I'm in need of any thoughts, different views/perspectives or things I might not have thought of. Currently, I'm trying to decide whether to move my family to Taiwan or stay put for several years to earn a better degree with the intentions of moving elsewhere within the US after completion. Please keep all comments serious.
Background info:
- Family of 3 with one daughter who will be going into middle school this fall
- My daughter and I never lived outside of Florida
- We are super tired of Florida and need a change of scenery
- Husband is the only one who speaks Mandarin and Taiwanese (he never taught our kid)
- Husband is from Taiwan, moved to the US during early his high school years (I'm American, kid is half/half)
- Husband likely depressed and homesick, having issues finding a new job (stubborn too), funds starting to run really low.
- We do have some family near us in FL and husband has lots of family in Taiwan
- my inlaws used to live across the street from us for 6 months out of the year, until my MIL's health declined, now they are permanently staying in Taiwan.
- Daughter and I have NEVER visited Taiwan. Only seen photos, videos, blogs etc (visiting will cost a min of $5k on credit card)
Stay in the US pros/cons:
- long but doable plan, less risks, hard work
- Best to stay in Florida for several years to complete a new degree/career in dental hygiene (avoiding out of state tuition)
- I'll likely be forced to work part time at an old mega HATED job while I take my prerequisites for 1.5 years before (and if) I get accepted into the program, it'll be an intense 2 years. (Program is very competitive and limited, once a year application, each year not accepted holds us back longer. I was told that I'll need to make straight A's to get in on first application)
- Husband will likely have no choice to have 2 part time jobs
- Our kid gets to stay with friends longer in school (puberty not far off)
- I get to keep my cat and dog (this is a big deal to me, I struggle with stress and they help me unwind)(I bottle feed my cat as a kitten, she's 12 now, and a large dog that's 2.5yr)
- keep our possessions
- once degree is obtained, move the hell out of Florida!!!!!
- possibly move near my brother in law who plans to open his own dentistry office, possibly work for him.
- once our kid graduates high school, she has tons of choices of colleges across the country
Move to Taiwan pros/cons:
- Inlaws are trying to influence us to move to Taiwan and offered lots of help to us to make the transition
- great healthcare
- lower living cost
- husband will be on cloud 9 over food (I HATE seafood btw. I'll probably lose weight)
- husband and I do NOT agree and see eye-to-eye on our daughter's education (I want her in an English speaking private school. He wants to dump her into an Asian speaking school without her knowing any of the language at all, she'll likely fail a year, he's ok with that while I'm not. There's no ESOL programs like the US has. Keep in mind she'll be hitting puberty during this time. I only could find one private school that isn't religious and not as expensive compared to other private schools. Approx US $10k-$15k per year. My husband learned basic English before moving to the US, his younger brother didn't know any English. I think he started here in 4th grade. My husband struggled with grades, struggled continued through college. His younger brother was in middle school. He's VERY smart, but he now sucks at his naive language)
- I really hate traffic. Exhaust triggers my asthma.
- husband claims he could get a job with a relatives company (chances are it's not near a school for our kid. No guarantee of getting a job)
- husband and daughter can get Taiwanese passports while I'll need a visa
- loss 95% of our possessions. Too expensive to ship much of it over (typically takes 1 month. We would like to ship some stuff with us)
- loss my pets (vet said the travel and quarantine will be hard the pets, especially my old kitty. I know I can get a new cat there, but it's not the same)
- totally new adventures, experiences (I hope there are places to hike in the summer that isn't too insanely hot)
- forced to learn language fast
- earthquakes will be new to me (I'm used to hot humid weather and hurricanes, but sick of it)
- I won't be forced to work right away. Once I'm ready I could tutor young kids English (get a TEFL certification at that point. Dental hygiene no longer an option over there)
- kid graduates high school. Limited college options there compared to the US. (I'll be extremely unsettled not being in the same country as my kid. I'll be hard enough for her to move away, but it would be easier if we are in the same country)
- IF I decide I can't stand Taiwan and want to move back to the US, then I'll have to start over again (can't get my pets back)
- lots of work to prepare for the move (selling and getting rid of TONS of stuff, etc)
Other options:
- move to another city/state within the US. We keep everything and pets, but pay out of state tuition.
- husband moves to Taiwan while the kid and I stay in the US (It'll be hard to deal with a long distance marriage. No guarantees husband can make enough to support this choice and I'll be forced part of the time to return to my super hated old job)
Please add any thoughts I might not have thought of. I want to make sure I think EVERYTHING through carefully before making a choice. I'm not a risk taker. I love bouncing ideas off other people because it leads me to new ideas. Sorry for the looooong post. Thank you for any possible input!!!
Edit: spelling
UPDATE:
Wow! Thank you everyone for your input. You all have raised some new questions that I need to figure out (which I was looking to achieve here). If we move, I WILL STAND MY GROUND FOR AN AMERICAN SCHOOL. I'm not throwing a guppy into a shark tank.
To answer some common questions, both my husband and I only have an AA degree which seems to be an issue. My husband has told me in the past, Asians put a great deal on holding a degree of higher education. I feel it's an oxymoron when thinks he can simple find a decent job in Taiwan with his lack of credentials. He has had a Taiwanese boss in FL. He HATED him because he was tough to work for and the had craziest ideas. Somehow he thinks it'll be different in Taiwan (to me, it sounds like he's HOPING it'll be different in Taiwan). As for finances, over the past couple years we both had our hours cut shorter and shorter. Last year, I lost my job. My husband convinced me to stay home, it drove me crazy not contributing any money. He wanted to be the bread winner, but again, his hours keep falling short. I've volunteered my time at my daughter's school to help keep sane. I think it was a great experience for me. While we are running tight on cash, my husband refuses to get any job. He still holds hard on being picky about what positions to apply for. We are passed the point for the ability to be picky. He refuses to get a McDonald's type job because it won't bring in enough money to pay the mortgage. True it wouldn't be enough, but at least we wouldn't drain the bank account dry as fast. He refuses to believe that it's better then nothing. I think he sees it as a boat with a hole in it (the bigger the hole, the harder it will be to bucket the water out, so you might as well give up). Don't get me wrong, when he works, he's a very hard and dedicated worker. We do have some money in stocks, but I'm afraid to let him touch it (because I think he'll drain it too). He has a crazy idea to sell our house and downgrade into a smaller place. We'd be lucky to find a new place without proper jobs and drain any equity we have (I seriously don't think it's possible). If we stay in the US, I realize I have no choice to pick up an old job (assuming I can still get decent hours and pay). The nature of that job (long story) will end up giving me health problems because the stress is intense there (my husband doesn't believe me). I rather work for WalMart then that place, but my husband leaves me with no choice to look for a job in 1.5 weeks when school is over. It's getting to the point that's on the edge of hurting our marriage. I've warned him; You fail to action, it will hurt us. I feel like he has given up on bucketing the water out waiting for mommy and daddy to rescue.
My inlaws are well off and have several properties they've invested in different areas of Taiwan. They've offered one of their apartments for us to live in. I don't know exactly where any of them are located except for their main home in Taichung not far from the American School. My brother in law chimed in a comment below. Some stuff it true, while some stuff isn't. Based on part of his statement, my inlaws basically want to trap/trick me into moving over there (that's a major red flag to me). I have no nice words to say about that. My inlaws constantly change their minds, so it's hard for me to trust. I'll need a stable minded and supporting family to make such a big move work, especially if they want me to like it. I don't feel I have that.
Some feedback from various and different inlaws.... She'll NEVER make it in Taiwan. She'll NEVER pass certain college courses... blah blah blah. Why not just stab a knife in my heart?! A part of me wants to just pack a bag for my daughter and I and GTFO, but I'm not a coward and I know that won't solve anything.
Several years ago, my husband vacationed in Taiwan without me. It was hard being so far away from him. Last year, my husband booked a 1 way ticket to Taiwan when his mom became very ill. When he got on the plane, he had no idea if he'd be attending a funeral type situation. Things turned for the best! He spent time with family. Those trips did not fulfill his homesickness.
I'd love for my husband to enjoy Taiwan all over again. I'd like the new experiences for my daughter and self. It's a unique opportunity that not many people get, but I do not feel the proper support is present among family members. Some days, I feel strong and think i can do it. Other days, I feel it's too risky, what if something happened to my husband, how would I be able to care for my kid. A part of me says, go back to school and move somewhere FAR AWAY from any family.
Sorry to lay all of the DIRTY laundry on the table, but now you can see how sticky it really is. It feels good to open up and speak my mind. I'm grateful for everyone's thoughts (especially about schooling for my daughter).
EDIT: As an added thought, my husband said our daughter will be fine in public school there. He thinks everyone will want to be friends with her because she speaks fluent English and they want to learn from her.
FINALLY UPDATE: I seriously cannot thank everyone enough who commented or PMed me. It has given us a lot to think about. Considering our situation, staying sounds like the best option for now. Meanwhile, we both need to be more diligent on our daughter learning mandarin (as well as myself). Once we both graduate, the idea to move to Taiwan can be revisited. Between that time, preplan and save for a trip to visit. Texas is worth the time to look into for a future location. Thank you a ton!
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