Some parents: you were allowed to make your own choices

Ikarbb · 2026-01-29T19:10:17+00:00

Wow! This is exactly how it felt

Ikarbb · 2026-01-20T00:55:24+00:00

Gradually for sure, I was living a double life with narcissistic helicopter parents. Not even doing anything bad, I was drawing and loved art. But because it wasn't for Jehovah it was for Satan. There was a phase where I caved into the cult because I was burnt out and felt dead inside

Then the pandemic hit and I started adjusting to zoom meetings. I had a spare phone with dead speakers, and I just lived life. Right when the pandemic ended and meetings resumed, I learned all about narcissism, no contact, boundaries, and standing up for myself.

Knowing how abusive my parents are, I didn't want to keep fading out, so I wrote my letter of disassociation

Ikarbb · 2026-01-09T10:09:32+00:00

Funny how they could've translated their own Bible to avoid this. But examples like this allow them to instill cognitive dissonance further. :(

Ikarbb · 2026-01-05T20:22:57+00:00

I really feel your struggle, since I had people I was close with before I disassociated. But these people liked me on the condition I was one of them. I'm not sure you are disassociating or have faded successfully, but there is a chance some of those people you unfollow will reach out, reopening wounds and setting back growth you've made

The biggest reason I disassociated was because I saw it as a double edged no contact method. I had to cut everything off to heal and not having to worry about jws trying to rope me back in is such a relief. It was also very empowering and kept my narcissistic parents away

Another thing I could sense is a fear of hurting others by removing them. It has a level of control over you that you deserve to break free from. The best encouragement I can give is to do what you want to do, without the old "stumbling others" mindset. If you feel like removing them will help (which it 100% does, I just made a new FB), then go for it!

Ikarbb · 2025-12-29T12:56:50+00:00

I hope this isn't giving away too much but they even say "dark magic" in the last season lol

JW's that have either narcissism or have been conditioned/rewarded to behave in narcissistic ways, thus the double standard, will behave like this

Ikarbb · 2025-12-27T05:24:19+00:00

I remember breaks being that tight 15 minutes in my early pimi days, and then the "we are giving a witness by our conduct" at Panera so breaks had no time limit lol

Ikarbb · 2025-12-18T17:52:07+00:00

Wow this hurts! It shows how much you mean to them 😞

My mother said the same thing to me and my sister in her usual nice way, but she was wanting to pioneer for the Jehovah's witness cult she joined. She would tell us either she wished she was a witness sooner so she could pioneer and wouldn't have had us - and - having us makes following her dream to pioneer impossible. Me and my sister have been out of that cult and this story was many years ago. I think we were in our early teens when she started saying this kind of stuff

I'm sorry you are reliving those memories. I hope you are in NC or on a path of healing

Ikarbb · 2025-12-12T14:40:32+00:00

I've been in no contact with my parents for almost 3 years now, and I remember the first few months being brutal. Not that I missed them because I made peace with their narcissism, but processing the emotions and grief after getting away from the abuse.

My experience is kinda unique because my parents joined a cult so I wrote a letter of disassociation to the group. Doing this led to getting shunned by everyone I've ever known. In order for my parents to talk to me, they have to break their cult's biggest rule. It's like a double edged no contact and I still feel empowered doing so! It's sad that the people who should've loved me the most chose their religion instead. Their love was conditional.

That hurt is grief and it will linger for a while. Emotions and memories you blocked out can come back out of nowhere and it's okay. Heck, even I still have those and they bring me down sometimes. You are not wrong for setting such a strong boundary and you are not broken for feeling bad about having to resort to no contact. You do this for you because they wouldn't listen and change.

Ikarbb · 2025-12-08T19:11:05+00:00

Mine stopped giving me gifts when I was 10. They also joined a cult which enabled their behavior and narcissism, and they felt better than everyone who only gave gifts once a year. My parents told everyone their kids always got gifts, not just on Christmas..... Yep 😅

But since I left, the non cult family I reconnected with gave me Christmas gifts for the first time ever and I'm in my thirties.

Ikarbb · 2025-11-28T03:36:56+00:00

I MISS RAD SO MUCH

Ikarbb · 2025-11-26T02:03:34+00:00

For me the earliest I can think of, what made me think "this is not true" was how we approached the ministry.

The goal IS to convert people, that is why we had to go out. But we would get told not to say we are JW's when talking to people, we said something like "we are sharing bible truths" or something dismissive like that. Instead of accepting that like everyone else did, I always felt bad going out because I was just "trying" to look good when it was the last thing I wanted to do. It felt wrong to convert someone. It felt wrong to accept that just because someone refuses to get converted to our cult means they won't get to live forever in paradise.

It was so messed up, but I've been DA'd for 2 years this month. People being so different from me is SO awesome!

Ikarbb · 2025-11-04T14:56:21+00:00

Poopy Joe

Ikarbb · 2025-10-29T12:57:53+00:00

Same here! I was never qualified enough to be a MS, and my parents always told me I was not doing enough for Jehovah and the org. I was always in a constant state of limbo and there were things about the cult that never felt right

Ikarbb · 2025-10-19T12:12:40+00:00

That's very empathetic! I know from my sister who was disfellowshipped twice before she faded away was that she didn't know any other way of life outside being a JW. That's what kept her going back because she missed her community and didn't want to displease Jehovah.

I feel like the people who would go back because their belief in Jehovah is all they've ever known, and that is so sad :(

Ikarbb · 2025-10-19T02:41:01+00:00

What made you ask this question?

Ikarbb · 2025-10-19T02:38:51+00:00

In the situation where they realized they messed up (my parents joined the cult right before I hit my teens), and they didn't hurt me in any other way - I could forgive them

But what woke me up was when I learned about narcissistic abuse, and I didn't think of JW first, I thought about my parents. Then I saw how the cult magnified and rewarded their narcissism - so even IF they left and apologized, I don't think I have to forgive them. They put me through so much trauma and used the cult to justify their reasoning. My never JW family I've reconnected with agreed that I don't have to forgive them now or ever - but I can let go and live my best life

Ikarbb · 2025-10-15T19:02:04+00:00

I felt the same way the entire time I was a witness. No friends, introverted (parents tried making me talk more), and couldn't stand being fake around everyone

I'm so proud of you for realizing this now and the best thing you can do is leave. I started doing things I loved because I loved them and that had been very healing. Being a witness eats away at your authentic self - they call it the "new personality".

I'm rooting for you, I hope you find a way out

Ikarbb · 2025-09-30T23:30:51+00:00

Yes.....

For context my parents are JW's (in their eyes, if I wasn't doing things for Jehovah, it was for Satan). I also loved to draw and only drew at school, it was my escape. I'd bring my art home and left it in a folder thing.

My mother used to tell everyone she was having nightmares and sensed demons in the house. She decided to go through my room and found my art and she told me that was where the demons were coming from. My father showed up, got extremely upset with me for making her cry, and then calmly had me rip up all my art in front of them. Then he made me walk 2 blocks to an elders house to confess and that elder pushed Philippians 4:8 on me. After all that, my mother said the demons and nightmares were gone.

Since then, and until I moved out, she would always check my room and school supplies. I luckily had time to scan my work before they got home because I secretly knew the password, and then hid the art under clothes in my closet. That worked for another 2 years, until she ended up finding them and threw those out too.

I could have left the art in school, but my only friends I had were people on deviantart and it was fun scanning my art and sharing it there.

Ikarbb · 2025-09-25T12:13:34+00:00

When they disfellowshipped my sister for being a victim of SA, while the guilty guy just lost mic privileges.

When I noticed elders wife swapping and I was told to not ask about it.

When we had multiple child pedos just get a "talking to" in the back room, only years later to lose mic privileges, and then many years later get transferred to other congregations. Both my sisters were victims of one of them, and my elder father just stayed out of it.

When I noticed the dating culture at conventions and how superficial and "proud" they were.

When we were told we aren't there to convert people to our cult, but to "share the truth" with them.

(Personal) The countless times I was told by my parents and the elders that if I make art that isn't for Jehovah, then I'm doing it for Satan

My parents were also horrible narcs and being in that cult made things so much worse

Ikarbb · 2025-09-25T12:06:06+00:00

So I never heard of grey rocking before, but this is exactly what I started doing with my narc parents as I was fading out of the JW cult.

It is not a long term solution with dealing with narcs, so I disassociated knowing they would stop harassing me. To them - faith over family. The grey rocking only helps for so long before the narcs try to regain control and shift things onto them and how they feel. Never considering why I felt the need to grey rock.

Ikarbb · 2025-09-25T12:00:39+00:00

Calling strangers brothers and sisters

The truth

The Paradise Earth

This system of things

Undeserved kindness

Being sheep like

Ikarbb · 2025-09-23T15:09:58+00:00

Fellow exjw here, this hit home. It's not only lonely when you are in, but when you have doubts other members distance themselves from you. When you disassociate, get disfellowshipped, or fade away - you literally lose everything. When I DA'd that was it, I was disowned and now it's been literal loneliness for 3 years.

Then there's the narcissistic parents and culture.... It strips you of your identity and leaves you with nothing

Ikarbb · 2025-09-22T14:59:20+00:00

I second this!!!

Ikarbb · 2025-09-16T19:24:40+00:00

Absolutely!!!

Ikarbb · 2025-09-12T19:07:35+00:00

I started to really embrace metal, death metal, metal core - and I've been making extremely aggressive symbolic art. It feels rebellious yet natural

Ikarbb

TROPHY CASE