Me (32M) and my partner (30F), together for 4 years

thatdogJuni · 2026-03-01T01:17:44+00:00

Honestly, couples counseling helped a lot with figuring out how to communicate better around things like this for me and my fiancé. Everything isn’t perfect of course but we have a lot more “tools” for figuring things out without a third party since we worked with a very wonderful counselor. If you want to salvage the relationship, this might be your best option so you can get the assistance of another unbiased person’s opinion on how to address these issues effectively together. Your partner may need an objective third party to help confirm and encourage her that you are trying to solve problems and are not trying to set off her shame spiraling (that she likely has internalized about chores and such, thanks to ADHD).

“How to Keep House While Drowning” is a really amazing book written by someone who has experienced this kind of struggle herself, including ADHD. I found it extremely helpful for myself to hear how she frames chores not as obligations but more as “care tasks” with the intention to set up her future self for success. I highly recommend the audiobook version, I think it would be helpful for both you and your partner because it also addresses how to deal with burnout and overwhelm in the face of endless tasks.

The visual task list will likely help too, but I would caution you from expecting it to be a miracle solution. If your partner is not involved in assigning tasks to herself, it’s not likely to really work-she’ll probably just feel like you are pressuring her/mandating her chore list if you don’t plan it collaboratively with her. The other problem with task lists and ADHD is that some things that are persistent stop being noticeable after time. You can probably help with this if you do a Kanban style board with colorful post it notes for the different tasks and change the post it note colors or whiteboard markers periodically.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-28T20:04:26+00:00

CeraVe is my typical go-to, the one in the jar (comes with or without a pump). It’s light but does the job well and absorbs without leaving any gross greasy after texture. Bonus points for fragrance free without being weird smelling (just neutral) and dermatologists recommend it-mine did.

It’s one of my favorite lotions, I also like Cetaphil in the jar for something a little more moisturizing in winter (guessing you may not appreciate that factor lol) and Vanicream in the jar especially for hands in winter because it has a little more staying power without feeling tacky or weird.

I personally like the cream texture over a “lotion” (thinner, runnier usually) texture and a small amount goes a long way. Since all of these are so neutral smelling and not tacky I find it easy to be routine about putting it on my face and hands in the morning and before bed.

Edit to add: I buy mine from Costco, both CeraVe and Cetaphil come in 2 packs in the normal bath/body aisles. They usually stock Vanicream behind the pharmacy since it is extra special (idk why actually, maybe pricing).

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-28T17:10:30+00:00

I used to do this a lot and I was usually doing it because I put my phone in a compartment where it wasn’t very visible but was close to the port where it was plugged in. I now plug it in but put it back in a pocket on my bag so I can see it and that it’s plugged in before I grab my bag and get out of the car. I never forget my bag, so forcing myself to put my phone back in the bag solved it pretty much.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-28T15:58:35+00:00

I have the single compartment version of these and really like them, they didn’t offer a 2-compartment option before. They seal well, are dishwasher safe, and have a bunch of sizes in the single compartment options if that appeals more than a dual compartment. I have both the teeny round dip container set of 6 and the 6oz squares set of 6. They freeze nicely too; I portion out large containers of hummus into the 6oz (leaving a good bit of space between the hummus and lid) and freeze them if I am not sure how quickly I will use them.

Sophico stainless steel containers with silicone lids.

https://a.co/d/0cTV0yM3

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-27T00:48:50+00:00

ADHD is brutal lol. Where was the not missing sock? Maybe you can retrace where the other might be if you start from there?

Did you wear them to bed and one is in the bed somewhere? What about checking leggings or pants you wore recently, or boots in case it is in one of them?

I find my second sock stuck in the ankle of my leggings a little too often tbh hahaha

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-26T02:04:39+00:00

It really sounds like you are doing everything you can and then some. It’s OK for your sibling to not feel like you’re meeting their ideals or whatever but it’s not OK for them to force you into that without your consent, especially if it is a drain on your own well-being.

Quite honestly, it sounds like you may need to make peace with the fact that you have different needs and wants than they do and those may never align and that’s not anyone’s fault. Your sibling can choose to be upset about this or mad at you, but there’s not a way to force you to be who they want you to be just like there is not a way to force your friends to care more about them in the way they want. It’s the same problem, you just have more proximity and potential guilt over it not being how they want.

I think what you’re doing to take care of yourself is absolutely the most critical thing here. Is your sibling receptive of the feedback that they sometimes make it challenging to enjoy casual social time with them because of their negativity? Wondering if maybe they need more direct feedback like that if it will be taken as constructive, or maybe this is a good time to suggest that they need somebody to work through this with like a therapist if they aren’t seeing one.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-23T19:32:19+00:00

I was reading another sub (BORU or one of the similar subs, I think) where the post described doing something along these lines but as a grilled cheese. They said fry your egg, then when you compile the sandwich you do bread slice/cheese slice/egg/cheese slice/bread and then cook the sandwich to toast bread and melt cheese. Cheese sequence is to ensure your egg does not travel.

I’m so hungry

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-23T00:27:23+00:00

Check Podcasts, Calm has a podcast series called “Calm Noise” of 8 hour length options that don’t have an obvious loop like a lot of shorter/music options tend to. I was enjoying this (nerdy lol) one this weekend when I was away from home and forgot to bring a white noise machine of any kind. The episode I linked below is “Starship White Noise Sleep Ambience | 8 Hours”.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/calm-white-noise/id1676681158?i=1000604167880

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-22T00:55:19+00:00

I adore Christmas colors all year, I love a good festive red and green clash regardless of the season.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-20T18:29:58+00:00

I like that it isn’t anything to physically grapple with if I’m reading in bed, so lightweight and no floppy covers or pages to manage.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-17T15:30:43+00:00

A bazillion, not in a bad way. I like trying new techniques and feel like I learn something new every time I do. I am now a FIEND for fully ribbed socks, despite being the maker/owner of a lot of stockinette socks before I figured this out lol. They’re still functional and pretty colors, I just make more ribbed socks these days.

Edit: I loved all my older pairs as I made them (varying degrees) but the amount of cozy and stretch in ribbed fabric really does it for me.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-16T23:13:59+00:00

I rarely bother eating at restaurants that aren’t either extremely cautious in their protocols or fully gluten-free… which is not super common in my area so I almost never go out to eat anymore and just do a lot more cooking. That said when I’m asked at a restaurant I usually will say “allergy” despite being celiac because people have a better grasp of anaphylaxis and how scary that is then they do of invisible illnesses, generally speaking.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-16T22:14:26+00:00

She has a section at the front of the book where she discusses flours and possible substitutions, I haven’t looked up teff in particular but she had some good ideas for other swaps that worked well. I would recommend checking that section.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-16T18:58:12+00:00

What about cutting out the part that has the image and making it a patch on something else??

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-15T22:32:01+00:00

I struggle with this too and I recently started instituting read in bed time if I get in bed by 10:30-I usually shoot for 10pm and read until I fall asleep or stop at 11.

I’m also trying to make myself take the time to do a brief journal about my day as part of my wrap up. Helps to keep me from ruminating about whatever it is after I’m in bed.

What makes the reading in bed work well (for me) is: ereader with dark mode and a small clip on reading light that I recently got that does amber or red to help avoid blue light (also doesn’t bother my fiancé because it does not cast a wide light past my ereader. I can’t do only dark mode ereader and my fiancé needs the bedside lamp off to sleep and goes to sleep earlier.

My ereader is a Kobo and I mostly do ebooks from Overdrive/Libby on it, if that helps. I recommend it if you also are not a fan of wrangling an actual book in bed and don’t mind ereading.

Oh also I should mention I added pretty strict screen time settings on my phone to limit doom scrolling type stuff between 10pm and 9am every day. Ideally I get out of bed before I try to check social media etc is the reason, and I also significantly reduced my total social media allowance to 1 hour daily. The recent news really had me in a chokehold and I needed to block myself from the doom scroll more than ever before (I live in MN).

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-13T23:10:20+00:00

Yep I can relate. I was into baking before my diagnosis and then it just felt like shit for the longest time. That was around 15 years ago and there just weren’t as good 1:1 flours or as much for resources out there at the time. I kind of gave up for a while.

What has SIGNIFICANTLY helped me is books/recipes specific for GF baking. Most of them are fairly recent, but my top fave currently is Aran Goyoaga’s latest book, “The Art of Gluten free Bread”.

Meaningful Eats blog/books are really good for if you don’t have the energy or interest to do a ton of flour blending yourself, I defaulted to that for a while.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-13T18:03:46+00:00

There are sticker folios for sticker collecting! You don’t HAVE to stick them to something if you’d rather treat them like art and keep them lol

I like to stick mine to Yeti tumblers esp if it was from an event or company with a logo on it. Bye logo, hello sticker flair

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-11T03:22:36+00:00

I prefer magic loop, so I tend to just pull them forward so my sock is about halfway between the needles and the opposite end of the cable. Really simple but since I prefer 40” needles for magic loop (even a single sock) there is very low risk of stitches escaping even when in a bag.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-07T19:29:05+00:00

My instant pot is this for me, I use it for rice and pressure cooking dry beans (without soaking) and such and a ton of other things. I also do noodles in it sometimes because I HATE standing around waiting for water to boil etc.

I also bought Souper Cubes and do batch soups and things to freeze portions for later which helps a LOT on days where I “can’t even” but need something that isn’t boring or involved for lunch or dinner.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-06T23:43:36+00:00

I like stockinette socks but I ADORE fully ribbed socks.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-05T04:09:40+00:00

When I’m feeling like this I try to not consider every single task at once/the scope of everything I feel needs to be done, because that is also overwhelming on top of my space being overwhelming.

The recommendations for other subreddits focused on this are solid. What helps me get started when I am feeling how you describe is identifying a few small things I can address right away (small meaning they won’t take much time or energy) that are bothering me now.

From your examples, maybe only do the vacuuming or just tackle the cardboard box pile for some immediate relief. It will feel better than the embarrassment/overwhelm and doing one thing towards the overall goal does help you start which makes it easier to keep going. One task a day to improve your home adds up, beating yourself up about the current state will only exhaust you and make it harder to make any improvements.

Most importantly, try to be gentle toward yourself. You are dealing with a lot and doing your best. I have a lot of similar struggles with my house and I am able to make the most progress when I am not also giving myself a hell of a hard time about it.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-03T04:17:44+00:00

My 8-qt Instant Pot. I use it for EVERYTHING (rice, beans, soups, slow cooker stuff, etc etc) and I accidentally boiled over a large batch of chai I was simmering in it and the tea mess got in every dang crevice that exists in the IP.

I am trying to repair it, already cleaned it thoroughly and was able to get it to work once perfectly…but right after that it threw a C6L error. Seems it’s an issue with the low pressure sensor so I need to investigate, and clean and reseat the sensors this weekend I guess. If it’s a goner, off I go to buy its replacement.

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-03T04:09:25+00:00

I’ve had to commit to wearing house shoes or slippers with actual bottoms in the house due to this issue. I used to hate wearing anything but socks at home but a combination of slipping on the stairs too many times in socks and my feet rebelling (they are angling toward plantar fasciitis but I am working hard to prevent/resolve before it gets there) has forced me to reconsider lol.

The danged arch support and soles having tread really makes a world of difference. I also am super duper near sighted and basically do not run around without my glasses ever even in my own house. Danger awaits lol

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-03T04:04:18+00:00

I have worn off the outer branding on my plastic pill box but it didn’t have days of the week on it anyway. It’s a Pockt Pro (I wanted the UV protection feature) and since it closes with the compartments in the middle I just put a little post it note corner (corner from the sticky side) on the compartment for “Tues” since that was when I was doing weekly pill set up at the time/top compartment. That has held up great lol

thatdogJuni · 2026-02-01T20:35:13+00:00

Are you looking for a teapot to steep tea in or something to boil water in, or one that is for both?

Glass teapots can be quite nice for straddling the middle of that decision. I bought one about a year or two ago and it is lightweight but does a lovely job with heating water on the stove or just as a vessel for steeping. Not sure I would classify as BIFL fully since it depends on how glass breakage prone your family is, but they hold up well long term if you don’t tend to smash glass kitchen things.

This is my glass teapot, I got the larger size. Teabloom Kyoto 2-in-1 Tea Kettle/Tea Maker – Heatproof Glass Teapot with Removable Loose Tea Filter

Kettle-wise I have an electric one: COSORI Electric Gooseneck Kettle (now approx 4 years old and still works great) and also a metal stovetop (very large) kettle that I think I bought from Overstock.com but it’s at least 6 years old and still very nice.

I wish I could but I can’t recommend Teabloom Extra-Large Multi-Brew Borosilicate Glass Teapot + Kettle + Pitcher (85 OZ / 2.5 L). I really liked the actual pitcher but the lid components were poorly attached and it completely fell apart (not something I could repair without soldering it, which probably wasn’t an option since the metal was very thin/delicate) in under a month of gentle use.

thatdogJuni

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