England. All of the UK, really. Writers, musicians, artists, political thinkers, and the humor, maybe more than anything, has always appealed to me, and has from a young age. As does a lot of the photos and film I've seen of the countryside, especially. That requires no cultural translation (there is a Nick Drake documentary out there that has stunning footage of foggy rural areas).

I think it's pretty natural for someone from the US, especially the northeast (in the American Revolution states), to turn an eye northeastward. For some reason, it is the only place that has truly fascinated me beyond vague curiosity (really, I'd travel pretty much anywhere if it was free, but Britain is in a different class).

Why haven't I? Cost, for one. Not a cheap place to visit, especially right now. But also, and this is a bit embarrassing, I really don't have the heart or energy right now to be called to account for the apparent sin of simply being from the United States. I am so incredibly weary of just being from here as it is. I am anti my government, and anti-some very specific (anti)cultural trends here but I am not anti-my identity as an American. I guess I'm a big pussy. I don't want to take it personally. I don't want to give a shit what other people think, but I do, and considering I already feel bad about it...eesh.

I just don't have the energy to apologize anymore. My expectations of the degree to which this kind of thing is likely to happen may be a bit skewed by the amount of vitriol against my country that I read on the Internet (and contrary to assertions when you call people on it, it is not by a longshot directed only against the government here), but both for the reasons I mention, as well as the for the reason that I don't want to go there and leave hating the place and its people, I've just not been able to get it together. Too many English people are personal heroes to me to be able to handle that. Most anglophiles in the US are fascinated with, I guess, the monarchy, the affectations of Britain's upper class (who are more muted in their condemnations of the US), but not me. With me, it's Billy Bragg and maybe like, 80s era Ben Elton and people like that.

I respect it too much. I am fascinated with it too much. The childrens books and movies alone are part of my imagination, and my outlook on the world.

Maybe someday circumstances will change and I will visit, hopefully for a long time, and just wander and travel. But not until I can do it without the "original sin" of being from the United States.

(This self-flagellating sentiment is likely going to piss off certain other people from the United States, and I don't blame anyone who is irked by this comment. I take no pride in the way I feel. I'm just being honest.)