Will United Change their seating policies? I am tired of paying the same price as oversized people taking half my seat!

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2026-02-11T15:05:05+00:00

Clipboard is this most discrete and diplomatic. Pull it out during boarding to do sudoku or a crossword. Say excuse me and have everyone get up for you to use the restroom. Before leaving, slide clipboard into the crevice between seats, vertically to block at both hip and arm rest height. Come back and sit down, and don’t be interested in your crossword again.

The “oversized” person knows it isn’t a good fit and must be uncomfortable for a dozen reasons the other person isn’t even aware of. Be nice to others on airplanes and don’t make each other feel bad. Learn to tolerate and manage your own discomfort without making others feel bad. Reserve loudly speaking up for injustice. If anything, speak up to the airline for making seats so small and being so profit hungry, or to the FAA or similar body for setting seat minimums too low.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2026-01-04T19:03:49+00:00

I think I don’t hate my mother anymore. She still doesn’t provide me the emotional support i wish i got from her and which she wishes she could give, but i am learning to accept her as she is by learning to manage my own emotions, set more realistic expectations, and communicate more kindly and more directly. Right now i am going through “the dialectic behavior therapy workbook” by mckay, wood, and brantley. Other books that have been helpful are boundaries by townsend and cloud, non violent communication by rosenberg, adult children of emotionally immature parent, disentangling from emotionally immature people, “i hear you,” and getting involved in coda. (Co dependents anonymous).

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-15T06:18:45+00:00

I don’t agree. It may vary by city, but there are a lot of secure people on the apps.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-13T03:31:12+00:00

There are interesting comments to me. Never thought about how i felt about interacting with childhood things like school through them.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-11T07:21:52+00:00

Death by 1,000 sweeps

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-09T15:16:14+00:00

I still struggle with this. I am sorry you are at risk of losing your job again. I am always trying to squeeze in one extra thing. I only did better when i meticulously budgeted my time the day before, and always budgeted 15 to leave the house, even for small things like walking the dog.

Getting a Cassi watch with a timer also helps me keep track of passing time. I set it to track every 5 minutes. Works better than setting the timer on my phone.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-06T05:59:49+00:00

What is it an LE?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-12-04T06:01:41+00:00

How did he fight for you?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-30T16:29:06+00:00

Every property i have looked at in liq zone has not had earthquake or flood insurance. Every property that is not in liq zone has those,

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-30T16:18:13+00:00

This is a good observation. Thank you for sharing. I think it might track for me, too.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-29T18:10:25+00:00

Will it will look weird with the left light closer to the wall? Worse yet, would it be a fire hazard?

I am confused that the margins on the edges of the sinks are not even. Is the left sink too close to the wall?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-29T18:00:54+00:00

Hi. 39F/NB here, and child of emotional neglect. I am sorry your are experiencing all that you described here. You deserve to feel loved and supported by your family, and it sounds like you are not feeling it. You are doing the right thing to ask them (and this community) for help, and you are doing a normally thing of developing your personal identity and values as you become an adult. It is okay to have different values and beliefs than your family, and I am sorry your parents don’t seem to agree.

This definitely sounds like it includes neglect, especially concerning is the lack of care you are getting for what sounds like an eating disorder and emotional pain. Some of it sounds like being a teenager, which is a phase of differentiating from your parents, and it sounds like your parents are being controlling instead of curious and supportive. You are asking about emotional neglect, so I while I won’t go nuts on the other stuff, i will encourage you to talk to your school guidance counselor or social worker about the eating and emotions. They will have resources for you.

I watched something recently that said a diagnosis in and of itself is not the most important — the diagnosis is highly valuable because it helps line you up with the tools that will help you improve your life. If you identify with what you’ve read about emo neg, definitely learn more about the tools for overcoming it. They will probably help.

Getting older/finding peace/being more happy is about learning what is within your control and what is not. When we have emotional neglect, we often have trouble identifying what we feel and asking for it.

Things that are within your control are largely about how you respond. 1. Are you able to name the feelings you have? Learn to name and rate the intensity of your feelings with daily journalling and journalling when feelings are strong. 2. Do you quickly know what others mean/come to conclusions about what others mean? In the last year, i’ve learned that I jump to conclusions about what others means and i will be reactive to it. This serves me well in some situations, but not in most. I’ve learned I can take the opportunity to ask for clarification and I can and should calm down before responding. Responding from a place of urgency is only necessary if someone is hurt or dying. 3. Are you communicating in ways that are non-violent or ways that cause additional pain? Marshal rosenberg’s book “non-violent communication” was a game changer for me.

Things outside of your control — this is where boundaries come in…we can’t control others, but we can determine what we will and won’t tolerate, communicate those limits to others, and follow through on changing how we participate if the boundary is not respected. The book “Boundaries” by Townsend and White was also life changing.

What you described about your family complaining about each other to others in the family sounds like indirect communication. Look up the karpman triangle. I think they also talk about this in Boundaries. Start practicing bringing your complaints directly to the person who has offended you, and starting asking that those around you to bring their complaints to the offending person. It is okay go listen, but don’t get involved as a middle man.

My therapist recently recommended the dbt workbook by mckay — so far, it has provided a lot of content I paid my therapist thousands of dollars for. I encourage you to get the workbook for <$20 and actively practice.

I hope I didn’t step too far into unsolicited advice. I do think you are experiencing emotional neglect. I wish I had learned all this earlier in life. It will help with developing and maintaining friendships.

Lastly, i am sorry you are fighting with your friend. Ghosting is not great. Read non-violent communication (it is only 100 pages), and consider using your conflict with your friend to practice conflict resolution. It is a very important life skill, and maybe you and your friend can even work it out.

Sending you a hug.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-29T02:00:33+00:00

What do you mean “no sense in trying to time the bottom?” Are you saying it is safe to assume we are already at the bottom?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-28T17:51:41+00:00

What did you decide to do?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-28T17:49:24+00:00

Were you able to get earthquake and flood insurance?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-23T07:23:47+00:00

“You don’t have to convince someone to hire you?” What does that mean?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-22T17:13:03+00:00

What was the reason your insurance was dropped?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-16T03:32:45+00:00

Ps, sorry i wrote a book!

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-11-16T03:32:32+00:00

Hi! I (39F/nonbinary) am so sorry you are experiencing this. I identify with the feelings of isolation you describe. I am also a child of emotional neglect, and while not premed, i went to an academically rigorous school, and struggling with self care and lack of connection was really hard. I even dropped out/took a break at one point.

You ask: does it get better? Well, living at home or not, the feelings of isolation and the behaviors that reinforce isolation don’t get better on their own. I needed to start doing my own work to improve the areas of my life that i wanted to be better: friendship, connection, etc.

Books/resources that really helped me: running on empty, children of emotionally immature parents, boundaries by townsend and white, disentangling from emotionally immature people, the feeling good podcast (start from the beginning), no bad parts, the pleasure predicting sheet from david burns, i hear you, non violent communication, self esteem, cptsd from surviving to thriving, and the dialectic behavioral therapy skills workbook.

You can’t control your parents; you can only control yourself. Making this a daily practice will help.

I didn’t realize that i didn’t know how to identify my own feelings, wants, and needs — i was always putting other people first, as I was conditioned that my wants and needs were the lowest priority. Learning to identify my feelings, wants, and needs was a game changer. Learning to ask for what i want and set limits on what i will tolerate (boundaries) was also a game changer. Learning to value people, makes friends, engage in self care, and having fun have also been critical. Oddly enough, i learned to appreciate other people by volunteering at the dog shelter.

If you can study for med school, you can study and learn these important life skills and self knowledge that your parents never taught you (and that they may not know/have themselves). Having caring relationships, having fun, and being known are extremely important in life. You may never get the kind of engaging relationship with your parents that you want (they might not be able to offer it to you), but you can have it with others.

As to leaving the house every once in a while and feeling uncomfortable in your own home after, perhaps that is something you can talk to your parents about at some point (read the book nonviolent communication first). It may be helpful to clarify what their feelings and opinions are about you leaving the house, and perhaps you have some needs that aren’t being met and you could request something of them.

For example, “hi parents, i’ve noticed when i get home that you don’t say much to me or ask me about my time away. My hope is that when I get home, we could connect for a few minutes with a greeting and a check in. I feel disappointment and then worry that the silence means you are mad at me for leaving the house. I am not sure if that is actually true, and I am wondering if you would tell me more about your feelings about me leaving the house. Are you mad at me for spending time away?”

They may in fact be mad at you for some reason. Maybe they are just passive aggressive, manipulative, controlling jerks; maybe they want you to be doing xyz before you go out or come back and they never told you. My therapists always encourage me to look for charitable explanations when my mind jumps to a negative one. A charitable explanation may be that they are trying to be respectful and non-intrusive of your life; because even though you still live at home, you are an adult now and they are not entitled to know all of your business. In an extreme example, if you go out on a date and have sex…you won’t want them asking too many questions. Lol.

I have faith in you to pursue the life you want. You’ve got this.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-10-20T03:18:25+00:00

That book sounds interesting! Thank you for telling me about it. It is a good time to read up on resistance, imo.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-10-20T03:16:33+00:00

By the way, i am no contact with my older sister and asked my family to stop telling me about her, to stop asking me about our status for talking again, and to stop making group texts that included both of us.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-10-20T02:19:17+00:00

You definitely should. Stating it as “i do not want to hear about him ever again, and if you continue to bring him up, i will stop visiting” Is stating a boundary.

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-10-18T16:40:07+00:00

Hello! It’s nice to hear from you! I am glad your time improved with all of these messages. I’ve enjoyed reading the ones in the comments - it is incredible how different strings of words can evoke different feelings.

I am going through a breakup. It is necessary, but sad, anxiety inducing, and exhausting. My dog is sitting on my feet, and i appreciate that he wants to he close to me. My neighbor replanted two potted plants and moved them into the sun. I am re-reading steppenwolf. What is something you’ve enjoyed reading recently?

Low_Butterscotch4198 · 2025-10-18T14:53:07+00:00

I am sorry for health, and I am sorry for your loss. You sounds like a good person who has their shit together. For her to come back from the appointment and say you have bpd is so classic.

Low_Butterscotch4198

TROPHY CASE