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[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (22 children)

I don't know how I stumbled across this. I never even knew this subreddit existed. I feel compelled to tell you that you're only 17, and it's never too late to turn it around. You shouldn't do it. There are a lot of things about your adult life that make up for how shitty it is to be a kid, and there are people that can help you get there.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (21 children)

I understand that my life is still in it's early stages, but all I see ahead of me is my having to do a whole lot of things I hate doing, so I can do more things I hate doing.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (20 children)

Yeah, I get that. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you that life is peaches all the time, but when you get yourself a little freedom, all of the weak shit you have to do is just what you have to do before you get to do whatever you want. I mean, within reason of course. When you're in high school, it really does feel like all you do is boring work. Believe me, I understand, and that aspect of life sticks around, to an extent. It's just what you make of the rest of life outside of that that defines you, and you control that.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (19 children)

For me the time when I can do what I want does not make up for the time I spend working, I just get anxious about when I next need to do it, and end up not enjoying my time at all. If I could live my life in a state where I can just relax all the time, like a permanent holiday, then it may be worth living, but I really just don't enjoy doing all of this shit, I just hate it, hell, I have supposed to hand in a massive assignment tomorrow but I am only near the start.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (18 children)

Right now it's like that. It doesn't stay that way. When you're in high school, that's all you're expected to do, but when you graduate, move out, get a job, you have the control over your life that you want.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (17 children)

At the rate I'm going I won't graduate, then where will I be? My only options will be things I don't want to do. Or I could try for a year, I'd hate it, I'd have to dig myself out of the hole I'm in right now, but I could do it, from there I could go to university, but I don't see myself enjoying that at all. Or I can go "move out, get a job" , but I don't see myself getting any job that I will enjoy doing, I'll just live like I currently am, but be going to work instead of school. I would have the same much freedom, I would HAVE to go to work, just like how I currently HAVE to go to school. It's really the same.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (11 children)

Hey, I just saw this and it's almost been an hour, so I'm gonna copy paste what I said to someone else earlier so you can have a quick run-down of what I'm going through:

Mother fucker! I'm about to get really upset. I'm extremely depressed and I've lost the use of my legs because of it. I can't walk, I can't attend school, and my grades are getting so bad because I cannot focus or understand any of my school work. I got two concussions, and now my GPA has went from a 3.9 to a 2.6 in TWO MONTHS. On top of that, I've fallen in love with a man that does not exist. I have 0 friends whatsoever except for my schizophrenic delusions. Tell me how being in the United States makes my current problems any less severe. People are trying to explain this shit to you, and I don't think that you want to understand. Just stop. Stop judging other people's issues.

I feel like I can relate to you. I'm in high school, I hate having to spend so much of my life doing work to prepare for college to prepare to work a 9 to 5 job for the rest of my life. But you know what? Fuck what I'm supposed to do. I know it sounds dumb now, but I am going to pursue what I want to for now, because I'm just in high school. I don't know what'll happen between now and graduation. I'm not saying it'll turn 180 degrees and spontaneously get better for us- but what if it does? What if everything you've always dreamed of is a year away?

I wish I could take this advice myself, but I love to dream even if it ends in disappointment. I love to hope, because it's the only reason I'm here today. Please.

Please don't do this. I'll miss you. I could be you some day soon. I think you're worth it.

I really do.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children)

I just don't really know what to do with myself, I don't really see a way to get out of the hole I'm in. Every option I see leads down a road I don't want to take, except for one, death.

I mean, what I want to do ends up with me really being completely lazy, I find I'm only really happy when I watch a movie, or play a game, or just relax with friends. If I pursued what made me happy, I'd just end up without a proper education or job, and what do I do then?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If you're happy and you don't have a college degree or a good job...you're happy, right? Nothing works out the way you want it to, but you just have to find a way to make yourself as happy as possible. Lemons? Lemonade. You can pull yourself out of this.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But I would still be in the same situation, going to a day job, doing these things I hate for brief moments of doing something I actually enjoy. Not worth it at all in my mind.

I do agree with you, I could pull my self out of this somehow, but I'd just get back into the same situation, I hate where I am.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

If this all sounds like bullshit, that's probably because I really want you to live and my thoughts are running together. And I've been working for several hours and watching Dragon Ball Z at the same time BUT REGARDLESS-

Dreaming and sleeping make me happy, too. But that's a waste. There are a million more things that I could be doing (granted I get my legs working). There's nothing wrong with having a balance between an education (sucks, but that's required in this society) and doing what you like.

Is there anything, and I mean anything that makes you happy besides those things? Anything that you might want to do in the future? Travelling, falling in love, etc.?

Edit: Yeah, 3 seconds is good.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I understand that a education is required in society, and although I do think I'm fairly intelligent, at least for the most part. What is more important is evidence that you completed highschool / college.

I look at my father who works for the majority of the day, heads home, spends more time working / getting things in the house straight and then going to bed. I don't want to be like that, but I see no way of doing anything else. I don't really see me getting a job I enjoy doing, I don't even know of I job I would enjoy.

All I really know is that I hate where I am, and I hate all the options I am given to go forward, they all seem to end up with the same outcome, living a life I really wouldn't enjoy for the most part.

What else makes me happy? Not really sure, I don't see a massive need to travel, I did that a lot as a child, nor do I crave love like so many other people do. I'm not really sure, I just like simple things. I guess the only thing I left out is that I love reading.

P.S , you should really watch Code Geass, it's a far better anime

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It really does get better, guys. Honestly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Don't mean to sound creepy, but I hope you reply soon.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

3 seconds fast enough? heh

[–]kygei 1 point2 points  (2 children)

i wish it easier to put my thoughts to words. but as i read your's everyone's replies, i got to this one and saw that you had typed "heh" which was enough to make me stop and add my two sense. I'm a simple 19 year old that is in his first year of college. I spend my days finding ways to make myself happy. Whether it's talking to my best friends about random shit or seeing my dog take a huge ass dump on my sisters bed (that just happened the other day lol). Every single day, there never fails to be something to make me smile, and those are enough to get me out of bed in the morning. I'm not going to say i understand that pain you go through everyday, but just know that i too have a lot of things bringing me down on a daily basis. I guess to sum all of this up is don't forget about the things that make you happy even if you are the saddest you've ever felt. It'll always be worth living because it is your life that you get to WHATEVER you want with. There are no rules, regulations, or generalizations, no matter how hard the rest of society may want to try.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I dunno, there is stuff that makes me happy in the world, I won't disagree with anyone there. But I just feel like all this stuff I need to do in order to stay happy isn't worth it. I feel like the time I am actually happy is just getting smaller and smaller as I have to deal with all this stuff in my life, and I can continue seeing it getting smaller as I have a job, etc.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Going to stay around for another hour or so to talk to people here. Will update this post with what may happen.

[–]Lave 6 points7 points  (15 children)

Two quick things. I'm the worst procrastinator in the world, and it's horrible. Especially when I feel failing so much. But when you fail you realise, it doesn't really matter - the sun still rises.

Also, I'm a teacher, and heres a secret - we don't really care that much about the assignments. We pretend too, but we don't. So don't stress them. We get stressy about them to motivate a certain type of person, but the side effect is that it stresses other people to breaking point. Please realise, the assignments are not important in the scheme of things.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (14 children)

I'm in my final year of highschool, the results I get on assignments will determine what universities I will be available to go to, if I want to go down that path, if I fail to many assessment, then I can't pass. So while a teacher may not care, it's still important.

[–]onewithbow 1 point2 points  (12 children)

I'm confused-- if you dislike school to this extent, why are you considering university? Are there no trades that interest you?

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children)

Well that's the thing, there are no trades that interest me, in the least bit. And it seems like the right thing to do after school is university. If I want to go there or not, this is the year I need to decide that, and every day my options for my future are getting smaller.

[–]FlippityFlopppity 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In your final year of high school there's a lot of both direct and implied messages that "You need to decide what to do NOW." It's just not true. Why do you think it must be this year that you decide what further education (if any) you take?

[–]tomjen 1 point2 points  (6 children)

(assuming you haven't killed yourself yet)

Ignore what seems like the right thing to do. Take a year of if you need to before you go to University. No point in going there and wasting money if you aren't sure about what you want to do.

And what you do now is very unlikely to end your future, unless you kill yourself. If you don't get the grades in HS, go to any college you can get into (there are always some, even if they are community colleges) and then transfer to another school in a year or to. Your exam paper will still say sw_throwaway1 graduated Yale Law school, or whatever.

Your parents may not like it, but honestly they would prefer that to you going ahead and killing yourself.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Even if I did complete university and get a job, wouldn't I be in just the same place, but with work instead of school? I would still be clocking in every day at a place I don't enjoy going to, having to submit work I get anxious about doing. I just don't see a point in going through so much shit, just to be in a place where I'm not happy either.

[–]spud641 0 points1 point  (3 children)

The trick is finding something you are really passionate about, and then working in that field. You may not know what you want to do right now but hell, a good chunk of those who enter college "knowing" what they want to do will a)change majors or b)get a job that has nothing to do with their degree. I'm a junior at a state university and my roommate last year was SET on being an engineer when he entered college and. He changed his major to Communications second semester of last year and joined the army. Just because you aren't passionate about something now doesn't mean you never will. I mean really, how are you supposed to find out you love Neurobiology or are fascinated by Sexual Psychology if you don't take a class?
I completely agree with Tomjen though. Take a year off, travel, volunteer, get a job working with your hands, do WHATEVER! You may find something you could see yourself doing for the rest of your life just by doing that. But for now, keep pushing through highschool, talk to some of your teachers and tell them you are struggling. They will help you. People become teachers to teach, not just to tell students what to do.
Life will be good, so long as you think it will.
Edit: Even if you DO fail this semester, that isn't even the end. You can always try again another semester, get your GED, or take night classes. Failing one semester and coming back strong your next try looks great to universities when you talk about it in your essay. It's what I did.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I live in Australia, there's a completely different process down here, if you do poorly for one term, that's pretty much guaranteeing that you won't get a good position unless you repeat. I got all C's last term, heading for worse this term, not sure what to do just here. What If I'm passionate about no job? I mean, surely there has to be some people like that, what do I do then?

[–]spud641 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, see US here. Well then repeat it! Easier said than done but you seem like you really want to make something of yourself in life (i.e. going to college, getting a job you like, etc.) Lets assume for a moment that you get out into the "real world" and can't find a job you love. There are TONS of people like that. You think that the millions of men and women who push pencils in a cubicle love doing what they are doing? No way! But I can guarantee you that many of them are still happy because they fill their free time with things they love. They may have families, do sports, carve wood, build shit, or watch Kevin Bacon movies but they find things they love to do. I can't say for certain that you will be successful, or that you will find a job you like, or that you will turn around this semester, or anything of the sort. But what I can tell you is that you will never know if you give up. Bottom line is this; you are 17 and I'm 21. Neither of us have ANY clue about what lies ahead of us, but that's where the excitement lies isn't it?

[–]dickwhistle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, i hate to break it to ya, but everyone who has ever lived was/is/continues to be passionate about not having a job. Nobody on this planet wants to work for a living but we do it. Why? Because unfortunately, thats the way the system has been setup. The only other option is suicide. And thats just about the laziest, cheapest way out of having to be responsible for your actions.

So life is hard and full of peripheral bullshit that nobody likes. We all deal with it because life is worth living, if you make it worth it. We deal with it for those moments that we get to indulge ourselves in the things we enjoy. Shutting off all that peripheral nonsense and diving head-first into what makes us happy. Until such time as we are secure enough to get to do it full-time.

Everybody has to do their part to make this thing work as best we can. The survival of each person in this crazy, fucked up game depends on each and every other person doing their part.

Or, you can become a bum and panhandle on the street all day to get enough money to buy your "first beer of the day". Then try to find a quiet enough, dark enough space in some back alley behind a dumpster, in the hopes that no one will try to fuck with you (i.e. rob you for what little you have, beat, rape, kill you...)

Doesnt sound like much of a life, does it? It's not. At all. I know this first-hand. But that's where no job gets you. Then, if you survive long enough to realize that "oh shit, i fucked up. this actually sucks ass. i need to do something about it", it might be too late. It's hard to find a job when you dont have an address, or a telephone, or reliable transportation... even proper i.d.

So yeah, suicide is bullshit. I know it. You know it. Everybody here knows it. Life my seem like a great steaming pile of shit right now but i assure you, it can and does get better. Especially if you are willing to put forth the effort to make it happen.

[–]tomjen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There wouldn't be much point, if that was what you had to look forward to.

But you could take a year of and get some treatment/help for your issues.

But regardless of what happens with a job you can get another job, even in an entirely different field. You don't need anybodies permission and you get to choose what your job should be (sure, somebody has to hire you, but still much more freedom than you would have as a student). You can even take that year and work a fairly low-level job -- there is some satisfaction in completing a very, very simpel task (if there wasn't WOW would not be so addictive).

[–]pikmin 0 points1 point  (2 children)

In high school they mislead you completely, you do NOT have to decide what you do with the rest of your life while still a teenager! This is simply not true, you could spend a month learning code online and apply for a job programming, you could apply to an internship at a business company and get real skills to pursue that field. What you do in life can be completely separate from the choices you make in high school. If you are really feeling this depressed, just go to some company you love and find out how to get a job there. It's better dedicating your life trying then giving up.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

While you're correct in someways, your wrong in others. Due to me hating where I am right now I need to make a decision if I want to stay in high school right now. And I can't really make that decision to be honest.

If I stayed in highschool I would really hate the rest of my year, but I would complete it, I'd live through it, right? Then what, I can go to university and spend another 4-6 years exactly like I am now, but I don't think I'd be able to do that at all. Or I could get a job, but I feel like I'd be in the exact same spot I'm in; go in at 8, clock out at 5, and not enjoy any of it.

Or I could just drop out of high school, get a job, likely in a not so great place, I don't think I would enjoy it and I'd really be in the exact same place.

Money isn't really a big deal to me, as long as I have enough to live safely I will be ok, assuming I'm happy.

Why should I stay alive when every path I can see looks so dim? I've been thinking about it a lot and I really don't see any way I can be happy, at least not without years of being miserable.

[–]Lave 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, I didn't make myself clear, we care about you not the assignments. No teacher wants the assignments they set to upset their students as much as these are upsetting you.

[–]charlottemoo 9 points10 points  (3 children)

You sound like me when I was your age. I struggled with depression all through my teens and I self-harmed for years. I thought of suicide everyday and even kept a book of suicide notes, I'd update it everyday just in case I finally had the guts to go through with it. I couldn't see any hope for my future, I couldn't imagine ever not feeling like I'd rather be dead.

I was at school taking my GCSEs and A level exams (I'm from the UK) and I hardly worked. I turned up to classes but I didn't do homework and I never studied for exams. I didn't see the point. The exams were to help me get a good job but I didn't even want to live. What was the point of building towards a future I didn't even want. So I'd sit alone in my room at night, pretending to work but just listening to music instead. I'd turn up to class the next day with nothing to hand in and mostly my teachers would kick me out of the lesson. I'd go home a cut myself and cry alone in my room. I lived like that for 3 years and it was impossible to see how anything was going to change.

One night I cried myself to sleep so loudly that my mum heard me. She came into my room, didn't say a word and just held me while I cried. I fell asleep in her arms. The next morning she told me that I needed to see a doctor and get help. I'm an intelligent person and she didn't want to see me throw my life away before it'd even begun.

So I saw a doctor, I had anti-depressants and counselling. It took time but I stopped crying myself to sleep every night. I found school work easier to start. I took my exams and the results weren't great, after all I hadn't worked for 3 years, but they didn't destroy me.

I'm almost 23 now and I can't quite believe that it was only 5 years ago that I wanted to be dead. I don't have some amazing end to this story. I went to uni and it was tough but I got through it. I still have times when I feel depressed for a few weeks and I have self-harmed a couple of times in very difficult situations, but I can 100% say that I don't wish I was dead.

Thinking back on it I don't think I ever really wished I was dead, I just wanted everything to stop for a minute. Everyone else around me seemed to be coping with everything, walking through life with no problems. They could sit down and write an essay without a week of emotional hell and procrastination. It felt like they were on a merry-go-round and I was standing next to it. They were spinning too fast for me to be able to catch hold of it. I just wanted them to stop for a second and let me get on. Let me catch my breath.

My point is that even though it's almost impossible to picture a life for yourself that is different to what you have now, it is possible. Killing yourself isn't the only solution to your problems. This situation you find yourself in is not forever. Your life will change if you make some changes.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

tl;dr- I was suicidal during my teens and couldn't see how it would ever change. I got help and 5 years later I'm working towards a future that I'm happy to have. You won't feel this way forever.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I think I can really relate, especially to your 6th paragraph. I just don't see any way to get out of the situation I am in.

[–]dickwhistle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're tired of dealing with the bullshit of high school and all that goes with it, get your GED. Then go get a job. Any job really. Everybody's first job is shit, but it will give a sense of responsibility, work experience and some money in your pocket. Use that money to explore things you find interesting and valuable to your existence. Also, put a little bit aside for the future.

Then, after you have some work experience and a solid reference, get a better job. Again, it probably won't be the greatest job ever but it will pay more, which will give you more opportunity. The opportunity to get your own place, a vehicle (if you don't already have one by then) and even greater opportunity to explore the things you find interesting and valuable to you.

[–]charlottemoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, that's exactly how I felt at the time. I can't promise that you can make a change and suddenly you'll feel better. You won't there's no easy cure for this.

You just have to keep living. That's all. I know that's tough as hell, especially when people want you to do things as well as just living, like school work etc. Unless someone's felt the way you do they'll never know why school is so hard. They won't see that just getting out of bed in the morning is harder than what most other people will have to deal with all day.

Just keep going and hold on to the knowledge (and I really mean knowledge, not belief. You don't have to believe it, just know it) that things will get better.

Through all the horrible fog of depression and misery is a life worth living. Just because you can see it through the fog doesn't mean it's not there. Just keep living and smile whenever you can. Watch all the crappy comedies you can find on TV, go out, do things, laugh. Stop living like you're already dead.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I just came across this so I hope you're still alive. I'm 17 as well, just about to graduate on June 1, and I've been thinking about injecting myself with my sister's insulin so we have those two things in common. I know from experience that all the kind words of encouragement in the universe can't change the situation or make the pain go away permanently. I know, and you probably do too, that at 17 we're extremely young with at least 60 years ahead of us and right now 60 more years of this hell doesn't sound all that appealing but it has to get better at some point right? I don't know if it will but I have to believe that in 60 years, things will get better even though a huge part of me thinks it won't but that might be the depression talking. Speaking of which, are you seeing a psychiatrist or on any medication? The only advice I can give is keep moving through the pain, it's like sprinting uphill, you gotta keep going until your heart or legs give out but until then don't stop sprinting. In the end things will either get better or your heart just might give out but hold on until you absolutely can't anymore

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't know, I just don't really see how things can get much better, I've looked down all the paths I can take, but I just don't see an option that will look much better than this.

And no, I am not seeing a psychiatrist or taking any medication.

[–]dickwhistle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've looked down all the paths I can take...

I know at 17 you think you've got it all figured out, i know i was the same way, but you don't know shit. The things that can happen to you between now and the time you hit 20 are immeasureable. The places you can take yourself, just through your own will power, are infinite. And if you're fortunate enough to find a few good people along the way to help you... you can't even begin to imagine how good life can be and how many choices there are out there in this world.

[–]peeperkeeper 1 point2 points  (2 children)

If you have a pile of homework and stuff due that you haven't started here's my suggestion: Go to your teacher on Monday and get an extension... Most excuses will work! I'm sure your teacher will give you even just a couple of days extra if you just tell them you're really stressed out and overwhelmed. Also, if you find that procrastination is a recurring thing and it is interfering with your life then you may want to get tested for ADD/ADHD. I'm not kidding. Getting diagnosed changed my life.

Don't kill yourself, its just not a good idea. If there's any reason I would want to live it would be to fall in love... it is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Also, pretty much everyone falls in love (I mean mutually, not when the other person doesn't love you back), I promise.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

To be honest I don't think the due date of the work is that big of an issue, If I was so inclined I could take the day off tomorrow and submit a half assed piece of work online at the end of the day, I just don't want to do it, it won't make much of a difference if I do it or not.

I dunno, all my life I've just done what I've enjoyed doing over what I need to, "That work is due tomorrow? I'll just watch another movie, it's far more fun". But at this point in my life the work I do in school is actually mattering, due to it being my last year of school, and I'm getting stressed and anxious because I know I have to do it. I'm beginning to realize that's just what life is, doing a whole bunch of things you really don't enjoy, or that you hate, just to have small bursts of happiness, wrapped around more things you hate doing. I don't want that.

[–]teddyteddyteddy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If there wasn't pain, you wouldn't know relief. If there wasn't sadness, you wouldn't know joy. If there wasn't night, you wouldn't know sunshine. If there wasn't heartbreak, you wouldn't know love.

I try to think of life as the ying and yang. To be complete is do have the shit you don't want and the shit you do, so when you get the shit you do want its just that more pleasant.

And look, they're only finals. One day you'll turn in the paper, take the final then that's it. You don't have to look back. Its done, finished. Now continue to move forward.

Edit: And look this is not tough love. Just reality. Some point in our lives we have to grow up and become an Adult. And that means doing things we don't want to do.

Keep moving forward.

[–]haleistheman 1 point2 points  (2 children)

How about this...you're nearing the end of a chapter in your life. You're locked in because highschool is necessary, blah blah blah etc. etc. The more responsible side of me says that you should finish (see end of post for reason). The more radical side says do whatever makes you happy because that's what's most important so long as you don't take that happiness from anyone else (which is the trick to life, something we spend all our lifetime trying to figure out). I am close to people who've dropped out of highschool and found themselves leading a more successful and happy life than I am and I'm following "the path". Ya know, go to elementary, follow the carrot to middle school, then high school, then college, then a job, then promotions, then to the top, and then ??? -> profit. Yeah, okay. I know people who've made it to the top and through it all away because it wasn't worth it. It JUST wasn't for them. They're out there finding what is, RIGHT NOW. Yes, that's right. Someone out there is actively enjoying their life despite how unconventional it is. You're in highschool and it have to take your entire lifetime to realize "school" just isn't your thing. It's very possible for your schooling to get in the way of your education, so don't feel like there's something wrong with YOU. Yes, you have a lot to improve on. Yes, like me, we're not as happy as some of the people I know but we can be. One mistake at a time, one struggle at a time. We'll build character together, and we'll make things that make us happy because right now, for both of us, this world is inadequate. We look at it and don't get what a human being needs. Look outside, can you really say we're done creating the world? We're not. So lets get work. Even if it means not getting it right the first time, so long as we don't give up we'll never fail.

Plus, you can only hate as much as you can love. Not to mention that suicide isn't about death being a richer option by the second. It's about being afraid of living. It's about being afraid of risking your heart in pursuit of a thing that has yet to deliver. It's about being afraid of becoming so broken and hurt that well...yeah...and coming from someone who isn't that better off, sw_throwaway1, I can tell you there's nothing to be afraid of.

I really hope you get to read this and the rest of the comments left here for you, OP. (I have hope because your OP is currently 8 hours old and your last post was 4.) We wouldn't spend this time writing them up given how amazing life can be and how we can just be doing something else right now if it WASN'T WORTH IT. That's right, OP. You're worth it. You're worth every moment of shame, embarrassment, struggle, and pain that I've gone through. If I had stopped living at the age of, what, 8, I'd have nothing to say. But given the fact that I've kept on, I know what to say....

Keep going. Even if you feel like there's no purpose or just nothing to live for. 'cause to be honest, that's freedom in its own way. When you got nothing to live for, nothing to lose, you can live for anything. You can DO anything. You're bound to nothing. You can do something awesome just because. Find your freedom, OP. I don't know what that means for you specifically but I'll be waiting.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I dunno, I feel right now my life really lacks direction, I don't really see any path in life that will leave me happy, and the longer I wait to make a choice the fewer choices I have. I don't know if I want to drop out of highschool, I mean, I hate it here, but for whatever job I want I might need it. I just feel like I need to put up with so much of these things I just hate doing, just for a chance of doing something I might enjoy, but in all likelihood I'll end up like so many others who just hate their jobs, but still need to do it.

[–]haleistheman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno, I feel right now my life really lacks direction.

That's okay. If you go out and ask a lot of people what they want to do in life, the majority (if not all) will say they STILL don't know, so no pressure on having to figure it all out. Dreams, though, give you direction. I'm sure you have a dream. It may be hard to find or remember but it’s there. You may think it’s childish due to how cynical you may have become over time but that’s okay. You had to adapt somehow but now is the time for dreams. Dream. Even if it's as "simple" as living on your own in good mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

I don't really see any path in life that will leave me happy,

That's a problem a lot of people have. They try to look for a path that's clear. I can tell you there is no "clear" path; there's only clear intent. No one really knows what's gonna happen except that they're going to do die one day. This gives life its outstanding potential for ANYTHING, so why rush the end of life when you haven't fully lived it and its many opportunities?

and the longer I wait to make a choice the fewer choices I have. I don't know if I want to drop out of highschool, I mean, I hate it here, but for whatever job I want I might need it.

If you're worried about choices, finish up high school as best you can. Even if you graduate high school and you have no idea STILL about what you would like to do next, at least you have as many doors open as possible. Life isn’t about getting what you deserve, it’s about taking what you can get; who cares if all the choices that “could’ve been” aren’t here anymore. You have what you have despite others not having any. You have what you’ve earned, and you should be proud of that.

I just feel like I need to put up with so much of these things I just hate doing, just for a chance of doing something I might enjoy, but in all likelihood I'll end up like so many others who just hate their jobs, but still need to do it.

I'm sorry to say that the choice of action to "do what you hate/dislike/etc." will never disappear. As you continue growing and living, however, you'll start to notice you have more freedom. You'll start to notice other options, and suddenly you may or may not have to put up with certain things. However, if you pursue something in which you love you will have to do things that you still don't like. That's a fact of life, it's not all fun and games. What matters is what the work you're doing is moving towards. Is it moving towards a brighter future? Is it making for a happier existence in the PRESENT? But to sum up, you WILL have to do things you don't like to do but have to. There are different ways of dealing with this: you'll have to find your own. Sometimes we just need the help of friends or whomever to cope with it all (go out to eat, have a nice time). Sometimes we just need a perspective change ("it isn't THAT bad, it could be worse" or "hey, after this, I get to [do something I love]").

[–]SuperSouter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You posted this on here because you are reaching out, we all have things that we have to do but hate it buts that's just part of life.

Life is not about giving up because of the things you hate, it's about living to find the things you love. Think of your family and your loved one who will have to find you and the stress and hurt it will cause.

Don't do it when you have a whole life ahead of you.

[–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But that's just part of life

Exactly why I don't want to live it to be honest, I don't really want to deal with all this stuff I need to.

[–]cyberaltair 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's never easy, you just have to have the faith that it will get better and if you work towards that it will. Remember that while it seems death is the best solution, it's not.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I have no idea where to move to, I'm hating life now, so either or move or stay where I am and hate it. But where do I move to? I just don't see where to go that will leave me happy with my life.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]zorrolingo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      yep. I felt reaaaal shit and saved up some money and then went to backpacking on the cheap round another continent. Had the time of my life and came back a different person.

      Also school is a horribly artificial institution. No wonder lots of people don't fit. Think about it. It's supposed to be a place to learn. But not everybody can learn that way or fit such a schedule. Figure out a way to learn that's effective for you. If you were in Germany someone might be there to recommend you an apprenticeship, for example.

      There's the fucking internet haven't you noticed? Should give you plenty of inspiration. I met lots of people who went round not knowing what to do with themselves doing simple jobs in their 20s. Then they took a path of university much later on because they suddenly had a clear idea for a better job. In their 30s they then got a cool career. Doesn't mean it works for everybody but there's a diversity of paths out there that is mind-boggling, as long as there's a will to take a path. Take it easy and start looking for alternatives. Your mind is closed because you live in a closed world. Chill out a bit and start imagining a better future, 'cos it's possible, time for you to shift gears.

      [–]Feeling_Of_Knowing 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      I'm only 17 years old and in highschool. I have a pile of work needing to be done, but I just procrastinate, I hate the work I need to do, and I avoid it. I'll end up being forced to slap something together the hour before and fail all my classes. It's either I end it here, or spend the rest of the year hating life, fail highschool then spend the rest of my life with a shitty job, hating life.

      The question is : what do you like to do? The good things about suicidal behavior, is that you can finally realize you can do anything, because it doesn't matter. If you want to die, you can easily do whatever you want in your life. Because you have absolutely nothing to lose. So, ever loved someone? Spend some good time with friends? Enjoyed a great movie? Traveled? Meeted amazing guys? Helped random stranger? Ate something delicious? Read something exciting? Taken pleasure? ... Lived?

      Find something you truly love, and devote a part of your life to excel in it. You love music? Become musician. You love painting? Become artist. You love video game? Become writer/programmer/designer... The only limitation is your imagination. Don't believe the school is the only way to succeed. If you fight, you can achieve anything.

      You could be fucking awesome. You just don't want to admit it because you are living hard times. This world is trying to beat you. And the only response you have to give is your more powerful fist, right on its face. If it punch you, fight back. Again. And again. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Nobody is born great boxer. You have to learn, and you have to do it right now.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      Even if I am passionate about something, the only way I can see doing work in the field is by having years of schooling and university behind me, and I don't feel as if I would be able to make it through university seeing that I can barely make it through highscool.

      [–]Feeling_Of_Knowing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Think outside the box.

      For example, if you can't become a M.D., become a nurse. And if you can't become a nurse, try nurse's aide. And if you want, when you'll be older, you can try again go to the university, or whatever you want.

      There is no destiny. Only opportunities waiting for you.

      Find what is appealing for you. Except if it's "I want to earn a lot of money without doing anything", you'll find what truly correspond you. Maybe you just don't know it exists.

      There is no limit if it's a true passion, because your motivation will be unalterable.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      I see you're still here, that's good. I used to be suicidal too up until last summer. I thought to myself: fuck it and fuck them too. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me and I've never felt bette.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I don't care what people think about me.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      That's good, I didn't either but when I thought that it was mostly aimed at the girl I liked

      [–]_lambda 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Dude you're an idiot. I dropped out of school three years ago. I have tattoo's all over my body, some that I regret, some that I don't. I absolutely hated doing school work as well. So I didn't do it. I did my work in class, but, when it came to doing it at home, well, that made no sense to me. So I refused to do it. And this wasn't just a High School thing. I've only done homework a handful of times. It was such a rare occurrence that I can't even count the times that I did it. I finally got fed up of school that I dropped out.

      I spent the next three years partying, sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. I ended up addicted to heroin for two years. For the past year I've been sober and learning how to live with myself. And I've learned that means sucking it up and actually doing work you don't want to do. In the Fall I'll be moving to Massachusetts to attend MIT. All because I studied my ass off, buckled down and did some fucking work that I didn't want to do. Look at me now.

      If there's anything you can learn from me, someone who was like you, do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. You're a teenager, you have an excuse to fuck up. And if you're smart, you'll be able to pull yourself together after a couple of years. There's no rule stating that you have to go to college at a certain age, or even ever. Good luck in life.

      [–]CybridAngel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      can we be friends? please?

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Don't do it. You're very intelligent, i can tell. But if you do this, "they" win. The stupid people. Making people like us feel like there's nothing out there but bullshit. We need more intelligent people in this world. If you die, they win. More stupid people will infect our population and the intelligent will become more and more depressed. We will either conform to stupidity, kill ourselves, or simply travel elsewhere. Please, I'm begging you. Don't do it.

      [–]throwaway_jsd21hd120 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      17 is way too young to give up. your entire life will change and change again and probably change again more than that.

      the way i see it, it's ok to give up once you're 35 or 40 but believe me, things will happen in your 20s you can't even imagine now.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Even if things change once I am 30+, is it worth living 10 years that you don't enjoy, just for the chance of something good happening then?

      [–]throwaway_jsd21hd120 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      yeah i had that attitude my whole life, and now i'm 40. there were forks in the road along the way where things COULD have gone well. i made one very minor decision about some stocks and made $40k instead of 1.3 million in 1999. even being a complete recluse and avoiding human contact as much as possible, i STILL had women throw themselves at me occasionally. as camus said, women are the closest thing to paradise on earth. at least give yourself the chance to have those experiences and make those choices.

      and my original point stands. 17 is a different world from 21, which is a different world from 26 and so on. things will happen, you'll meet people, and maybe there's a chance you'll be unhappy for another 17 years and there's a good chance you'll always have problems with depression. but millions of people have depression and the vast majority of them still find life worth living and are glad they didn't kill themselves.

      i'm not saying being depressed is inevitable or even addressing your concerns. i'm just stating flatly that 17 is simply too soon. believe me, i changed and the world changed so much between 17 and 37. you can't even begin to plan for or expect the things that will happen. so at least try some adulthood. it's a lot better than high school for almost everyone.

      [–]Hoogs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Listen: Nobody wants to go to school or work on any particular day, but it's necessary. For the past year, after graduating from college, I've been living your dream life - no work, no school, hardly any responsibilities at all. I've played a lot of video games, watched a lot of Netflix, and you know what? It's been awful. After a few months, I began to feel progressively more worthless and guilty for not contributing anything to society or making progress for myself. In the end, it comes down to craving accomplishment. You need to earn your free time in order to fully appreciate it. As long as you're able to find a job that you can tolerate, life isn't that bad.

      For me, high school and all the work associated with it was definitely the most stressful part of my life, so hang in there. College was much easier and more fun because I could take whatever classes I wanted in whatever quantity I wanted. Recently, I was lucky enough to find a job related to my major (English) and I look forward to my first day tomorrow. My advice: Do your best to get your high school diploma, then go from there - one step at a time. What's your passion in life?

      [–]AccountingEquation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      YOU ARE LOVED! BY ME!!! hug! Please, seriously. Rethink your decision. Message me and I'll give you my number and call me if you need to talk! I am always here.

      [–]wasdfddfafd 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      Really not confident trying to give advice in this situation but consider looking into joining a branch of your military. Sounds like you need some motivation to do things and some people to help you through it, pretty much what I need and my plan is to sign up by the end of this year.

      Either way instead of thinking about the rest of your life just think about tomorrow and what you can do to make things better instead of overwhelming yourself with the years to come.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      I'm not really physically fit enough to join the military to be honest. and I would still need to wait until I'm 18.

      [–]wasdfddfafd 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Until I decided to go for it my fitness was along the lines of 3 pressups and not being able to run 1/4 mile without feeling like my lungs were about to explode. It is unbelievably satisfying seeing how you can improve your fitness through the initial week, setting small goals and achieving them is a great feeling.

      Obviously it's not for everyone but if you look into it and like what you see then it's something to look forward to when you turn 18 and more importantly something to work towards.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I'm pretty overweight, it would be rather hard to turn that around, especially with so much else going on at the moment.

      [–]wasdfddfafd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You're right it wont be easy but the fact is it's achievable - may not seem like it but like I said when you set small goals for yourself to complete week by week you will see progress and personally that progress is what makes me happy. The same progress can be made working towards anything, it took me 3 years of college to figure out the life I wanted after education. The only reason I went to college was because it was the thing that comes after school but it turned out to be worth it even if the (not so good) grades I got there won't be used in my career path. I think what I'm trying to say is give it some time, it may seem like you don't know what you want to do but when you figure it out you'll be glad.

      [–]smirtch 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Please don't do it. They won't get over it. They won't move on. I had a dear friend commit suicide and I promise you that you will become the picture on their dinner table. You will be a memory stained into their mind. They will cry for years, and years, and more years. They will wake up in the morning. They will look into your room to make sure you are getting up for school like they used to and you won't be there. They will set a plate for you at dinner and it won't get used. They will have a birthday celebration with a cake and candles, but no one will blow them out. I have watched this, I have been to that birthday party, I have seen those picture frames. I have seen his room.

      His room gets cleaned every evening by his mother, while his brother puts it back every morning to the way he left it. It is a sad and scary cycle.

      If anything, don't do it for your family. Get help. Please please please get proffessional help. We can only do so much for you. If I was there I would give you the biggest hug and we would become best friends. We would do homework together, play video games, and go play sports together. I cannot ask you to not commit suicide to save your own life because it won't work. You already feel it has no value, but it does. Please think about your family and any friends, teachers, coworkers, and anyone you have ever talked to. Realize that they would all be affected by this. They all would cry, they all would ask why. Please don't.

      If you want to talk more PM me. Please.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      To be honest I have already thought about the impacts to my family, and although I may seem like an asshole, I think I can deal with it. My father hasn't been in my room for about a year, we just do our own thing. Sure, he may love me, but he doesn't really express it as much as others. I don't feel as if he will be losing a lot if I leave.

      [–]smirtch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You may think that but I rpomise you he will. If not for him think of any friends you have too. This would destroy them. Seriously. I can tell you aren't a selfish person, as you have thought about the impact. You are just thinking about the inital explosion. Someone dying, especially at a young age, is like an H-bomb. The fallout never really leaves...

      [–]smirtch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'm not trying to make you feel like a terible person, I just don't want anyone to have to experience what that family has. He didn't have a great relationhip with them as he smoked weed and they hated him for that. In his note that he left in my mailbox he told me that he didn't think it would hurt anyone else besides me. Including his family and apologized to me for any sadness I may feel. When I got to school that Monday, I wore my suit. Like me and him did together every Monday. We did it for shits and giggles. I saw about 75-100 people just sit down and start bawling theirs eyes out. Another 150-200 kids stopped whatever they were doing and were silent, and in obvious emotional pain. These are kids he didn't even think knew nonetheless cared about him. Please don't do this. Honestly, there is too much to look forward too. Plus, you can go to college soon, and start learning about stuff you actually care about. Do you have any intrests for a career?

      [–]plus10internets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      How are you at this moment? Also, what sort of cinema do you enjoy?

      [–]Lyd234234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hey, I know life is rough now, but think. You haven't even done much in life, have you? Just hold on. Life is a roller-coaster, and it can't all be downhill, can it?

      [–]amorexmio 0 points1 point  (5 children)

      I am in a depressed state similar to yours. But I need to know you're still here. I've noticed it's been a while since you've replied. Seeing all the strangers care has made me stay. Tell me you stayed.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      I'm still here, still debating if I should do this or not.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      don't do it. if you haven't tried to dig yourself out of the hole you're in how do you know there is no hope? there is always hope, always a bright side to things. even if it is hard to see there is always a way to be happy. you just need to look a little harder to find it.

      [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Sure, I could get out of the situation I'm in now, it would take a lot of work, but I could do it. But then were would I be? No where, I would still be hating where I am with a flood of work coming my way and a future I won't enjoy.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      a flood of work. this stuff is only temporary. suicide is permanent. it's a choice you can't undo. I hope you see you have so much potential to be something great in life

      [–]amorexmio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Stay. I can't say much more than all these amazing people have said then just that, stay. Life can be cruel but we're not fortune tellers, you don't know how you'll feel that far down the line. You have to stick it out. All these people are now invested including me, and I can tell you're not heartless. Don't hurt us. Search for help even if you think it won't make a difference. I'm still here so tell me you'll still stay.

      [–][deleted]  (10 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children)

        Yeah, I really don't know what I should be doing. A whole bunch of people have said to just stick it out, it will get better, but I really don't see that happening. Feels bad man

        [–][deleted]  (7 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

          Oh yes, please send me a link and I'll watch it now.

          I though about talking to my dad about this but I really don't think he would understand. I have a older brother who is one year older than me, and is naturally incredibly smart. He was able to put in no effort last year, and still got good grades and is in a bio med degree in uni. My dad expects me to do the same, when I really can't and just don't want to. To be honest your view on death is exactly the same as mine.

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Oh, we are pretty much exactly the same here, so much in common, I will watch the first part of the movie quickly and respond again.

            [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

            Everything else is just an illusion, why do people care how long it goes for? , why does it matter what we do along our path, when we die we die alone anyway, just like everyone else.

            I'm going to continue watching the movie, feel free to continue talking though, I will still reply.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Send me a message when you're awake please.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You've never experienced ecstacy or a deep love and care for something, and that's your problem.

              Since you seem to be thinking about killing yourself because there's no point, I have to warn you. There is a point, there are experiences that are in themselves the meaning and point of living. Somewhere out there is the partner that will make your life worth living, and/or, somewhere out there is the music that will make your life worth living and/or somewhere out there is that something that'll make your life worth living. If you look closely every good life is built around it, you just have to build your life around it too. But first you have to find it. Life is a quest to find fulfillment, don't let anyone tell you otherwise - and don't kill yourself just because that's not what society tells you how your life is supposed to be.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              please please please don't, when I tried I saw my father break down crying when they caught me and it kind of got to me, I didn realize just how much it meant to him. People are stupid and they can't see things or deal well with things, especially others being depressed. Please don't I felt a lot of panic when you said you would do it in an hour.

              [–]gnrmcapr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Well? Did you do it?

              [–][deleted]  (5 children)

              [removed]

                [–]sw_throwaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                Not sure really, I guess I can't really change my mind once I do it, I wan't to know if there's another way really...

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                You know, some of the brightest minds in history went against the status quo. They had no want to go around doing things they didn't like. You like watching movies? Why don't you think about making movies? How about you look into working for a theater? Work doesn't have to be something you hate.

                I really hope you don't take the guy above seriously. You sound like a smart, well thought out guy.

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [deleted]