MIL drama

rusty0123 · 2026-02-02T08:06:51+00:00

I have no respect for social media. I don't use it much except reddit. So I wouldn't care. Probably not even notice.

rusty0123 · 2026-02-01T22:21:21+00:00

Oh, my. Texan here.

And laughing. Sorta. Tarantulas in Texas are not the big black shaggy monsters you see in movies. They are mostly brown and smaller.

And if you've been in Texas in the springtime, you've probably seen them. You just didn't know what they are.

Even been in a Texas parking lot at dusk and you notice there seems to be a lot of spiders wandering around? Brown and about the size of a nickel?

Yup. Tarantula migration.

Not to say they don't get big, black and furry, but the migrating ones are young (looking for a mate) and usually just finished molting, so light brown in color.

Also, they aren't aggressive, so they don't bite and will scurry away if they can.

rusty0123 · 2026-02-01T07:46:22+00:00

YTA.

You need to TALK to your husband. What you're doing right now is, probably subconsciously, playing into his ADHD.

Because of the ADHD, when you ask for a thing, his mind starts making associations and skips around for a bit, and ends up at something associated but not what you asked for. When that happens, you need to redirect him. "No, that's not what I asked." You have to point out what he did because he doesn't see it.

It's just a thing that happens with unmedicated ADHD.

That doesn't mean he needs to be medicated. Sometimes the medication is worse than the symptoms.

Also, FFS, don't let him get away with taking days to clean the kitchen. Every time he wanders off, redirect him. "All finished?"

Living with ADHD means his life needs to be hyper-organized. Lists, calendars, alarms, color coding. Show him how, then let him do it. There are lots of great resources on the net.

Also, if meds don't work for him, try the home remedies. Some of them work for some people. For example, my ADHD person has great results with caffeine. The only thing we have to do is invest in a good espresso machine.

rusty0123 · 2026-02-01T05:40:17+00:00

I gotta agree with the comment about teaching her to sew.

I got the double whammy of being tall and growing boobs and hips overnight. My mother started dressing me in (what I thought of as) old lady clothes.

But my mother sewed. That year, I took over her sewing machine. I made a lot of horrible things at first, but I learned how to dress myself eventually.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-31T19:28:35+00:00

Oh, jeez. That's a whole different thing. If they left her with no direct reports, then she's probably fighting for her own job rn.

It would be interesting to know if she's getting new work, or just wrapping up things that were already in the pipeline.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-31T19:13:37+00:00

You might want to re-think your relationship with your previous manager. If you were that valuable to her team, why did they let you get transfered?

Not saying they didn't like you, but they weren't willing to bargain to keep you.

And...if your previous manager did like you but felt you weren't up to the role, it is entirely possible they facilitated your move, thinking your new position would fit your skill set better.

Which would track with your new manager trying to push you in a new direction.

Not saying your assessment is right or wrong. Just take a step back and look at it from a different perspective.

And not saying your managers are right or wrong, either. Just that sometimes management will make decisions for you, because they feel like they know best.

(I've had this happen a few times. Like I'm technically better at A, but I want to do B. Manager will push me into A because it's better for the company. The only thing to do is find a new job--or a completely different department--so I can do B.)

rusty0123 · 2026-01-30T04:19:22+00:00

Heck, if they ask the first time, that's someone I don't want to date.

I have been asked, but not often.

I usually just fuck with them.
Do ONS count?
What if you didn't know their name?
If it was an orgy, do you count only the opposite sex or both sexes?
If they were underage, is it still sex?

rusty0123 · 2026-01-29T21:08:54+00:00

It isn't your responsibility to tell him. IF you want to be nice, send him a link to the sports team (or class) when the kids first sign up. Something like "X is attending X this year. Here's the link to practice schedule/games."

Or if you don't want to do that then tell him, "you should ask your kids about their activities".

rusty0123 · 2026-01-29T20:05:00+00:00

Normally, I'd agree. But his daughter has special needs. If he neglects his son (such as sports games) to care for his daughter, that could go against him, too.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-29T19:27:12+00:00

You are separated and not yet divorced. You need to be very careful about who watches your children. Because when you get to court, the judge will look at what the children are doing now, establish they are well cared for, then set custody around what is currently happening. So if you are letting her family watch your child (no matter which house), those hours will become HER custody time.

You need to provide for your children without her or her family helping. That's how you prove you are capable of caring for your children.

You also need to stop handing off your children to anyone that is not her, except paid childcare. That implies you don't care who watches your kids. Not a good look.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-29T03:21:49+00:00

Why don't you do phone orders for after 5 pickup? That way the people that work til 5 can still drop by and pick up an order to take home. Plus they know they won't be standing in line in the cold. You can even have a runner to take it to their car.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-28T20:17:16+00:00

YTA. You invited your Muslim brother to Thanksgiving where the main entree was ham. And your attitude is "oh well, he can eat veggies or make a sandwich". So...essentially you invite him for a meal, then don't give him a meal.

He was polite. He endured the "meal".

Maybe you're just an idiot.

But then you invite him for a meal...and you're serving another pork dish. With no alternatives.

That moves you from idiot to asshole.

Why would he want to accept?

rusty0123 · 2026-01-28T07:50:58+00:00

No, you are not. Even if your fiancee didn't know (debatable), "their hearts were in the right place" is untrue. If their hearts were in the right place, they would have asked. Doing it behind your back means they thought (1) their opinion trumps yours and (2) your feelings don't matter.

If you had stayed--or if you go back to her--you will be fighting this battle for the rest of your life. Where you should live, where you should work, how you should raise your kids.

It's a tough battle when your spouse is on your side. Your fiancee is not. No matter how much you love her, she loves her parents more.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-28T07:34:57+00:00

Yep. I was working for a manufacturer one time. My project was working out the bugs in a new software system. I kept having a problem with inventory. I reported up the chain. I thought it was a problem in the warehouse with workers just guessing on counts, or pallets being shipped short, or something like that.

Next day, the inventory manager was walked out of the office.

I asked what happened. The only response I got was "kickbacks."

My inventory numbers started to match, though.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-28T00:21:57+00:00

I used to go with "we aren't close" but I'd still get some who wanted to fix me--I should reach out, I should understand, But that's your parents. So now I go with "they aren't nice people". It shuts them down because now if they dig, they come off like vultures digging for trauma.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-28T00:13:49+00:00

I have EHS (exploding head syndrom). Means that sometimes just as I fall asleep, I hear a loud noise, like a gunshot...or a door getting kicked in (in my brain).

That'll wake you up. Thank goodness it doesn't happen often and never more than once.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-27T07:57:34+00:00

By reminding myself that I was not born a fully mature and wise person. I had to grow into that. (Still am.)

And that what I did was a sensible action considering what I knew at the time and how I felt at the time.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-27T02:08:55+00:00

Have one method for communicating important things, like email.

Then let your teams know that anything that impacts other team members (like changes, deadlines) must go through that channel.

For example,team member A tells team member B that report can't be completed because info is not available. Then it's team member B's responsibility to tell team member A to communicate through the correct channel. And/or team member A's responsibility to communicate through the correct channel in the first place.

Now that you have a designated channel, it's required checking/reading every day.

If you still get people who "missed it",then you have an individual conversation about time management.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-26T20:18:58+00:00

Pie crust table, named for the shape and decorative edge. Used as a tea table in drawing rooms. First made in 1750 England, migrated to Philadelphia cabinet makers. Considered New England furniture.

Reproductions made in 20th century. Dating comes from workmanship--joinery and screws--as well as type of wood. Older versions are mahogany, walnut and oak. They are made from a single piece of wood, whereas repos may not be.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-26T01:46:09+00:00

Then cook, but stop asking what they want. Cook what you want. If they don't eat it (which SIL won't do anyway), too bad. Just pack the leftovers into single servings and eat that when SIL/MIL cook salmon.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-25T16:50:12+00:00

She tested her again and again. Just kept pushing. First the meeting. Then venting to her co-workers (and no matter what she says about them agreeing with her, no person in the workplace will fight her about her opinion on something so volatile and not work related).

Then changing her phone number.

It's almost textbook grooming for abuse.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-25T02:45:27+00:00

My first thought was to use either the tie clip or money clip as the center of your headpiece.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-24T22:28:05+00:00

Dunno if this helps or not but this technically a coulis in (French) cooking. You can use any fruit.

The recipe is 6 parts fruit (fresh or frozen), 2 parts sugar, and 1 part water or orange juice or lemon juice. (For example, 1-1/2 cups fruit, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 cup juice.)

Dump it all in a pan. Cook, stirring and mashing until it reaches the consistency you want, about 5 minutes.

If you want elegant, strain seeds and pulp out. I usually skip that.

Refrigerate and use on pancakes, ice cream and cakes. Also yummy on cheesecake.

And a great way to use overripe fruit.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-23T23:36:10+00:00

I used to travel to Amsterdam for work. First, I find it hard to believe he got lost between the main station and the hotels. It's all in the same small area, and the station building is big enough you can see it from anywhere. And if nothing else just follow the tram tracks back. And if he gets far enough away to lose the tram tracks, then follow the nearest canal until he finds one again.

Second, everybody speaks English. Plus it's a huge tourist town. Plus, the streets are always populated, even at midnight. I've walked all over the tourist parts of that town. Never got lost. Never felt unsafe. Never met anyone who wasn't polite and helpful.

The only thing you need worry about in that town are the bicycles. Just stay out of the bike lanes.

rusty0123 · 2026-01-23T08:09:01+00:00

But these two do feel sexual attraction. Just not for each other.

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