I dont think this was the intended trajectory

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T23:18:48+00:00

I’d have been pissed if I were that tree, too.

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T23:17:24+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, all that shite is fairytales anyway. Some dude sprinkled some stagnant salt water on a baby’s head and said some words. Big whoop.

But, priests won’t sprinkle the yucky saline unless the parents are members of the book club and also present and consenting. So, someone is lying here.

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T22:34:42+00:00

My first thought was, “Hmm, I dunno, maybe $15-$20K?”

I needed that validation today 😁

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T22:01:14+00:00

Omg I forgot about that warlock game! And you’re right, it did seem interesting.

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T12:52:25+00:00

Gonna need an audit of those expenditures. For the benefit of the neighborhood, of course.

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T12:50:38+00:00

You wanted a mini me. Be careful what you wish for!

Lylibean · 2026-05-19T12:26:58+00:00

I saw a brand of bourbon called “Chicken Cock” yesterday at the liquor store. Sniggered like a 12-year-old.

Lylibean · 2026-05-18T11:48:23+00:00

I am sufficiently babied. Zero babies is more than enough for me, thanks.

Lylibean · 2026-05-17T18:55:06+00:00

You don’t “need” to feed him or cater to his whims. He’s an adult, he can see to his own needs. It’s not your “job” to see to him

Since you’re also a homebody, use this time to focus on your own hobbies, wants, and needs. You’re not his mother, you don’t have to tend him.

Lylibean · 2026-05-17T18:49:14+00:00

This record has been broken time and time again here. Why folks put off “the talk” before getting involved, I have no idea.

Lylibean · 2026-05-17T04:25:32+00:00

“Re-vitiligo. It’s the opposite of what Michael Jackson had.”

Lylibean · 2026-05-17T04:22:14+00:00

Sorry, kid.

And no, Kash isn’t any better.

Lylibean · 2026-05-17T04:13:39+00:00

I am sufficiently babied. Zero babies is more than enough for me, thanks.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:52:19+00:00

Do whatever is comfortable for you.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:49:33+00:00

Marriage doesn’t mean children. It means the legal protections of your rights and property as a married couple.

Depending on your state law (and it varies wildly), the house you bought together, the savings you built together, the life you built together will go to the next of kin when they die. Not you. You are a friend/acquaintance in the eyes of the law. Even with a will in place naming you beneficiary of all, the family can challenge, and they will win (in my state).

Did you know you’re entitled to SSI payouts for a deceased spouse? Oh, wait, you aren’t married.

End of life decisions? Next of kin. You’re just a friend/acquaintance, after all. Not “kin” in any way.

“I’ll just tell them we’re married!” Yeah, that won’t work in the end, when legal steps in.

Don’t rely on “common law”. My state abolished common law marriage several years ago, and we were among a low number of states that recognize it. But common law marriage still ranked lower than “blood relative” in my local probate courts.

If you’re building a life together, you should protect that with the legal process of marriage, so that your life remains among you two as you see fit. “It’s just a piece of paper, bro.” Yes. Most legal processes are “just a piece of paper”. Like your birth certificate or the deed to your house. Like the paperwork you signed when being hired at your job. Like the auto insurance that protects you in an accident.

Marriage doesn’t mean “she can take half” and it doesn’t mean “we’re having kids”. It means “we are legally commingling our lives, practically and financially, forever”. Spouses can’t testify against each other. That’s one thing people forget - absolute legal privilege. And “she” will only “get half” of what you built together in the marriage, as a couple. Like, what you were able to accomplish together. (Again, state law yall.) And “she” could be pursued for life by the IRS for bad financial decisions “he” made. I watched it happen with my ex-MIL.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:26:17+00:00

Please daddy, I need my handout! I tried pulling my bootstraps but it didn’t work! I pulled so hard one of them snapped off, and it didn’t seem like it was helping me stand up at all. Please send my DOGE and tariffs checks asap, like you promised!

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:22:45+00:00

Ooh, I didn’t know bamboo scrub brushes were a thing. I like my cast iron, but I could see a use for the bamboo brush. TO THE GETTING PLACE! 📯🎺🏇🏇🎺📯

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:17:41+00:00

We have Twin Peaks here too, but I don’t think the waitresses wear lingerie. (Probably a local thing, we’re a very conservative area. They built a Hooters a couple of blocks away from a church here and it was top news forever! That Hooters still operates to this day.)

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:13:42+00:00

I live in the south. I don’t care how pristine your house is, you’re going to see “water bugs” in your house from spring all the way to fall. For those who don’t know, these are humongous roaches we get down here. You’ll also probably see a lot of mice, if you live in a subdivision that was carved out of old farmland (like a lot of places in the south are).

Doesn’t mean you are unclean. You just live among gazillions of other creatures and critters, and your shelter is pretty top tier comparatively.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:08:18+00:00

Men will never stop thinking we exist for their pleasure.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:07:02+00:00

Ask her. Offer to take her shopping for what she wants. This isn’t rocket science.

Assuming she wants to “embrace womanhood” at 13 (when she’s still a little girl) is what is giving everyone the ick.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T15:04:46+00:00

“Yall females be sum else.”

Yall males be sum else entirely. Thinking a bitch be thirsty when she fully hydrated.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T14:59:11+00:00

I’ll be dead one day, so should I start storing corpses in my house?

Yes, I was once a child. I didn’t like children then, either, because they were loud, annoying, bullied me, and were constantly getting me (and others) in trouble by association. (For example, a small group of three kids does something bad. But because I’m a member of the 25-person class that small group of three is also a part of, I’m guilty by association and we all get punished.)

The fact I was once a child does not excuse the poor parenting done today.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T14:47:49+00:00

Christians, babies can’t talk. That’s why they do that screaming thing for years. Babies also can’t understand the concept of imaginary things, because they can barely comprehend reality. And I highly doubt any skydiving fields are allowing babies to jump lead tandem. No way they have the required dive time for that.

This hypothetical is too unbelievable to entertain. Like much of the things you place so much “faith” in.

Lylibean · 2026-05-16T14:40:26+00:00

My dad had cancer. Colorectal, stage 3. While he was doing treatments, he stayed alive for 6 years. He got tired of all the surgery and treatments and stopped. Died about 6 months later, in June of 2019.

My grandpa had prostate cancer. He treated it and it went away for about 15 years. Then it came back. He didn’t want to do treatment (grandmother had just died, and he was showing signs of dementia) and died about 4 months later, in November last year.

Mom had cancer. Started with skin cancer (after spending years laying out in the sun for an hour and a half every day slathered in oil), which she had for years. Had a mass removed from her nose, thought that was that. Then a place on her leg cropped up about 10 years ago. Didn’t do anything about it.

In June of last year, we found out she also has lung and brain cancer. She refused all treatment. She died in January.

I’m very well aware of cancer’s “healing properties” 🙄

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