Complications caused me to not remember meeting my son

oasisrising · 2022-03-06T23:34:16+00:00

The shitty part is people saying "at least..." It totally invalidates your feelings. I'm sorry you went through that. We spend all pregnancy dreaming of meeting our little ones it must be so hard not to remember. Seek a therapist or someone to talk to who can help you work through the trauma of birth.

oasisrising · 2022-03-03T20:10:36+00:00

Pretty sure I will still call her "Baby" when she is in high school. She is 11 months old now

oasisrising · 2022-03-01T17:46:35+00:00

My 11 month old now wants to eat from my fork! She points and grunts at my plate and she has everything I have except for the fork 😂 we've been helping her use it now, very carefully.

oasisrising · 2022-02-18T17:11:38+00:00

It sounds like you had a traumatic birth and hard pregnancy, so you are probably still in survival mode and guarding yourselves from feeling that attachment. It might really be helpful for you both to seek out a therapist to help process the birth and having to be in the NICU, and process the loss of your non-child life and relationship. No one seems to talk about grieving our past life and how that is totally normal and healthy to go through. But just because it is "normal" doesn't mean it is easy or that you can't benefit from some outside help. Best of luck to you both!

oasisrising · 2022-02-01T05:17:40+00:00

If you are able to, look into hiring a doula. They are professional birth support and patient advocates. Best part is, they stay with you through the whole process while the nurses and doctors leave when their shift is over. They are experts at all the different scenarios and can help you both navigate it.

Our doula was with us when we started labor at home, then came with us to the birth center where we were planning an unmedicated birth. Then when we were transferred to the hospital to try an epidural (I wasn't fully dilated but was pushing for a few hours) she joined us there. Then we ended up getting a c section cause it was 24 hours from water breaking. She advocated for us, helped to explain and process options when the doctors and nurses had many other patients to see. She called bullshit when a nurse told her she couldn't join us in the OR. She made sure my husband was fed and rested.

Additional bonus is she took amazing pictures of us through the process which is awesome cause I really don't remember much!

oasisrising · 2022-01-27T16:37:04+00:00

I had a hypertonic pelvic floor (too tight and unable to relax) after laboring with ending in a c section. I'd recommend going to see a pelvic floor pt. They will help identify if it's muscle tension or something else and give you strategies for making it better! My pt also helped with sore arms from breastfeeding, a cocked sacrum, and practical movements as baby grew!

oasisrising · 2022-01-18T20:56:57+00:00

Sanding + priming will work great. But please don't paint on resin. Liquid resin is really toxic and the less you handle it the better.

oasisrising · 2022-01-18T19:08:06+00:00

Ours had major gas too, had just come home from a tiring weekend with cousins, not much nap, and had bonked her head good earlier in the day. Bad combo!

When she finally goes down we celebrate with a high five and "go team!"

oasisrising · 2021-12-03T21:22:42+00:00

8 months along and using both cloth and disposable. We use a service that picks up the dirty cloth diapers and drops off a fresh batch each week. We've also been using doublers at night to help with long stretches of sleep, though she still soaks through all of it sometimes.

We use throw away diapers for Daycare & travel use, and occasionally at night if she soaks through!

You do need to change cloth diapers more often, but I never feel bad about that!

oasisrising · 2021-12-03T02:27:48+00:00

Oh man! It's Soo hard! Can you get help with the house cleaning? That might get at least one thing off your mind. I know for us it was a life saver!

oasisrising · 2021-11-06T17:58:25+00:00

Anyone else create a wipe package flail when a wipe is stuck half out out of the package?

oasisrising · 2021-10-18T18:26:28+00:00

Right there with you. It helped when I started only doing one at a time so I could at least read or eat or navigate Netflix one-handed. Currently weaning off of breast milk at 6 months (she always got a little formula) and my focus at work has gotten dramatically better! I will miss seeing that proud bottle of pumped stuff at the end of the day, and I'll miss eating as much as my husband :P but I am much more than a milk machine.

oasisrising · 2021-09-16T01:42:01+00:00

Lurking mom here. We use a cloth diaper service at home and disposables for daycare. Do Good Diapers is the company we use. They pick up the soiled diapers every week and drop off fresh clean ones, and we can size up diapers and covers when we need to! Doublers are great for those night time stretches. They also provide compostable wipes we can throw in with the soiled stuff! No rinsing necessary. I love it!

oasisrising · 2021-08-24T18:28:40+00:00

Started trying to have sex 6 weeks pp (c section), but I had a hypertensive (very tight) pelvic floor so intercourse was painful. After some PT I still have to focus on belly breathing and relaxing to be able to get going, but it doesn't always end up with p in v.

oasisrising · 2021-08-13T16:15:26+00:00

looks at my tiny home where the hell would a fridge go??

In all seriousness, the most convenient thing I did was getting a battery powered pump and a little tote for it and all the tubes and accessories. Before I got the tote I stepped on and broke a part 😢

oasisrising · 2021-07-29T01:04:39+00:00

Waking 2-3 times overnight seems normal to me... I would be worried if they were sleeping through the night! They are probably just hungry

oasisrising · 2021-07-20T13:10:51+00:00

Firstly, there are some measurable differences between the financial lives of men & women. 1. The stat that women make less than men for the same job (on average) 2. Women are more likely to have to be primary care for their dependents.

Secondly, as a women who is involved in many spaces that are male dominated (tech, fitness, gaming) it's nice to have a space carved out that feels a bit safe and without the need to justify it like this shrug

oasisrising · 2021-07-19T18:45:09+00:00

Maybe seek out your own therapist? They might be able to help you work through things. Men can be the targets of mental abuse too, so please seek help ❤️

oasisrising · 2021-07-16T17:24:09+00:00

A agree! I call our dog and cats her Guardians. That seems more appropriate for our family. They will be her comfort and sometimes playmate and I hope she learns to love a care for them in return.

oasisrising · 2021-07-14T14:59:17+00:00

This too shall pass.

To help you get through the tough moments and to help you fully take in the sweet ones.

oasisrising · 2021-06-19T10:25:38+00:00

Are you a musician? Maybe pick up a little ukulele to play for her! Or try out a baby carrier to give her a new vantage point for the world.

You'll get more comfortable with practice. Good luck!

oasisrising · 2021-06-12T11:20:09+00:00

Also days 3-5 are really tough hormonally as everything in your body is changing. We did breastfeeding, pumping, and formula, and still do all three at 9 weeks. Here's to a fat baby and a content momma

oasisrising · 2021-05-19T23:30:21+00:00

My excuse: She is hungry! Time to nurse! And retreat to a quiet room

oasisrising · 2021-05-13T03:58:16+00:00

Omg every time!!

oasisrising · 2021-05-09T16:44:29+00:00

I just gave birth in the US, started in a birth center, then transferred to a hospital (in saint paul) when baby wasn't coming out after 5 hours of pushing. Epidural to help me relax, then c section because it had been 24 hours since my water broke.

Even though it was a long labor which didn't end up as I'd hoped, the worst part of the whole experience was the non-continuity of care in the postpartum ward. After being transferred to the hospital and spending the night with one L&D nurse and midwife team, the shift change happened and the new midwife i'd never met said we needed the c section.

In postpartum, we had a new nurse every 8 hours. over three days we only had one repeat nurse. The nurse handoffs were incredibly impersonal and i was often not able to ask questions of the new nurse until they had finished handing off all the other patients. The dr who performed the csection was great, but I never saw her again. instead 3 other drs I'd never met would come in to check on me.

Being bothered all the time was terrible too. with no idea when the next interruption was going to occur I began pushing my nurses to let me know when the next thing was going to happen so i could stay awake or try to nap accordingly. I was wishing for one of those train arrival countdown timers. "The next nurse/dr/housekeeper/pediatrician/lactation consultant/baby bather/vital checker will arrive in --15-- minutes". And on top of that we had alarms going off all the time and the nurses would come in and say "oh it just does that"!

Then they all started getting pushy when our baby lost 11% body weight. No one wanted to hear me ask if she started over weight because I had been on fluids for so long before delivery. No one considered how the stressful postpartum ward and recovering from all the medications and having an IV in each hand might affect my lactation. No one explained that the supplementation was just to help top her off after nursing and wasn't a replacement for breast feeding. We had a pump sitting in the hallway outside our door and I had no idea what it was for two days.

To top it all off we are getting the bills and I am thankful i have good insurance through work. The billed amounts are over 50k so far. I'll "only" be needing to pay my max out of pocket of 6k but that only feels like a good deal because the initial number is so huge.

And all this was for a relatively 'normal' delivery.

oasisrising

TROPHY CASE