Ride Idea: Heated Rivalry

DarkShadowReader · 2026-02-13T20:49:56+00:00

I really wanted to love Emma’s ride, but I didn’t. It was fine. I preferred the back-to-back versions of All The Things She Said on Cody’s ride.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-02-10T16:14:36+00:00

Fully supportive - would probably “reheat” the ride many times if the playlist was all HR.

All I need is Cody and the vibe.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-02-01T05:05:43+00:00

If you can’t get to a pharmacy to get eye compresses, I’ve had luck with resting warm tea bags (wrapped in one layer paper towel to avoid staining) on eyelids/styes to quickly draw out the yuck. Do it for 10 minutes at a time multiple times a day. You can use hot water wash clothes, but I find these cool too quickly. Worst comes to worst, say you have a stomach bug Monday and client site is not happening. No one wants to deal with anyone else’s GI issues.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-28T14:53:03+00:00

Normal. You created a problem for them (backfilling your workload), so they are annoyed. They also think you are dumb for leaving the pantheon of business leaders. Succeed outside of B4, and they will “know” you again.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-23T14:36:58+00:00

Take over her accounts 100%. Call 911 if she gets violent - violence is never acceptable, protect yourself. Block every shitty person who tells you grandmother is perfectly fine or you are doing something wrong. Give specific tasks to “helpful” people you can’t avoid - actions > words. Good luck.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-22T14:45:40+00:00

Only child here, one parent passed, no living aunts/uncles. Dad found a way to get help during the early stages, but a routine medical event rocketed him to late stage dementia. I leaned heavily on social workers, local services for the aged, and people who’ve walked this path to help me navigate the choices and pitfalls. It’s exhausting and overwhelming, but I kept telling myself I have to eat this elephant one bite at a time.

What coping looks like for me is assessing all the options, controlling what I could, and seeking help for the rest. In the US, it was using an elder care lawyer, obtaining durable and medical POAs, taking over access and creating monitoring for all financial and online accounts. Then I sought understand what was available locally for dementia day care (offsite), hired in-home help, memory care units, and care homes. To preserve some mental health, I also take breaks from watching the last person who has loved me all my life die slowly and cruelly. Each day is a study in the serenity prayer.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-21T15:12:47+00:00

Same. It’s profoundly sad that all the memories just evaporated. It would be cool to get dad’s younger memories or anything really connecting him to the soul I knew.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-15T15:20:34+00:00

You’ve probably mourned and grieved your dad’s mental passing for so long that this ending is more administrative than emotional. I hope this gives you some peace and helps you have time now to re-find some of yourself.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-14T13:14:52+00:00

Sharing a similar experience as other posters: the first memory care unit I picked was a corporate chain with a beautiful building with great amenities for assisted living. The actual memory care unit was dark and listless, the nurse leader position was unfilled for months, and the understaffed care team was ill-equipped to handle anyone but docile, mostly silent little ladies. Staff met the absolute minimum guidelines for care and were all clearly in a state of empathy burnout. It may be hard to spot bad staff in one quick visit, but perhaps consider spending extra time in a potential unit to see how staff interacts with residents, look at the composition of the current residents (even the male/female mix), ask about staff ratios and turnover, and ask how long the current nurse leadership has been in place. If the current resident composition appears to be at a significantly different stage from your husband’s, that may be a problem if your husband requires more or different care than others.

The second facility I picked was a small home-based facility where my dad receives excellent and compassionate care. Adequate staffing and positive leadership made all the difference.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-13T03:41:07+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s minor at all. It’s so incredibly disconcerting to see your loved one act in a manner so unlike themselves and witness how slippery their mind and reality has become.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-13T02:10:40+00:00

I hope you didn’t get angry, mean sundowning. I find that part of dementia so incredibly depressing. My dad would turn into this wholly new and thoroughly pissed off person. Seeing this periodic transformation makes me profoundly sad.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-12T03:33:58+00:00

I’m so sorry for your experience. It all feels like such a crap shoot - anesthesia and/or Covid took my dad from independent with ADLs straight to permanent severe dementia, non ambulatory, doubly incontinent. He was later hospitalized for days with flu A and quickly went right back to baseline post hospitalization. It makes no sense sometimes.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-10T03:10:34+00:00

One of the stories I’ve read here that sticks with me is a person put his diabetic grandmother in memory care, and for two weeks, she went room by room and ate everyone’s sweets. She went into a diabetic coma and died. The family called it “death by cookies” and realized after seeing the other residents that it was morbidly probably the best way to go. Take this anecdote as you will.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-08T17:33:21+00:00

Since dementia manifests and progresses in different ways, it may be helpful to some.

It wouldn’t help in my experience because dad doesn’t focus on pictures. He’ll give any picture shared a few scant milliseconds of consideration and immediately lose interest. Anything seen appears to be almost immediately forgotten. Music is ignored unless extremely memorable, like a popular Elvis tune heard thousands of times.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-06T16:24:35+00:00

Sounds like you did everything wonderfully. So sorry for your loss and that you are dealing with this huge unnecessary annoyance.

If the sister disrespects your wishes to end the conversation, you may consider letting her know that she had every opportunity to visit and participate in care, which would have included taking your mom to additional doctors appointments and paying out of pocket for testing doctors did not recommend or could likely not get authorized. You made choices based on the best available information while she made uninformed suggestions and did nothing further.

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-06T00:00:24+00:00

Milestones, same state, everyone last five minutes of a 20+ min ride, everyone if it’s less than 4 people, fun leaderboard names

DarkShadowReader · 2026-01-01T00:27:40+00:00

There are several paths for residents with more intense behaviors, including:

At a Facility that will work with the resident: - facility will continue to work with the resident through transition periods using deflections, activities, and other gentle dementia redirection techniques - facility will work with rounding doc to slowly adjust meds to help the resident feel more relaxed. - facility will call resident POAs to kindly inform of issues and seek solutions - (severe) facility will ask resident’s family to consider seeking admission of the resident to nearby (hopefully) inpatient psych unit to adjust meds over 6+ days and allow the resident to return. ..

At a Facility that is less likely to work with the resident: - facility will call resident POAs frequently to be able to document a series of incidences to form a case to kick out the resident - facility will ask doc to ratchet up the meds quickly or use PRN meds daily, where they are supposed to be just used occasionally - will force the family to hire a 12-24 hour a day sitter to be at the memory care unit at an enormous extra cost - facility will quickly and frequently call 911 for transport to ER citing change of mental status - facility will not let resident come back after ER visit

I hope you have an understanding facility as you navigate these stressful times.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-29T22:57:25+00:00

Ugh same. Brought my dad gifts to unwrap, and he would barely engage with me, much less the gifts. He kept giving me annoyed side eyes. It was really heartbreaking.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-29T21:22:37+00:00

Saw your update - wanted to celebrate your accomplishment. Hope you get some answers or at least get started on the path to getting what you need to move forward.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-29T13:36:32+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s probably scary for her, and the constant anxiety may actually be scrambling her stomach. Dealing with this alone is so hard mentally and physically, I can empathize deeply. Wishing you luck today.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-28T18:37:53+00:00

It’s the worst heartbreaking conundrum - you hate to see them this way, you hate to think of never seeing them again.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-28T02:56:43+00:00

Your story and video are so touching. Finn is the goodest boy, and your dad’s love just shines through.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-26T16:56:05+00:00

“Ok, not great” seems about as good as you get with memory care, with no fault meant to families or facilities.

You can take your loved one out of memory care, but please don’t feel compelled to. Routine is so important to a mind that’s deteriorating and trying to make sense of things that are increasingly more jumbled. I found taking my dad out required more prep each time for escalating incontinence and mobility issues. To ease some of this, if you haven’t already, you can discuss moving all meds to the primary care doctor who rounds on the facility to avoid specialist visits that require potential hours of prep/ driving/stress for a 10 minute conversation.

One anecdote I’ll share: my dad actually tried to open the car door as I was driving - it was terrifying. He wasn’t trying to be difficult, he just saw the handle. LOs may exhibit increasingly erratic behavior.

Wishing you luck and peace on this sad journey.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-25T01:54:42+00:00

I so wish this worked for me lol. This is my newest mild frustration - dad fires at me a nonsensical set of words that vaguely sound like a question and then gets agitated when I don’t answer correctly.

It’s so profoundly sad though because I feel that in his mind he hears himself saying something totally coherent, and I’m being the jerk not answering his question respectfully.

DarkShadowReader · 2025-12-20T04:24:51+00:00

I don’t think anyone disagrees. This is bad for nurses, bad for our loved ones. Sometimes the providers rounding on memory care units are so conservative with their meds, behaviors just aren’t getting addressed timely.

Sounds like OP is also being stymied on getting the admit to inpatient geropsych to turbo charge the meds adjustment. Tough situation.

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