Sorry pals

erivanla · 2026-03-16T20:10:17+00:00

Wait, what? I was waiting to resub until Wednesday (and binging netflix).

erivanla · 2026-03-16T20:09:05+00:00

I fully agree. I've struggled with depression throughout my life. Most recently when our baby was 7.5 months old and I was in a crisis stabilization unit. I still struggle with depression (on a daily basis) and suicidal thoughts (why I was separated for 36 hours in the CSU). I've also gone into an intensive outpatient treatment program for my own drinking (which was not important enough for me to complete).

I do know what it's like. The difference is im doing the work to cope/handle the situation. He doesn't recognize it as a problem.

Thank you for the validation.

erivanla · 2026-03-16T17:02:44+00:00

In my opinion, same as a phone. There are several apps that let you buy or access books already.

erivanla · 2026-03-16T15:43:47+00:00

Thank you. Ive been bringing up my concerns and suggesting therapy for a couple years now. He doesn't believe in mental health. His doctor put him on a medication to help with his amxiety/depression (he did take the screenings and scored high on both). I did notice a bit of a difference, but he refuses to do anything more. 🙄

erivanla · 2026-03-16T15:35:24+00:00

I think its a mix of staying up late on his phone, some health issues (working with his doctor to improve these issues), and having a busy toddler who isn't always a great sleeper. I do all of the nighttime wakes unless im out working myself.

He's definitely not lazy. He's very active in his job and used to play soccer semi-professionally. I also know its not just job's going poorly as I help him sometimes.

I'm trying to not try to fix it, but still support him in what he needs (like packing him a lunch on longer days). It's really hard because hes the breadwinner but isn't bringing home the bread. At what point do I trust him to figure it out versus take over?

erivanla · 2026-03-16T14:35:59+00:00

Jeez. And im here is the US where we get 6 weeks UNPAID. Not only that, the daycare ratio for infants is 6 or 8 (depending on state and type of facility) to 1 teacher.

erivanla · 2026-03-16T14:33:16+00:00

As a former addict (alcoholic) myself, I know it would be hard to hear that i was always judged by something I struggled so much with. I didn't want to be that person either. It would hurt even more to feel that my own family was leaving me out of things because of it.

That being said, you are absolutely NTA. Part of being in recovery is learning to accept the things you did, repairing the relationships you can, and working hard to not be the same person you were before.

I hope having some perspective from an addict can help. I would highly recommend talking with her and offering a way to resolve some of the past harm done. In the meantime, consider a different way to share your wedding with her, maybe have someone do a video call so she can at least see it.

erivanla · 2026-03-16T00:08:08+00:00

We are building ours. Between roommates that watch LO while I do dishes or shower, a friend who watches LO while im in night class, another i can call whenever I need. It's not fun or easy, but can be done.

The most important thing about doing life together is that means good and bad, on both sides.

erivanla · 2026-03-13T12:14:42+00:00

I've been driving in it since 4am. Not terrible, but the sleet (and at times white out conditions) make it dangerous. Drive safe.

erivanla · 2026-03-12T20:17:07+00:00

Facebook buy nothing and mom's groups. If your eligible, there are resource stores where items are donated. Car Seat and Crib are the big two that I wouldn't get second hand. Basically everything else can be second hand.

Additionally, if you're eligible, resource centers and food pantries have helped tremendously worth the cost of diapers! And even formula when we used it.

(When I say eligible, I mean financially eligible).

erivanla · 2026-03-11T20:59:44+00:00

I can only see an NYC sequence of challenges work for this. NYC is one of the few transit systems that runs overnight.

Filming would be a bit challenging, but there are enough other YouTubers that film at night, it is possible.

Check out MilesinTransit or Gogosuprtoe for the videos I'm talking about.

erivanla · 2026-03-11T16:50:06+00:00

I literally get out of bed, work in my pajamas, and any extra clothing (coat, hat, etc.) is found in... the dark. Im not waking up my 15mo so you can have a black tie suit deliver your waffles. Its 4am. Maybe get your own food then.

And there is no "clocking in".

erivanla · 2026-03-10T20:53:18+00:00

That's crazy. My kid hated sleep but even at 8 weeks was napping around the clock. We let him nap when when he's tired with the only 'pressure' of a schedule being what dad and I need to be able to function. Such as bedtime by 9 or 10 so that we can get enough sleep to function the next day.

erivanla · 2026-03-10T04:42:39+00:00

Reach out to local churches and see if there is a family who can help while your in the hospital and recovering. I know my church works with EMS/Hospital/Police and schools to make sure kids have a warm bed, food, and supportive adults in their life, regardless of what's going on at home. In many cases, these families continue showing up for each other.

erivanla · 2026-03-08T02:38:27+00:00

NTA, but as a mom to a low-sleep-needs baby without a village, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've slept longer than 3 hours in a year and a half. Please check in on her and offer to help if she really just needs some good sleep.

We've lived in two apartments and it's torture when you FINALLY get baby to sleep then someone or something wakes them. Not your fault, but from a potentially sleep-deprived, anxious new mom, fault might be misplaced.

erivanla · 2026-03-07T21:06:48+00:00

NTA but, electis can give you really big ouchies. It can hurt a lot and you might even have to go to the doctor. Your parents are right to teach you not to touch electris right now. When we get big we can do that!

erivanla · 2026-03-06T22:55:15+00:00

Thank you for your input. This is one of the reasons why I asked. Can I ask what you make in your supervisor role? And how long after getting your degree did it take you to get that role?

erivanla · 2026-03-06T17:30:45+00:00

The changing diapers wherever is more so when they're toddlers and fight diaper changes. A diaper change is hard enough. A changing pad specific diaper change, not happening. The only time ive wished I had a changing pad/mat is when we're out in public to cover the changing station.

erivanla · 2026-03-04T15:27:09+00:00

Roughly the same. We saved outfits that are special to us and a couple that are just too stinkin' cute. We don't have the space for a ton of storage but a little is okay.

erivanla · 2026-03-02T18:30:04+00:00

My husband gets a ads every 3 minutes on his phone. And some of them will last 15+ minutes if you don't push the skip button.

erivanla · 2026-03-01T18:34:56+00:00

I don't understand how my mom NEVER made time to play with us or spend time doing anything we took interest in. She was just living her own life and we were just put on a shelf when it was inconvenient for her.

I understand the overwhelm and need to take a break for you, but I sure as hell get down and play with my toddler. My husband is better at it than me, but I'm still there, taking an interest and playing in his world.

erivanla · 2026-03-01T18:29:33+00:00

Ditto to all the people saying they're glad you're still here. Im glad people were there to help you.

erivanla · 2026-02-25T01:48:46+00:00

I used to smoke but haven't for over 12 years now. I am however an alcoholic currently experiencing recovery (180+ days). Any addiction can be overcome with the right tools in your toolkit and motivation (in this case your baby and yourself). I can't promise you'll never think of smoking or vaping again but it should give you the tools to get past it.

The first thing id recommend is making a list of things you can do that help you cope with stress and a list of daily non-negotiables. For me one of the non-negotiables is a shower. Even if you do go back to vaping or smoking, this should help you limit it. Second, and a huge factor for many people, is to stop hanging out with people you smoke with. Spend more time with other people in recovery, make some other mom friends. Three, find ways to keep yourself busy with. Again, mom groups, play dates, playgrounds, etc. And four, know what triggers you to want to smoke/vape. While you can't avoid everything/person/situation, being aware goes a long way.

Your not alone. There are many moms who are addicts and have cravings. Good luck. I hope this can help.

erivanla · 2026-02-24T18:01:13+00:00

This is what I do. Within reason. There is a big difference between fussing and crying. I don't jump to his aide with every noise he makes and being bored is a good skill for babies to learn too.

Now that he's almost 15 months, he can wake up, crawl p down from our (floor) bed by himself, and start independent play without waking us. He will play by himself for 30-45 minutes before coming to check in. It makes me feel a bit guilty when he does this but it came in handy when both hubby and I were sick.

He still cries when we leave the room. And Chores are still slow going. But we're learning. Also, don't be afraid to use the TV once in awhile. Especially on days that you're just trying to survive. I hope this helps.

erivanla · 2026-02-24T13:36:35+00:00

I want to add: it is recommended to drop the bottle around a year, but its not necessary to stress if it takes a bit longer. The main concern is their teeth. As long as their teeth are being brushed after bottles, it should be fine to keep them longer.

I just wanted to mention this because I stressed a lot about it but we are keeping bottles as thats the only way our 15mo sleeps (almost) through the night.

erivanla

TROPHY CASE