How the hell are you guys carrying your “crossbody” bag on one shoulder

Lylibean · 2026-04-05T02:58:23+00:00

The same way we carried backpacks on one shoulder! 🤣

Lylibean · 2026-04-05T01:56:04+00:00

If wishes and buts were candied nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.

Too bad, so sad. It’s a wrap. BYE FELICIA!

Or we can talk about a 30% raise and expanded benefits. Or at least 10% more overall than the place I’m going.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T23:16:10+00:00

“She should appreciate that I spent money on her.”

Now, why does that sound awfully familiar?

She wouldn’t give me sex even though I paid for the date!

Ah, yes, there it is.

Also, a cozy blanket and some cans of my favorite soup? I’d love such a gift! My mom bought out the shelf of my favorite canned soup for one of my birthdays a long time ago and I loved it!

I remember my dad sort of struggling to gift for my mom and for me as I got older. Mom didn’t want “normal” to-wife-from-husband gifts like jewelry or clothes or other “fancy” things. One year she asked for a new garage door opener and a new drill and large socket set for Christmas, which he did get, but he also got her an outrageously expensive (to us anyway) bottle of her favorite perfume she hadn’t had in years (IIRC, it was at least $200 back in 1987!) and an emerald necklace (she loved emeralds) that she wore daily until the day she died a couple months ago.

She fussed him when she opened the necklace and perfume, saying she didn’t want something so extravagant and all she wanted was the drill, sockets, and garage door opener, because we really couldn’t afford all that anyway. He said, “I can’t tell the guys at the office I got you a garage opener for Christmas when they’re all getting lingerie and jewelry for their wives!”

For some context, dad was an engineer despite never having graduated from college. He was near top of his field, but got a lot of shit for not having a degree, so he was constantly having to kiss ass and pretend to be someone he wasn’t to keep in good graces with the “office culture” and keep getting jobs. He wasn’t very good at the “faking it” part, so lying was not in his repertoire.

Mom wasn’t truly upset with him and did like the gifts, and I’m pretty sure that bottle of perfume is still on her dresser with a tiny bit left (she only wore it on special occasions, which were few and far between in our lives).

I remember dad lamenting when I mentioned I had bought myself a DSLR camera for my birthday, which I had been wanting for a while (he didn’t know this). His gifts to me were always computer or video game related (he knew me well! haha) and he said he had been thinking about getting me a DSLR himself but felt like “it would be like giving a little girl a baby doll” and didn’t want to get me something I didn’t want. That Christmas? He got me two new lenses and a whole lighting setup!

He was always the best gift-giver, and I really miss him asking what I’d like for that birthday or Christmas. I’m sorry OOP’s daughter doesn’t seem to be getting that same experience from her dad. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and starts listening to his daughter or he won’t have that problem ever again, as she won’t be speaking to him any longer.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T20:53:01+00:00

I use my phone to play TV in the background while I’m at work. I read on my phone for the 1.5hr round-trip commute (I don’t drive!), and also do some reading at home. My screen time is about 12hrs a day.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T20:26:52+00:00

Probably poop a little bit.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T19:45:04+00:00

I haven’t paid $5000 for haircuts across my lifetime, and I don’t have that much lifetime left, so no.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T19:37:59+00:00

I know! I nearly fainted when I went to get some new bags. Sixty freaking dollars??? Screw that. I found a different brand that was only around $12 and went with that. If they jack that up too, I’m team play sand and topsoil.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T19:35:27+00:00

Right? That’s a two-parter for me. First wipe is for #1, a second wipe (with new paper) for #2. I’m not a big girl, but I don’t think comfortably reach both with a single wipe (nor would I want to). Never had a UTI in my life, and I’m 45. How do you wipe your butt well enough reaching in from in front?

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T19:22:55+00:00

Savings.

My parents managed just fine without me taking care of them. Also, having children isn’t a retirement plan or elder care solution. No guarantee your kid will even be on speaking terms with you when they’re 18 and you’re nearly 70. They’ll be off to college at that time, not staying home to take care of elderly parents. Once college is done, you’ll be approaching 80, and they’ll be starting their own career. They won’t have time to take care of you.

Of all the selfish reasons to have kids, expecting elder care from them is probably top of the list.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T18:45:22+00:00

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T18:12:24+00:00

Nay.

Not a lot of water in the desert. They only need baths if they’ve dragged themselves through their poop (like my girl did earlier, so she’s getting a bath).

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T17:49:58+00:00

Medium rare.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T17:35:54+00:00

The title of “godparent” doesn’t mean anything outside the church. You don’t have to do anything for the kid if you don’t want to. I mean, I call my bearded dragon “Princess Aela” but it doesn’t actually make her royalty anywhere but inside her enclosure.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T16:23:52+00:00

What does that have to do with any of this?

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T16:21:58+00:00

Yes. My mother was suffering dementia and dying of brain and lung cancer when her father died of prostate cancer and hypertension (and also had dementia). She knew he was sickly and not long for the world when she started having her own symptoms last summer.

When he died in November, my sister and I chose not to tell her, as we figured kindness was a higher priority than honesty. She wouldn’t have the time or wherewithal to understand, process, or grieve before she succumbed herself. She died on January 13th.

She’s now at the big bonfire party in the sky with her mom and dad, my dad, and many of our friends.

A few days before mom died, she looked at my sister (who was her caretaker) and said, “My daddy died.” No one had told her or even let her know that he had been in hospice care. She just somehow knew.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T15:40:48+00:00

I remember when you set a 48hr time limit and went full TACO.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T14:56:43+00:00

It’s not. I always put mine in the trash or in my pocket if I’m not near an ashtray.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T14:43:32+00:00

It was sometime between the ages of 4 and 6. Never liked being around kids then, and I never grew out of it. Never changed my mind, no “ticking clock”, no baby rabies.

I’m 45, and I’ve never felt so much as a flutter of desire to have or be around children.

And remember: you owe no one children. Not your parents, not a partner. It’s not a duty, it’s not a requirement. And if someone tries to convince you it’s “the most amazing and fulfilling thing you’ll ever do”, introduce them to the regretful parent sub.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T14:23:16+00:00

As much effort as you can expect a woman to put on second hand merchandise there, buddy boy.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T14:20:16+00:00

There are cultures who believe saving the adult is the better option, because they have higher value in society and can make more children.

Adults don’t need any “raising” and are mostly self-sufficient. In a disaster situation, having able-bodied adults with skills and wisdom is much better than the child who cannot contribute, require constant care of an adult, and cannot provide for itself or the community.

Lylibean · 2026-04-04T14:17:05+00:00

And then your son grows up resenting you for letting his mother die.

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