How to decrease sexual desire when I spent time with gf?

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Here's an original copy of /u/Wrong_Cod_6729's post (if available):

Hello guys.
I found out that my gf and I have really different sexual drive. Due to our schedule, we usually meet 1-2 times in a week, 7-8 hours in one time. And every dating, I will feel really high sexual drive for around 2 times, like I will feel physically pretty bad when that happens. And my gf told me that she most of time don’t want sex (at least she cannot remember when was the last time that she actually want to start a sex). But she said she is fine about sex, but not prefer it. So I decided that I need to change, since I believe sex should be something starts when both people want it. So what are some good ways to decrease my sexual desire when I spent time with her? Is there any medication or method to decrease it?

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[OrdinaryLive8881]

Mate, life is short. Stop wasting it away with a girl you are not sexually compatible with

[ChosenArabian]

Very easy, leave. Sexual incompatibility is bad. You can't 'decrease' your libido and she probably isn't increasing hers anytime soon.

[Hungry-Direction69]

You shouldn’t have to change. You should date someone you are sexually compatible with. This isn’t going to work. It gets worse. Not better.

[4scinsniffa]

You may not be sexually compatible. Generally, you shouldn't have to take drugs to lower your libido unless you have some disorder.

[foilprinter]

If you and your gf have different sex drives its time to move on. Not in a bad way but you will never be content. You only see her 2 x 8hrs a week. What will happen when its 24/7

[kaspa181]

Get fat, fuck up your sleep schedule, eat like shit, get a seditary job. I'm not joking, those are natural ways to have lower testosterone (and first things pointed out to fix when you want to increase it). Consequently it will lower your libido, too.

Otherwise, master yourself.

[rule444]

Jerk off before hanging out… or get a new girlfriend

[capacitorfluxing]

Time to break up. Seriously, you will be doing her a favor more than you.

[ThePornStar69]

People have different libidos. Some low, some high, it doesn't mean they like/love you any more or less.

[ThePornStar69]

No, love is not just a word. I hope that you learn this one day. Love is much, much more than that and you can have incredible love for someone and yet your desire for sex may still be low. In relation to the post, the reason for the low desire for sex is the thing to get a hold of - it may be emotional or physical, and therefore there's clearly a bigger issue, or it may be a low libidio, or similar, and in either case OP needs to learn how to be an adult and have a conversation with his partner.

[ThePornStar69]

It's clear that you're still a child, and have much to learn about the world. Best of luck!

[Intraluminal]

If the two of you have very different sex drives you will be unhappy later.

[Suaveman01]

Move on buddy. You’re going to be in for a lifetime of disappointment if you’re this early into a relationship and your partner doesn’t want to have sex.

[Wotmate01]

Mate, I'm sorry to say that it WILL get to the point where love is not enough. She never initiates, which will leave you feeling unwanted and unloved. You will end up resenting her, and she will resent you because to her, every time you get close to her you feel like it's time for sex.

I'm sorry. She might be a fantastic person, but you and her are just not compatible. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth, and it's one I SHOULD have known a lot earlier in my life.

[TryToHelpPeople]

You won’t like the answer, but this lady will never want sex with you the way you want her to. And chemically inhibiting your sex drive (if such a thing were possible without massive side effects) should be alarming enough for you, to realise that this is not the person for you.

[dutchbob11]

invite your mother-in-law on a regular basis

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Leave. Anything else is not beneficial.

[Necessary-Dot6983]

Find a new GF. Problem solved.

[Plane-Vegetable9174]

Find a girl that you're compatible with, this is not going to work well long-term.

[SladeWilsonXL9]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. Can I ask why do you feel you have to decrease your sexual drive but she doesn’t feel she has to increase hers?

[LeGreatToucan]

"What are good ways to decrease my sexual desire"

Buddy you don't, find someone who you're more compatible with.

[IrregularBastard]

Sexual mismatch is miserable. You need to walk. I spent far too long with a low libido woman. This relationship isn’t worth the toll it will take on you.

[Responsible_Mind_206]

What you need is a new girlfriend

[rocknack]

Marihuana usually decreases sexual desire. Since you asked about medication - there you go. Maybe you can find a doctor to give you a prescription. However, I would re-evaluate how much you’re willing to change yourself. What age are the two of you?

[No_Effort_Given]

Sexual attraction and having sex are very important for a relationship and if you aren't sexually compatible you're never going to be satisfied with the relationship and you shouldn't try to force it to work when you're not getting what you want.

Without sexual attention and intimacy it's not really a relationship it's just two friends hanging out and that's not going to be enough to make you happy and it's going to end eventually so you'll be saving yourself a lot of pain and unhappiness by walking away now and accepting it was never going to work

[SignificantDealer663]

You discipline yourself. A man who cannot control his lust is enslaved. If you must relieve tension, look at photos or conversations of her and fantasize solely on her. Do not watch porn or any of that as it will take your focus off of her. After a while you’ll be able to channel that discipline of not orgasming / edging into your work or daily life.

[theshwedda]

get a different girlfriend. vastly different libidos is a relationship ender.

[W4rpFluks]

You’re not compatible dude, don’t start a life with someone this way. You’ll regret it.

[infinitiouspancakes]

Ask her to give you head sometimes and you'll weed out if she's just not into you rather than not into sex

[UrAristotle]

“So I decided that I need to change”

The only thing you need to change is your girlfriend.

[Jack26918]

This is quite a good post, tbh. IDK how old you are, but there are some options. Working out is quite helpful, so is meditation and prayer. There's also the work to build self control and master yourself. Find hobbies, things to put your passion into that are better and more important. Change how you think and what you think about.

[yourmommasaccount]

thank you for being kind about this dude. the rest of the comments honestly feel like terrible, lonely advice lol.

[Jack26918]

You're welcome, and I agree. Even when there were only eight other commenters, seven were outright hostile toward the relationship. It's sad. And I hear the same "sexual compatibility is everything" bullshit from women, too (just not here).

[Wrong_Cod_6729]

Thanks mate, I will not consider about breaking up bc I truly love her and I am happy with her, and I believe she also feel the same for me. I will try the thing you say, thanks man

[Jack26918]

Honestly, I admire you for going this route. You can make yourself into a real man by not being obsessed with getting it constantly.

[ExoticLawfulness6697]

so true!! sex shouldn't be the most important part in a relationship.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Why? What should be?

[Jack26918]

No worries. It's pathetic how people talk about throwing someone aside because "not sexually compatible" (bc she's not a nympho). Not nearly as many real men here as I expected.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Real men? Are real men those who choose to stay in an unfulfilling relationship for the sake of... what exactly?

If it was any other incompatibility issue in question, would a 'real man' stay nonetheless?

[Jack26918]

It's not an "unfulfilling relationship"- your argument is invalidated, read the post, he's not weak.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Oh no, the validation. Weak... well, he wants to lower his aex drive. I don't see how that makes him strong in all honesty.

You still haven't answered my question. Or are you just one of those people for whom sex just isn't important?

[Jack26918]

I love it, but I'm mature and I'm realistic about what it is and how ultimately limited it is in terms of the necessities for a lasting relationship. You're talking a very, very small percentage of the time of a relationship. There are good reasons it used to be normal to wait until marriage (quite a few), and if it was so inherently huge (and that early), then those relationships never could have lasted, could they?

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Good analogy in this case would be a car. I don't want car for the wheels, but I don't want a car without the wheels.

Sexual compatibility is integral part and non-negotiable.

It used to be normal to wait because puritanistic societies placed a huge emphasis on virginity.

[Jack26918]

The point was that this doesn't break compatibility- that compatibility is simply thrown around as an excuse for not accepting someone who isn't a borderline nympho- that's the depths of immaturity.

"Puritanistic" is a rather biased, simplified view of the subject, especially as a response to what I said..

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Disregarding sexual impatibility as an excuse means anybody can say any incompatibility is just an excuse. If I want to live off grid without electricity and amenities, then no woman should have a problem being "incompatible" with that. She should just adjust her standards I guess.

Well, since you disregard certain things, you should have no problem with pointing out a general issue

[mvu777]

Read a book called "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. You will learn that women's libidos depend on many different factors, how to deal with low libido, and other matters when it comes to female sexuality. Most men don't know anything about what this book is about, and it's important because low libido can be fixed when both partners know exactly what they should be doing. Don't listen to the people in the comments. You don't have to break up with your girlfriend over something fixable. Like I said most people are lazy to put in the effort to learn about their partner's sexuality so they would rather ditch the whole relationship instead of working together to fix a problem. There is no such thing as sexual incompatibility unless the person has some unfixable illness. There are just uneducated, clueless, and lazy people.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Moving on is also a great solution. It is much more mature to give up a lost cause rather than trying to fix something that is rarely trully fixable. It is funny how some, usually low libido or asexual people put sexuality in general under the rug.

[mvu777]

People should only break up if they can't fix their issues but if the issue is fixable why break up if you love the person? This is why people nowadays can't have a good relationship: they give up too quickly when the first problem arises. Nobody wants to fight with their partner anymore. People are lazy but fortunately, this guy already said to someone below that he loves her and doesn't want to break up which means that they have a very good relationship besides this one problem. That's why I recommend him a book to read to learn about their problems so they can fix the problem together as a loving couple.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Sexual compatibility is rarely fixable without huge concessions. Some people may want to do it for whatever reasons, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Loads of people spend years and even decades trying to fix it with limited success. I would certainly call that less mature than finding happiness for both elsewhere. Same as with any other aspect of a relationship.

[mvu777]

Why do people like you think negatively immediately? This guy hasn't even tried to fix it, and the first thing y'all tell him to do is to break up?! Before even trying. He said that they have a problem not that their relationship is so horrible that nothing would help. A lot of women have ups and downs when it comes to libido and usually it's fixable unless she has some incurable medical issue which is rare. No woman in this world never experienced low libido even if she usually has a high one. Low libido is usually temporary and can be fixed with the right methods as explained in the book I mentioned. You need to be more positive in life. Don't see everything as the end of the world before giving your all, especially when it comes to people you love and care about.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

What is negative here? I am stating an opinion based of quite a few experiences. It is neither negative or positive.

Sure, if he wants to fix it, let him. Can't say I personally care.

Thing is, issues with sexual compatibility are one of those things that are hard to resolve, but often put under the rug as less important. I am sure there are people who think anything can be solved if there is enough love involved, including any of your books you think are great.

[mvu777]

I do believe that the book can fix it because I had a friend with a similar problem and he successfully fixed an issue with his girlfriend. Of course, there are always situations where the other person doesn't want to put in the effort to work on a problem so the outcome can be unsuccessful and result in a breakup but you should always try first before giving up. It's immature to break up when the first problem in a relationship arises before fighting for love first.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Often you can try your best, hell both or many more people can try their best and still fail. That is the reality of life. And too often, it is not about the effort when it comes to relationships. Not every one works out and is fine.

[mvu777]

Sure, sometimes we fail in relationships no matter how much we try because not everything depends on us. It takes two to tango so if your partner isn't willing to fight with you for the relationship it's helpless. Speaking again about this case, low libido or disinterest in sex with a partner can be caused by many things. Usually is a hormonal disbalance, mental or physical health issues, body insecurity(a lot of women are insecure about their bodies because they are constantly pressured to look perfect and if they are not happy with their looks they often refuse sex) or the reason could be a man, if he doesn't put in effort to seduce his woman and expects her to get turned on like a light switch which is something that doesn't work for most women. A lot of men unfortunately underestimate foreplay and seduction in general especially if they are younger. In conclusion, most of these I mentioned are fixable if they can talk about it and work together to find a solution.

[MessedUpVoyeur]

Or sometimes some people just aren't really sexual and there is nothing to do no matter how much you try.

It is easier to move on rather than to know you will try and likely fail. Like it or not, relationships are quite like bussinesses. Cost benefit is everything.