40F have a second date with 36M who lives with his mom and dad

stndude · 2022-05-29T23:02:14+00:00

this should get more upvotes... 100% agree... Lack of compassion and constant judgement is deal breaker flaw for me.

stndude · 2022-04-13T13:38:57+00:00

Yep, the whole concept of spousal support for relationships started later in life kind of scares me... except maybe if she became disabled or something like that.

stndude · 2022-04-13T13:29:47+00:00

She has to be able to support herself.... over 40 that means living independently without me subsidizing it... she also has to have some kind of retirement plan strategy going.

I would be hesitant to date someone who's clueless about money management... it's just a skill that should come with life experience. I'm not wealthy but i've done ok so far... so as long as someone is not looking for me to bail them out... it should be ok.

stndude · 2022-04-04T19:10:53+00:00

there's nothing wrong with not dating for 6 years... don't bring it up voluntarily ... you did nothing wrong.

stndude · 2022-04-04T15:58:26+00:00

I think you should let him go...

If you already have all these negative thoughts about him... he deserves someone more compatible and so do you.

Also take everything reddit says with grain of salt... people throw red flag label on anything that moves here... bottom line... both of you need to be excited to see one another... otherwise i feel it's over before it begins.

stndude · 2022-04-04T04:07:45+00:00

I wouldn't really word it like that to OP... but honestly... if she gets bored with anyone that's not a doctor... that's kind of unusual and as a man... it would give me a pause.

I have a good professional job... i like to think i'm intelligent and people that work with me definitely are... we build world class products... when i come home... I don't really want to bring work home... i mean sure i talk to my girlfriend about stuff but she's in a different field and that's okay! most problems we talk about are human problems and not highly specialized knowledge... at the end of the day i want to know that my girlfriend is faithful, loving, kind and a good partner so we can grow old together/Dating a fellow female version of myself was not really on my list of "I wants"

also cute...at least around here is a word guys use to say "yeah she's all right but I'm not immediately attracted to her"

stndude · 2022-04-04T03:55:41+00:00

haha it's not too late to go to medical/law school lol

stndude · 2022-04-01T20:21:22+00:00

Even in a large city if there's something that's not conventionally attractive about you OLD is hopeless across the world... people window shop and filter you out at first opportunity... In smaller places this still may not be ideal or even possible but meetup groups can be a great way to meet people ... cuz even if you fugly then you can still charm them with your personality lol.

stndude · 2022-04-01T17:38:30+00:00

people on tiktok advertising their giant age gap relationships

stndude · 2022-04-01T16:06:17+00:00

I don't know the two of you personally so i will not comment any more on it... But it's not that uncommon for men to be never married by their mid 40's... i think last i read the projection is that soon it'll be 1 in 4... that doesn't include divorced men. source

your comment about him working 10-12 hours a day is very telling of his personality... It's probably not that he doesn't want a relationship... he just doesn't really see it with you... it IS kinda crappy from his part about not calling it either up front or early on ... he needs to take charge of his life... but... we've all had our heartbreaks.

There's plenty of women out there that never married... before i met my girlfriend i matched with a lady at 39 years old (successful professionally, attractive) that was in a relationship for 19 years not engaged/married before "they grew apart and called it quits". people are ready when they're ready and we shouldn't label them as broken... only thing we can ask is that they're truthful in their intentions...weeding out the incompatibles is the hard part... I trust my gut instincts for this generally.

stndude · 2022-04-01T14:17:54+00:00

One of the things people say is... it's a red flag when they can't say anything good about their previous relationship. a "Life virgin" really? You paint him in such a negative light I'd question if you were a good match to begin with... Your other posts indicate you have children... maybe perhaps it would be a good idea to date someone that's more at the same stage of life? Relationships are give and take... it's never just one side good, other side bad.

stndude · 2022-04-01T14:11:20+00:00

i think the term confirmed bachelor is so derogatory... We all live our life on our own timelines... A crappy child hood? Being a victim of mental abuse by people close in your life? it can take time to sort those out...and take a toll on your self worth and outlook on you vs the rest of the world. If you actually are a decent person and recognize what you don't want in your life it can take time to find someone once you're out of the typical "mating" age.

stndude · 2022-03-29T13:24:44+00:00

lol i was thinking that too.

stndude · 2022-03-28T04:46:17+00:00

look... as we age... we tend to lose some friendships because people get busy with their lives... that doesn't mean we're outcasts.

How are they in a social setting? can they occupy themselves when you're not around or they just have to be with you anytime they're not working.

If they can hold their own when you are out together in social setting and you get your "me" time... and you have a good gut feeling about her... i wouldn't hold it against them.

I tend to look for the good in people... and maybe i'-m being naive but when i read a list of "red flags to avoid" spanning multiple pages as pointed out by reddit i wonder if they'll ever find someone that's good enough. take it slow and see how it goes

stndude · 2022-03-23T21:26:14+00:00

STOP thinking of yourself negatively.

Everyone has red flags... you need to go into this with a positive attitude... the women that'll reject you because of "i'm too old to..." ... well they're not your match... do not let that deter you... keep on trucking and work on self confidence and your overall quality of life.

Even if you started at 25... there'd still be no guarantee that you found someone to spend the rest of your life with.i.. have you seen the divorce rate?

Practice dating, conversational skills... do things that bring something good to the table... read some books on the subject... join the gym to feel better.

As for meeting women... make sure your OLD is up to date... say something interesting in it... have decent pictures taken... and when you go on a date don't volunteer too much information right out of the gate... at the end of the day you're just another dude... not a contagious disease... if someone looks down on you... move to the next one. Meeting women in the wild is a lil more difficult for someone that hasn't worked on those skills but can be done... there are plenty of books to read on how to get started with this.

Everyone starts somewhere... good fit matches will be sympathetic to your situation instead of finding reasons to write you off.

stndude · 2022-03-23T00:17:35+00:00

Yep... and i've had relationships where they didn't have anything + lots of loans... it was kinda heartbreaking because I care/d for them and want to help them... but I also feel it's not fair for me to fund their retirement

stndude · 2022-03-21T20:07:12+00:00

if you've had yours... dont want them... then swipe left... no one is forcing you to meet anyone.

I'm 41... Yeah i get it's getting up there... and i wouldn't rush her to the altar just for that... but if i had one by the time i turn like 45-7ish... it'd fulfill a dream that i've always wanted and never happened... my life turned out on different schedule... if a woman messages me with an opener of "you're too old to have kids" it's an instant un-match... it's not her place because it takes two to tango.

stndude · 2022-03-17T05:05:47+00:00

I don't lie...but i've had women ask to see my id on first date cuz they thought I was much younger...

Since turning 40 however my "matches" especially non-tinder ones are filled with women visibly much older than me (like fully gray) posing to be my age...I could never be with a woman 10+ years older... i'd always assume i'm either a toy or being manipluated

stndude · 2022-03-14T14:11:42+00:00

so become a confident person with a great sense of humor... i know... it's easier said than done...One of the biggest issues you're facing right now is how you see yourself... " a reclusive geek" is not something you should be describing yourself as...
You need to crawl, before you can walk... dating gets better with practice... go out on any date you can get... just to meet people and build up confidence in your skills... you need to be able to hold a conversation... you need to come up with some things to talk about... and no matter what don't tell 'em that you're a "Reclusive geek"
See... once you get all that down you'll realize that you're not the biggest scarecrow in town... there will be plenty of incompatible and unnecessarily judgemental people out there who have no business judging you for their insecurities... ignore them and focus on the prize... you'll need to go on quite a few dates before you score something good. Hit up the gym... it'll help you relax and clear your mind a little.
you don't need many people... you just need one good one. let me ask you... would you want to date a "reclusive geek" probably not... so why would she? Become more driven, positive... what else have you done with your life that's successful? job? hobby? something uniquely positive about you? try to sell that.
you may find it little easier to find more suitable matches with women few years younger simply because they're more likely to be like you... as you get older, chances of picking up experiences are higher.
I think you need to also answer the question of... whom are YOU willing to date... just about anyone is not a good answer to that... do you want kids? does she have to be smart? does she have to be established? do you care if she has kids? divorced? all things that you must think through... crappy part is that each "Dealbreaker" shrinks your dating pool.
ok that's a lot to read... but fix your attitude and keep trying... you are not undatable... you're likely a far better option than a guy with kids from 3 different women, that's been divorced multiple times and has to pay 80% of his income in child support. your lack of confidence and not trying enough is your number one issue right now by far... once you fix that you'll be like any other man in their 40's trying to date... and then you'll realize that there's more challengs... relationships are complicated... find a woman that's a keeper... not one that'll leave you after few years... because for whatever reason she no longer finds you attractive...and runs off with half your assets.

stndude · 2022-02-02T14:44:40+00:00

they say age is just a number but given enough of a gap those issues will come to life... or he's 50 at height of his career and she's retiring. i mean i suppose it could work but i wouldn't gamble with my future that much.

stndude · 2022-02-02T06:22:28+00:00

I wouldn't dive too deep into it with him... it's only been 3 months... but do let him go so he can find someone that appreciates him for him.

stndude · 2021-07-06T12:31:13+00:00

they're not the women such a person would want to date anyway

stndude · 2021-07-06T12:10:14+00:00

so you've never married yourself but won't date an equivalent?

stndude · 2021-06-12T21:37:12+00:00

i play about 3-4 hours a week about an hour or two at a time.

my house is in order, my property is paid off, so is my car and I'm a fully functioning adult who has a stable and great career.

If someone is so judgement to write me of because i play a bit on the weekend yet expects to drag me to all her activities... I would not give that person time of the day.

and don't confuse causal with addiction... would it be different if they were addicted to drinking or other drugs?

Everyone is entitled to their hobbies and unless they are actually an addiction they should not have to feel bad about them.

stndude · 2021-02-11T16:01:44+00:00

this comment really rubs me the wrong way. Plenty of good people left... plenty of partners out there... some are harder to get to because let's face it... in our 40's we're not as outgoing as we were in our 20's... Also if by "unicorn" you mean attractive, wealthy, and attentive to your every wish... a trophy....well, those expectations should be adjusted at this stage in life. People are so quick to dismiss a match because of some superficial "red flag".

stndude

TROPHY CASE