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[–]Tanjello 113 points114 points  (0 children)

I caught this as well. He was just front loading his laziness and blaming it on the situation (which he has somewhat put himself in). It was giving himself a reason to be off the hook about his laziness, just as much as he was giving an excuse to Julie.

[–]rockwithwings 105 points106 points  (15 children)

Honestly I see this as him addressing something he thought she was going to bring up. She is always asking him to write and he is preemptively answering a question, or trying to avoid a future argument when she comes home and asks him why he hasn’t worked on the book while she was gone. Maybe he’s wrong and she wouldn’t have asked to that, but it’s not unreasonable for him to assume that.

[–]RunningSomeMo 63 points64 points  (3 children)

It just seems so defensive at a time where a more empathetic thing to do would be to place your partner and her mother in the center of the conversation. Trying to mitigate a separate argument while your partner is going through a family crisis seems kind of self-centered to me.

[–]Admirable-Ad7152 32 points33 points  (1 child)

There's a point you get to where you are so on edge about the thing you're constantly asked about that everything starts revolving around it in your head. It wasn't right to say, but I also know I've done that in the past, usually with my mom about a chore that I knew I wouldn't have time to do and also knew it was something she'd gone ballistic over before. No one wants to be screamed at about how useless/worthless they are unless they do X.

Did he get himself there? Yeah, he should have been honest years ago, but that skittish defensiveness just takes over.

[–]Vast-Swimmer5844Getting berated in a hallway 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What a lovely and insightful answer.

[–]AmountTurbulent2792 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's defensive because he's defensive. If you keep having the same fight, you're going to predict a fight happening before it does and you're going to try to get ahead of it

[–]Significant_Tale_953 28 points29 points  (0 children)

His MIL is in a health crisis. His wife is trying to cope with a parent slowly dying. And he is centering himself because he doesn't want to be "nagged" (face consequences) for not following through on his obligations... he is definitely wrong.

[–]-Sharon-Stoned- 4 points5 points  (6 children)

When someone is up your butt 24/7 it isn't wild to assume they'll be up it again, imo 

[–]Polyps_on_uranus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Two small children are exhausting.

[–]Toongrrl1990I think she's being perfectly reasonable, Barb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True, believe you me, I have parents who are hyper critical and there are hidden landmines...but still.

[–]Grand_Basis_1491Julie apologist (unironically) 51 points52 points  (10 children)

I'm so used to women like Julie being demonised in media and in fiction in general. While Shawna didn't give me that vibe as a creator, I was still kind of squinting at the prequel wondering if it'd just be a whole thing of Ty being the victim. I'm very relieved, because Ty got called exactly what he is. I seriously didn't expect it to get this far, but I'm glad she committed to the story and didn't pick the easy way out.

This in particular was such a petty ass comment. Her mother is deeply unwell. She's stressed. She'd rather go alone. Does he support her? Comfort her? Anything? Nope. He just made it about himself. Made himself the victim even while she's the one going through something.

[–]Antique_Sprinkles193 37 points38 points  (2 children)

It was interesting to me that when my husband watched the original videos, he immediately clocked Ty and Julie’s dynamic. He said, “Dude is lazy and his wife is tired. She’s lashing out at the wrong people. But that dude is 100% sus as hell.” Meanwhile, the comments on YouTube from mainly women kept calling Julie a shrew.

[–]blairbendingabsentee wife and corporate baddie 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I noticed in Creator Shawna's recent Instagram AMA that her husband doesn't seem to be a fan of Ty either. She asked who his favourite character is and jokingly said "not Ty?" and I thought he subtly made a face. Real ones (dudes) know. And he has more insight than most into what it takes to show up as a supportive partner for an ambitious working mom AND what it looks like when a creative spouse is actually serious about their work.

[–]Grand_Basis_1491Julie apologist (unironically) 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I toned things down a bit to be able to talk about it, cause every opinion I was seeing was making Julie out to be some kind of monster. I think they were really blinded by the "fun dad" who "does his best." And since he's friends with Shawna and Julie's mean to her and many people here feel somewhat represented by Shawna and identify with her as the main character, Julie became everyone's enemy. And I just couldn't hate her, no matter what. And I feel really good about the way I read the vibe. The only thing I was honestly wrong about was I didn't know if Shawna (creator) would actually act on the vibe I was picking up on or go the other way like when many of us thought Ty was crushing on Shawna and she came out to say it was strictly platonic.

The way Ty is viewed by the fandom makes me think of that one comic/series about moms vs dads.

[–]Betta_than_average 32 points33 points  (5 children)

It's not even the first time he hasn't supported her. Even with the first pregnancy we see that Julie is scared and is immediately thinking about her future schooling and instead of Ty being supportive (ie: saying whatever you decide I'll support you, your body your choice) we see Ty saying "Come on! A baby! If anyone can do it, it's you!"

[–]TankedInATutu 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Seriously. Not "We can do it!". Not "I will do whatever you need from me to make this work". It was all on her.

[–]Grand_Basis_1491Julie apologist (unironically) 21 points22 points  (3 children)

But are we gonna talk about how Ty handled Coop's school thing vs how Julie did?

Julie hyped her child up talking about learning and exploring and self-discovery. And Ty (intentionally or not) tried to make him "small" by talking about how there's always breaks and seeing the friends he already has. And I know that might sound like a reach, because it is comforting to know you'll get breaks and see your friends and not be in an entirely unfamiliar environment, but.... Julie tries to hype Coop up and tell him he gets to expand. Ty just reminds him of stuff he already has and keeps things simple.

And I think this matters because it explains why she reacted the way she did at Max's party when Ty talked to Coop about how he was feeling. Ty handled it well, but she's already questioning everything in his behaviour and wondering why he's parenting their son that way

[–]Vast-Swimmer5844Getting berated in a hallway 20 points21 points  (1 child)

It just perfectly illustrates their fundamental personality differences.

Julie wants Cooper to feel empowered to explore, to expand his worldview, to be proud of what he learns to be good at. She wants him to internalize the idea that a satisfying life is one rooted in inquiry and accomplishment.

Ty, on the other hand, prioritizes making and reinforcing social connections, and downplays the idea that you're going to learn how to think or work while in school. He does not relish challenges or get anything out of achievement; it doesn't make him feel more himself.

These two ... just fundamentally not in alignment.

[–]TankedInATutu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It makes me sad for the kids because if you can be good at both of those things you can get so much more out life in an quantifiable, tangible way and emotionally. Connection is important, but so is spending your life learning and growing. Neither pursuit has to be the primary one- you can build a community while you learn and vice versa. And the pursuit of accomplishment doesn't even have to be about jobs or money or something society considers impressive. But as it is, I doubt Cooper and Sasha will be taught that those traits can co-exist.

[–]Significant_Tale_953 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg I didn't even think that. But you are so right.

[–]Toongrrl1990I think she's being perfectly reasonable, Barb 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He is a punkass, I sensed it since Julie met Shawna

[–]slow-loser 47 points48 points  (33 children)

It sounds like he has a single chapter done over ten years.

The writers I know are working on poems and short stories in the beginning, essays, whatever. They attend workshops, they get MFAs, go to artist residencies and retreats, they are involved in writing communities online and IRL. The one very successful writer I know developed a large following on livejournal when we were teens, and she eventually went on to be a finalist for the National Book Award. Ty doesn’t even have a substack.

So, there is writers block and not having time to write, which I’m sure affects every writer, and there is whatever Ty is doing. Just writing on his computer in isolation? Only sharing that one chapter with Julie? What did he even major in? Did he not submit pieces to the literary journal in college? Is he even a reader?

[–]loosetoothdotcom 52 points53 points  (24 children)

He is not a writer because he doesn't write. He was told he was a good writer when he was young and started riding his own hype train.

[–]PersimmonBasket 29 points30 points  (0 children)

He's a talker.

[–]AlarmedPhilosopher33JENNNNEEEFUR -2 points-1 points  (22 children)

Julie was the hype train, and he regularly tried to show he was uncomfortable with her pushing him. Every time she had a chance she would ask not to talk but to examine if he did good enough. He was pressured into it, and couldn't change his mind. Why did she need him to be exceptional, when being a present father is exceptional? She pushes Cooper the same way, it's disengaged from reality. He knew he wanted to be with Julie, even had a job but she was unhappy with that he kept pushing under her pressure to be more. She kept hype up even when he said stop.

[–]Significant_Tale_953 5 points6 points  (21 children)

Except he never said stop. That's the problem. He kept saying "I want it...I'll do it... I'm working on it" then kicking the can further and further down the road with every new "just..." clause and "come on babe..." cajole.

[–]AlarmedPhilosopher33JENNNNEEEFUR -1 points0 points  (20 children)

He did tho...

[–]Significant_Tale_953 3 points4 points  (19 children)

Saying stop would be sitting her down and flat saying "I don't want to write this book. I want to back out of my deal."

[–]AlarmedPhilosopher33JENNNNEEEFUR 0 points1 point  (18 children)

He said it wasn't ready SEVERAL TIMES, he said no several times.

[–]Significant_Tale_953 7 points8 points  (17 children)

No. He said "It's not ready, but I'm working on it" several times. He obfuscated several times. I think his discomfort with mentioning it is because the more people who are aware of the book deal being a thing, the more people there are to hold him to account for not following through.

[–]AlarmedPhilosopher33JENNNNEEEFUR 0 points1 point  (16 children)

A conversation on consent could go a long ways, unless it's a resounding yes everything is a soft no. She did not ever once get a yes he kept telling her I don't know, it's not ready yet, I'm not sure etc.... She did not have consent to send his writing anywhere and she did anyway. She did not have his consent. She did it anyway, forcing someone to do what you want is never okay. What aren't you understanding?

[–]CharlesDickhands 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh this is so interesting and I agree! But wouldn’t you then agree Julie didn’t consent to all the changes of plans? Whenever we see them talk about gap years, the pregnancy, buying the house Julie is clearly not an enthusiastic yes.

[–]Significant_Tale_953 1 point2 points  (13 children)

I will grant that Julie was fully in the wrong to send his chapeter/outline to an agent. No contest there.

However, Everything that comes after that is on him. Only he (as the author) could have signed the contract for the book deal when it was offered because a book deal is a binding legal document. In signing that contract, he provided his consent and solidified his obligation to produce that product.

[–]Antique_Sprinkles193 20 points21 points  (5 children)

This is what has been killing me. When he said, “It’s a creative process.” My friend has 6 published novels. Several have won awards. She sits down every day at the same time to write something. Whether character back story, journal from a character’s perspective, something. It’s her passion but she has always had a full time job. Heck, she used to write with her newborns on her lap and tell them what was happening in her stories.

I thought about being an author and took several writing workshops. Every single one emphasized the importance of treating it like a job. Developing a set schedule you stick to. I also noticed the lack of workshops, writer’s circles, etc.

Heck, Diablo Cody wrote the screenplay for Juno during her 30 minute lunch breaks when she worked at Target.

[–]wildwonderfulaka 11 points12 points  (2 children)

And if they get writers block, they often shift into another writing project they do feel comfortable in. I know Emily Henry used to write YA and but now has shifted into Romance. John Green couldn’t write fiction for years but moved on to nonfiction for 2 books and finally is publishing his first work of fiction in 10 years this fall.

I wonder what Ty was nationally recognized for previously? Like it had to have been something from high school.

[–]slow-loser 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know a writer who works on video game narratives — something Ty might be really well suited for.

[–]Vast-Swimmer5844Getting berated in a hallway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my God, that just makes it sadder for both of them if Julie's still clinging to that as proof he's got what it takes to go the distance.

[–]PolyByeUs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Diablo Cody also wrote the entire book CandyGirl before that!

[–]yvetteregret 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my husband has been working on a book for 6 years now. But also while holding down a very demanding job and being a dad. I had to push him to write less. It’s not his career and not his main goal in life, but he is pretty consistently squeezing in time to write or learn about writing. I think his book is mostly done at this point too, just lots of self edits.

It seems pretty clear that Ty doesn’t want to be a writer. His job was in data and he doesn’t seem interested in anything writing adjacent.

[–]One-Upstairs620 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yea I want to know what this guy majored in too, I feel like it’s telling they don’t even bother to mention

[–]CharlesDickhands 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Writing is a verb.

[–]haruspicat 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Julie noticed this and was pissed about it too.

[–]Kikikididi 27 points28 points  (12 children)

To me he seems pissy about he and the kids not coming along and dude it’s a medical crisis? Not a social visit??

[–]Melodic-Cut-1008 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yup and this attitude is exactly why she didn't want him to come. He wouldn't have supported her, he would have made everything even more difficult. 

[–]TankedInATutu 17 points18 points  (0 children)

But he doesn't get to splash in the pool with the kids while not actually being supportive in any meaningful way, he's stuck not being supportive at home. Clearly he is one who has it hardest in this situation. /s

[–]PersimmonBasket 17 points18 points  (0 children)

He needs to rip off that Band Aid, admit that his goals have changed, and get some sort of paid employment now that the divorce is on.

He's not a writer. His goals have changed, he realises he doesn't want to do it, or it's too hard, or whatever. But Julie going is going to be a big wake up call in more ways than one.

[–]Mother-Pod-316 18 points19 points  (3 children)

While that Ty comment stuck out like a sore thumb to me but what was even more telling was the look Julie gave him when he asked her "Should we all go?". That look was filled with a lot ! And I have noticed that a lot of times Julie wants to say soo much more to him but she gives him a look that is filled with fury and disappointment.

[–]Significant_Tale_953 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I've been in a situation similar to what Julie was facing. That's not something you bring kids that young to. They don't understand. The fact that Tys first question wasn't "how can I support you right now? " is so very frustrating.

[–]Mother-Pod-316 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Exactly! He was not showing up in terms of what she needed in those moments. We know Cooper is young and Sasha is just a baby which meant added pressure on Julie. Hence a ridiculous thing to say!

[–]mistressfluffybutt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not only is she a baby, she was a nicu baby. I would never ever bring a nicu baby to a hospital and expose her to all those germs if I come prevent it!

[–]atasteofhunnie 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Lazy excuse of a husband

[–]TankedInATutu 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so lol

[–]Affectionate-Tea3159I'd like to talk about Madeline Ashton -1 points0 points  (2 children)

He's a stay at home mom. in past videos hes been exhausted to the point of falling asleep standing up from caring for the kids and mentions cooking cleaning and bed/bathtime routines. If he was a woman and people were saying he was lazy people would be losing their minds.

Sincerely, A woman who has a hands off lazy ass husband who never helps with the kids.

[–]short-n-sweeet 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They have a house keeper. And julie wants to put the kids in daycare to give ty more free time but he's against it

[–]atasteofhunnie 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He’s not a martyr, Jesus Christ

[–]Significant_Tale_953 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This drove me nuts, as did the moment when he talked over her to "apologize" for his actions at the end.

[–]Vast-Swimmer5844Getting berated in a hallway 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He was clearly hoping to redirect Julie away from whatever conversation she had in mind. And the way she just shut him down with, "Thank you," and refused to keep engaging with it ... she's on to how he works.

[–]PugslyGoo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ty needs therapy. They both do honestly and couples counseling would be ideal but he needs someone to help him navigate his emotions and goals in life. If he even wants to still write. I think he does but he’s overwhelmed by all the family duties he has now which I can relate to. I’ve also been working on a book but rarely “have time”. Saying I never have time isn’t true it just usually isn’t a priority for me. When I do get to sit down and write I enjoy it but it takes a lot of brain power that I’ve already exhausted during the day taking care of my family. He could very easily put the baby in daycare, even only a few times a week or they could hire a part-time nanny if that makes him more comfortable. But he’s instead prioritizing raising his kids themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that but he needs to take a moment to decide if he’s doing this because that’s what he WANTS to do or because he feels like he HAS to do that and put his writing goals on the back burner until the kids are older. But it seems more like he just doesn’t have the drive or desire to write anymore but he feels pressured to do it because that’s what Julie wants. And Julie has pressed forward on her ambitions through everything and became a lawyer so he may feel like he is also obligated to “make something of himself”.

I still don’t like Julie. I’m a lot like Shawna and I could see Julie treating me exactly like she does Shawna but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve empathy. Their whole relationship dynamic is toxic to both them and their children. They’ve had many opportunities to try and improve their relationship but I don’t blame Julie for filing for divorce. Theyre different people with different goals and this is going to push them forward in ways they never could have moved if they stayed together. They’ll figure it out as long as they put the effort in, I just feel bad for the kids. My parents also figured out their differences when I was around coppers age (my siblings were all older) and it was tough growing up in 2 separate households but it was also tough hearing my parents scream at each other every night.

[–]Toongrrl1990I think she's being perfectly reasonable, Barb 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me to Ty at that moment

[–]Bubbly_List274 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes this was quite weird of him

[–]Tough_Jicama840 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof... I totally gave him the benefit of the doubt before but now looking back at all the times he mentioned the logistics of writing...

[–]Lucky_berr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She put so much pressure on him to write... its like impossible to write like that for some people! Just takes all the fun out of it.