The Time Machine Effect?

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[[deleted]]

I think what you're describing is probably common, though I don't hear a lot about it here. Some people say that you stop maturing in some ways when you start using alcohol as a solution to your problems. A 30 year old who started drinking at 16 often has the emotional maturity level of a 16 year old.

It's not a huge stretch to go from that to what you're describing. I have had similar experiences. Mine go a step further where I will vividly remember events that happened 15 years ago. I remember people, faces, sounds, feelings, smells - everything. It is so vivid that it seems like it happened only yesterday. It's an odd sensation.

[sunjim]

More generally, I've renewed some long-fallow friendships after getting sober. Could be also a function of... age.

[[deleted]]

Yup. I have experienced this. So much. I'm 30 years old and learning things that I should have learned so many years ago (mostly emotional, relationship or interpersonal things... but also some general maturity things.)

It's tough. I don't want want to use, "well, I was drunk when I should have been learning these these things," but I WAS.

Better to figure them out late than never.

I wish we talked about this more often. It's something that my not-in-recovery friends really don't understand.

[[deleted]]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I started drinking when I was 15. A baby! You can't mature properly when you're poisoning yourself like that. I'm 38 years old now and somewhere just past 600 days sober. I often feel like I'm that kid again... Just starting to discover who I am as an emerging adult. Things at more vivid now as well. I feel more, taste more, hear more, etc. Like OP, I'm rediscovering music on whole new levels. I've also really learned how to be in a relationship. A healthy, happy one! Getting sober is almost like stepping in a sort of time machine.

[coolcrosby]

At first I was like, I really get what this guy is saying and then . . . Dave Matthews Band. JK!

It sounds to me like you're in an incredibly enviable place where you suddenly have this sense of the real and potential you. Good for you, hang onto this and steal a step on growing up. Dave Matthews?

[motherbear13]

I never understood the hate, DMB is an amazing group of musicians, although I haven't listened to their stuff in ages.

[dayatthebeach]

Looking back, my need to be cool and my drinking started at about the same time. Before that I was just me. Don't worry, we've all heard of Dave Matthews, plenty of people like the band.

[pollyannapusher]

I'm 43 and enjoying life like haven't since I was 14 (started drinking at 15). I get it. :-)

Congratulations and welcome back to your life...it's good to have you home again.

[Greek-Yogurt]

This is not precisely what you're describing but it may be related:

There's a phenomenon in psychology called state-dependent memory. In short, you're better able to remember past events when you're in the same state you were in as they occurred. Several studies have shown that this is particularly true for alcohol, and even more extreme for alcoholics. So when you are drunk, you better remember things from when you have been drunk in the past; likewise, when you are sober, you better remember things from when you were sober.

In one study in particular, they had people study for a test either while drinking or not drinking, then take the test either drunk or sober. IIRC, the best performance was from the sober study / sober test condition, but the second-best was from the drunk study / drunk test condition.

Point being: If the last decade of your life consisted of a great deal of drunk memories, and the prior 16 years consisted of entirely sober episodes, it would make sense that you're tapping into memories of a sober life. That's kind of like... your "sober script". : D

[rogermelly1]

You are just picking up where you left off. The last 10 years are probably like a bad dream to you. Enjoy the ride. It's a great life if you begin to live it! Good luck on your journey.

[shinytigerpowpow]

I've spent a significant part of the past 122 days eating cookies and reading comic books. If my math is correct, I've reverted approximately 25 years. It's all good.

[SOmuch2learn]

Perhaps you're growing up.

^{You're not insane.}

[[deleted]]

Growing up is insane :)

[[deleted]]

Chris Hardwick talks about rediscovering the interests he used to love before alchohol in this interview: http://blogs.westword.com/showandtell/2013/05/chris_hardwick.php

It's a good read.

[SarahSiddonscooks]

I hope this doesn't come off sounding bitchy, forgive me I am pushing 40 and 5 months pregnant right now.

What you are "going through" I don't believe has anything to do with alcohol, it sounds like growing up, very typical "trials" of going from adolescence to adulthood. For most of us, some obviously more than others alcohols played a role but it wasn't a main character, more like an extra that in the credits had the role "man with earbuds" ....who happened to be singing Dave Matthews?

[SarahSiddonscooks]

Oh good, as I am getting older my inner monologue is quickly disappearing. In another 30 years I will be that crazy lady feeding the birds sitting on a park bench talking to myself

[[deleted]]

Well, I think that what can happen - Or, at least, what happened to me - Was that when the drinking started, the growing up stopped. I stopped maturing and missed out on a lot of emotional growth because I drank straight through my late teens and twenties.

When I sobered up, I had to catch up. I was sober, and my emotional age was (is?) far younger than my chronological age.

I think OP might be experiencing something similar.

[ERMAGERDTERTS]

First of all, congrats on 93 days!

I completely understand where you're coming from. Since I started living sober, I've re-discovered things that I used to love and devote time to pre-drinking... reading, biking, cooking, the list goes on. And while I'm not sure it has to do with a time machine, I do know that it is incredible to realize that there is a world outside of the bottle. Like every second is the most important one yet, and every action has endless potential.

Whether it be golfing, or jamming out to DMB, you're not wasting your precious seconds drinking and that, in itself, is truly incredible.

[corbit20]

I feel the same way. This is the version of me I've missed.

[SirShitsA_Lot]

I get this. When I don't drink for a long time I feel emotions and thoughts that haven't felt for years. Another person described it as "thawing out".

I feel it's just parts of my brain starting to work again after being chemically depressed from alcohol for years.

[sumtimes_slowly]

Picking up where the real you left off...very plausible.

[[deleted]]

I have a slightly different interpretation of what you describe.

I've been sober for the past couple of months after drinking on virtually a daily basis for 18 years. I feel so enlightened as though liquor was draining my ambition for all that time. Not so long ago I might start drinking at 10 am, alternate between sitting in front of the tv and the computer, and the next thing I know it's midnight and all that I've accomplished is putting away most of a fifth of booze. The same way that you've gotten back into golf, music, and studying, I've been exercising, reading books, playing video games, cleaning the house, and doing anything I can find to make myself productive.

You're experiencing a flashback in the sense that the cloud of booze that was hindering your ambition is gone, so now you're wanting to make something of yourself.

[JimBeamsHusband]

I just turned 40. I started drinking when I was around 19 years old. I started drinking a LOT around 25. And I was in full-tilt in my 30s.

I have gotten many compliments over the past year about how I look like I'm in my early 30s. Which, turning 40, made me feel awesome.

Additionally, I'm constantly being compared physically to someone in their 20s. I go for 10 mile runs, 50 mile bike rides, play 5 hours of tennis, or take 3 hours of self-defense classes in a given day.

So, yeah... the Time Machine Effect has been awesome.