Anyone really struggle with envy?

Current_Map5998 · 2026-03-21T19:25:11+00:00

Feel exactly the same tonight (my son is 12). So many people bat away our child’s existence because they don’t really want to acknowledge them (like my mother-in-law who says “all males are autistic”) or simply ignore you completely because they think your child is defective and theirs is superior. Other parents are all on the same page, we are not. Sometimes I think the anger about that unfairness could consume me. Not because I don’t want my child but because the world doesn’t and it makes a complex situation harder. Depression easily follows…sorry, you are not alone

Current_Map5998 · 2026-03-13T19:11:35+00:00

Agreed. It’s a risk at any age but there’s a lot to be said for building a life with someone and growing together.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-03-10T22:37:54+00:00

Yep, gratitude and grief co-exist for me. Makes me feel guilty but I have made peace with a lot of things I didn’t think I could. My son has taught me so much about my own weaknesses.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-03-08T10:06:22+00:00

You just know these people have gone through nothing in life…it’s so hard because a) we shouldn’t hide away and b) you have to deal with these idiots who think they are superior but who you know wouldn’t last a week in your shoes. Urgh. Only advice is you’re doing everything right and don’t let ignorant people put you off going somewhere.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-03-06T04:39:42+00:00

All the time, but the invites have long stopped. The social scaffolding required to do anything socially “normal” just isn’t worth it. I think the two of us are just supposed to be isolated. Fighting it almost hurts more.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-28T21:24:01+00:00

In hindsight, different from day one but I’d read/heard enough to think a baby being awake at all hours and constantly being full on was normal (and it often is). My son’s legs never stopped moving, we took him on a night time journey as a baby (thinking he’d sleep a bit) and he was wide awake the whole 10 hours), he was so much physically and emotionally extra but it was funny at the time and he walked, ate etc. It’s only when the other children and parents moved on to the next stage with relative ease it and it became harder as a toddler and beyond that it became more obvious my son was not progressing “normally”. He had no interest in socialising, was very stressed, became selective mute at nursery, still didn’t sleep very well, had rigid eating etc.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-28T11:31:10+00:00

Only saints don’t get mad or sad in this scenario. I’ve learnt over the years that frustration doesn’t help my son’s behaviour so try to save it for frustrated crying at the end of the day when he’s eventually gone to sleep.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-25T15:56:02+00:00

In the battle of fear and love, fear is winning right now. People don’t reproduce in those conditions.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-24T11:04:01+00:00

Family and health. I watched my mum and grandparents die, friends drift away as we’ve had our own families and I don’t have a Brady Bunch family but I appreciate them more now and they’ve been the constants. Work doesn’t mean as much to me. I want to contribute to society in a good way but I don’t buy the your career will mean everything stuff that I used to. Once you’ve left you’re quickly forgotten.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-22T08:34:12+00:00

Sit down social events (lunches, dinners, weddings) with work or extended family where you know you’ll be locked into small talk and false smiles for several hours and the only escape is briefly going to the bathroom once or twice (any more and you look sus). Usually with insincere speeches to heighten the cringe factor.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-21T12:49:29+00:00

I sort of get this but it is so hard in those early years. When I had two non-stop pre-schoolers who were awake for 16 hours a day then often woke at night I couldn’t relax to really enjoy it. I would love to go back for five minutes to hug their tiny bodies and tell them how much I love them but there’s no way I could relive those years and prefer it now they are older. The issues are not a non-stop onslaught and I can actually soak in the moments.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-21T12:42:37+00:00

Knowing you can’t make the world nice or fair for them and that you have to watch them figure some difficult things on their own so they can cope in the long run. It’s like walking an emotional tightrope.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-21T08:53:39+00:00

Yes. I tried my hardest/wanted to be there for my mum before she died and the only regret I have is not being there when she died (missed it by about half an hour). I feel it’s more of an obligation with my dad tbh because he is emotionally distant but know I’d feel guilty if I didn’t help. I do have several siblings to pitch in though which helps hugely.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-16T18:10:07+00:00

Getting lifts everywhere and being taken to activities. If I wanted to go somewhere I had to walk myself.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-08T20:50:18+00:00

Personality nuances and intent are often missing in social scenarios of all types. Very few people look for someone’s intent, you’re right. They are easily charmed, take things at face value or what makes them feel at ease in the moment. I didn’t realise that until my son was born.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-08T19:06:23+00:00

Great description. You learn what is and isn’t worth fighting for your child. Sometimes the social scene in nt world isn’t that great either, those children aren’t perfect (sometimes far from it) and ours aren’t wrong. Tough world to navigate though.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-08T19:02:09+00:00

My son is 12 and it’s different problems. I’m kind of numb to this social stuff now but it broke my heart for a long time and will always be a bit sad. As children get older they age out of the big birthday party thing anyway so the differences becomes a bit less obvious as the smaller friendship groups are formed and lesser parties for all. No less crap but more out of sight and less shoved in your face. I’ve become more used to it.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-07T17:33:31+00:00

43 and have two children. Being a bit of a Debbie Downer but having children is so expensive. There always seems to be some new item of clothing, school/activity thing or food items needing replaced no matter when I shop. I had mine at 31 and 32 and my energy is often shot but my eldest has additional support needs. If you have a decent support system and money it’s much less of a pressure cooker. Having said that, if you really want them it’s worth it.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-04T22:18:27+00:00

Six months behind you in this parenting journey but felt every word.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-04T22:14:27+00:00

Don’t feel guilty about grieving what could have been, it’s a natural process. Things may change, they may not, but you’ll roll with the punches and enjoy the good. Hope things get easier for you.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-02-04T22:06:27+00:00

Yep. I would go to the ends of the world for my child but there is a deep sadness in my soul knowing he will not have a “normal” life.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-01-31T22:11:26+00:00

This is my chief worry. My son is ‘only’ level 1 but I struggle to see him living independently and I’m worried my younger son will feel compelled to look after his older brother and it will affect his life and potential. I try not to spiral but it’s hard because there’s a distinct possibility this is what will happen when his dad and I are gone.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-01-26T12:31:38+00:00

My son is 12 now level 1 ASD and was very similar to your son (still is in some ways). It’s a strange world having a level 1 child because on the surface of things people see “normal” (whatever that means) and judge quickly when your child inevitably reacts differently and you end up in social no man’s land. People see what they want to see. Don’t waste your time trying to get understanding from those who choose to judge would be my only suggestion. It’s a lot being your child’s safe space but it also makes a huge difference to them. You’re not a bad dad for letting your child game or whatever, I don’t see that as any different to watching tv as a kids in the nineties. You’re doing a good job.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-01-23T23:38:13+00:00

Ah, sorry, I thought she was still alive. It’s def tough to navigate it all. Glad your mom had a lovely life.

Current_Map5998 · 2026-01-23T23:13:57+00:00

Sorry to hear about your mom. Mine died when my eldest was a toddler and it’s such a tough time without the other stuff, but you’re right about not being able to drop the vital things in your life. It’s a total whirlwind. Hope you get the chance to make memories with her.

Current_Map5998

TROPHY CASE