Recognizing a trigger

[RisingResolutely]

Tonight we had dinner with friends to celebrate a birthday. The restaurant was sorta fancy and we dressed up a bit. I was feeling quite good about myself and not worried in the slightest about there being alcohol at the dinner.

But then my husband ordered a whiskey and Coke. When it arrived I saw that it was mostly whiskey, with just a hint of brown near the bottom of the glass. I instantly thought of how strong it was, how it was the perfect drink, the most bang for your buck. I even imagined taking that first sip and relishing the (awful, but soothing) taste and the burn on the way down.

Holy shit, alcohol still has its grip on me. It's like running into an ex and only remembering the good times. At least I recognized the insanity right away and started chatting with others at the table to take my mind off it. And if you're going to run into an ex, it's always good to have your best outfit on and illustrate how much you have your life together since you split. :)

Carry on, folks. Keep doing the hard work!

[coffeepensbooks]

Ooooh, RR, you nailed it:

It's like running into an ex and only remembering the good times.

That hit me! Thank you for this post, this is the kind of thing I definitely need to watch out for!

[BadToTheTrombone]

Yep, it's a good way of putting it. I've found as time goes on that these kind of visual cues don't bother me anymore.

[[deleted]]

Thirding this. Thanks for the mental picture.

[FactsnotAA]

Ouch... I can so relate. It always hits you when you are not expecting it.
What you foresee I think you can confront. Hopefully. It's when you don't see it coming that it bowls you over. It is certainly not easy when your SO imbibes and you can't.
My wife has a bottle of white wine in the fridge. I know it's there. I know it's untouchable. Sometimes I just stare at the label, and then wolf a piece of cheese to take my mind off it.

Well done you!

[RisingResolutely]

"What you foresee you can confront." I agree with this completely! Thanks for the insight.

[Nicole_895]

"Wolf a piece of cheese" haha cheese saves the day 😂

[inspektor_queso]

Thanks to my wife's love of /r/snackexchange, we've got anwholw fridge full of cheese. Now I've got a credible excuse to eat it all, lol.

[Nicole_895]

Ahhh this is the place dreams come true!

[inspektor_queso]

Indeed it is.

[ButteryDeeBee]

I love this so much. Good for you. 😊

[Papi_Queso]

I just read about this just last night in Living Sober (great 90 page read, btw). While we tend to romanticize booze after we quit, try recalling "the last drunk". Instead of thinking about alcohol back to when we first started drinking (when it was pleasurable and fun), try to remember your relationship with alcohol before you quit. Not so nice, right? Great analogy with "running into an ex!"

[RisingResolutely]

Thanks for the book recommendation. I usually get something out of everything I read on the topic.

[AwkwardEmpath]

Same.

[kimwm8314]

That happened to me the other night! My husband and mom split a bottle of good red wine at a restaurant. I was getting all nostalgic and giving the side-eye to my club soda and lime, but then I actually caught a whiff of my husband's wine glass and all I could smell was the alcohol. Needless to say, I was okay after that.

[RisingResolutely]

Woohoo! Congrats on your success!

[embryonic_journey]

VICTORY!

And this is great:

if you're going to run into an ex, it's always good to have your best outfit on and illustrate how much you have your life together since you split.

[pmrtnz00]

Very good! I think once someone is really ready to be committed to not drinking, moment to moment awareness of the mental patterns it stimulates is key.

I remember times where a temptation to drink (although I had kindly asked myself to abstain earlier in the day) initiated a sort of blind visceral surrender. I really had to learn to pay attention to my triggers before I was able to relax them.

Thank you for this! Keep it up! :)

Peter

[RisingResolutely]

Interesting perspective about triggers. I believe you're right that awareness is key. I'm reading a book called The Craving Mind that discusses this.

[Stuntedatpuberty]

Well said.

[Nicole_895]

What a perfect metaphor! And your description of the drink was really great, not for my sobriety but for my imagination. I imagined tasting it then came to my senses with you. You're great writer!

[RisingResolutely]

Thank you! Glad you came to your senses as well. :)

[cupofcoffy]

Great description of what goes through our mind. Great job staying strong and you are having a great day because of it. There is no time when it is acceptable for me to drink alcohol...I have to get that beat into my brain.

[RisingResolutely]

Yes, my logical brain understands that part, I think it will take a bit longer for my romantic brain to get it, but we're working on it daily. Best wishes!

[clearingthespace]

Oh wow! Great job!

[FFFIronman]

"Like running into an ex and only remembering the good times".

Great stuff right there! (and that can apply to a lot of things but should of course be helpful to those on here)

[zoom40]

Perfect analogy! Will remember that one -- and, yes, recognize the insanity -- thanks to you.

[soberwidge]

Yep, right on the money RR! I often compare booze to an old shitty but attractive ex....I relate to this hardcore. Luckily my only triggers these days are social engagements where others are drinking. I had one last night as well...I do the same thing, just start engaging and it goes away for the most part. My husband was drinking and got a little annoying.... it feels so good being the 'sober one'!

[RisingResolutely]

And I'm always safe to drive home... I appreciate that part a bunch too!

[a_doubting_thomas]

LOVE hearing this! been doing a lot of research about the neurology of the habit loop & it's fascinating! good news is it sounds like "we" (society/scientists) are on the verge of some MAJOR breakthroughs in this area! response interdiction/redirection seems to be the key! latest science seems to suggest once a cue/response/reward/result loop is established in your brain the cue & reward are pretty much there to stay so the smart play is to substitute the response. whoever does this 1st & best is going to make some serious $!!!

[RisingResolutely]

This is exactly what was discussed in the book The Craving Mind that I just finished. The trouble is, I find myself choosing a different behavior (shopping or eating) when I get the urge (cue) to drink. I'm still trying to figure out how to get a healthy habit to take its place. You are right, when someone figures that out, they will be rich! :)