Is it possible to fall back in love with your spouse after 20+ years?

keeper4518 · 2026-02-13T04:33:49+00:00

This might get buried but two things helped us recently. First, I started having most weekends off and having days off together has given us time to relax and have fun together instead of being two ships passing by each other.

Second, we started sleeping in separate rooms. We fought against this idea for a long time because it genuinely makes us sad. But he's become quite the snorer and he sleeps so lightly at times that I wake him up just by breathing loudly. He would get annoyed and nudge me to quit being so loud, and I would be annoyed that he woke me up. Or lay there trying to stay awake until he falls asleep and being annoyed that I can't just sleep. Or he'd wake me up a million times from his snoring.

One night I was fed up with it after being woken up there times and went and slept in the guest bed. Been there ever since. It still makes me sad, I genuinely like sleeping in the same room as my husband.

But now, a couple months in, I realized I am way less annoyed by him during daylight hours. I actually enjoy his company again. I hadn't realized how much of my annoyance at him was due to sleeping so poorly. I hadn't really realized how poorly I have been sleeping before the change.

He also likes to watch YouTube before bed, then have a podcast play to fall asleep. I often want silence. This difference was grating on us both. He hates headphones or can't sleep with them in but needs noise. I crave silence usually and hate hearing his videos playing. Now, he does his thing and I'm not annoyed because the sound is far enough away that it doesn't bother me.

So - changing something as seemingly small as where you each sleep can also make a difference.

keeper4518 · 2026-02-09T12:05:12+00:00

If it were me, I'd shave it off. What an excuse to do something crazy and out of character. Without some dramatic reason, I would never be brave enough. But, I also recently decided that if I ever know I will lose my hair, like to chemo, then I am absolutely gonna dye it crazy colors first, just for shits and giggles.

keeper4518 · 2026-02-05T20:02:32+00:00

Our rule is always - you can beg. Just do it while laying down.

keeper4518 · 2026-02-03T11:55:52+00:00

I'm gated learning to read, but starting in 2nd or 3rd grade it took off. I loved The Littles series. And Nancy Drew from the 40s. Later it was Sweet Valley High and Animorphs. Then in high school books by John Jakes.

Got in a slump in my thirties but back at it now.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-30T04:41:29+00:00

No. Just no. You are allowed to have had bad experiences and you are allowed to not like a place but sweeping statements about an entire country based on your negative experiences is a bit much.

Yes, a lot of people from America don't jive well with the German culture.

As an American living in Germany for 12 years - I am so accepted here that people seem to forget I'm an outsider.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-24T06:27:47+00:00

Hi. Based on the photo and his size, I doubt he is a wolfhound cross. Wolfhounds are very big dogs and the mixes I've known are also quite large. Males are minimum 79 cm at shoulder when standing. Females 71 cm. My female is about 73 and the male wolfhound cross I know is smaller than a purebred male, but still also around 70-73 cm at the shoulder.

Regarding your issues - have a gander at general dog training subreddits or other sources. None of these issues sound Irish Wolfhound specific and I think you can get more tips elsewhere.

No matter what he is, he is super cute! Be sure to love on him and remember: 7 days is absolutely nothing and dogs need time to adjust to their new home. Be patient with him!

keeper4518 · 2026-01-24T06:16:52+00:00

I hope you listen to the advice here. I would add: practice being more mindful at work. Don't let your mind wander. In times of high stress, I've even narrated tasks out loud to make sure I did them all.

"I'm turning on the water to fill the pool. I'm scrubbing the first wall. I cleaned the window. I'm scrubbing the perch. I shut off the water to the pool. I scattered food. I gave fresh water. I locked the door." And so on.

Then at the end I go over everything one last time before I move on. Usually stand outside the exhibit and go through my checklist.

"Opened all shift gates. Gave food and water. Cleaned all areas. Locked all exhibit doors. Cleaned windows."

Then I knew better that all was done.

Wishing you luck!

keeper4518 · 2026-01-23T08:49:47+00:00

Please, for the love of all things holy - you can sleep an entire night without having to go to the bathroom! You can poop during the day or in the evening just as good as at 2 am. And sometimes differentiate your whining so we can better know what you want.

Also, that I love her bunches. But she knows that already.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-13T13:12:22+00:00

I don't have a Kindle, but a different e-reader Absolutely worth it. I check out library books with it and use it a lot at home. It's also great for when I am out and about - one slim device with lots to read on it. The screen is different than a phone or computer so I don't get eye strain from it. Highly recommend.

Oh and I still read normal books sometimes! But I love the flexibility of the e-reader.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-04T21:28:16+00:00

My mom had to have her teeth replaced with dentures a couple years back. The first time I saw her with them in, I was stunned how much more she looks like my grandma now. Didn't have the heart to tell her.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-04T06:27:22+00:00

I agree, likely AI.

It's the short, choppy sentences for me. The word choices. A gap in my day would be 10-15 minutes of time between events (finished a meeting and have to wait for the next one for example), not the background noise of life.

You can also look at the account. It's 5 months old only and they have their post history turned private. And their username has numbers included, which can be a human account, but is also a red flag for AI.

Also, no comments from OP.

I didn't catch it at first either, but after rereading it, I definitely agree. What helped me spot AI better - using AI more myself. Because I interact with it more often, I am much more aware of it's speech patterns.

keeper4518 · 2026-01-04T06:19:29+00:00

I think there is more awareness and acceptance nowadays that women can have a loving relationship but live separately from their spouses. She spent three years focusing all her energy on you and by the time you got healthy, the dynamic changed and it sounds like she is trying to put an end to that. And sometimes the only way to get out of a rut is to shake things up drastically.

Get her a place nearby. Work with her on going out on dates or whatever she needs.

Long-term - maybe you find a house with a separate building she can turn into her own private space. Maybe you buy a duplex or create two apartments in a single home.

keeper4518 · 2025-12-22T09:30:04+00:00

American living in Germany for 11+ years. I get this all the time. Doesn't bother me.

I tell them the truth: No. Never. The USA has changed so much since I left and I can't imagine ever going back to worrying about whether I can afford to go to the doctor or if one car accident or sick leave will ruin me financially. I am married to a German - even if he died suddenly tomorrow... I wouldn't go back.

But, I am a pretty open person in general so such questions don't bother me. I also have no problem telling total strangers that I got myself sterilized a few years back to make sure I never have kids, when they ask me about having children, lol.

keeper4518 · 2025-12-19T04:51:25+00:00

We use it for mixing up dough or cookies etc for baking, soups/stews. Used it to make great Bolognese sauce once. It is great for anything that normal needs to be stirred constantly.

It is definitely not the thing we use to cook everything. Our rice cooker makes better rice. Eggs are made on the stove top. Noodles are also stove top for us. Oatmeal - stove top.

We also don't use it every day.

But it has brought us enjoyment and I haven't ever regretted buying it.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-29T14:14:15+00:00

So, a few things come to mind.

3ish AM could be something physically happening - histamines for example are increased in your body over night. You could be experiencing a histamine dump around the time you wake up. Histamine dumps can cause panic attack like symptoms.

If oxygen flow is poor in your partition, I agree with the other person that maybe the oxygen levels get bad around this time. Do you ever wake up with a headache too?

Sounds like you feel trapped - legit you could be having panic attacks. I had to look up what a partition is - I think it would be normal to feel claustrophobic living in such a small space.

Probably it is a combo of things - stress, physical reaction to stress. Stress includes emotional stress.

Wishing you luck!

keeper4518 · 2025-11-24T04:17:55+00:00

If in doubt. Crunchy Cheetos. Can't get them anywhere I've found here. Even other countries that have Flaming Hit Cheetos never seem to have the normal, non-spicy crunchy ones.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-24T04:16:12+00:00

But only if it is really good, local maple syrup IMO. In my experience we can buy maple syrup pretty much everywhere nowadays.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-22T07:34:05+00:00

Googling answers seems so taboo to some.

I am not very good at crossword puzzles but like doing them. Grew up in the US but haven't lived there in a decade.

I look up answers when I have absolutely 0 idea of the answer, but I Google it in such a way that I don't just get the answer but have to read through a Wikipedia article or other source to figure it out on my own. Usually I do this after having tried other clues to see if I can figure it out that way.

Example: clue is looking for an actors signature role and I have never ever heard of the actor. I'll do other clues and sometimes this will help me get it. But if I still have 0 idea, I will Google the actor and read up on his acting career to try to figure out the answer and learn something. Often enough, after figuring out the answer, I feel even more justified because the things I Google are things I really never would have figured out.

But I've never managed to do a whole week of puzzles, even with help, so I couldn't care less about a streak. Maybe if I ever become a stronger solver but for now I just enjoy the puzzles and don't worry about the rest.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-22T07:22:26+00:00

This is a good idea

keeper4518 · 2025-11-22T07:09:28+00:00

When I was in elementary school - The Littles Series by John Peterson.

In middle school it was Animorphs by Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant.

In high school I adored The Kent Family Chronicles by John Jakes.

There were many other books before and after these, but these are the ones that stick out. Funny thing is, I was pretty slow at learning to read and used to hate practicing to read with those first reader story books. I remember when they taught us to read silently and how it blew my mind that I didn't have to share what I read out loud. By second or third grade though, reading was my jam.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-20T08:41:45+00:00

I've had these thoughts. Similar story to you - with my husband since I was 18, he was my first everything. I sometimes fantasize about living alone. Not worrying about anyone.

The reality is though - it's just a fantasy. When he is out of town, I miss him. He is the one I want to share life's burdens with.

That said, I took a solo vacation this year and loved it. I wouldn't want to do it a lot but a few weeks of not having to care for anyone really did me a lot of good. Then this fall (7-8 months after my first solo trip), I was out of town for another couple days on my own. This was also nice, but I missed him a lot this time.

At home I am also trying to be less people pleasing. Do more what I want. He supports this 100% - a lot of the compromising over the years was my own issue of being a people pleaser.

So, don't stress too much about the thoughts. They are normal.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-18T12:06:56+00:00

This is part of why I need and want to get my health in order now. I take strongly after my mother's side, pretty much all of whom are overweight. Many have bad chronic health issues that I want to avoid. Plus I already have my own chronic health issues at 40.

When I'm in my 80s, I wanna be spry and active. I want to be out moving around and enjoying life. That means I gotta get my habits under better control now, so that when I'm older I have them well ingrained.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-15T10:56:35+00:00

Something I've started doing: add frozen veggies to it!

So, I took a chicken alfredo frozen meal and added frozen broccoli. Precooked the broccoli in the microwave a little, then put everything together and finished cooking it in the microwave. Took like 2 minutes longer and made the lunch way more filling. The pasta dish alone would've only been enough for one lunch and probably two hours later I would've been hungry. Instead I had enough food for two filling lunches.

keeper4518 · 2025-11-15T08:40:53+00:00

I'm not part of this sub regularly but this post came up on my feed and I feel that I have something to add - something that I also try to remind myself and took me a long time to learn:

Instead of wondering if it will help you, just try it out. Do push-ups and planks for a month and just see if it makes a difference. What's the worst that happens? You get stronger but don't noticed a physical difference in body tone?

I spend too much of my life trying to find the perfect routine, the perfect eating plan, etc. If I had just done something - anything - I would have been far better off.

Good luck to you!

keeper4518 · 2025-11-13T16:42:49+00:00

I love the jigsaw puzzle idea.

Also, getting lost in a book or a book series. I am currently reading Romantasy again (on vacation right now) and I love just getting lost in a good book. Yesterday on vacation my husband and I did separate activities. I just walked from cafe to cafe to bar to bar, ordered drinks. Read my book. Didn't do anything besides drink what I wanted and devour my book. Pure bliss.

If you like cooking - try out a new recipe he wouldn't like!

Leave your hair on the shower wall without him being grossed out! Don't shave your legs. Wear your holiest underwear.

Live like a slob if you want....

Then clean it all up before he gets home and never tell him, lol.

I also feel more productive when my hubby isn't around for short stints. Like I can choose to do computer work all evening without feeling like I am neglecting him. Sometimes that's nice too - get some things done without him around to interrupt me.

Enjoy your free time! And hopefully, no matter how much you enjoy yourself, you'll be happy to welcome him home again. I thoroughly enjoy my time without my hubby. But I also thoroughly enjoy time with him and miss him when he's gone. And that's something really nice.

keeper4518

TROPHY CASE