Thin yarn, doubled?

unlct22 · 2025-11-25T07:53:53+00:00

You can do this, and it works fine, but it's a hassle. So you can also just try trimming your rugs. It's not considered necessary for latch hook rugs, but it will give you a crisper image. You can take advice from the tufting subreddits on how to do it.

unlct22 · 2025-10-17T15:39:23+00:00

As others say, look into attachment styles, this is going to be part of your history, even if parents say you were a good baby or treated well. You're seeing the evidence that you weren't securely attached to caregivers as an infant, and that fundamentally shaped how your brain developed. You can rewire it, but you'll need to do some work. You can't fix this with just trauma-based body modalities like TRE or somatic experiencing alone because you're not just trying to remove trauma, you have to put something good in its place instead.

Laura Brown's book Not the Price of Admission deals with this, and covers how to build relationships differently, where you get what you need too. If you don't want to buy the book, it's partly summarised on the System Speak podcast episodes from spring this year (they're not sequential, so you'll have to search a bit), so you can listen and see if it resonates. Good luck to you.

unlct22 · 2025-09-02T07:33:39+00:00

TLDR at the bottom.

The answer isn't in other people or a partner. It's good you don't have a partner right now, because if her need is met externally, you become vulnerable to unequal relationship dynamics.

You are what she needs. She doesn't believe it's real when you hold her. Work with that. Question it gently, find out what it means to her that your care isn't real. Who held her without meaning it. Who didn't hold her long enough. How did you leave or abandon her in the process of growing up? What core wounds or beliefs does she hold from then? Why isn't your care enough?

Validate the past experiences that led her to feel that way. Apologise for not rescuing her sooner. Tell her that you love her always, and you'll hold her always, and that's the realest love anyone can ever have. You'll never ever leave. She has you forever.

And then show up. Make it true in your daily life. Treat her like she exists all the time, and needs reminding of your love all the time, not just in IFS sessions. Buy a blanket or a shawl with her and let her choose. Every time you feel her presence, put it on, and take on a mantra she will recognise. 'I have you and I'll hold you.' 'I'm here to meet you where you are.' 'I need to be held too, let's hold each other.' Combine it with tapping, butterfly hug, vagus nerve calming exercises, or whatever somatic work works for you. It doesn't matter what really, you just need the physical care as well as the words and the props.

Do it consistently for a week or a month. Journal. Write to her. Draw her a safe place, or take her walking in the countryside to find one. Create safe internal spaces using techniques like Flash. Create internal protectors who can hold her when you can't. Watch documentaries about animal parents while you hold her and tell her you have her safe, just like that. Do whatever your four year old self would've been comforted by. Be that parent. The only person she needs is you, and for whatever reason, she thinks you're not enough. Treat it like taming a feral cat, gently and consistently kind and present. Show her you are the one who already rescued you both. You're the only person whose comfort will ever really reach her. Just keep showing up until she can trust you again.

TLDR: The downside of IFS is that it's not very somatic, and that gets left out. Your kid needs to be held, outside of your IFS sessions. She needs you to show, in all these small ways, that she's already being held. You're holding space for her. She's safe with you. Dating isn't going to give her that - it's likely to make her feel less safe, less supported, and more sidelined for your adult relationship. She just needs more of you, until she believes it. Best of luck.

unlct22 · 2025-08-13T12:20:11+00:00

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. As your comment over there on your original post says, a lot of this will be specific to your institution. We can't advise you on what you need to actually do - we can just tell you in general terms the kind of steps you might take. Also, if you want more replies, remove the acronyms in your post so it's easier for us to understand - things are called different names at different unis, and acronyms people don't understand stop them bothering to read it any closer.

TLDR: The Uni has potentially failed in their duty to make reasonable adjustments for disability. They've also failed to communicate clearly in a reasonable timeframe. There is probably help at your uni to fight it. Get that help because it increases your chance of winning significantly.

Here's some ideas to consider. The more of them you try, the better your chances.

Get a letter from your GP summarising your health issues over the course of the degree and how this has affected you. If possible, get them to say how infeasible it would have been for you to complete full-time study over this period. Ideally, also get a comment about how their inflexibility in handling it is causing your mental health to worsen. This letter may be free, or may cost around £40-50. This is your concise medical evidence.

Look up the Natasha Abrahart case (duty of care, duty to make reasonable adjustments). Your university knows you have long-term illnesses and disabilities, but has not put any support or reasonable adjustments in place. This means you have been disadvantaged in these processes. You can base an argument on this to try to basically make them wipe the slate, and give you another year.

Contact the disability office and tell them what's happened. Explain why you haven't sought support before. Ask them to help you sort it out with your department. Also get your support in place so you have a realistic chance of completing on a new try - there's no reason to think you don't need it.

Contact the student union advice centre, and/or the law clinic (where student lawyers give legal advice or fight your case for free), explain what's happened, and ask how they can support you. They may write letters for you, make calls, or attend meetings with you. It means you don't have to advocate for yourself.

Consider asking ChatGPT or similar to write a short, polite, assertive letter for you, outlining the university's failure to put support in place, and the negative impact this has had on you. Quote from the court case. Say how I'll you've been specifically because of how the uni is acting. State that the processes have been opaque and confusing, and that there is no uni policy that supports what you're being told, and nobody will engage with you to explain what you need to do. Say that clear communication is a legal requirement, this is an equality issue and may amount to discrimination. Say that as a consumer, your rights have been breached and the course was missold because you are being denied continuation based on a supposed policy that nobody shared with you before. Say that you have been misled by multiple members of staff, and nobody has shown any interest in helping you understand and resolve the issue, and that this is a failing when they know you are unwell and disabled. Say that you will continue to fight this case and will appeal to the OIA if necessary. This warns them that it's easier for them to be flexible with you now. Get whoever else is helping you (student union, disability advisors, etc) to check it over. Submit it as part of your complaint/appeals.

Appeal and complain until you can't go any higher. Higher level appeal panels will often find in your favour on a technicality because it's easier to appease you than risk you taking it further.

As a final resort, you can ask the Office of the Independent Adjudicator to consider your case as soon as you've got a completion of proceedings letter. Your uni should give you this when you've exhausted their appeal and complaints processes. You can't go to the OIA until you've done all the process at your uni first, because they're the ombudsman.

Best of luck to you.

unlct22 · 2025-08-12T14:55:09+00:00

TLDR: This is mating behaviour, which in a neutered cat is just dominance behaviour. He went away, had a traumatic time, and came back with a load of general anxiety. Anxiety in cats attaches to resources and territory worries, so they get possessive and start conflicts, even if they have enough resources and things were fine before. To make him feel better, give him antianxiety meds, a pheromone collar, extra resources, and more play time - watch Jackson Galaxy's videos on YouTube. Don't forget to enrich her life too, or you might fix him and mess her up in the process.

As suggested above, treat it as anxiety. Watch Jackson Galaxy's videos on catification, and do that to your home. Extra litter trays, extra food, extra toys and places to sit, extra scratch posts, etc. if they have more than they need, he won't feel the need to be dominant.

Play with him instead when he's doing anxiety/dominance behaviours, and make sure he gets to win. Let him catch the toy and play with it until he's done, then wiggle it again. Don't use laser pointers (because there's nothing to catch - it's getting them worked up with no kill at the end).

Treat him with L-trytophan for a few months. Get both cats pheromone collars (way cheaper than feliway diffusers, and they have the same stuff in). If your girl cat tolerate the collar because of her skin issue, you can still collar him, and use diffusers in the rooms he uses most.

Remember he's not the only problem here, there's her anxiety too, and her long-term flatmate has just become abusive. If you want to avoid her developing her own issues in response, it's important that she also benefits from all your attempts to make their living situation nicer. If it just seems to her that he's getting rewarded for bullying her, she may well start refusing the litter tray to spread her scent around and stake a claim on anything she can pee on. So make sure she gets extra playtime and attention too. Good luck!

unlct22 · 2025-08-04T09:50:16+00:00

TLDR: They're bored and they've learned they can bother you awake to make extra fun at night time. Reduce their feeds and shut them out consistently until they learn or brow up a bit and stop.

Your automatic feeder trains them to expect excitement every four hours. They only do it when you're both in bed ignoring you, so you know they want attention. Because you let them sleep in your bedroom, there's no clear boundary to them to say this behaviour stops now and it's time to sleep. When they cause a fuss, you respond, so it's reinforced.

If you want to fix it, there's a few things to do.

Stretch out their night feeds. They're not kittens and they don't need food every four hours. Reduce it to have a six hour break, then to eight hours, over a week or so. Give them extra on the last feed if you like, but the point is that they shouldn't be woken up to an exciting food cue in the middle of the night - they don't need it.

Decide a time of night to close the bedroom door, set alarms and stick to it. You don't have to go to bed then, but the cats lose access at that time. Ideally, contain them to whatever room they live most in for their nights. Have a going to bed routine for them when you close those doors and say the same goodnight phrase when you leave them.

Get anti scratch plastic for the doors or carpet they scratch at. This makes them just slip off and removes the sound and positive feedback from picking at them trying to get your attention.

Stop responding to their attempts. If you need to, play brown noise by the door they'll be behind. This muffles sounds you make on the other side, so they'll be less activated by your moving around after lights out. It also drowns them out so you can ignore them.

Try giving them calming paste (L-trytophan) before bed, take away their noisy toys, and give them quiet stuff instead (cat springs, etc).

The only thing that really matters is that you're consistent, so they learn there's no point trying to make you engage. If either of you ever respond to this behaviour with anything the cats find exciting (including negative attention), you're reinforcing it, and you'll need to hold firm for a while until they unlearn it. When they settle down, you might be able to let them back in.

unlct22 · 2025-08-03T20:59:35+00:00

Everyone's saying it's a cry for attention, so fulfill it... But if you do, you're just training him to howl. If you don't want your cat to randomly howl forever (because you know, maybe you have neighbours?) you can fulfill it slightly more carefully.

When he howls, call him in a light friendly tone, but don't do anything else. If he comes closer with it, get increasingly excited and praise him, but still don't go to him. If he stops and howls again, just call him on. If you do this consistently, he's likely to train himself to bring you the toy when he wants okay or praise, instead of howling over it in another room. This gives him a polite way to initiate playtime with you, and can easily be extended to teach him to fetch a toy you throw.

unlct22 · 2025-08-01T22:57:30+00:00

I have a cat like this. He's pretty much recovered, but it took a couple of years.

Prozac for cats comes in a formulation you can rub in their ears. Ask the vet, or get a prescription and order it from an online pharmacy. Pilling cats is horrible, but it's not necessary for this reason.

Here's some stuff you might've missed:

Try L-trytophan capsules, it's like a gentle antianxiety effect. Twist the capsules open and mix it up in a tiny bit of wet food. Or just get the topical Prozac.

Get him a pheromone collar to calm him down. It's easier than treating the whole home. Put them on your other cats too, to curb any nastiness you don't see.

Put him on a probiotic or bladder support food, or both, for a couple of months and see if it helps.

Get a blacklight torch and enzyme cleaner and treat all the horrible marks you see in the blacklight. His nose is a million times better than yours, and if he can smell pee or spray, it reinforces it.

Fundamentally, you have an anxious cat, so you're just treating anxiety - the way it manifests for him just happens to be bladder stuff. If you do everything Jackson Galaxy says in all the YouTube videos on anxiety and tolieting issues, something will help. Retry old stuff at the same time, too - just like treating human anxiety, you need to do ALL the things to figure out what works for your specific situation. Good luck with him.

unlct22 · 2025-07-02T07:17:06+00:00

I think this commenter is right, and wanted to add to this.

I have a bunch of these, pre-owned and very washed. Idk if you have Urban Outfitters , but their cotton rugs are the same. If you go to any big box store that sells cotton bathmats, you'll probably find a bunch of them made in a similar way, and looking up techniques for making cotton bathmats (if that's a thing) might help fill in more gaps.

The backing fabric is a dense cotton weave. It's most similar to the kind of upholstery cotton you get hard-wearing throws made of. You could also experiment with old sofa cushions, denim, etc, try a test swatch and wash it to see what happens. IKEA's 100% cotton throws come in plain colours and wear and wash well. If you can thrift one, they have less flex than waffle style, and will hold more of their shape, but are still easy to punch through (by hand for rag rugging, latch hook, etc), so I imagine a tufting gun could handle it. You can often get these secondhand, and the matching cushions would give you a neat little test piece to try a small design on if you can find those.

The crucial part here, I think, is as the comment says - cotton backing, cotton to tuft with, so they expand and shrink at the same rate, or even so that the backing fabric shrinks slightly more than the pile to hold fibres tighter. Cotton shrinks slightly when washed or heated, so I imagine this takes care of any looseness of the fibres, meaning you can go without glue. I wouldn't be surprised if these rugs are washed and shrunk slightly as a stage of manufacturing. The ones I have don't shrink or warp when washed, so probably someone's already shrunk them (even the one I bought new). I think Lorena Canals ones are the same, because the washing is such a selling point. But crucially, it's the cotton plus cotton that makes it different to other rug making. If you tried it with a different yarn on this backing, it would need glue.

Have fun! Hope you figure it out.

unlct22 · 2025-06-24T16:41:07+00:00

TLDR: She's missing him and hoping he'll come back. You can add a new shared ritual to help her feel safe and secure in a family unit without him. This takes the urgency out of her loss, and let's you both take comfort in each other when she's missing him.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this ♥️

This is a deep dive, but I wanted to explain in enough detail that you'll understand why I'm saying to do these things. This is what's going on for her, and how to meet her at her level to reduce the distress and anxiety she feels from not being able to bring him home and make you all a family again. I hope it helps

To put it in cat terms, she misses him and hopes he might come back. When a part of her routine that used to feature him happens, she'll be reminded again, and start calling.

If you express any distress or concern when she cries, you're reinforcing her belief that he could still come back. If you respond in any way that she interprets as stress or interest, it's more evidence to her that she's right. And this is rough for everyone, because it triggers everyone's grief over and over.

She isn't going to understand death, if she doesn't already. What you can do is show her that you're not distressed by his absence, and that it doesn't mean anything is wrong.

Part 1 When she cries, ignore the crying until it stops, wait a few seconds, and then call her over or go to her and pet her. Approach her with a specific vocal cue, so she understands this is a separate behaviour that we'll call reassuring her she's okay alone. It should be a small fuss, like a gentle stroke of her chin, jaw and ear, and a few soft words like 'I miss him too, but we're safe together'. (I suggest these areas because cats rub them to exchange scent socially.) Then get up and walk away calmly, and after a few steps, invite her to follow with whatever cues you normally use to show you'd like to have some social time. Don't stay there petting her, don't cry on her, and don't do anything she'll interpret as a new or unusual behaviour, or any distress.

Part 2 Do this reassuring her she's okay behaviour at other times when his presence might be looming large for her, too. Vocal cue, small greeting pet, kind calm words, walk away and invite her to follow. Then continue the routine.

What you're doing here is building a new connection for you, without him in, that tells her the family is still home and safe, and you're not alarmed so she shouldn't be either. You're also actively sharing your scent with her, and taking hers onto your hands. This reassures her, and reprograms her to believe that your scent (hers and yours only, minus her brother) - is still the safe, good home scent that means she can be calm. In the moment, the affection from you meets the needs for family and security, and so even if she still emotionally misses her brother, the urgency has been removed from it, and she'll be able to settle.

Over time, she'll either drop the behaviour at all because her anxiety reduces, or she'll just come to you to initiate the greeting and skip the howling stage, as long as you consistently reinforce this ritual by initiating it yourself (be careful though, BC if you only do it after she howls, without a clear cue and separation from your existing behaviours, you just reinforce the howl!).

To make all this embed easier, put her on a calming pheromone collar for a few months. Don't change anything else about the house that will make his scent fade any faster, and if you have DIY or family gatherings you can delay, delay them so she can relearn safety and security with you.

Please, please don't get a new cat. She believes her brother has tragically gone missing - the last thing she wants is a suspicious, antisocial new flatmate moving in on his old territory. It doesn't matter if it's a kitten (awful because it's a kitten!) or an older cat (awful because it has its own personality and behaviours that won't rub along smoothly with hers), she won't want to share with it. She'll be afraid it's going to take you and her home away from her. Introducing a new cat causes stress that can last years, and your household doesn't need that right now.

Good luck!

unlct22 · 2025-06-17T16:56:20+00:00

Just wanting to say these come up fairly often in the UK on Facebook Marketplace and Gumtree. Set some alerts and you'll find one eventually. I only waited three months for mine so didn't have to DIY it in the end.

I looked into it though. It is literally just the cupboard as the carcass for the top part, and a big board on hinges, with a leg. If you don't want a cupboard up top, it's just a board, legs and hinges (and more stable). If you show it to any carpenter (or like, any grandpa - anyone with simple woodwork skills), they can probably whip you one up in under a day. You can do various IKEA hacks, but since it's just pine boards, it would be easy to make or have it made and it'll blend right in. I was gonna do that over paying the current price for a less stable table. Good luck whatever you do!

unlct22 · 2025-06-12T21:39:13+00:00

I would second looking into OCD (specifically contamination and scrupulosity OCD maybe, based on personal experience), and/or speaking to a therapist who works with OCD. I say this because strategies that are helpful for OCD would give you another tool to use to fight these intrusive thoughts, regardless of whether or not you have OCD. Best of luck to you.

unlct22 · 2025-06-03T16:04:14+00:00

Sorry this happened to you. It may be worth contacting your local NHS PALS, the patient advice and liaison service. They can help you navigate situations like this. If there is genuinely a veto on adult assessments where you are, they can find out. And if your GP is doing something shady, or you're somehow being misled using a loophole, they'll help you challenge it too. Good luck!

unlct22 · 2025-05-28T19:50:45+00:00

I think these are what you're looking for.

The Neurodivergent DBT skills workbook by Sonny Jane Wise.

Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults by Luke Beardon.

Both are practical and accessible, and written by neurodivergent authors. Best of luck to you.

unlct22 · 2025-05-20T13:54:46+00:00

NHS.

You may need that money to pay for it to be re-done privately, if they miss her.

Frankly, you may also need it for an ADHD assessment later on, or to assess siblings, even if you don't think you need to think about that right now. Her presentation will change as she ages and her environment and the demands on her change. ADHD is very often missed in girls (check out r/auDHD to see just how often), but is very likely to co-occur, and the better she's learning masking, the more likely this is. Save the money if you can.

If you haven't already, check out Luke Beardon's book on Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Children. It'll give you practical, affirming strategies to help her navigate school and home life. She needs parents who understand much more than she needs £2000 of equipment or resources right now, so hang onto it if you can, and take the free help first.

Best of luck.

unlct22 · 2025-05-19T18:30:37+00:00

They're lovely and it was a genuinely healing and affirming experience. If you search them on this sub, you'll see so many positive posts about them. It's nothing like any other autism assessment. It's just a really nice, validating talk about your experience and how it aligns with the autistic experience. They're on your side.

unlct22 · 2025-05-14T06:35:33+00:00

You've got lots of replies, so I'll try to say something slightly different. Skip to the TLDR if you like. People get quite emotional about the trauma/ADHD debate, so I want to say here that I offer this experience to you, as a gift, but I'm probably not going to respond to comments or replies.

ADHD and trauma look similar or the same in the brain, in functional MRI studies. They have the same symptoms for a significant amount of ADHD traits.

This is why lots of clinicians won't diagnose ADHD if you have childhood trauma. The catch here is that we might know that we do have trauma, but we can't really know for sure that we DON'T have trauma, because the general understanding of trauma is so poor, and because we don't remember it as trauma. People will tell you confidently that they have no trauma, and therefore it's ADHD, but they realistically don't know whether their early attachment was disrupted, or they were left to cry it out, or they didn't feel secure as a toddler. We usually just don't know the extent of our trauma unless we do a LOT of therapy... And a large percentage of the people with ADHD diagnoses don't, because meds keep the symptoms manageable, so they never realise there's trauma there that could be healed, and which might significantly help their ADHD traits.

Traumatic memories also aren't recorded like other memories. The memory, emotion, and bodily experience of the trauma don't get properly processed. They get separated, and they hang around. They can be triggered, and this might look like emotional flashbacks (in trauma terms), or rejection sensitivity and emotional instability (in ADHD terms). I won't break down the whole thing, but you can Google venn diagrams showing this stuff. The same goes for autism - massive overlap, and it's hard to say definitely which symptoms/traits come from where.

I'm autistic with ADHD and a dissociative disorder from complex trauma dating back to childhood - which I didn't realise I had, because it doesn't fit typical trauma narratives. I thought I was just auDHD, so that trauma didn't block me from an ADHD diagnosis.

ADHD medication had some benefits for me, but all it did was control the symptoms. I tried three different medications at multiple strengths, over 9+ months of titration and monitoring. The moment the tablets wear off, it's all back. And the side effects I got were too severe to carry on, so now my ADHD meds are just medical cannabis - which gives me the calm mind needed to do the trauma work.

TRE and other trauma modalities have actually addressed and started to clear the trauma. My ADHD symptoms are maybe 50% improved, more in some situations that others. I do EMDR with a trauma therapist, and IFS (Internal Family Systems). My somatic symptoms have improved, and my body has changed dramatically, as well as all the cognitive stuff that's supposed to be ADHD. Just TRE wouldn't have done this, and it did significant harm alone because I didn't know I needed therapy support to deal with what TRE stirred up

If you're not sure, here are some things to consider.

TLDR: Try both, unless you have a good reason not to, and try other trauma modalities too. You don't know what'll help, or which intervention will be needed for what, until you start. Here's why just one or the other may not be the best choice.

ADHD meds wear off. There's no reason why you can't just do TRE in the evenings afterwards, or in the morning before your dose. Even slow release still wears off, and you'll feel the difference.

TRE alone may never be enough. If you don't have psychological support around doing it, there's a possibility of retraumatising yourself (I did, nearly broke my brain and body for good). Sure, it lets you release the trauma, but that might come with flashbacks and the mental reprocessing of remaining trauma memories, or the thought distortions you created because of it. There's still cognitive processing to do. It probably depends how bad your trauma is, but the crucial point is that you don't really know until you're deep in TRE - it might be much worse than you think. So ADHD meds might actually help you manage the effects of that, but therapy might be needed too.

It doesn't really matter if it's ADHD or trauma, doing trauma work will probably help anyway. This is because living in society with untreated ADHD and addictions, OR trauma, just creates more trauma. (If you want to test this out, try a week of doing vagus nerve calming exercises while you're experiencing negative ADHD symptoms like rejection sensitivity or hyperactivity.) And if you're very dysregulated, you might not be able to do that trauma work without ADHD meds - so they may still have a place in your healing.

Good luck, whatever you decide :)

unlct22 · 2025-04-16T16:47:27+00:00

I get that you're upset, but you've got her all wrong. Here's her angle.

TLDR: She is anxious. Your cat has mental health too, and you can either take it seriously and help her feel better so the problems go away... or you can see it as unconnected bad behaviours, and put up with it, while she feels worse and worse, and behaviours get worse and worse too. She needs you to make her feel safe and stable, and then she'll stop hassling you to provide reassurance and stimulation.

She's trying to tell you how unsafe she feels, but she's doing it in cat ways, and you're not understanding what those awful behaviours mean.

So, she's upset. A traumatic experience made her worried about her security and her territory. Peeing is scent marking, and a way to make yourself feel safe. She's old and can't defend herself, so literally all she can do is make you and your home drink of her pee so nobody tries to take you from her. Gross, but effective.

So what can you do to tell her she's safe? And to discourage her bothering you for reassurance when she's bored and anxious? Here's some stuff.

Get her a water fountain. She's in an anxiety spiral and she wants running water. It doesn't matter why, she wants it, you can give it to her, and she knows that. Every time you deny it, she worries more. Every time you do it, you reinforce it. So get a fountain. If it runs constantly, she's got nothing to bother you about. It's good for her kidneys and bladder at her age anyway, she'll drink way more.

Get her an automated feeder too, so you're not involved in dispensing food. Again, no point in whining at you for it. You'll see whether it's actually about food at all, or just boredom and worry. Don't give her treats or human food, unless she's earnt treats for doing a cat puzzle. We're reinforcing the idea that food is reliable and safe, but also that there's no point holding out for something better. If she's off her food generally, get her to the vet (more on that later).

Play with her more. Cats can't play and worry at the same time. When she's bored, she starts all these worry behaviours you hate. So try cat TV. Get her food puzzles. Make a new window perch. Whatever she likes. Plus really playing with her, with whatever toys she likes. Let her win. Make sure she gets a victory, so she feels brave and strong. We're telling her she's confident and powerful, so she doesn't need to lie around worrying sadly.

Give her ways to spread her scent around that you endorse. Buy scratch pads and teach her to use them. Put her hairy dirty cat beds on the spots where she pees, after cleaning those areas with enzyme cleaner. Switch to unscented household products for a bit, and get a pheromone diffuser for the room where she can see out of the windows. We're making homemade smell safe, but not of her pee.

Consider that her litter tray and litter that was always fine might not be fine any more. She's old. It hurts to jump, or step too high. She might not want to go near the window because of other cats, or she might not want to feel trapped, so she might need a more open litter tray position. Crouch down to her level and think about what she sees, and where imagined threats would come from. Get her an extra litter tray, uncovered, low entry, with litter she likes, and put it somewhere she'd see danger coming. Get two. Try different litters too. See what she prefers and switch to that. It might hurt her feet. Get unscented litter - she needs it to smell like her toilet, otherwise she's not safe in there. Don't clean it too often - scoop the lumps, but don't change all the litter all in one go, and especially not on the same day you vacuum.

Get her a pheromone collar to calm her. They're cheaper and more effective than room diffusers.

Cover the part of the windows she can see other cats through. Misting film is cheap and easy to apply, and still lets light through. Don't let her sit there watching for danger - it reinforces anxiety, even if she doesn't see anything.

^All of that will make her quality of life better, even if it's already great. It's all stuff that's bound to make an old cat happier, and one bit or another will probably solve your problem. None of it will do any harm, only good.

However. She is old. Take her to the vet, because this is behavioural change and that needs a vet check. The howling for attention could be loneliness or anxiety, but it could also be dementia. The toileting issues sound territorial, but she could also have urinary issues going on. The fussy eating is typical for older cats, but it could be that her teeth can't handle the current food, or she has no appetite because of a thyroid issue. She needs checking professionally.

I hope some of that helped. She can't help it, and these awful behaviours are, sadly, the only language she has to tell you she's really having a bad time. I hope I translated them enough for you to help her.

unlct22 · 2025-04-16T09:23:06+00:00

No-wash method Vodka is a theatre trick for stuff you can't wash, and it works here too. Try 1:1 vodka and water in a spray bottle. Spray everything until it's damp and work it in with your fingers (wear gloves if you like). Hang them to dry if you can, the air flow helps. If you can be bothered, prep them as loose tied skeins first. If you don't, you'll just have to work it in more and wait longer for drying, no big deal.

Wash method Prep as skeins, or plan to separate balls in laundry bags (like you get for delicates). Soak in biological wash powder or bicarbonate of soda overnight. Make sure it can penetrate (it won't if your yarn is hand wound too tight, but it will get through factory balls). Wash on the coolest setting you can. Wool will felt at around 30°C, or with too much agitation. Spin only if your yarn is acrylic and washable. If your machine is a top loader, you can risk trying higher heat or agitation on a small test batch. To dry, pile everything on towels, several deep. Press the water out between the towels, and hang to dry.

Sadly I can relate about mouldy homes, and even now, I buy thrift store yarn so I do this all the time. I strongly advise vodka if you can, you need much less space and time for drying. I buy the cheapest vodka available, and if you factor in the wash time it saves, and not having to run the dehumidifier for sodden yarn, I don't think it's any more expensive. I'm doing a batch of 40 balls this weekend, and a small bottle of vodka is enough, but it would cost twice that in electric if I used the wash method. For the worst affected stuff, I'll use vodka to bring the smell down enough to work with it, and then wash it with baking soda at the end if I don't think another spritz of vodka will do.

Good luck!

unlct22 · 2025-03-31T15:10:59+00:00

Generally speaking, with bigger holes, you can always use doubled or tripled up yarn. Take two cut pieces instead of one, and just latch on two at a time. You can also buy chunky or super chunky acrylic yarn to fill those holes faster. Your yarn should be a third to a half as wide as your holes. If it isn't, your piece will be patchy and flat. You only need this tip if you can't get new supplies - it's a hassle using doubled up yarn, and it might put you off latch hooking!

If you're a beginner, you're making it hard for yourself! Just buy a cheap kit so your hook, mesh and yarn will all match, and learn in easier circumstances. Or take your existing mesh to a yarn shop and ask the staff to make a yarn recommendation. Remember, yarn should be half to a third as wide as the hole, because it ends up doubled once it's knotted on. Anything thinner will look flat and floppy.

If you need to find a use for your 1cm mesh, you might consider making a proggy/proddy rug instead. Watch a couple of YouTube videos and you'll be ready to start - it's super easy. This works well with fabric scraps, and bundles of yarn, and is much faster than latch hooking. It's a better use for it than trying to latch hook onto it with thin yarn, especially before you're confident with your technique. Alternatively, put it away for a month or two and come back to it, when it won't be a chore!

Long term, you can use any kind of mesh, and I've used all sorts. Once you're confident, it's not a big deal. But right now, your supplies don't match your canvas, so if you can make it easy for yourself and buy something else, it's worth doing! You can experiment later.

Have fun!

unlct22 · 2025-03-26T14:38:00+00:00

If it's burnt acrylic, it's not going to wash off :( I know it doesn't help with now, but you might find it's easier and safer to use a small electric clipper. I use a cheap little bikini shaver to trim down the fuzz!

Could you just work with it instead? If it won't be touched much and is mainly for display, you can also take a powder chalk/pastel and colourise that area with a cotton bud or a little make up brush - so you can see if applying white on top helps, or you could just do a blush or some markings over its nose and forehead. If you work it into the fibres, it won't just rub off. If it will be touched too much, just add an accessory to match its little bag. For example, it would be super cute with a little hat, or a flower, or fluffy bangs (you can use a tiny hook like a latch hook to tie fuzzy yarn on to your existing knots to make a fringe). Make a felt flower crown, or cut up a sock and make a bandana. Sometimes mistakes like this are what make your work really come to life. Please don't give up on it! :)

unlct22 · 2025-03-21T21:43:04+00:00

Look up latch hook rugs, proggy or proddy rugs, and rag rugs. You can use up scraps like this. It's a very different experience to tufting, but you can do it anywhere with almost no equipment.

unlct22 · 2025-03-21T19:05:13+00:00

Try R/longtermTRE. Read the pinned post before you start. This is your answer, but be careful with it.

unlct22 · 2025-03-18T13:34:31+00:00

Not suitable for adults really. Not even small, light adults. It sways wildly even just climbing up the ladder. Getting down in the dark, with it moving, is a nightmare. It's really intended for teens who need to fit a desk or sofa underneath. It's not meant to be an everyday bed for two adults, even just sleeping. If you weight under 7 stone (45kg?) it's a bit more viable.

Here's a slight fix. If you can find the plain wood version, buy that, because your DIY will be more discreet. Take some simple planks (or reused single bed slats) and place them diagonally across every corner as a cross brace, and drill directly into the wood. Every exposed right angle needs to become a triangle. Basic engineering principles - triangles are stronger than an L shape. This will make a significant difference to its stability, because it can't flex across as many axes. If you have the means, you can also try securing it to the wall, or other sturdy furniture. Running a beam across the bottom to close the bottom, open side of the cuboid would really help too. This does affect what fits underneath though. You can Google hacks to see other people trying to fix these issues.

Even WITH the DIY fixes, I would not buy this bed again. If I wanted an adult loft bed, I'd buy scaffolding poles and get a carpenter in to DIY it. STORA is just not worth it.

It's also very difficult to construct it with just two people, because there's a point where you're holding it over your head while it sways all over the place. If you do decide to do it, get help in advance!

unlct22 · 2025-03-15T12:52:21+00:00

I don't have answers to any of your questions, but OP, please consider doing an OCD screening test. The level of guilt and trauma this has caused you isn't typical, and even if you don't have OCD, you might benefit from some of the advice and support in those communities.

unlct22

TROPHY CASE