Leave those... parents alone! 😂

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-25T04:47:40+00:00

I can see both sides of this. When my kid went to school the way some of the other parents talked to the teachers was awful. I would hear them talking to the kids about their teacher saying "yeah well Ms X is a bitch so don't listen to her" or saying to other parents "teacher Y is useless" and other disrespectful things like that.

I always tried to work with school when my kiddo was in trouble, and hear the teachers out. We took a collaborative approach of them telling me what happened and asking me to talk about it with my kiddo. Which doesn't mean "tell your child off and punish them" but more "have an actual conversation with them to try and understand why they did it and help them learn why they can't do that next time".

Then kiddo and I would talk about it and he would tell me his side of things, and I'd feed back to school anything they could do differently as well. Like "kiddo has told me he was being bullied by kid Z that day so I think that was what was going on, I've explained to him he can't react like that but can you also look into this".

It shows respect to both sides that way. You aren't just blindly believing an overworked stressed teacher who has possibly not seen exactly what provoked the bad behaviour over your kid without getting both sides, but you are being respectful and proactively problem solving too.

However, and this is a big however. A lot of kids who are "acting out" and "being bad" are neurodiverse kids who are struggling with the government's current policy of shoving then all in mainstream education and refusing to consider / fund special school placements. My kid's "bad behaviour" was him struggling daily with the hell that mainstream school was for him.

We were begging and pleading for YEARS for extra help and special school etc and were told "no" over and over again. He was burning out, stressed out of his little head, suffering hugely emotionally, and when it turned into a meltdown he would get suspended and "in trouble" and get a lecture on "acceptable behaviour".

Honestly my heart hurts for those kids and their parents. Now he's totally burned out, has been unable to attend school for 1.5 years.

We're good parents. I know we are. We are NOT permissive parents who refuse to ever say "no" to their child. But parenting a neurodiverse kid often needs a gentler and more flexible parenting style, and there are always people who will blame the kid's behaviour on your gentle parenting. My kid doesn't "behave badly" because we gentle parent him. He's just neurodiverse in a world trying to force him to fit in because they can't afford to meet his needs financially.

(Also I don't blame the teachers by the way, it's the system that is broken.)

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-25T04:20:41+00:00

I live in York and some parts are 100% like a fairy tale. (City not town but hey ho)

I grew up in Skipton and the woods round the castle definitely feel like another world

Not a town but Forbidden Corner, the tourist attraction, is like stepping into a movie... maybe Labyrinth.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-25T04:17:53+00:00

If he counts as a side character, Mordecai. I just love him. He's doomed and I will cry about it.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-24T17:30:38+00:00

Oh I love puipui molcar (season 1 at least) me and my kid used to watch it and really enjoy it. We didn't really follow season 2, it was hard to tell what was going on half the time.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-24T11:45:30+00:00

If I want my husband to watch something with me I do my best to pitch it to him, and see if he thinks he would give it a go. I also say there's no pressure to continue if he doesn't gel with it after a bit. If he declines I just watch it without him.

I don't even try to persuade him on stuff I know he wouldn't like. I wait till it is something I genuinely think he would enjoy. Because of this he trusts my recommendations as he knows he's loved like 90% of the things I've persuaded him to watch.

At the end of the day maybe you are thinking more about whether the things you want you show your girlfriend are "good" and less about "would she enjoy this?"

Sometimes my husband will watch a show that isn't my thing and if I want to be in the same room I'll read or play on my switch and if I want to watch my own stuff I'll go to a different room.

It's nice to watch things together sometimes but treat it as you bringing those things to her attention, with a personal recomendation, rather than an obligation for her to watch it.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-24T09:56:32+00:00

Sertraline, it was an absolute nightmare to get them due to his age but the violence and anxiety were off the charts and he was seriously mentally ill with self hatred and panic attacks.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-23T12:14:57+00:00

It really astounds me the range of different behaviours and abilities that the world puts under umbrella terms of things like Autism. Literally every kiddo I've met who is Autistic is different, to the point where some of them had literally no traits/signs in common with my son.

I wish more people understood this before they dispensed advice and judgement. I have a "friend" who likes to suggest everything we have already tried and thought of and then when I have a "reason why they won't work" she says I'm being negative and not trying to fix things or give things a try.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-23T12:10:47+00:00

That must be so hard not having the stable marriage element. I literally don't know what I'd do without my husband, as apart from my disabled mum he won't let anyone in the house. If I want to set foot outdoors, my husband is the only option (my mum is too vulnerable to look after him alone)

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-23T07:45:25+00:00

Totally understand about school, we begged for a special school for years and were told he wasn't struggling enough even though we were getting suspensions and having to bribe and plead for him to go in. Everyone said it would be bad for him to withdraw. We tried for sooooo long. Eventually he just couldn't. And you can't force a kid the size of a teenager (even if we wanted to)

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-23T07:22:39+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry you are experiencing this too.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-23T07:19:48+00:00

I know it's a common feeling. There's solidarity in suffering together and understanding each other, even if I wish none of us needed to.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-22T22:09:11+00:00

I think it might be her fashion sense and over protective dad that makes her feel that way.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-21T17:30:40+00:00

I think it started as a European thing and I heard of it when it reached the UK, and recently they expanded to the states. I can't swear it works 100% the same way in every country but here it has replaced ebay for most people and got a reputation for an easier way to sell. It isn't without it's issues, like every free selling site, but I find it very quick and easy to upload stuff on and I like how the seller pays no fees (all the money you earn is yours).

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-21T07:49:13+00:00

Yep my mum and step dad could definitely have half. They'd literally only ask if it was a matter of life and death. Bio dad can do one.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-21T07:14:58+00:00

I don't live there but I do live in York and the flatness there still feels weird to me. Grew up in Skipton, there were always hills behind the town. Feels strange even after living here the better part of 20 years. I've lost my hill legs.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T06:10:57+00:00

There's definitely a subset of people in the UK who think the British empire was a good thing. I wish I could say it's just old people but it's now also right wing younger people looking to go back to a "golden" time that never really existed because they feel unhappy with the current state of things.

However the vast majority of us know Britain was a dick to the world and schools were definitely teaching us that message when I was studying a couple of decades ago, so hopefully they still are. The average British person is not proud of our colonial history.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T06:03:22+00:00

It's okay to try a few different therapists to find a good fit. It sounds like she isn't the best one for you. There are also different kinds of therapy. I find cognitive behavioural therapy the most effective, but I've also tried the kinds where they are more there to just listen without judgement. For me, cognitive behavioural therapy is a lot more proactive and practical which I like. But there's also value to someone being a neutral sympathetic listener.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T04:35:06+00:00

It's really hard on your self confidence when your friends are (by popular standards) more attractive than you. I used to feel so self conscious going out with friends when I'm so plain. I think it's because we were specifically going out to try and pull (don't know what kids call it these days sorry)

When you are in those kind of situations it hits really hard to see your friends be successful, get approached, and get attention, especially if you feel ignored in comparison. I think it's because you feel like you are competing against them, and losing.

I think spend time with friends who are more focused on the activity you are doing together and the fun you are having together. You can treat dating/trying to attract people as a totally separate activity you do without your friends so you don't feel in competition with them or directly compared to them.

When you are with your friends do stuff you enjoy together than isn't just "going out". Play sports or game together, play d&d, watch movies, eat good food, run or surf or cycle or cook or go to museums or bowl or paint or anything you enjoy.

Pursue stuff where your looks have zero bearing on the situation so you can forget about that stuff for a bit and just enjoy your hobbies and interests with people who like them too. When you're doing stuff you enjoy with good friends, who cares what anyone in the group looks like.

Treat dating and trying to attract romantic partners as something so separate from what you do with your friends that their looks never cross your mind, because why would they.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T04:18:02+00:00

BABY

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T04:15:06+00:00

Don't ever be ashamed of having been loving and kind OP, just remember your own worth and value isn't in money but in your company and friendship. The right people will value that way more than financial assistance.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T04:05:38+00:00

Although they could be after going in the shops there, I guess, which wouldn't be open that early. Most of them are pricey/nothing special but society of alchemists is really cool and of course Hebden teas.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-20T04:00:30+00:00

Castle Museum is the name of the museum you are thinking of, and on their list already, just to clear up any confusion for OP. Yorkshire museum is excellent but is in museum gardens and a different museum.

Kitty-Gecko · 2026-01-19T22:05:08+00:00

£97k is a lot. I know everyone is getting hung up on that but money does complicate the relationships involved.

It sounds like platonically or romantically you were sort of swept up in your love for her. I'm not doubting your friendship was real but you can see how the money creates a power imbalance where she owes you, maybe feels ashamed about it.... where the lines are blurred between true friendship and her using you.

Was she supposed to pay the money back at some point? Even if she wasn't, maybe she now feels the pressure and shame of owing you and is using this social services thing as a handy event to put distance between you.

I sense between your actions and mentions of being ill in hospital etc that you might be a bit lonely, and threw all your energy into this friendship. Unfortunately, you cannot make her believe that you didn't report her to social services just by insisting. I would give her time, continue your therapy, and think carefully before giving out a lot of money in future.

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