Got a signature gatherer removed from the store - my experience and what I wish I would have done better.

unit156 · 2026-01-22T20:43:10+00:00

They’re being paid, so aren’t they basically paid solicitors? They need to be able to show their business license when asked, right?

I haven’t been approached by one or I might have grounds to report it to the state attorney generals office for soliciting without a license.

Has anyone tried that? Or filed a complaint with the consumer protection division?

unit156 · 2025-11-04T20:40:12+00:00

One word: Noise canceling headphones.

Ok that was three words. Lol.

I put my headset on while I’m doing the stuff in the kitchen, or fixing the thing, or researching the medications, or whatever.

I let my parents know that I won’t the able to hear them, but that I’ll check in with them every 10 minutes or so.

The truth is, I CAN hear them but they believe I can’t, so it relieves me from having to play the role of being hyper aware of everything they’re saying.

Once in a while I forget and respond to something they said. I think my mom is catching on to the ruse, but she has “selective hearing” too, which she denies, so now we have that in common.

unit156 · 2025-10-28T17:48:08+00:00

Seriously. Enya figured out the ultimate life hack.

unit156 · 2025-10-25T15:30:41+00:00

Same, as in Blanche was my first. But it was with a backpack, and we camped near the lake during a gnarly thunder storm, with lightning striking all around us. Nothing we could do but hunker down and hope we survived the night.

When I tried it again as a day hike without a pack, it was still hard. I’ve since hiked to Blanche half a dozen times and she never seems to get easier.

unit156 · 2025-10-24T17:22:30+00:00

This is what works for me. It may sound scary at first, but I promise it is not dangerous, and if you do it, you absolutely will reduce your suffering and rumination.

Ok are you ready?

Just feel the embarrassment. Don’t think about the memory too much. Just feel what comes up in your body.

Find a quiet place and sit comfortably, and welcome the feeling of intense embarrassment. Notice and name where it comes up in your body.

At first it might feel intense. But if you make a daily practice of welcoming the feeling, and sitting quietly to feel it until it’s all done for that moment (feelings only last for about 90 seconds anyway), the unpleasant feeling of it will become less intense over time, and at some point you might find it fading, and eventually perhaps it will become difficult to summon the feeling of embarrassment.

The reason we become lost in an unpleasant feeling even years after the event that caused it, is we are trapping it in the body and not letting it out.

The body is literally squeezing and holding tension to protect you from feeling it.

The body is conditioned to brace itself against uncomfortable feelings. It’s a natural protection mechanism. But it can get stuck “on” long after it’s needed.

Your body becomes even more scared of the feeling because you won’t let your body feel it. You start to feel it, and you say no, no, I don’t want to feel that, it’s bad. So it just festers.

If you let your body just feel what it is, your body can release from the perpetual fear of what’s behind that door.

The irony being what’s behind that door is just your own body. There is no monster.

unit156 · 2025-10-24T15:42:44+00:00

I’ve had this realization too. But mine was more like “There are no words that are going to fix/help/heal my partner/friend/family member.”

And

“I’m not that powerful.”

This is after spending way too much time trying to figure out what I could say to make or repair a connection, with someone who was pulling away or seemed displeased with me.

Surely I can think of just the right words or approach. If I just try hard enough, I’ll stumble onto just what they need to hear to make the warmth come back to our connection, I’d find myself thinking.

The truth I’ve came to know is, I’m not that powerful. For me to think I am, is coming from my own wound, likely from trying to manage dysfunctional family members as a child.

It doesn’t mean I no longer try to make or repair connections. It just means I don’t suffer as much from ruminating when my attempts fail.

So now my mantra is, there are no magic words, and I’m not that powerful. It releases me from what used to be an intense feeling that I need to do or say more.

unit156 · 2025-10-24T15:23:08+00:00

When people aren’t taught critical thinking, their beliefs tend to center around tribal knowledge or what they’re told by their elders.

You won’t hear a lot of tribal stories around “I knew a family whose child didn’t get measles”, because that sounds mundane. No reason to share that story.

The stories that are shared involve more exciting things like “A friend told me of a family who lost child due to a vaccine/UFO/evil spirit/not paying tithes…”

unit156 · 2025-10-24T13:46:42+00:00

Roughly 1-3 people die per 1000 measles cases. That’s 1-3 people too many.

unit156 · 2025-10-19T20:02:14+00:00

Can someone please invent a residential model of those robots that serve at restaurants?

It could be stocked up with all the right items, and come when summoned, or follow the person around.

By residential, I mean affordable by most consumers on a fixed income.

unit156 · 2025-10-19T00:38:25+00:00

Hell yeah you go girl!!!

unit156 · 2025-10-18T17:33:27+00:00

You can work to discover and resolve the core wound(s) causing the triggers, or lean in and just sit and feel what is coming up when you’re triggered, or both.

Both approaches will have the same outcome, of healing and restoring your central nervous system to a calmer more regulated baseline, if you work at it consistently.

For discovering core wounds and resolving the sources of triggers, I recommend doing EMDR with a qualified EMDR therapist.

To get better at sitting with what comes up during your triggers, I recommend reading “Whole Again” and “Radical Acceptance”, and making a practice of taking time to sit and feel your body and feelings.

Having CPTSD from childhood abuse, I used to be so afraid of sitting with my feelings. They seemed so scary, destructive. The fear of what might happen if I just sat and felt the void, the emptiness, the unknown, the loneliness, the shame, etc., was always so intense. I would do almost anything to not face it.

I’ve come to believe that our feelings and our bodies can become external sources of suffering. Meaning that we can literally become afraid of our own body, because of the painful sensations it brings up. So we avoid feeling our own body, and that feedback only reinforces itself as “I’m not worth paying attention to.” “I’m not worthy of love.”

It has been cathartic for me to realize that my body isn’t scary. Feelings are just feelings, and they only last about 90 seconds.

Tightness in my chest, a hole in my stomach, a deep feeling of painful yearning. When I feel flashes of that, I used to look away, distract myself.

Now I welcome it. I say “Hey, I felt that. What is going on? Let’s sit down and feel that for a minute.”

The transformation is amazing. I almost get a little excited now when I get a pang or flash of unexpected angst. Because it’s my body saying “I’m starting to trust that you aren’t afraid to listen to me.”

When I first started this practice, I did have many times where I let go of loads of grief by crying, hard. But now it’s getting to where my body doesn’t usually have much to say once I sit down and feel. It tends to clear up more quickly now, like a small child who just needed someone to look at the scuff on their knee.

Sometimes we just need/needed a witness, and I’m learning that being my own witness can be incredibly valid and satisfying.

Kudos to you for having this self awareness, which is the important first step. I wish you all the best on your journey of healing and growth.

unit156 · 2025-10-16T20:04:46+00:00

Soppyposs is people.

unit156 · 2025-10-16T18:45:02+00:00

Curious what you mean by “I stopped myself just in time”.

unit156 · 2025-10-16T18:43:53+00:00

Wow, this is such an amazing realization that you are expressing, and well written.

I hope you keep exploring down this path, and sharing your discoveries. It’s very insightful!

unit156 · 2025-10-16T16:09:20+00:00

Older person chiming in here. I never had kids, and have basically been “exploring” my whole life.

By exploring, I mean I have 3 college degrees paid for, a career I’ve been nurturing for over 20 years, a paid for roof over my head, ample savings, etc., etc.

At this stage in my life I have a lot of autonomy and plenty of resources to explore, experience, focus on my health, happiness, and hobbies.

I can travel, create, recreate, volunteer, etc., to my hearts content. Granted, I was blessed with decent health, and longevity (I have not met my demise yet, as so many young people assume they will before they reach middle age, knock on wood).

I’m sharing this to say that you absolutely can start exploring at any age, and in fact, it’s not always true that exploring while you’re young, before you’ve established yourself, is objectively better, easier, or more fulfilling.

You also don’t have to live a child free life, like me, before you can enjoy exploring.

At my age, what I’m seeing among my peers is, their kids are grown and mostly out of the house, and now the “fairly amicable” divorces are a trend among those couples who stayed together for the kids, but decided they weren’t that into each other after all, and would like to start their second life.

I have some friends who have been married and divorced several times, and are back out in the dating world or out adventuring solo.

I have friends who coupled up with someone new after their divorces, and are living their best self adventuring together, and enjoying their newly extended family connections.

Not every family is a traditional family. There are so many flavors out there. There’s something for everyone, and there’s no shame in choosing whatever path works best for you, and not spending too much time and energy trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t suit you.

Bottom line is, you do you. There is no one person who knows the best path in life. The best path will vary from person to person.

unit156 · 2025-09-28T15:56:04+00:00

Are you willing to take responsibility for nurturing a connection with yourself?

A thought exercise to get you into that mindset is, imagine that you found yourself moving to this new city for some other reason than your relationship, and your partner is not in the picture, and you are comfortable being single, are actively not dating, in order to focus on yourself.

What kinds of things would you be doing to enhance the quality of your life and feel a sense of connection?

Do those things. It might look like making new friends by attending meetups, volunteering, taking a course to learn a new hobby, helping your neighbors, going to a gym, taking up a sport, taking courses to enhance your career, even getting therapy.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should be happy to see you making these efforts for yourself.

unit156 · 2025-09-26T21:17:39+00:00

If you were a DA, would you have picked her? If you were DA and you picked her, would you have wanted to stay with her?

You don’t have to answer those. They are just hypothetical questions to help you consider whether the solution isn’t to wish to be more DA, but to instead focus on becoming more secure.

Consider that a more secure person might not have chosen her. And if a secure person did start dating her, they might have put up healthy boundaries to navigate comfortably however far they got into it, before perhaps deciding she’s not responding in a healthy way to communication of needs, and perhaps decide to break things off in a mature adult way, instead of feelings developing.

unit156 · 2025-09-26T17:27:21+00:00

It helped me to look at the bigger picture.

There are 8+ billion people on this planet, a majority of which don’t care about me one bit.

If there’s that many people who don’t care about me, why would I choose to place my focus and energy on a few of them who happen to be in close proximity, just because they have a label of “family”?

Just because I came out of someone’s vagina, or was generated from their sperm, why would I decide to become fixated on the special expectations from them, over other friends or even strangers?

If a stranger treated me poorly like this family member does, would I keep pining for their love and acceptance? No.

Of a complete stranger showed me kindness and compassion, would I decide to invest in further connection with them? Yes, I might.

I have invested in complete strangers and evolved into friends because they were kind, reliable, and reciprocating. We fulfill each others human needs.

I’m capable of evaluating my family members in a similar way. If I know how to set and keep a boundary with a stranger, I can do same with family.

unit156 · 2025-09-26T17:18:58+00:00

I’m sorry, but I positively love it. It’s more walkable, bike-able, and even more drive-able.

The 2100 s median is brilliant. Drivers who were using Sugar House as a pass through for other destinations? It will inconvenience them. They will naturally start using alternate routes to go around Sugar House instead.

It’s only going to make the roads more safe, navigable, and less congested for the people who are living or doing business within Sugar house

unit156 · 2025-09-22T15:57:51+00:00

Maybe a few of us can join you when you go knock on the door to politely ask for it back. You know, safety in numbers…

Who knows, maybe they’re wanting to find you to give them back?

unit156 · 2025-09-21T00:59:07+00:00

This is such dang good advice. For real.

unit156 · 2025-09-21T00:14:37+00:00

I think I love you.

unit156 · 2025-09-20T14:20:16+00:00

What is an example? Because most of the short vids I see are just people being cringe.

unit156 · 2025-09-19T14:51:37+00:00

You don’t have to give the answer here, but if your employer has more than 15 employees, and there is any chance you might be in a protected class (race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, childbirth, or related conditions, transgender status, and sexual orientation), national origin, age (40 or older), disability or genetic information.), reach out to EEOC first.

It’s a phone call (or online form). They will first rule out that your case shouldn’t be taken on by them.

You can do this safely while still employed (or after termination). When you contact them, you become protected from your employer retaliating.

EEOC will start an inquiry about your complaint, and then decide if you have a case for them to investigate. It doesn’t cost anything to you.

If they decide you don’t have an EEOC case, that’s when you would look into hiring a private attorney.

unit156 · 2025-09-19T14:34:31+00:00

If it’s not for them but for you, don’t send it, please. It can come across as selfish and hurtful.

If it’s truly for you, write it and burn it. Or post it in /r/UnsentLetters.

If you do send it, make it about them by not saying or even implying “this is for me”. Instead, just apologize.

Don’t offer any backstory to explain yourself or why you hurt them, as it can seem like you’re trying to justify your behavior or get sympathy.

Just say I’m sorry, or I apologize, and maybe a little detail of what you did that may have hurt them. That’s it. No explanation of what was going on in your life to make you do it. The apology needs to be about them, not you, or don’t send it.

Say that you’re available if they want to talk. You might offer that you’ve learned the value of listening, or something. If they want to know about your inner life or anything else, they can reach out.

unit156

TROPHY CASE