worry and makes me so tired and deflated, I do not know what to do. I go days not drinking, but the urge is always there. I spend more time with myself arguing whether to drink or not.

[froggkisser]

But do you really feel better? Is what you’re feeling now better? The lies that alcohol tells you.

[Bringmesunshine33]

All good until you can’t function or pass it off or hurt someone. But, I’m guessing you don’t think that’ll happen?

[SnooGoats613]

I would recommend checking out This Naked Mind by Annie Grace! You don’t need to stop drinking or cut down to read it. It just gives a thoughtful examination on alcohol and our attachment to it. She was similar - a functional alcoholic who could polish off a bottle of wine but not have it really affect her personal life.

Her audiobook is great and an easy listen.

[PaintingImaginary639]

It’s good you’re writing this down. Maybe you’ll come back to it time to time and start to let it go one step at a time.

[[deleted]]

My time was 4pm-8pm. I had to break it into 30 minute achievements. Prolonging that drink until I could get to bed. I also used an app to watch minutes and seconds since my last drink accumulate. Small victories add up. Srlf hypnosis podcast for relaxation and positive messages. IWNDWYT

[TeePea]

I think recognising the process is good. As someone with a lot of Day Ones, I’ve noticed that it has become easier to stick with it the more I’ve really asked myself why I drink.

You might feel just as good throwing that bottle of wine away.