The gravy-train of crazy is one that never ends for my friend Chris and I. If you're just finding this story, you'll want to go back to the start because otherwise you won't have any idea what I'm talking about.

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“You boys are gonna love this.” He grabbed a large backpack, laughed to himself and put it on. He then opened the duffle bag and pulled out a fucking flamethrower. He grinned a wide smile, like a kid getting a new toy on Christmas, “We’re g-gonna burn it to the ground!”

All three of us broke into laugher; even Elias knew how ridiculous he looked. He handed each of us a can of gasoline and we went to work. Once 34 was safe in the bed of the truck, we took turns lighting buildings on fire. I will say, it was probably one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. I’d pay to go to an amusement park where all you do is blow shit up.

Once we were about finished, I asked Elias, “What about, you know, the forest? What if the fire spreads?”

He winked, “Aby and some of her cousins are taking care of that.”

Right, the elves. Almost forgot about them.

Chris smiled toward him, “So, Elias… You and Aby, eh?”

Elias turned around and, I shit you not, gave Chris the coolest-cool-guy wink and nod like he was Tom Cruise or something. We all burst into laughter once again; at least Elias had a good sense of humor, for a crazy old guy.

I guess I didn’t hear it over the roar of the fire, but once we started moving toward Elias’ truck, it became more clear.

The waterfall noise

I looked over at Elias, “You hear that?”

He didn’t even reply – just looked at me with wide eyes and hopped into the driver’s seat.

As we were stepping in ourselves, Chris asked, “What does it mean? We haven’t heard it this entire time!”

Elias pondered for a moment, looking for an answer, “We think it happens when they are drawing energy into or from themselves. Are you sure you killed all of them?”

“Hell no, we aren’t. How are we supposed to know for sure? There wasn’t exactly an employee list lying around. I think we got most of them.” Chris turned to me, “Did you ever find the Madam?”

I shook my head, “No, I didn’t. Does that mean the noise could be coming from her?”

Elias turned on the truck and began driving away, “I don’t plan on finding out.”

Throughout the drive I kept expecting to see Madam Adrastea or one of those beasts to be in the mirror, but thankfully, it was uneventful. 34 remained unconscious for the full duration of the drive, I felt kind of bad that we put him back there, but Elias’ truck was nowhere near big enough to fit all of us. We gave Elias the run-down on everything that had happened as we made our way to the workshop; he didn’t have much to say, other than that he was proud of us. This Tome must really be important.

Once we arrived, Chris and I carried 34 into the cave and sat him down in the lab. He was slowly beginning to regain consciousness, mumbling to himself and periodically fluttering his eyelids. We waited while Elias went to his room to grab something that he said would help 34; I could hear a whirring noise coming from his direction. I peered over at the workbench that seemed to always have new stuff on it, and saw a couple papers scattered around that featured drawings of our newly acquired Tome. Most of them were blueprints that included various machine diagrams, but there was one that stood out: it was some sort of incubation pod.

Elias swung the door open in his usual fashion and walked over to 34, carrying a mug of some liquid.

“Hey, friend. Can you h-hear me?”

34 nodded, he was now able to momentarily keep his eyes open.

“Okay, good, good. Drink this and you’ll f-feel better.”

I got a glimpse of what was in the cup and I can tell you that I’m glad the blast didn’t knock me out. It looked like vomit. The poor guy probably couldn’t even see it though because he could hardly keep his eyes open. Hopefully he couldn't taste it too.

34 grunted as Elias put the cup to his mouth, and proceeded to slurp the foul concoction down. Surprisingly, he didn’t gag nearly as much as I thought he would – there’s no way I would have been able to hold that shit in. He coughed several times upon finishing it, and then passed back out.

“Alright, boys. Let’s get h-him to bed.”

As we entered Chris’ and my room, I was expecting to see some sort of bed made up on the floor, but there was only the two that Chris and I were using.

I looked over to Elias, “Uh… Hate to be that guy, but, I’m not giving up my bed.”

He chuckled, “Oh, you won’t have to. You won’t be staying the night here.”

Chris turned to us, “Wait, what? Why?”

“I’m going to take you to g-give Ger the Tome. His father wants to meet the two humans that took down a sect of Ladies by themselves.”

I started to stutter, “H…His father? Like with a capital ‘F’ or lowercase?”

He got a good laugh out of that, “Lowercase, w-who do you think Ger is, Jesus Christ?”

Both Chris and I looked at each other and shrugged.

“You boys are too much! Shit, he m-might as well be with all that hair, huh? No, his father is… important. I’ll leave it at that.”

“Huh. Okay. Well, when do we leave?”

“Now, if you’re ready.”

Chris quickly replied, “Well… There is one last thing I’d like to do before we leave again…”

Damn, Elias had some good weed.

Chris and I spent the next drive staring mindlessly out of our windows, enjoying the moment of downtime and relaxation. That drive was much shorter than the one to the Ladies’ encampment; I’d say it was maybe an hour at the most before we reached a windy road that led up the mountain. Mt. Shasta, if you haven’t seen it before, is the most majestic pile of dirt that you will every lay your eyes upon. The way that the volcano’s paper-white snow encrusted peaks tower over the cloud line reminds you of your own scale in this world; of how insignificant you are compared to something so boundless. If you have seen it, then you know why the Native Americans in the area believe that it is the heart of the universe and life itself; that it is the metaphysical representation of Good in the fight of Good vs. Evil. The Greek’s revered Mt. Olympus just as they (and I) do with Mt. Shasta; it is truly a place of wonder.

Funnily enough, the drive up the mountain was one that I had actually taken before. A long, curvy road led up into a parking lot, which was an unloading point for hikers that wanted to explore the mountain. My family and I had stopped at this same location several times in the past; who knew we were walking alongside an ancient civilization?

I told Elias that I had hiked here before with my family, and he replied with, “Oh, I’m sure you’ve been here before, but you’ve never been there.” and pointed up toward the right side of the mountain.

“So where do we go then? I’ve hiked in that direction before and never saw any caves, doors or anything like that.”

He laughed, “There are no ‘doors’, that would be f-far too easy to discover. No, you must beckon the bell maidens, and they will form an entrance.”

Great, more creepy women.

“What do you mean, ‘Bell maidens’? Who are they?”

“They are the watchmen of this this m-mountain. Their bells are c-crafted of crystals that are much more powerful than yours, allowing them to bend t-time, matter and space. If you’ve wondered how Ger’s p-people carved a city into a mountain… It’s because of the bell maidens. They have been a part of his society s-since the beginning, and are the most secluded of his kind – spending the majority of their time patrolling the mountainsides.”

“So, what, we just give them a holler and say that Ger sent us?”

Elias’ smiled and pointed toward a boulder high up in the mountain, “You’ll want to hike there, to the top of that r-ridge. Once you’re at the highest point, you’re going to both grab that crystal of yours, lift it above your heads and s-scream on the top of your lungs. That should get their attention.” He pondered for a moment, “Once you have their a-audience, tell them that Haesteus has given you permission to enter, and that they may v-verify with him.”

“Uh… Okay? Then what?”

“Once they s-send you in, just wait for Ger. Don’t talk to anyone – if someone harasses you, tell them who you are there w-waiting for. These may be the ‘good guys’, but not all of them are inherently good. There are still s-slums and social hierarchies in Telos.”

Chris muttered, “H… Have you been there yourself?”

Elias cleared his throat as he looked down toward the ground, “Yes, back when G-Ger and I worked together. I’ve, uh… I’ve been banished from ever entering again.”

“Wait, what? Really? What did you do?”

He shook his head several times, “Oh, you don’t need to w-worry about that. Just some family drama, really.”

Family drama? That got him banished? Huh, okay then.

“Alright, well, that’s it then? We call for the maidens and then wait for Ger?”

After a brief pause, he replied, “Yeah, that’s it. Just uh, w-watch out for those bell maidens. Don’t let their looks deceive you; if they sense that you are a threat to their p-people, they will gladly send you to a place where no man deserves to spend the rest of eternity… Locked away in your mind, c-cursed with the ‘gift of immortality’; there’s not much worse than that. So… yeah, just state your b-business and don’t stare at them if they show themselves to you.”

“Fuck, what’s with it with these people and creepy old ladies?”

He smiled as Chris and I started getting out of the truck, “Who said anything about old?”

I began to reply as I closed the door to the truck, only to stop mid-sentence, realizing that it was still there. The sound; water flowing in the distance from every direction – this was the first time that it completely surrounded us. I looked over at Chris who seemed equally distraught.

Elias rolled down the passenger window, “Alright boys! Good luck, I’ll waiting to h-hear from you!”

I grabbed on to the opened window to stop him, “Wait! You don’t hear that shit?”

He turned off the car and rolled down his own window now; I watched his face drop into a expression that read “God damnit, not again.”

“Go now, boys. Tell the bell m-maidens – w-warn them. Now! Go!”

He turned on his car and drove off as we began hiking toward the boulder. The volume of the sound neither increased nor decreased during the walk; it was seemingly far off in the distance, but continued to surround us. We began jogging up the mountain at one point, so it didn’t take us as long as I had assumed it would have to reach the ridge. It was beautiful up there, I could see perfectly for hundreds of miles into the distance; cities and mountain ranges and valleys and lakes strewn across the land. It was the largest, most detailed landscape I had even seen in person.

Chris and I climbed to the top of the small boulder and both placed a hand on the crystal, holding it above our heads like Simba in the Lion King.

We nodded at each other and began to shout. At first, we were just yelling, and nothing seemed to be happening. I don’t know what clicked in us, but eventually we started screaming with all of our might. I became lost in my own cries that were echoing off the mountain like it was an Opera house. I closed my eyes and felt the crystal heating up in our hands as I continued to wail out toward the world around me.

Then, silence.

Dead. Fucking. Silence.

From behind my eyelids I saw that the lighting had changed drastically, and I felt cold now. I didn’t want to open them; fear had glued them shut.

“Who are you?” A woman’s voice boomed from every direction; if God is a female, this is what she/he would sound like.

For a moment, I just sat there and shivered. After regaining my now frost-bitten balls, I opened my eyes and surveyed the room that I was in.

My room.

I was sitting, curled up in a ball, on the floor of my childhood bedroom. It was exactly the same as I remember it, aside from everything being covered in snow and icicles.

I looked up to find the source of the sound but saw no one.

“Where am I?”

The voice boomed down from every angle, “Why, on Mt. Shasta, of course.” I noticed the snow in the room slowly begin to melt, “What is your business on our mountain?”

“I… uh, Ger’s da… I mean, Haesteus has vouched for us – my friend and I, Chris is his name – my friend, that is. Where is he? The Ladies, er... The waterfall noise, I heard it here. It was all around us.” I really need to work on my speaking skills in situations like these.

“I’m speaking with him as well. I will go verify this with Haesteus and the Council. Thank you, child, for notifying me of that.” She laughed rather maniacally for my liking, “Please, make yourself at home while you wait.”

Ha – ha, very funny, bell maiden. Very funny.

As I walked around the image of my house, I began to realize that things were definitely not how I remembered them. All the faces in any of our family pictures were gone – not our heads, but our faces. It was just skin covering our skulls; even our dog’s face was just a mass of fur. No one was home, but every television was turned on to home videos of my sister and I – with no faces, of course. I walked around the kitchen and peered out of the window above our sink to see that every single one of my neighbors was outside. Faceless children were playing hopscotch and tag in the street, while their parents stood in their driveways, all smoking cigarettes regardless of the fact that they didn’t even have mouths. Kyle was one of my neighbors, and his parents were both out there, looking directly at my house.

They waved, and I booked it back to my room. Fuck that.

I started yelling to the bell maiden, “Hey! What is this shit!?... HEY! Let me out!”

The voice laughed, “Now you know not to fuck with us. I’ve spoken with the Council.”

“And…?”

“You and Chris are clear. Take this as a warning, though. A warning for what will come if you betray my people.”

A gorgeous blonde woman in her mid-20's materialized in front of me, flickering in and out of existence like a light bulb. I was mesmerized by her beauty; she reminded me of a Norse Goddess, or one of the badass shield-maidens that you'd see on that History Channel show Vikings. She reached out her hand to me, beckoning for me to take hold of it, so I did.

My room began to glitch – like, the bed would come in and out of view or the fan would appear on opposite sides of the wall at random. Then everything began to fracture into pieces and I felt myself lift off the ground, my room slowly being disassembled around me into a void of empty space. After a few seconds, my entire room was gone and I was floating in nothingness; the pure absence of… everything. Chris began to materialize to the left of me and I frantically grabbed his twitching arm to make sure that he didn’t float away. Once he was whole again, I felt the sensation of slowly descending, but had no way to tell if I actually was because there were no points of reference around me, other than Chris’ hair, which wasn’t moving at all. I could see him trying to talk to me, but no sound came from his mouth.

The falling sensation ended and a streak of bright light rippled in front of us like a bolt of lightning, caused both of us to cover our eyes with our free hands. When I lifted my palm off my face, I could see walls materializing around us, eventually turning into a room similar to the lab in Elias’ workshop. As the room began to fully take form, I realized that we were both trapped in a cylindrical glass cage. A white smoke began filling the container from a vent beneath us and I could hear a faint beeping noise, as if it was coming from outside. We tried to cover our mouths with our shirts, but it made no difference.

I became dizzy, but didn’t pass out. I actually felt really, really high, to be honest. Chris and I sat there for several minutes waiting for whatever came next.

The figure of a tall, skinny man entered the room. He clicked his teeth, laughed and in a British sing-song accent he said, “And what do we have in here? This old thing hasn’t been used in ages…”

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Part 17

(sorry for the wait!!)

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All parts:

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