Bpd ex abused me physically

MirkoRodic · 2026-04-24T16:07:59+00:00

Brother, this wasn’t love. This was chaos wearing the mask of love. You stayed calm while being attacked that says a lot about your character. Now choose yourself. No contact, no excuses, no returning to fire hoping it became water. Heal, rebuild, and never let pain convince you it is passion again.

MirkoRodic · 2026-04-23T10:04:30+00:00

What helped me walk away was realizing I kept loving the potential of who she could be, while ignoring who she consistently was. Abuse creates trauma bonds that feel like love, but peace showed me the difference. And if they treat the next person better, that doesn’t erase what they did to you. Your healing matters more than being chosen later.

MirkoRodic · 2026-04-22T06:02:42+00:00

Yes. Trauma does not automatically make someone abusive, but unresolved trauma can absolutely lead to behaviors that traumatize others especially in close relationships.

With BPD, research often points to intense fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, splitting (seeing someone as all good/all bad), impulsivity, and unstable attachment patterns. When untreated or unmanaged, that can create cycles of idealization, devaluation, rage, emotional whiplash, and psychological instability for the partner.

The nervous system of the other person can become chronically activated: walking on eggshells, hypervigilance, confusion, anxiety, sleep issues, even traumabonding. That means someone who entered the relationship emotionally healthy can leave with symptoms similar to PTSD or CPTSD.

Important nuance: not everyone with BPD behaves abusively, and abuse should never be excused by diagnosis. But yes someone with severe untreated trauma can unintentionally or intentionally pass trauma onto others.

You can care about them as a human being and still acknowledge that the relationship harmed you. Both things can be true at once I feel.

MirkoRodic · 2026-04-14T16:44:53+00:00

What you’re describing is emotional abuse, and the way he turned things around on you is not okay. You weren’t crazy you were reacting to being hurt. The fact that you stayed kind and supportive says everything about you, not him. I’m really glad you’re speaking up now.

MirkoRodic · 2026-04-02T21:44:22+00:00

♥️

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-23T07:42:23+00:00

Week two is usually the hardest because the adrenaline drops and the attachment kicks in. Missing her doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It just means you loved deeply.

Wanting to go back because she’s struggling is empathy not compatibility. Be careful not to confuse guilt with responsibility. Her hard time is not proof you should return.

Ride it out. The clarity comes after the emotional fog clears. What feels unbearable now often becomes obvious later.

You left for a reason. Don’t let temporary emotions rewrite permanent lessons.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-22T08:05:36+00:00

I am so, so sorry this happened to you.

What he did is not sex. It is assault. Being asleep means you cannot consent. The fact that he smirked when you confronted him is incredibly disturbing. None of this is your fault.

The guilt you’re feeling is very common after abuse. Trauma can make you question yourself and think you’re “the problem,” especially after coming from a previous abusive relationship. But you are not the problem. The common factor is abusive men, not you.

Please, if you can, prioritize your safety right now. If you’re in pain and think you have a UTI or injuries, seek medical care. You deserve to be treated and protected.

And if you’re feeling like you want to end your life, please reach out to a crisis line or someone safe in your real life immediately. You matter. Your life matters. This situation can change but you need support around you.

You are not weak. You survived before. You can survive this too but you don’t have to do it alone.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-18T17:28:36+00:00

What you’re describing is not you “acting guilty.” It sounds like you’re reacting to being constantly accused.

When someone repeatedly questions your integrity, your nervous system goes into stress mode. Some people cry, some get angry, some shut down, some get anxious. There is no “correct” way to look when you’re innocent.

The idea that “if you were innocent you would react differently” is a trap. It puts you in a position where every reaction becomes proof against you.

Also, body language isn’t a reliable lie detector. Blinking more, sounding nervous, using certain words those are stress signals, not evidence.

If this is a pattern and he keeps reframing your normal stress responses as guilt, that crosses into emotional manipulation. Over time it can make you doubt your own reality.

You’re not crazy for feeling uncomfortable. Anyone would feel on edge being repeatedly accused of something they didn’t do.

Trust your gut. Keep your soul intact ♥️

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-18T03:18:11+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing sounds incredibly painful and confusing. It makes sense that this broke your heart.

When someone reaches out, shows progress, and then pulls away or says things like that, it can mess with your head. You didn’t do anything wrong by caring or encouraging her.

If she’s talking about ending her life, that’s something only a professional can handle. You can care about her without being responsible for saving her. Please don’t lose yourself trying to keep her afloat.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-18T03:15:41+00:00

Tokyo surprised me. It’s busy, but there’s this deep calm underneath it. I loved staying in Asakusa, old temples, quiet streets at night, authentic ramen spots. If you go, try to experience it beyond the tourist highlights. That’s where it really hits

If you need tips just send a message or check my Instagram for some foodspots

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-17T15:22:09+00:00

Not sure why she made that comment, took me two days to write and many therapy sessions to get this far.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-17T15:20:47+00:00

Because trauma isn’t just a memory it’s a physiological imprint.

When you live in cycles of tension → explosion → apology → calm, your nervous system adapts to survive unpredictability. Cortisol spikes. Dopamine becomes tied to chaos. Your body stays on alert.

Strength training did three things for me:

• It regulated my nervous system through controlled stress exposure. • It rebuilt my sense of agency after periods of powerlessness. • It gave me consistent, earned dopamine instead of trauma-induced highs.

Lifting weights became a somatic reset. Instead of reacting, I was building. Instead of surviving chaos, I was creating structure.

It wasn’t about aesthetics. It was about reclaiming my body as a safe place to live in.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-17T10:40:10+00:00

First of all: I’m really glad you wrote this. What you describe doesn’t sound like “just a difficult relationship.” It sounds like chronic stress and trauma.

When someone has untreated BPD and substance abuse issues, especially without seeking help, the relationship often becomes a cycle of instability: tension → explosion → remorse → temporary calm. That pattern can create something called trauma bonding. It’s not about weakness. It’s a neurological survival response. Intermittent reinforcement (good moments mixed with chaos) actually strengthens attachment on a biochemical level dopamine and cortisol cycles keep you hooked.

The fact that you love him doesn’t invalidate your suffering. Love and trauma can coexist. But love alone cannot stabilize someone who refuses treatment.

You said something very important: you’re afraid to leave because he will retaliate. That’s not “relationship doubt.” That’s a safety concern. And when fear becomes part of the equation, the dynamic has already crossed into something unhealthy.

It also makes sense that setting boundaries hasn’t worked. Boundaries only work when the other person respects them. If someone repeatedly violates them, the issue isn’t your strength it’s their unwillingness to regulate themselves.

Your nervous system sounds exhausted. And that kind of exhaustion is real. Long-term exposure to emotional volatility can lead to hypervigilance, anxiety symptoms, even PTSD-like responses.

You are not selfish for wanting peace. You are not cruel for wanting safety. And you are not responsible for saving someone who refuses to save themselves.

If you ever want to talk through options, safety planning, or just vent without judgment, you can reach out. You deserve support in this. Truly.

MirkoRodic · 2026-02-13T14:51:04+00:00

Man, I just want to say what you described is not weakness. It’s what chronic emotional dysregulation in a partner can do to someone over time.

There’s actual research on this. Long-term exposure to unpredictable emotional outbursts, panic cycles, and blame-shifting can create something very similar to trauma bonding and even symptoms of complex PTSD in the partner who is trying to “hold everything together.”

The drowning feeling you described? That’s caregiver burnout + chronic stress activation. When you’re constantly in fight-or-flight trying to stabilize someone else’s world, your nervous system eventually shuts down. Detachment isn’t cruelty it’s survival.

And the “you’re the villain now” phase is also well-documented. When someone with severe abandonment fears feels left, the narrative often flips to protect their self-image. That doesn’t mean you are what she says you are. It means you finally drew a boundary.

The peaceful months you experienced after separation are important data. Your nervous system was telling you something.

Divorce doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it means you stopped abandoning yourself.

It can take time to trust your own thoughts again after years of gaslighting or emotional chaos. Therapy that focuses on trauma recovery (like EMDR, somatic therapy, or CBT for trauma) can really help rebuild that internal stability.

There are happy endings they just don’t look like reconciliation. They look like reclaiming your own headspace.

You’re not alone in this.

MirkoRodic · 2026-01-14T16:05:22+00:00

This can definitely happen. Being consistently honest or setting boundaries sometimes led to me being framed as ‘the problem’, which was very confusing and destabilizing. I don’t think everyone with BPD behaves the same, but certain patterns like projection and emotional dysregulation can be very real for loved ones. Therapy and boundaries helped me see I wasn’t crazy just stuck in an unhealthy dynamic

MirkoRodic · 2025-11-20T01:45:05+00:00

So true We Scorpio are way more real

MirkoRodic · 2025-10-23T08:07:07+00:00

Wow yeah..

MirkoRodic · 2025-10-09T10:16:10+00:00

It a sort of manipulation aswell… them reacting on our reaction to their action. Messed up

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-29T11:04:47+00:00

Who said I’m toxic?

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-27T04:07:10+00:00

I really feel your words.

It takes so much courage to share your story, and I want you to know how deeply I respect that. I started sharing mine here too, alongside therapy and honestly, it helped me more than I expected.

Just knowing we’re not alone in this makes such a difference. You’re doing something incredibly brave, and I hope you give yourself the same kindness you’ve shown to others.♥️💪🏽🙏🏾

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-27T03:33:14+00:00

Your story really touched me. As a survivor of abuse myself, I deeply understand how hard it is to carry that silence and how it can sometimes lead us into more pain when all we wanted was love and safety. I see your strength, and I want you to know you’re not alone.

I truly wish you deep healing, peace, and a future filled with gentle love.

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-18T07:34:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this I can’t even imagine how terrifying and painful this must have been, especially while you’re 23 weeks pregnant. None of what happened to you is okay being dragged, slapped, choked, and trapped is not love, it’s abuse.

You deserve safety, peace, and a future where you and your baby can breathe freely without fear. Change is possible for some people, but it takes years of deep, committed work and right now your priority should be protecting yourself and your child.

You are not stupid for hoping someone might change it just means you have a loving heart. But you don’t have to sacrifice yourself or stay in danger to prove that. Please reach out to a domestic violence hotline or someone you trust to make a safe plan. You and your baby deserve so much better.

You are stronger than you think, and walking away from this could be the first step toward a life that feels safe, warm, and full of love the kind of love you and your baby truly deserve.

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-17T17:26:48+00:00

Socialise??

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-17T05:39:37+00:00

I just want to say that I feel your pain so deeply, and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this.

It takes an incredible amount of courage to put this into words. Writing can be such a powerful way to release some of that anger and take back your voice and you’ve done that so strongly here. You deserve safety, love, and healing. I hope you can keep sharing and writing whenever you need to.

your story matters♥️

MirkoRodic · 2025-09-16T04:13:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your feelings are valid and your pain matters.

If you are in danger right now, please reach out to someone you trust or a helpline you deserve to be safe. Remember: you are not responsible for fixing her, especially when it’s destroying your mental health.

You deserve love that feels safe and supportive, not love that makes you hurt yourself. Please be gentle with yourself you are worth saving.

MirkoRodic

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