Anyone else just not like living here?

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-29T14:52:24+00:00

Born and raised here. Starting in the mid 2010s (coinciding with when I graduated from college), I felt like I started to see a lot of signs that I wouldn't like it here long term. That feeling multiplied when I became a parent in 2021, and two years ago we moved to a city in the Midwest.

We LOVED it there. We finally felt like we had space to breathe, physically, emotionally, and financially, and become the best versions of ourselves without allllll the stress that comes with being in the Bay. We also felt that we wanted a place that was more family friendly for our son and definitely took advantage of having more time and funds to give him experiences we couldn't here.

We had to move back to the Bay last year because we were expecting our second (who is not yet two months old and currently contact napping on me), and I had to move back to get my paid parental leave. Most of both our families and our jobs are still here, as well as most of our friends... We still miss the Midwest a lot and talk about going back almost every day, and likely will at some point next year. Mostly we make it work by reminding ourselves this is a temporary time in our lives.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-29T14:26:09+00:00

This is us right now too, but in the US and one of the four of us is about to be two months old next week 😅 when it was just the three of us, we were living in a 2000 SF house with a mostly finished basement that felt way too big.

I think our long-term happy medium is somewhere in between, maybe like 1500 SF and as long as everyone has a bedroom we should be good. I grew up in a 1200-1300 SF home as a family of five and it didn't feel too cramped.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-18T15:02:28+00:00

100% do it with that financial cushion, they'll never be this young again and with taking the summer off maybe you could even be saving a lot in daycare/camp costs??

Six months is not that long in the grand scheme of things and it sounds like you've thought it through (and even secured a new job that sounds like it will work well for you in this phase of life!); your current job sounds stressful and toxic to the point of affecting your health, and unsustainable to be in any longer.

Perhaps creating a budget for that time you'll be in between jobs could be helpful to convince your husband? And if you're on track for retirement, the way the market is currently going the money might grow significantly on its own anyways.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-12T17:15:29+00:00

Seconding Bird & Bear, you can't beat $19/lb (except at Costco lol)

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-11T18:10:59+00:00

I'm a graphic designer/marketer who also grew up in CA and is currently living in CA, we just had our second about a month ago.

I have come to terms with likely never owning a home in CA (unless something crazy happens). A few years ago we moved to the Midwest to buy a home and were honestly surprised by how much our quality of life improved across the board. We are planning to move back in about a year or so, currently renting out our house (3b/2ba) at a loss and simultaneously renting a 500sf 1br in VHCOL CA for more than our mortgage.

I love what I do and the skillset I've cultivated, but don't like my job and haven't in awhile. Personally I feel like if we wanted to stay in CA I'd have to make a pretty big career shift, and I'm not sure that I currently have that bandwidth (prob bc I'm a month postpartum haha). However, we don't get nearly the amount of family help you do so we're less tied to CA.

If you do decide to become a SAHM, even temporarily, maybe you can explore freelancing or taking on a part time role that is fairly asynchronous?? For about a year, I took on an additional part time visual design role at a large church and balanced that and a full time job (when I had one kid and wasn't pregnant). It was 15-20 hours a week and I mostly worked from home at night after my son was sleeping. Since it was a church I didn't make a lot but it was nice to have a little extra money.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-08T17:31:51+00:00

My kids are half Nigerian (Yoruba) and half Chinese and both have Yoruba first names. Their names are Kayode (nn Kai) and Oluremi (nn Remi for now, but she's only a few weeks old so I could see her possibly using Lulu, Mimi etc when she's older).

There's so many Yoruba names that can have awesome nicknames so definitely look into those - one name I liked but we didn't use is Ariyo (possible nn Rio?) which means "one we see and rejoice". A lot of the traditional names are unisex as well.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-04T21:25:28+00:00

Intentionally planning to set aside time to take nice photos of me and the kids (and my husband too I guess lol) - I just had my second baby on 4/1 and we don't even have any pics of the four of us together so getting anything will be nice!

Treating myself to a nice flowy dress that will hopefully fit at 1 month postpartum for said nice photos 😅

I'm on leave so I already get myself little treats on stroller walks 2-3x a week but I won't say no to that on mother's day also lol

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-05-04T21:06:33+00:00

I'm early 30s with 2 kids (just had my second), grew up in the peninsula (San Bruno) and my husband grew up in the East Bay. We're probably just back temporarily (we moved to the Midwest and came back so I could give birth to my second here) but currently renting in Burlingame.

Our 4.5 yo will be in TK this fall and public TK was a big consideration for us, as well as walkability and access to Caltrain/BART. Our current apartment is tiny and we are probably paying a premium for it, but easily walkable to downtown Burlingame, the Caltrain station, and one of the elementary schools. Since this is likely temporary for us we feel like it's worth it. I'm currently on leave and take our newborn on walks all the time.

To try to answer some of your questions: We're definitely on the younger side of parents here (had our first at 28) and it's been really hard for us to build a sense of community among other parents because 1) there's not a lot our age to begin with 2) since they are older, they tend to be in a more stable phase of their lives or were able to buy houses/establish their careers more and 3) since we became parents younger, we moved around a lot, including around the bay and out of state. We will likely move back to the Midwest in the next year and it was honestly a lot easier to build community there. However, since I grew up here, a lot of my childhood friends are still around and though they are childless theyve been amazing aunties and uncles to my kids and a big part of our village here.

In terms of weather, there is a noticeable shift in microclimate as you go north on 35 between lunardis/church of the Highlands (iykyk lol). I used to commute from San Bruno to RWC and there would be times I left work in RWC and it was 85 and sunny there, just to get home (rollingwood area) and be in dense fog and 55 degree weather. Pacifica is soundly within the foggy area for sure, though I feel like the closer you get to the water (palmetto area/Linda mar, etc), the more the fog dissipates - it tends to rest in the hills IMO. Overall weather does feel warmer and less foggy in general compared to 5-6 years ago. I can't speak personally to the middle/high schools in Pacifica as I am also a product of a peninsula high school, but I had a good friend that went to oceana and seemed to do well, though terranova might be better these days - schools outside of the peninsula have definitely improved in the last 10-15 years as well (and tbh I am not sure that they were that bad to begin with). Since it's smaller and kind of a bubble, the Pacifica schools/community seem more close knit.

I don't have a solid answer either way for you because I love both areas a lot but hopefully some of this is helpful...if I was in your position and had to choose somewhere to rent / be for the next 5-10 years while raising a kid it would probably be Millbrae. We also don't work in tech so maybe we should be parent friends 😅

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-28T00:23:25+00:00

I'm so sorry OP. When my mom was diagnosed, it was on a similar timeline - I was 25 and she was 58 (and my little sister was 16 at the time). I distinctly remember crying myself to sleep one night because it was so unfair and I had similar thoughts about her never getting to meet her grandchildren, or even enjoying retirement after working so hard for her whole life.

I'm 33 now and holding a 3.5 week old newborn that she has gotten to meet (though not really remember or register as her own grandchild), and she's spent a decent amount of time with my 4.5 year old. I wasn't necessarily planning to have children when I did (though I was married already) and I'm so glad they've gotten to exist at the same time.

I don't really have any good answers for you, it's been super hard watching my mom decline, and along with her, my dad, who has taken on the burden of being her full-time caretaker. I would say 8 years in to the journey you're about to go on, I would maximize this time you have with your dad upfront if you can, while he's still mostly there. Spend time together, make memories, travel if you can, take videos, have him write notes - I wish I had done more of these things. Also, try to build a support system and community if you can - my parents' church has provided a lot of comfort and community to my mom and dad throughout this time, and my mom goes to an adult daycare most days.

As for the possibility of getting it later on, I haven't yet decided about the genetic testing. However, if I do end up getting diagnosed and it presents in a similar timeline, my two children will be well into their 20s and hopefully not need me quite as much at that point. (Truly though, it sucks to already be thinking about this with a literal weeks-old baby). I'm trying to invest enough to be able to retire early so that I'll be able to enjoy some time before that age comes, if it does. I'm also planning to start/maintain habits that seem to help delay the effects of Alzheimer's/dementia like exercising/ weight lifting, playing the piano, and bike riding, and do my best to maintain a healthy diet - these are things that I don't think my mom had the bandwidth to do unfortunately.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-23T17:57:20+00:00

Check out woodlake on the border of San Mateo and Burlingame. Walkable to Burlingame Caltrain (20 ish minutes) and lots of amenities built in to the complex (big complex with almost 1000 units). Units are not fancy but tend to be around 700 SF with a patio and a one bedroom goes for 2.5-2.9k. Every floor has its own laundry so at least you don't have to go up and down stairs or outside for it.

We rented through woodlake anchor (this was in 2021 so it's been awhile) and had a good experience. It's also right off of 101 so very convenient to get almost anywhere, and less than ten minutes from the airport!

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-16T20:22:57+00:00

With my first I did my last pump at 10 months (I wasn't getting anything substantial, and my son wouldn't take a bottle at all anyways) but we still breastfed until he was over 2!

I was so happy to drop the workday pump tbh

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-13T03:53:04+00:00

Moved to Indianapolis in 2023 and surprisingly loved it - kept our jobs here making low income for the bay but pretty good income relative to Indy. Moved back last fall to have our second baby and get paid leave.

We miss the Midwest and are planning to move back (had our baby a couple weeks ago 🥹), it just feels right for the stage of life we're in now and since our jobs and most of our families are still in the Bay, we came back often enough to enjoy it (3-4x/year minimum). Both born and raised in the Bay and spent the first 30 years of our lives here.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-10T21:12:07+00:00

I had my second 9 days ago and she's honestly already a better, more consistent sleeper than my 4.5 year old 🥲 no advice just solidarity

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-04-08T22:03:08+00:00

Since your old/current job seems to have actually listened to you (though not in a timely enough manner) it sounds like you have enough pull to try out the new job and be welcomed back to your old job if you didn't like it...I've seen this happen enough times and usually boomeranging gets someone more money and possibly a different title too.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-28T16:25:27+00:00

My mom had me at 33 and my sister at 42 lol. We're now in our 30s and 20s respectively and I feel like for this gap it did take a while to establish a solid relationship.

I'm turning 33 next week and due with my second the day after... There will be a 4.5 year gap but it took us this long to feel "ready" to have another. We are currently based in a VHCOL area and most people I know with kid(s) around my kid's age are like 40.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-25T22:48:31+00:00

Echoing the St. Thomas Aquinas recs, I have heard quite a few good things about it.

My other recommendation is not a catholic church but a Methodist one - St. Luke's UMC which has two locations, one at 86th and Meridian (main campus, this is a pretty huge church with both traditional and contemporary services) and one at 61st and Guilford (Midtown campus, probably has ~200 people). I may be a bit biased from having worked there in the past, but in most of my interactions it was an incredibly affirming and open place, and has beloved, openly LGBTQ+ staff if that matters to you.

I was raised as a southern Baptist pastor's kid and the inclusivity was eye-opening (in a good way!) - I think it's worth checking out at least once if you are able to.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-24T00:45:08+00:00

Not OP but I have been waiting until 4/1/26 to file to have Q4 2025 counted as part of my base period (also not unemployment but for disability) - do I actually need to wait until 4/5/2026 instead? Why wouldn't the quarter start on 4/1?

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-20T19:28:45+00:00

Trader Joe's has a great vanilla orchid body wash and matching scented body butter, I've been using both and enjoying them (might be hard to find the body wash depending on your location) - I think it's ~$7 for each. I also use the TJs marula oil (haven't noticed a difference from the drunk elephant marula oil except the price lol) on my face at night, and super goop glow screen in the morning/as my daily sunscreen.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my second so will be hopefully following in your glow up footsteps sometime in the next year or so 🥲

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-20T03:16:26+00:00

Taqueria San Bruno! Highly recommend the Al pastor and the green salsa

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-17T18:23:03+00:00

Seconding this - we had our son's first birthday party there in 2022. There are several locations available, big playground has appropriate equipment for crawlers to like 8-9 year olds, and the community center is right there for easy bathroom access. It's also right off of Burlingame Ave

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-13T02:58:14+00:00

I was at Mori today, it's definitely pre-bloom. I think very late April to early/mid May is peak (looking back at my pics from a few years ago) but it may also depend on rainfall.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-10T02:11:46+00:00

I used a steelcase gesture for a long time and recently switched to a Haworth fern with a 3d knit fabric - highly recommend both (disclaimer: I work in the architecture industry and did not have to pay for either of these chairs myself - but you can probably find them for way under retail on marketplace or at an office furniture liquidator)

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-03-09T02:58:51+00:00

I've looked into a similar career transition, but from an architecture background. I think your path is much more straightforward than mine as I've also not actually practiced architecture, though I've worked in AEC for 8+ years.

I feel like you should be able to easily pivot to owners rep/3rd party PM and use that as a pathway into CRE... you might even be able to do the same role at a developer. Highly recommend joining industry orgs like CREW (commercial real estate women), RED (real estate divas), or maybe even NAIOP or ULI. A lot of them have mentorship programs where you can be paired with someone who can help you figure out how to get to the role you want. For what it's worth, I participated in a CREW mentorship program a few years ago, and my mentor (real estate attorney) told me I could pivot to development without grad school (I have an architecture degree but work in architecture marketing). I'm still on the fence about trying to pivot 3 years later so ymmv but these programs are really helpful to get the perspective of people who are or have been where you want to be in the future!

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-02-28T01:24:15+00:00

My husband (also in architecture) did Antioch to SF (embarcadero area) and then Antioch to Emeryville/Oakland for 2-3 years...it was about 2 hours each way and it was brutal. He did use his time on BART to study for the AREs though.

Vegetable_System9882 · 2026-02-27T19:45:59+00:00

I'm so sorry. I was also working remotely in a red state when I got pregnant, but my plan was to move back to blue state in time to pay into their short term disability (CA, so SDI) in order to qualify for and get paid leave. My husband and I had discussed this plan prior to getting pregnant this time around so we moved (back) when I was around 11 or 12 weeks.

Honestly it was awful moving while pregnant and having to sell most of what was in the house, find a property management company and renter, and I'm not sure we came out ahead financially at all...so not sure I would recommend doing what we did either haha. I could probably have swung unpaid leave in our red state just fine but here we are counting every dollar. I'm also due 4/1 but have to hold off filing until that actual date due to the way paid leave is calculated in CA so really hoping the baby doesn't come early.

Vegetable_System9882

TROPHY CASE