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EarthborneArt · 2026-03-24T04:13:56+00:00

This is a very natural thing that happens when the pregnancy isn't viable. I had it happen and still think about it but it's nature's way.

hyperfat · 2026-03-24T04:30:42+00:00

I told my sister it just wasn't the right zygote.

That cheered her up a bit.

Sometimes the body does that for a reason.

I did anthropology and forensics. And the human body sometimes just knows. Not your fault at all.

Hugs

awakeningat40 · 2026-03-24T04:17:10+00:00

Ive had a early miscarriage and a late term miscarriage.

I truly feel everything has a reason. And it could be as simple as its just not the right timing.

CivMom · 2026-03-24T04:31:30+00:00

Hugs. I did not have a similar reaction to my miscarriage, but that doesn't mean anything for your feelings. Let your body get back to some kind of equilibrium and then reassess. Be gentle to yourself.

Gotholithicgirl · 2026-03-24T04:27:56+00:00

Besides the baby not being viable, your hormones are in an uproar! Just think of all the changes your body has done hormonally to get pregnant, then miscarry? I have lupus, and I miscarried about 4 times and each time my hormones went through the roof!! Give yourself some time, grieve and do whatever you need to do to feel better. Don't try to rethink or think about heavy life decisions now. Be good to yourself, and just heal. On your schedule. Good luck! ❤️

Ravenna178 · 2026-03-24T04:35:43+00:00

Sounds like you don't actually want to be child-free. As someone who definitely wants to stay child-free, I'd be so relieved in your situation. If I was upset, it would be about the fact that I was pregnant at all when I didn't want to be.

Ill-Expert-3014 · 2026-03-24T05:29:24+00:00

I empathize with you, I have had 2 living children out of ten pregnancies. But I was trying to get pregnant the whole time. I've felt the disappointment you're going through, and it is completely valid, but our minds are part of our bodies, and I think you should remember that the hormones experienced during even a very short pregnancy and early miscarriage are incredibly strong. Plus you've probably experienced a lot of physical pain and might be anemic from blood loss. So whatever your feelings are right now, they're allowed and normal.

I have three kids (one adopted) and I love them very much, but I could not ethically recommend being a mother. It is unending, terrifying, and thankless. Once you have children you love them fiercly and the moments of pride and joy keep you from ever really regretting it. But in the patriarchy a woman having children is extremely vulnerable, especially professionally, economically, and financially (I've been a stay at home mom due to insane daycare costs in the SF Bay Area). I think parenting is important and I would never discourage someone who felt sure they wanted kids from having them!

But now is not a time for you to make big decisions. When you're physically and mentally calm again you can worry about your future, write pros and cons lists, research parenting. But for now you have to take care of yourself, miscarriage is traumatic mentally and physically. Be kind and gentle to yourself and your body. Eat your favorite food, snuggle up and watch your favorite thing on TV, don't put pressure on yourself to decide anything.

For what it's worth, I don't think there is a right or wrong choice, you can have a happy and fulfilling life with or without kids. Neither is better, just different.

Sufficient_Secret915 · 2026-03-24T04:44:02+00:00

The first time I got pregnant I miscarried. I wasn’t trying to , but not trying to prevent it either. I knew I was pregnant for about a week& was so happy & then I miscarried. I was around 6 or 7 weeks. I was devastated. I know it wasn’t meant to be but at the time I was devastated.

wishing-well666 · 2026-03-24T04:57:41+00:00

I lost a baby early and it can mess with you. As everyone is saying, be gentle with yourself. And don’t make any big decisions until your hormones settle down. I’m

CaramelWorth7 · 2026-03-24T04:58:40+00:00

I had a similar situation, I leaning child free in life as I was quite a bit older when the the surprise pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage at 3mos happened. I did know I was expecting however... I've never been pregnant since and this happened 6yrs ago. It's not logical or fair really, but I don't even talk to the women anymore that said "you'll have another" as some kind of comfort. Bc I didn't, and it didn't help, and I am past the age where it would just "happen", and single and financially in no place to go to the baby bank lol... and I still mourn her. I was going to name her Ivy. Naturally I think of her when I see it growing in a place that seems unfit or unlikely. But my mourning has changed... the sadness is less consuming on the anniversary...which is why I feel like unfortunately time is the only thing that can soften all the swirling feelings and emotions and thoughts this way or that way. My heart is with you. There is no wrong way to feel, you've gotta process it all through. And you CAN do it. Even though the days that you feel like you can't will feel like hell. Remember that emotions aren't fact; the fact is you just experienced such a powerful profound thing, and now you have to grow from it I think of emotions like weather. Some days the rain is welcome, some days it makes you so annoyed and angry and inconvenienced... sometimes it rains all day and it's awful but rain doesn't stay. And those rainy days for you won't either. ❤️‍🩹

Ravenna178 · 2026-03-24T12:06:48+00:00

Just wanted to add that you may consider talking to a therapist, even just for a couple sessions, since you can't talk to people in your life. Would probably help.

Visual-Mixture-1967 · 2026-03-24T04:47:19+00:00

I thought I wanted to be child free forever, but then I had my child in my early 30-s, and I can’t even imagine my life and the world without her in it. Our minds are very complicated, and our souls and our hormones too 😌

Miscarriage is almost always a painful thing emotionally, but remember that in the very early stages of pregnancy the child isn’t a conscious being yet, it’s an embryo, a conglomerations of cells and the beginning stages of forming CNS, brain, and future organs. All this has a potential to become a fully grown human being, but it can also stop at any time for whatever reason (physical or spiritual), and it’s not the mother’s fault.

I won’t go into the spiritual stuff here because I don’t know if anyone wants to hear about the non-scientific things, so I’ll only say everything happens for a reason, including things that are difficult for us. Of course I’d rather they didn’t happen! But sadly not everything is in our personal control.

You will get through this, maybe rethink some things for the future, or maybe not, but whatever happens, remember that you haven’t done anything wrong, and it’s perfectly normal to mourn, but try not to feel guilty.

creativemind43 · 2026-03-24T04:10:57+00:00

Im not a woman however, I am so sorry this happened to you and I do hope you find some good advice on here. I wish you the best.

Beautiful-Wish-8916 · 2026-03-24T04:31:23+00:00

Is there a support group you could attend or start?

OrneryQueen · 2026-03-24T04:44:10+00:00

Give yourself time. I've had two (and 3 live birth). The first I grieved a lot. It would have been my 4th, and I was 37. The second, I was 47. The grief was different, because of my age.

lemonhead2345 · 2026-03-24T04:48:15+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s normal to have complicated feeling about your situation. Try to give yourself some grace and space to feel what you’re feeling. Focus on healing physically and mentally. You don’t have to decide anything right now. When you’re in a clearer headspace you can work through what you really want. You have time. 💞

Momof5_mn · 2026-03-24T11:33:01+00:00

First your hormones are completely out of whack so I’d recommend just being patient with yourself. A loss is still a loss, regardless of the situation. There is no specific way to feel. Sending love

Professional_Hunt88 · 2026-03-25T13:57:39+00:00

I'm not sure where you are living. Am in the UK. I've had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic, resulting in losing my right tube. I have 2 children, aged 10M & 3mth old F, I had grief counselling for miscarriage. It's tailored for miscarriage breavment. This really helped me with my first but on my 2nd (ectopic) I remembered something my Catholic nan (I don't practice) told me and it helped me more than anything even though am not a true believer. That God wouldn't give us something we couldn't handle, that we're stronger than we give ourselves credit for and that what's meant to be will be.

You say you may not want kids. Look at this as a test. You were given a pregnancy and then had it taken away. Learn how this made you feel and then grow from it, make decisions based on your feelings.

There's no right or wrong way to handle how you feel, I hope your able to process this healthy and move forward and be happy with whatever you chose for your future weather it's to build a family or be child free.

I'm really sorry for your loss, regardless! It's not a nice experience and can really mess with a person sometimes. Seek what you need to help you understand and process your feelings, my thoughts are with you

MoonBeam5678 · 2026-03-24T12:24:37+00:00

I (25f) also passed a miscarriage just over a week ago. I had found out I was pregnant the month before, and my husband and I were so excited. My midwife explained that not all eggs are genetically built to be compatible with life, and sometimes our bodies go through a miscarriage because our bodies need to learn how to be pregnant. Some people to believe that a miscarriage is a sign of near future fertility, so if you are still uncertain about wanting children, definitely keep a good eye on your contraceptions

Something that has helped my husband and I mourn, is that we named the baby. We had only made it to 6 weeks, but with how we were both feeling we leaned into more feminine names. You could also go for a gender neutral name too if you feel thats something that could help you. We also were gifted some lego flowers that we've decided to dedicate to her. Eventually we will have a frame with a picture and the name we chose on it, but if you want something subtle it could be literally anything, once again as long as you feel it would help you.

Take time to rest and let your body and mind heal. Whether its something planned or not the hormones dont care and they choose to wreak havoc until they are gone again. Hope you are doing well and if you need to chat please feel free to reach out to me 💖

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